👌

i’m pretty sure “cats and humans can never have a bond as strong as a dog and a human” is just code for “i’ve never even tried to treat a cat correctly in my life”

the idea of anyone having feelings for me is so abstract ?? like me … possibly DATING in the future ??? someone I like who likes me BACK ??? iconic

[while choking back a sob, tears visible] i’m good dude i’m so good. i’m way fucking. good. man. i’m GOOD

If I really fuck with you imma start talking to you like I’m your mom

“Hello and welcome to my Tumblr. Here you probably won’t find any basic info about me like my name or what I usually like to do, but you absolutely will find all my deepest darkest secrets and emotions along with my body measurements”

the wise man at the nudist beach, when discovered by an acquaintance, covers not his dick but his face

i feel like diogenes fucking ghostwrote that last bit

Up

*puts a normal sized carrot in a bag of baby carrots so they have adult supervision*

I won’t

Hey can you kill me real quick? I don’t want to see this get out of hand

WHAT

reading this post is like being punched in a million directions at once

"why are people attracted to vampires theres nothing inherently attractive about them" we all know why people are into vampires its just that none of us wanna be the one to say it

They are all free to read with Applegate’s permission on the animorphs website!

Oh yeah babey