a diamond in the rough

The ghosts of us.

“From strangers to friends Friends into lovers And strangers again?”

I loved you. The universe knows I loved you. And it was beautiful. 

The highs were high. My head fit perfectly in the crook of your neck.

But the lows were low. You never heard a thing I said.

I’ve never been in love like I was with you.

A lover and a best friend all wrapped up in one.

The day you left me I saw only red and the end.

But I now see that you were only mine to keep for a season.

I can feel the weather changing.

Thank you for doing what I could not. What i would not.

And just like that my season working here in Yellowstone is almost over. Who would have thought that I would have had an experience of a lifetime here in the United States… not me. I’m using this time to reflect on the beauty of the world and the beauty of love and friendship that comes at unexpected times and fills you until you overflow. The things you can feel when you open yourself up and let them in. Thank you, Yellowstone.

I read somewhere that this was the Switzerland of North America. I would not compare the two, but that doesn’t make this place any less wondrous. Now I’ve been to 5 National Parks and I am understanding the thrill of them. I can’t wait for the road trip home and to stop and see the the ones I can and experience them alone. 

Love is a sweaty boy with crooked teeth and smelly feet. A butt chin. And greasy hair. 

Love is a boy who sleeps in the crack of the two twin beds you pushed together so that he can cuddle up next to you. Love is a boy who sweats in the corner of the bed so that you can have the fans on you. Love is sharing his twin sized bed because now you have a roommate. 

Love is a boy with long hair and a beautiful face. With delicate hands. And pretty eyes. A scent that consumes you. Love is a boy who sees you and not your scars.

You knew you were in love when you were able to look him in the eyes and smile as he was passionate and gentle with you. When he wanted to tell you something and you knew it had to be that he felt the same way but you were scared. You did feel the same way. You should have just said it so that he didn’t have to feel so scared. You didn’t. But in that moment you loved him more for not saying it, for thinking about how you might feel and respecting the possibility.

Just a hop and a skip away. Another treasure that I never thought i needed to see? I was blind before but now I see. 

The fires have not been good to us this season and we are seeing the effects from our inability to see or breathe. I see the mountains but not as clearly as it could have been. 

I will not take this place for granted. I lived in Bavaria before this and I didn’t appreciate the outdoors until it was too late. I will not make that same mistake with Yellowstone. Once I’m gone, I want to be able to say I did it all.

I understand why people feel so alive from hiking mountains. You go through so much mentally and physically. You push yourself to your limits, you can’t breath, you’re tired, exhausted, and you feel like like giving up. But if you make yourself keep going and make it to the top and you see that view? Breathtaking. A revelation I have discovered: I am here and I am alive, my body has not failed me and she deserves so much more love than I have given her.