hello! name's Willow. Using my love for psychology and philosophy to muse about the characters from the visual novel "Big Bad Dogs" created by @where-spar0w-barks , and making my own story about my characters based on the main story it self.
🐛 personal note; This is a collection of all the writing pieces I've done so far. They are not part of an official fanfiction yet, but will be re-written into one when we will have more information about the game's story and main characters. please remember I am not in the psychology field but I am studying it in my free time! I am also studying philosophy at school for passion and love for both subjects.🙏🏻❣
⚠️The following writings contains dark themes such as physical/emotional abuse, neglect, mental disoders, mention of self harm and possibly suicide, obsession and unhealthy relationships, stalking - there could be more, they will be pointed in each writing piece!
🪳🐜🐌🐞🪱
THE STORY SO FAR: The story takes place after the main story. Year 2024-2025. The protagonist, Paris, is the teenager daughter of Biker Boy and the MC (you). A girl with deep black waves and pitch black eyes like her dad, and since she was a young child she has shown problematic behaviour towards both parents. Growing up, the father (BB) has started to show his true colours too, making evident his abusive nature masked by being just protective of you. But this has caused many deep wounds inside Paris' heart, who's dealing with them almost on her own and with the help of her real true friend, Nicole. Who is Lane's daughter. Things seems to be going okay with therapy and new experiences with this friend...Until, she met a sttange yet lovely older boy. And her own nature starts to show up as well.
What are they about? they are small pieces of the fanfiction I'm planning to write as we are waiting for more details and lore. please note these ARE NOT full chapters or the final version. they are just meant to give all of you a picture of what's happening and giving you pieces of lore. I may slightly change them in the final version.
🐜 Deep dives - "BB as a parent",
What is this about? they are about the characters of the game being parents. for now, they are just about that.
🐌 What If - "BB has a son instead of a daughter", "BB has more than just one daughter + Paris with sibilings" ,
What is this about? basically me musing about the characters from the game or my characters in different scenarios. they are somewhat connected to the deep dives.
🐞 Memories From The Past - 1, 2, 3,
What are they about? they are memories my characters have when they were little children. they are connected to my main story, but I decided to give them a name and a space instead of being inside the fic itself.
🪱🐞🐌🐜🪳
NOTE: I MIGHT CHANGE THIS IN THE FUTURE!!! especially because tumblr doesn't allow a lot of links!
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and after MONTHS, its finally there!! its short, but something i had to get out of my chest. and because the new shift has been out for days, I need to start to write again new scenes and more. in fact, im aleeady doing so hehe🙈❣
summary: Paris (BB's daughter) comes back home after school, while having what seems like an anxiety attack. as suggested by her therapist, she should write everything on a diary, which gives her a fun way to express her feelings and keep track on whats going on. and today, she tries to write down what makes her crawl her skin: her dad's judgement and his anxious figure in the house.
🐛 I will repeat this many times, but remember the things I'm writing are not in a official fanfiction yet. They just are my deep thoughts about the main characters of the visual novel Big Bad Dogs (by the amazing @where-spar0w-barks <33❣❣) being parents. Since we know little about the characters, I am working on what we have now. This will be a real thing when we will be knowing more about the world of the game itself. I will change these writing pieces once its all cleared out.❤
⚠️ paranoia, mention of anxiety, mention of self hatred and violence. for all who reads this and knows Paris partly well, dont trust everything she says or feels🤔.
I kept writing on the diary as an anguish feeling spread around the room:
“Technically I am free, but under some circumstances. I am free but I am actually not. My freedom will be measured like any other details of my likings and dislikes.”
But the last phrase sounded so wrong, so unprecised. I decided to rub the gum on the piece of paper and start again, as a glamorous example of my inability to just tell what's wrong in my head.
I ask myself this, and I'll ask a second time; What is exactly bothering me?
…
Dad told me I have everything. And he's right.
My heart is beating. Oh God, I feel like I want to throw up on the pages of this damn diary. The same diary I bought in secret, that whenever I open it, it feels like I'm commenting on some sort of vile crime against society.
His eyes are on my back. He never needed to be physically here to make me question my morality.
He watches, he judges, and will judge me even now. As if he could actually read what I have in store for him. I see his eyes. I know what he wants to tell me, if only my mom wasn't around.
…
I want to cry.
He found new ways to torture my soul. I know he does - The gazes are more terrifying, his black eyes penetrating on my skin with uncanny accuracy. Small, not asked comments were made on the purpose to hit whatever mold my heart is now.
If I could, I would give him his own medicine - if my eyes could be this scary, I would try and make him melt under my gaze.
I wish I could crash that heart of his and play with it. W i t h m y b a r e h a n d s.
But I can't. I always couldn't.
I'm a coward.
For years and years this has been an “if and what if” matter.
And no actions will be taken out of it.
No words left my mouth. They just…died under my tongue.
Zero effort to make my voice see the light of the day.
…
“as he made a list based on what and how I'm wrong about - I did the damn exact same thing.
I finally understood what made him stop on his crack. I know it when I see it, a particular slow motion of his movements, as if he was a robot and at some point the battery stopped working.
And I know which words annoy him the most.”
I reflect deeply on the last statement. It happens too often that when I try to get out every single spine inside my throat…It remains there. No possibility to get them out. And when I do, there's always a side effect, an irritation inside.
There's this ugly habit of mine I can't beat up. When confronted, I stop. All the poison I anticipated to spit was gone, vanished into nothingness.
And what was left? Nothing to say in real time, but a lot to say internally. Teeth rubbing each other in remembering the feeling. The uncomfortable feeling.
I still crumble at the mere thought of it. Pathetic, I say between me and me. Absolutely nothing can make me regret saying those eight words together. P-a-t-h-e-t-i-c.
According to my therapist Liz, I do deserve some sweet words. For sweetly feeding my brain, after years and years of feeding it with nothing but rat poison. It can't be felt in the first person, so I can't blindly say this but…My brain probably melted by all that poison.
…
“It's difficult to give myself a little bit of peace when my reality is stuck between what he wants now and what I want to be without him. Isn't it? His words became what feeds my brain.”
…
My hand stopped right there, there's some words that wish to be written down…But no. Let's keep them non-existent on paper, but permanent in memory.
It's not like I have to hold a conversation with him. No chains keep me trapped, not anymore, at least…
Our conversations have been strictly about my bike. The one he wanted for me to handle. A promise that has been kept, unlike many other wishes now trashed down the box.
Both my hands are now pressed against my cheeks. Covering my face. I really don't know if I can keep this act up.
BB often compares himself to a machine, objectifying himself, breaking himself down into tasks and objectives. The point of his Route is to break him away from the mold he forced to grow into.
He finds freedom in Purpose which funnily enough is the opposite of MC and I find that her being born a woman is part of it.
She finds Purpose in the search and maintenance of her Freedom.
he barely finds a way to be normal in society, its like he's costantly on a hunt for a mask he has to wear in order to hide something bigger than him. he probably hates himself for who he is, he sees himself as an object but cant let others step on him or making them see him that way.
Hello this is random but I saw you comment on the guide of Big Bad Dogs post by creator about how your PC died and just wanna say that if you own an Android you can emulate it using joyplay and if you use Iphone/ipad you could emulate it with Renpy Pocket
(hope this cures your boredom and longing to play the update)
heyy there, dear anon!!♡
tysm for the advice!! I actually prefer either watching on youtube or just wait for my new computer to come, it should be a nice set and well...i might finally learn how to download or work in a computer😭🙏🏻
also I dont know why, but when it comes to VN that im watching, i prefer a mild screen such as my tablet cuz I can see stuff better and not get distracted, i have no idea why😟🤚🏻
but still, tysm for telling me, i'd try one day when my phone is not dying out of memory LMAO xD
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Paris at 16 years old, after the accident - a concept.
a bit of lore dump: she had to cut half of her hair off due to the fact the braid she was wearing during the accident got stuck on her now destroyed bike.
but her mental health got worse after being released from hospital, as if the violent impact actually made her lose her sanity a bit. to put it simple she couldnt hold temptation anymore, whatever impulsive thing came to mind she just had to do it. things she would morally never do. such as going out late to drink or smoke, straight up skipping school and replying badly to parents around her and generally doing stupid things for herself and others around her. its a bit of a mistery as to how and why that happened, but she will became harder to handle in later of the fanfiction. things might be change tho, keep that in mind!!🙏🏻
@where-spar0w-barks LALY SMALL QUESTION, would BB keep his parenting style as it is even if he noticed his daughter progressily getting worse with mental health after the accident?🤔 i feel like he would be tired af seeing his daughter just straight up doing whatever he told her not to and then her having severe depressive and raging moments xD🤚🏻
small peek of what im writing right now, NOT related with this concept!!
its a new drabble writing, hopefully out in the first week of july😭❣
so like is bb aware that paris and vicktors are together or is paris keeping it a secret from him???? does bb even know vicktor?
hii there, dear anon!!♡
yes absolutely, he knows him very well. or at least, later on when they were actually something. in the good and in the bad, BB is always aware of what his daughter is doing. he has to know everything because that's his job, as a father. he knows well what his job is but there's not much depth into it, he tries everytime but doesnt have a full idea of what he's doing most of the times.
Paris always felt the need to hide even the tiniest thing from him, she doesnt know why, she just does. the idea of her father discovering something hers sends her chills down the spine. thats why she always felt the need to delete the chats on her phone that feels "bad", like where she's annoyed by her parents or a subtle cry for help when she feels on the extreme. an habit she got since she got called out by mom or dad for innapropriate things said to friends about them.
the problem is that her father is too concerned about what she does in the daily basis, and has to keep an eye with who she interacts with. so she had to keep him a secret, of course she had.
her father will check her phone often, he cant read, but has an idea on how modern phones works. he checks wherever he can, on photos, delete chats. everywhere. and he will discover this contact between chats...of a boy. and he doesnt like that. he remember one time in summer when his daughter asked him what she can do with a boy she met, and asked loudly "WHAT BOY??". which made Paris curse herself, why did she even asked him that in the first place...
BB doesnt want her to stay with this guy since the start, too old, seems too crazy and strange. he knows how his daughter can be when possessive (just like him), so he believes the best way is to keep hee away from danger in his own way; she cant go out, cant text anyone for a period of time (without success, but its something). its all unless as she goes to school, where she meets him and passes most of her time with him. this boy is like a pest he wants to crash, but cant because his daughter thinks he doesnt deserve it...and if anything, she wants to crash her father. and Vicktor too sometimes. they are so similar sometimes, in an uncanny way...
I have to admit that sadly the part of where BB discovers who Vicktor is, is still a WIP because i have been working on how Paris met Vicktor, which has to be a writing piece hopefully relased in the future🙏🏻 for now I just know how they met, how their first date went ( its a writing piece for sure) and how the relationship will downfall... i worked more on their relationship thing rather than how BB will react (tho I have an idea, and wanted to do a drawing...🤭) and generally how things will go from there. so sorry!! I hope I could answer well🙈❣
i hope this answer was still good enough and could explain things better🫂❤ have a great day!!♡♡
With Nicoletta being raised in a religious household and being pretty religious herself, that kind of got me wondering🤔🤔 was there a religious barrier between her and Amelia's relationship when it was starting to blossom into something more than being just friends🤔?
Did she have a bit of internalized homophobia when she realised that she was liking Amelia more romantically and tried to convince herself that loving her would be "wrong" because she was raised into thinking that it was a "sin" (i hope she didn't that, poor Nicoletta 💔)
Or was she more accepting to herself knowing that the love she felt for Amelia is true🩷?
And was Nicoletta's family have a bit of a more homophobic beliefs or was her family more of the accepting and openminded type?
Hi Willow 🐛 🩷 i hope my ask doesn't come off as too touchy and if it does please feel free to ignore if it makes you uncomfortable consider this subject 😔, but as always hope to see more of your headcanons, theories, analysis with shift 3 coming soon (omfg I'm so excited for it 😵) and of course more about your OCs, much love and hugs your way as always🫂💕
-🌻
hii there, 🌻 anon!! how are you doing today?❣
ohhh you always ask me such juicy questions, THANK YOU SO MUCH😭❤❤❤ that triggers my yapper side sm lmao, and i think its smart to ask this in the gay month!!🥺🙏🏻 NO YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FINE, you all know how much I love answering difficult questions and especially talking about taboo topics hehe🤭❣ and maybe if we can be more comfortable with each other, we can make the difference and not be afraid to discuss certain topics, that would be TOP for me honestly xD❣
im super duper excited too!!! im soo happy omg cant wait to know better my pookies...😭❤ I will def make more posts, cant wait to see the others doing that too🙈❣ and no worries, the content you described is coming soon trust...👀 okk lemme answers your questions without a particular order (sorry xD):
so Nicoletta has never brought up religion when she was in the first steps of knowing Amelia better, as if she would keep it secret in case Amelia wasnt too fond on the idea of dating a girl who's religious. i feel mostly because christianity always has the bad reputation of being overly confident in denying people be who they are without shame. but im pretty sure Amelia wouldnt care that much until it becomes a everyday thing, which is not because Nicoletta hardly brings up her sexuality, and she also dislike labiling, but its pretty obvious shes bisexual lmao.
interestingly so, she didnt got shamed from her family but from society in different ways. her biological parents were super accepting, as they saw her grow and they do remember her being overly close to girls and giving them small kisses etc...maybe their parents' girlfriend and boyfriend werent so happy to hear her coming out (I imagine her taking Amelia home in Italy, in a summer day of mid July), but its not like they dont want her to be herself. I think its safe to assume they are more scared of how society will see her, because there's a lot of stigma and hate towards the LGBTQ+ community, and of course some people wouldnt see her as equal. the important remains that her parents are more in the liberal side so they accept her for who she truly is.🙏🏻❣
but philosophically talking (theres some interesting videos online about this topic!), no one can really judge homosexuality, because in my case and Nicoletta's case, it looks like there was some sort of liking in girls since a sweet age. there has been discussions about either there exist a ""gay gene"" or some envirinmental factors, like how maybe peers can influence a young's mind perspective, but its more curiosity, which is valid and should he explored with caution. and as a Christian myself, and this is actually a point me and Nicoletta share, its that God most likely wouldnt judge homosexuality itself (because if its true that we can born gay per say, and its known that God creates us, then why would He dislike us or judge us badly for just being born this way? ) but would judge the sin of lust, which would be the same for straight couples. in traditional catholicism, we get a baptism for "pure" ourself from the sin. as we humans have to procreate to create a child. so no one is really pure anyway. He wouldnt hate us of course, but its up to Him what to do honestly lol.
of course not everyone agrees on this, she might get judged by random people online, in work places etc... but she keeps her mind steady and keeps minding her own business. she do feels strongly connected with God, and feels loved both earthly and spirituality, which is what matters the most. there could be days where she feels bad, has doubts, because lets not forget somewhere in the Bible theres written that homosexuality is not right (which intersting fact, theology actually thinks it was refered to an another topic. and if homosexuality is bad in the Bible, so was slavery, so was genocide. and we know they are bad now and we know not to do them anymore, so God knows, and probably evolves with us), so she takes a deep breath, and makes herself more useful. like being active, texting friends and going out that same night.😭❤
oh! if you are curious as to how Nicoletta made these conclusions, i'd say its because she has a bit of an hobby to read and search the topics shes interested in. shes not particularly found on theology or philosophy, but as the curious yapper she is... she do wants to research hard topics to give herself answers🥺❣
TYSMMM FOR ASKING AGAIN, I APPRECIATE IT SM🫂❤❤❤ i wish you an amazing day, and sorry again for making you wait, since summer started for me and i have a lot of walks and nights out with my friends i got little time to reflect and just sit there and write😭🙏🏻 even if I did make progress, so im happy for these little progress im slowly making lol🙈 sending u hugs back!!🫂❤
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new piece of the Angel AU, feauring BB as an archangel again but this time with more context anddd somewhat lore?🙇🏼♀️
I feel like he would be the angel of death, destruction and divine justice. which in in jewish, christian and occult traditions he would be the Archangel Samael. even tho he could also be the Archangel Michael, but hmm lets see🤔
useless angelology fact: he's a controversional figure, due to the fact he's known as "the holy Satan" and literally his name means "the venom of God". there's also some sources that says he might be the snake that seduced Adam and Eve back in the book of Genesis (this is why in the drawing our dear BB has a snake around his neck)🙏🏻 and he's literally the evil wanted by God, by tradition, which makes his figure much more strange and affascinting tbh!🤚🏻❣ so BB in this AU would have these roles and would guide and judge the souls of people through heaven.
BTW I KNOW THE DESIGN CHOICE IS NOT ENTIRELY ACCURATE, but its just a concept and i was playing a bit with the ideas, since making angels universe usually requies accurate and all, i'll do better next time for sure😔🙏🏻 but this is not meant to be biblically accurate, just fun mixed with facts i've learned as a person interested in theology ^^.
BB belongs to @where-spar0w-barks !!❣❣ I dooo want to make a version of Lane and Amelia, cuz I might have an idea..😭🙏🏻
nothing much to say, just a small practice drawing featuring BB based on what we know of his physical apparence.🙏🏻❣
this is how I imagine him around his 40s, stressed and all.🤔 it was really fun, especially because I learnt many things with this piece about the app im using xD🤚🏻 and the tattoos are awful but forgive me i gave up😔💔
Mine's bulbasaur🍃 and my all time favorite is meloetta🎵🎼🎶 :3
hello there, dear Anon!!♡
what a cute question omg!!😭🙏🏻 so im actually not much into pokémons anymore like i used to, so Paris is probably going to dislike me🙈 i remember i had many favorites! sadly i never got the chance to just buy a Pokémon game, but i had for a long time Pokémon GO on my tablet and i used to play it more in the summer with my brother.🥺❣ I also used to watch the cartoons a lot back then...aaa the memories😔💔
my favorite starter has always been Fennekin. which is still one of my favorite today, all of the evolutions too.🙏🏻
and as favorite pokémon of all times...i always say Eevee but because i always loved foxes/dogs like pokémon and i always put first of cute a pokémon is instead how strong it is xD🙏🏻like i pretty much love all the fairy ones because they are so pookie🥺❣
the ones you choose are also super cute!! i agree so much on Bulbasaur and Meloetta!! xD i feel like Paris would agree too, but I also feel like she looks more for how that Pokémon is useful and powerful instead of just focusing on the aesthetic🙈❤
tysmm for asking this!! this was super cute, have a great day!♡
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You and you friend are completely normal for having interest in "nerd" hobbies. Resident Evil especially, it's a series "normies/non-gamers" know of and Leon Kennedy is a typical crush women and girls have even if they haven't played the games. Don't let mainstream media bully you into thinking you and others are weird for having interests.
hii there, dear anon!!♡
wow that was quick!! i didnt thought people actually care when i post comments under Laly's posts x)
so actually i dont particularly like Leon A LOT like my friend does, and not because of his chatacter himself of course, but because i haven't finished Resident Evil yet so i cant fully judge him. but i remember i have seen the one with Lady Demitrescu which i remember i have liked but again, never been super much interested in that. my friend likes him as look, because she does find him attractive and i get her, he might not sparkle my full interest but honestly i get her xD🙏🏻 its just fun seeing what your friend's hear me out are to be honest lmao.
and the last words did do something in me because i have always be bullied a bit for my interests, which are not only videogames and sometimes visual novels, but are also not so interesting if this makes sense? like of course reading classic books is not the worst, but I also have an interest for theology, philosphy and psychology as y'all know depending how much you have seen of me, and i also have interests into collecting things and other stuff xD🙏🏻
so thank you for saying that :") i have been feeling like an alien for liking strange things for a while now. have a great day, this was super interesting to talk about🙇🏼♀️❣
Maybe not in the way some people think. He didn't have a mansion, nor did the have the coolest sports car.
Instead, he got with the woman he loved the most and had the most beautiful baby girl in the world.
Watching her grow up was the greatest gift he could ever have. In his eyes, nothing could out beat fatherhood even with the struggles it came with.
Joke and complain as he might, if having multiple lives were real, he'd want them all to be like this.
That's why it hurts having his daughter sob into his arms.
It used to be confusing and almost scary once, but now he new exactly what his bundle of joy wanted no matter the case. That's just how much joy he had for her.
His daughter had been crying for some time and Lane spent it all coaxing her to open up.
"T-the teacher fo-ound a list made by the boys in my class talking about the girls," she sobbed, making him pause. "What.. was the list about..?"
His voice was quiet, almost cautious. Why did this seem so familiar..?
"Th-ey were ranking the girls and saying gross things, I-i was on it. Why would they say things like that?"
She burst into sobs again, but the ache in his heart wasn't just for her this time.
Lane remembered all those times that he had ranked the girls at his school with his friends. He had once done the very thing his little girl was now crying about.
Lane so desperately to separate himself from his reality, excuse it with 'but I was a kid'.. but even he knew it felt hollow.
He held her closer, tighter, as if to also hold those he had once dumbed down to their bodies in a silent apology even if he knew it wouldn't truly change anything.
"I don't know.."
His voice was quiet. His thumb tenderly brushed her tears away, breath catching as her softly muttered question.
"You've never done that before, right daddy..?"
Lie. Just lie. She'd never know. You're her Knight in Shining Armor.
Lane takes in a deep breath before slowly letting it go, his fingers carding through her hair in the way he knows soothed her.
"Yeah, honey, Daddy has.."
It was silent for a few moments. Nothing but the hum of the refrigerator. Lane's heart ached at the sight of her trembling bottom lip.
"But.. why..?"
"..because I was the biggest idiot the world had ever seen."
She could see the genuine remorse on his face, the resignation, and the failure.
"But.. you're.. not like that anymore right, Daddy..? You.. you love me and- and you love Mommy?"
The hope in her eyes soothed the ache in Lanes heart and he smiled softly, nodding before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.
"More than anyone in the world. I promise."
She sniffles, nodding slowly before burying herself into his chest and holding him tighter.
"You'll always be my Knight in Shining Armor, right? Like always?"
Her voice is slightly muffled against his chest, making him laugh quietly. His arms tightened around her, his voice gentle.
"Always."
--
I made this during my lunch break at work just know after Laly's recent post lmao
It might be ass bc its not proofread and idk if I ever plan to go back and tweak it or smth
