We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.
βAnaΓ―s Nin
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

Andulka
hello vonnie
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romaβ
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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
untitled

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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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#extradirty
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Game of Thrones Daily
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@rosularum
We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.
βAnaΓ―s Nin

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Moved, like my new place a lot but living there for 2 weeks and then going on vacation for 2 weeks and then getting back home was so weird. Whiplash like. Also a heatwave that made it impossible to do anything at home. Feeling a bit stranded and lost so I made a little daily checklist and also managed to pick up running again this week. Anxiety has significantly decreased! And I want to try to cope with both anxiety and fatigue with little meditation breaks (counting breaths for 10 minutes)
Just really weird!! I've wanted to move for MONTHS. Now I have! Also wanted to have a spinning wheel for years and now I have one. And now I'm like uhhhh what's next.
still thinking about white nights
Rocky: we built our spaceship by unifying every mind on the planet to create a super hive mind, pooling out collective knowledge and problem solving skills to come up with a plan.
Grace: we gave the scariest woman I've ever met two coffees every morning, an unlimited budget, and enough legal immunity to cuss out any world leaders she wanted to and boy did she want to.
bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lordeβs A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, βWhat are you going to do today to resist domination?β I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in βan active rewriting of our lives.β
I have come to think of the suicidal impulse as the brain waving a flag to say three things:
something needs to change here
this is urgent
I donβt know how to do it
death is the ultimate metaphor for drastic change. itβs a general specific. whatever your problems are, it is very likely that dead people donβt have to deal with them. a real solution to your problems may demand a very narrow range of action thatβs likely to be out of reach at this moment, but death is sold on every street corner, so it feels like a more realistic fantasy than happiness.
you donβt really want to die per se but itβs also not completely random chemicals swamping your brain for no reason. you want the pain to stop, you want to be somewhere else, you want to be someone else. itβs urgent. you donβt know how to do it. the end is not the end but a means that feels within your reach right now.
this is the wisdom of bell hooks: daily rituals of meaning and resistance and solidarity are part of slowly building a future where you can make the change you really need. and only alive people can do that. every step you take towards change and power is another step away from death.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Nishimoto Ryota
a piece of wood carved to fit perfectly into a zippered plastic bag
19|05|2026
My free time has been fully occupied by embroidery and audiobooks. After having the absolute best time with The Three Musketeers, I am continuing my Dumas era by listening to his take on Robin Hood. The embroidery projects are a tma themed tote bag that I started with the only goal of practicing my skills, and when I realized I can do the moss stitch I of course had to cover a shirt in moss. I am still working on it there were a couple of stains I wanted to fix and then I will add a bit of moss here and there. I will 100% cover everything I own in moss. I am still waiting for an email from my supervisor so I will email her again before the end of the month.
wool coats and creaky floorboards
Yesterday evening answering emails and finish tasks with some chamomile tea.

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My mind goes and I die whenever you admit that you have sinned,
and through my limbs cold drops flow.
Then I love, then in vain I hate what I must love;
Then I want to be dead β but with you!
β Ovid
Λ . έππ. έβ
π£ππ©π©π¦π«π€ π£π¬π― πΆπ¬π²π― π°π±π²π‘πΆ πππ―π±π«π’π―
13.05.26 || writing and laundry
Some recent reads and side quest walks. Currently listening to the latest Noah Kahan album while dotting down ideas for my excerpt in my writing journal.
to do today:
fold and put away laundry β
wash and hang up laundry β
write chapter 3 β
instagram post for short story β
put written chapters into word doc β οΈ

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
taken at the campus library and chapel
05.13.2026
Feeling inspired after days of post-semester rest and relaxation, so I went to a coffee shop to journal and reflect on my creative goals.