Queen

Never underestimate a Puckerman’s love for BBQ. It was a terrible decision.

I'm going to hide the bbq sauce before I vomit.

I’m just saying, it’s when it gets further than that, and then you end up smelling like a hamburger and with the yeast infection from hell. But I digress. Be there soon.

Are you saying this from experience?

On my way. Though, that is not the worst place to have bbq sauce.

Santana Lopez, just get your ridiculously toned ass to Dalton.

Sure, this is way too entertaining for me to sleep. Besides, I’m bored.

Please, before I end up with bbq sauce on my nipples. Just text me when you're close.

yeah! 

I'm ignoring you now. You've clearly smoked some weird crack.

I can definitely hit him, I can guarantee the sobriety. I can bring ice water to toss on him that might help. I’ll even make it actual ice water so he doesn’t get food dye in his eyes.

I'll videotape as this happens. It's three in the morning though, are you really willing to make that drive right now?

how nice of her

Isn't it? 

I’m really not very good at helping with that, but I can try. What do you want me to do?

Hit him, hard enough that he sobers up.

I have a fucking plane?

Yeah, it was a 'thanks for breaking up the family merger' gift from my grandmother, and Sebastian's father.

Given that I’m not looking at him in person at this point, my vote goes to yes.

I think I might need your help, he's going to hate his life in the morning.