Bones Of Shadow & Honey As Marrow

❌TW: ED, Alcohol, Nicotine❌

🪩🚬🕷️🖤Skinny Teenage Dirtbag🖤🕷️🚬🪩

You wake up in the morning and wish you didn't. The heartbeat practically killing you is so fast, so slow at the same time. If you move, you will die.

(Back when you were okay, you used to have the windows open in August, maybe even sleep in underwear. Back when you were--)

Frozen. Goosebumps line skin hidden under layers and layers of fabric. You shift now, gently, until you're sitting up on the side of the bed. Too miserable to shiver now, only to wait for the pain to strike a little less violently. Your reflection across the room catches your eye. It stares at you now. You don't recognize it.

There is shame to be felt as you strip down on the scale and step on, then immediately off again. This number will dictate your day and if it's one you don't like, then lord fucking save you.

On. Off. Nudge it with your foot across the floor (because if you bend down you will take an hour to get back up without feeling nauseous) to see if the number is different on the other side of your room. Why is it up now? You shift it back, and stand one more time defeatedly before dressing back up.

Your family eyes you. The air is tense, it is thick. They know what is wrong with you. They are scared to admit it. You take your morning coffee and skulk back like a creature of misery, leaving an opportunity to be okay behind you. As always.

(Will you ever change, you sickly creature of habit? Or has the comfort of being distressed perpetually sunk in too deep?)

- for me -

You wake up early, because you got plenty of sleep last night. You're on schedule of course, and you wake up just minutes before your alarm, since your body is used to the new routine. On your bedside table sits your phone and a glass of water, which is all you need through the night. You sit upright, throwing off the covers which drown your slender body at night. Spindly fingers check your phone, looking briefly at the thinspo bodies which now resemble your own. You're reminded of how far you've come, and how hard you've worked.

You go down to breakfast. Normally you don't eat in the mornings but you're going to need some energy, so you fix yourself some low-GI fruits and a coffee. As you eat you check your socials. Your instagram has tons of new followers and your recent post has new likes. People are fighting over themselves in your comment section asking about your fitness routine and product suggestions. You've become an influencer without even realising.

To get dressed for the day you want to pick something that shows off your toned abs and flat stomach. Shirts sit so comfortably on you now, never too tight, but rather hanging down from your collarbones. You could fit into kids sizes if you wanted, and you know it. You pick out a pair of pants and your favourite top.

(she gives a fuck)