@rottingmachine - Tumblr Blog

being alive feels like a humiliation ritual.

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your 20s are for becoming a lazy addict

#c #genuinely don’t know how to break the cycle #being aware and sober is too much. life is just supposed to suck

fuck. i was saving them for this weekend but i need it tonight

got my hands on some tram and i forgot how good it feels. fuck. i’m such a loser i can’t even get anything better. i haven’t done this in at least a year. idk if i care. i want to die soon

it’s impossible to be upset about anything

#c

rottingmachine

biting chewing up my arm I WANT TRAMADOL

rottingmachine

my life is a cycle

#c #i’ve given up on being able to get my hands on hydros. ugh. tramadol feels like great value

i kind of wonder if anyone that follows this blog (not sure why you would) is actually active

i’ve had this blog for years

but anyway into the void. i hate being here sometimes because it makes me want to use again. it would be too easy. i have the access. nothing feels as good and im getting sick of weed. i want to do something drastic i need to take the edge off of life

#c

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i wish i knew what life was like without mental illness

i’m only a little jealous of people who don’t have problems til they’re a teenager or an adult. must be nice. i’m just like this.

i think the reason i intentionally (or unintentionally) self sabotage any attempt at getting better is that it feels weird. this is my normal

#c #i’m so fuckin out of it all the time #my thoughts don’t even make sense half the time #but i’m just rotting in real time

rottingmachine

every year around this time i still think about my best friend from junior high tbh. she would turn 23 on the 12th. we haven’t talked since 2015 but i still worry about her when i think of her. i have no way to get in touch with her or find out about her but i just hope shes okay. we were both just stupid and traumatized kids.

rottingmachine

she showed up where i work while i was leaving and it shook me so bad idk what im on about

hope she’s okay

#c

biting chewing up my arm I WANT TRAMADOL

#c

sacred-portal

if i died i think it would be funny if someone took over this blog and started posting like 6 months later

#c #queues work like that but it wouldn’t be the same #i’m craving painkillers

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i keep opening and closing tumblr instead of doing anything productive. i feel so sick i want to be sick

#c

i feel like i’m just alive to wait for th next bad thing to happen to me

#c

i just want to fall asleep and not wake up

two steps forward one million steps back

#c #it’s all my fault it’s all me i’m irrationally upset and i know that #but my chest aches so bad

spiraling in a friends bathroom like i’m a teenager again. if they found out i’d probably have to cut contact im so embarrassed about how upset i am right now

#c #this is how it’s supposed to be #i’m having fun

strangledplanet

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leofwines-deactivated20250831

imagine how good it must feel to press a gun to your temple after a bad day and just hold it there with your eyes closed for a few minutes before sighing and putting it away

lullxbyblue

How are you supposed to just get up and go to school and go to work and come home and make dinner and fold the laundry and not want to kill yourself the whole fucking time.

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