Ross Berry

Blue Moon’s - Critical Reception

Blue Moon 

First Solo Studio Album by Ross Berry

“Just living under a disease, when I’m just trying to be free... Tell me how can you love me.... My moods go marry go round, they hit the sky to the ground... Tell me how can you love me.... Why do you want to get know me. I’m just a-... bitter love.  But you see my-... flaws and all”

Ross shook his head and sighed. “I don’t like that.” He looked up and saw his lover standing there. “That sounded terribly like a teenage angst song.” He looked at Leo. “And I don’t want to give that off.” He moved to add revises to the song, big time. “What are you up to, honey pie.” He moved to pull Leo into a kiss. 

“I know you don’t mean to, but the puppy?  Getting him anyway, it’s like… you don’t even care how I feel,”  Leo explained with a shrug.  “And then just deciding to invite another family in to adopt him, without even talking to me again, it’s just continuing.  I know there are places to take him for training, but it is important at least one of us is part of that process Ross, otherwise he’s not going to listen to us as well.  And we already have so much on our plate right now.  Well, maybe we don’t, know that you’re pushing back the album.  Or maybe you do because you have to do redo the cover, I don’t know what this means for your schedule.”  They pushed their hands through their hair.  “And I know there are people that can watch him and care for him while we’re at many hours of rehearsals most days of the week, but that’s not the point of getting a dog, to just hand them over when it doesn’t fit the schedule.” 

Leo looked at Ross and sighed softly.  “I know baby.  You want it all.  And you want to do it all, and if anyone ever had a chance at it, it would probably be you.  But that’s not me.  I like to commit; fully, deeply, to just one or two things at a time.  I want to know if something needs my attention, or more time, I can do that.  Maybe this difference in how we approach our lives is just too much.  Honestly Ross, if your album wasn’t being pushed back… how would you be able to do it all right now?  The album drop and promotion, the musical, the puppy?” he asked.  

“As for doing more fun things, I never want to be the reason you don’t go out and have fun,” Leo explained.  “You can go without me, and if I know it’s important to you, I will try my best to be there.  But I need you to talk to me, and tell me these things.  Like the trip to New York after our Caribbean trip, and the Disney trip.  I was tired, but I knew it was important to you.  So I went.  And I did have a good time, but when I got back I needed a little more quiet time for me.” 

Leo still didn’t really understand the delay, but maybe that part didn’t matter. “So why didn’t you tell me any of that?  And if that’s the case, why are you asking someone else to come in and adopt the pup? I’m not saying it would change my mind personally on the pup, but this is conversation we’re obviously missing.  Like I said, I’m not in a rush, and I want all of that with you…someday.  But I’m about to start my masters degree.  You’re about to drop your album and go out and promote it.  I like when we are able to be together and start and end our days together.  And I want that in my marriage.  I don’t want to get married and then have to be separated from my husband for periods of time while he follows his dream and I chase my goal.  You know?  I don’t want to have a puppy or a baby and hire people, or hand off to family just because we can,” they explained.  “Yes, get the help when you need it, but I feel like those are decisions that should usually be the priority over other things.”  They shook their head.  “You didn’t really answer my question, you’ve worked so hard for this Ross, don’t you want to just enjoy it? You want to go out and have fun, it’s going to be considerably more difficult with a new puppy or a baby.  Maybe you need to explore that time of your life more.” 

“I don’t know what we are arguing for anymore with this.” Ross sighed shaking his head. “You are upset at me for getting the puppy? You are upset at me for wanting to get rid of the puppy? Which I am doing because I didn’t consult you about it at all.” He shook his head and looked at the other with a soft expression, he didn’t like arguing, because he was never good with words and he could never form the correct sentences when they needed to be formed. “That was not what my intentions were. I wasn’t getting a dog with the thoughts that I would just hand them off to everyone.” He sighed. “You just have everything figured out huh.” Ross moved away from Leo to stand up, because he didn’t like where any of this conversation was going. “Just because I want a damn career Leo doesn’t mean I would be negligent to the puppy.” He glared and snapped a bit. “It’s like you truly want to argue right now, because in all of this there has been no solution. Or understanding to any of this at all. And most of its been you trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, as if I have some issue.” He shook his head.  “I have faith in things. That’s how. My album promotion and sales aren’t that strict to where I can’t have a puppy Leo. I didn’t think about your master program, but I didn’t want to place all of the responsibility of him on you.” He stated, grabbing a hair tie to tie up his hair. He was a little upset and wired, because some of the things kind of were coming off as maybe Leo didn’t want to do them and some things Leo were saying seemed like they were questioning the relationship and that was breaking Ross’ heart alone. 

“Leo, I meant fun things together. This New Years was our first one together. As a couple and we didn’t do anything for it.” He stated softly. “And you know I love our sitting on the couch rom com marathons more than anything. But just that night, I kind of wanted to do something out of the ordinary.” Ross stated. “But again I remembered how tired you were from the Bahamas, Disney, and New York and felt bad for wanting to do more things. So I didn’t push any ideas.” 

“I am asking someone to come adopt the pups, because you haven’t listed a single reason on why we should keep him. You’ve given me a hundred cons. But not a reason why we should keep him. You never even said if he was cute or not.” He stated. “And we are already arguing something bigger over a puppy, something most people are ecstatic over and we are arguing about.” He sighed. “You don’t want to be married to me?” He looked at Leo with a curious glance and heard his last sentence. “Are you breaking up with me?” His chest heaved a bit and he felt like everything was closing in. “Over a puppy?” his voice was weak. He didn’t even let Leo finish before he barged out of the room to go find his keys. 

Sebastian: Good.

Sebastian: Ah so it was more, good timing than anything else? Nice that your label is listening to you as an artist.

Sebastian: Let's do Sunday... Wedensday night actually kind of drained me.

Sebastian: Kudos to you. I couldn't do it.

Ross: Yeah, which is usually a shocker for new artist, but i've proved my my worth!

Ross: Sunday I am definitely down! Where would you like to meet?

“That’s not what I thought, although my thought wasn’t exactly any better,” Leo replied.  “Your career wasn’t to blame for me being hesitant about getting a puppy Ross.  It was a reason, yes, but only one of several.”  They rubbed at their temples.  “Like the fact that we both committed ourselves to a community project, that I’m days away from starting a Master’s program.  I’m sorry if I’m not moving fast enough for you.  And if that’s what this is, then… I don’t know where we go from here.  I’m not going to say that your career won’t have me hesitate on big decisions like that, because they are big, huge decisions Ross.  Your career with be a factor, but it won’t be the only factor.  I want to be with you. I want all of those things.  I want you to chase all of your dreams.  But honestly, I don’t see it all happening at once.  I’m not in rush; I have my own goals I want to work on.  Yes, I’m older than you, but nothing that really puts a damper on us waiting.” 

Leo sat up more, tilting their head to the side.  “Like what?  I’m surprised.  You always seem to be so positive about how everything is going, and the last you told me, it was all ready and you were just waiting to release it.”  They were so confused and not sure what to think.  Tears pricked at Leo’s eyes.  “I hope you can understand.  I love you, and I want that; someday.  But it is very concerning, and worrisome that you just admitted to me that you got a dog because you’re afraid of what’s going to happen to us with your career, and it’s not like we have a baby…. and now you’re suggesting we look into starting a family while you push back your album.  Please tell me you see how that seems like you’re still afraid of what will happen with us and your career, and you’re trying to… I don’t know?  Make it so I won’t leave?”   Leo sat in stunned silence for a little bit more.  “It feels like… you’re not happy Ross.  And maybe I won’t be able to make you happy.  And that worries me.  So, please, talk to me.  Because I feel like you just made a huge leap of like 100 steps and I’m missing a lot of critical information.  Do you want to start a family without being married?  Do you want to start your career during or after starting a family?  This is something you’ve been working on for a long time Ross; don’t you want to enjoy it?”  Their head was spinning.  

“Leo....” His voice caught in his throat, because he didn’t like how any of this sounded or how the conversation was going. So he spoke slowly. “Have I ever rushed you for anything? Or said that we were moving too slow?” He finally lifted his head up, so that he could look at his lover. “I didn’t know a puppy would have caused all of this... there are places we can take him for training. There were many possibilities of people looking after him while we were busy with rehearsals. I guess I just thought into all of that and didn’t take your thoughts into account. But it’s not because I think we are moving too slow or anything.” His hands moved to rest on Leo’s thighs. “Sometimes I think we could get out and do fun things, yes, but i don’t have an issue with our pace or where we are.” He tried to look into Leo’s eyes.

“Yeah, but the photographer was fired by the record label and I need to do some reshoots for the album covers. And you know as a Berry, I am not putting an album out there if every single detail isn’t ready at all.” He stated softly. Ross saw the water fill Leo’s eyes and guilt and heartbreak filled him. “Leo...” He shook his head. “No... I’ve been thinking about the family thing for a while. And thinking of what it would be like to be married to you for a bit. But like you said, my mind is always arguing with itself on ‘what’s the rush’. So I figured that a dog would just be a way of starting a little family. It’s not that I am super scared of losing you... its that i wanted to grow and build with you, while having my career too.” He moved his hands to caress Leo’s cheeks, because he didn’t want the other to feel down or sad about any of this, because they shouldn’t have - Ross was just trying to have it all - he wanted to be a star, but he also wanted to have a marriage and family. “I am happy.” He rest his hands on Leo’s chest. “Leo, you have been the most consistence source of happiness in my life since we’ve started dating. I love you so much. And I can’t waiting to see you at the end of each and every day with you.” He moved closer to Leo and moved to give him a sweet kiss. “It’s just me wanting it all. Wanting to be married to you, wanting to have my career, wanting to start a family... And i know I sound crazy for this. But I want the world with you. And I know I am just a twenty-four year old rushing it.” 

Sebastian: I'm good. How are you?

Sebastian: You're pushing back your album? Wow, that's dedication to the LCT.

Sebastian: I am not teaching Thursday morning this week, or Sunday morning, so if either of those work; that would be great.

Ross: Great! Enjoying time with the love of my life, actually working on music I love, this musical! things are good!

Ross: Yeah. It was also a lot of things. Creative things. Album covers. A lot of artistic things that failed through, so I want everything to be perfect going out there.

“Actually you did ask.  Which was the part that worries me more than anything,” Leo replied softly.  “You asked, I said I was hesitant, because of all the things we have going on right now. You know I’ve want you to feel at home here, even if it’s my name on it right now.”  They closed their eyes against the touch.  “Should I be concerned that you think so little of me or us that you’re worried about what happens when you get more and more in the public eye?  It’s not like I haven’t experienced it before.  I know it’s not the same, but sometimes I feel like you forget that.”  Leo opened their eyes and put their hands on Ross’s shoulders, waiting until they were eye to eye.  “I don’t know which artists you were talking to, and to be frank, I don’t give a fuck.  What I do know?  The man I’m in love with is not them and I am not their partners.  But I’m not a magician or a mind reader, and I need you to talk to me Ross.  Otherwise, I don’t think it matters how many babies or puppies we have.  Lack of communication, those kinds of insecurities and doubts, they eat away at even the most stable relationship.”  Leo let their hands rub down Ross’ arms until their hands linked together.  “So what is bothering you?  What do you need?”  

“I didn’t do it to disobey you.” Ross looked into his lover’s eyes, because that was the last thing he would ever do, especially when it came to their relationship. He would never want to do something where he felt that it would jeopardize his and Leo’s future’s together. “But I feel, like you are always hesitant on a lot of things or that I push you to zones that are out of your comfort - and it’s usually followed by the reasoning being my career is the blame. So what’s to say that my career won’t stop you from asking me to marry you or us having a baby or other things.” Ross knew he was probably over thinking, hut those things mattered to him just as much as his career. “No don’t be concerned, because I would never think so little of us... ever.” He stated softly, relaxing at Leo’s touches on his shoulders. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard Leo used profanity, but when the other used it - it was cemented that Leo was there. All in. Unwavering. And His. And Ross was just as much Leo’s. Ross couldn’t even help the way his face was lighting up after Leo said all of that. It was just amazing to him. “I pushed the album back a bit - creatively things were right yet. So it gives us more time to figure things out - maybe look into starting a family.” He said softly. Hearing the puppy whine as he wakes up. 

Sebastian: Hey there! It's Sebastian, aka Angel in Rent.

Sebastian: I was wondering if you'd like to get together and explore the dynamic of Collins and Angel a bit. You know our thoughts and ideas about the characters and how we're hoping to portray them at this point.

Sebastian: Would you be interested?

Ross: Hey, Sebastian! Hahaa. How are you today?

Ross: Sorry I've been meaning to reach out to you, but been busy with pushing my album back to make this performance great. So I would absolutely love to meet up and go over things for the duo for sure!~