After a year I’m deciding to delete all of my Gil posts from here. Tumblr won’t let me password protect this blog and I have content here and on secondary blogs I want to keep.
I’m really tired of people taking my edits and content. Of Fate fandom in particular outside a few close Fate friends and yumejoshi.
If you see a post that has a lot of notes on another blog, I’ve deleted it, not because I’m ashamed of it, but because I no longer wish for my original writing and thoughts to be available to people. I still stand by Nasu’s canon intentions and explanations of who Gil is and his likes.
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This is why I will never fit into FGO/Fate spaces.
Almost a year ago, I posted that I was tired of people making fun of Gilgamesh by calling his outfits gay. As a bisexual person, I have actually experienced stereotyping in the past with how I’ve dressed.
>Lesbians wear this. You must be a lesbian.
>Straight people wear that.
>You shouldn’t wear that. It’s pretty gay (as in ugly).
>This flamboyant clothing must be gay, because all homosexuals are flamboyant and frivolous.
That and the fact that gendering clothing runs the same way. It’s based off pretty shitty stereotypes.
And I asserted that in canon Gilgamesh has only expressed INTEREST IN WOMEN. That there is nothing in canon that shows anything outside this. HOWEVER, THIS DOES NOT EXCLUDE HIM FROM BEING BISEXUAL, IT’S JUST THERE IS NOT ANY CONCRETE CANON EXAMPLES, THE EPIC NOT COUNTING BECAUSE OF HOW FATE CHANGES IT.
I’m not going to get into this explanation again.
Unfortunately, it seems most of FGO fandom lacks reading comprehension and took this as me being gung-ho about saying Gilgamesh is straight. Which I never did. I never ever once did. And suddenly, people are behind my back saying I’m homophobic (I’ve dated women before??? How am I homophobic???).
Like what the fuck.
To make matters worse, I’ve seen the same “rebuttal”, the picture of the parody manga posted to Discord. Meaning that some Fate/FGO or Gilgamesh server had spread this around.
Like, Gilgamesh means a lot to me as a character and I can’t even interact with 80-90% of his fans. I don’t care about shipping, I just care about him, who he is, as a character. If it so happens to be a part of a ship or dynamic, sure that’s fun. It’s enough that god knows how much I’ve spent on merch ($20,000 at this rate) and I don’t even want to share my insights or merch anymore if people are constantly going to be horrible like this in fandom.
The constant stealing of my content, whether it’s memes, graphics, my PowerPoints, my gushes...now being made fun of because some people just want to fight their lack of reading comprehension since being queer irl is apparently less of an issue than a fictional character’s queerness, even as a joke. I was posted to a cringe forum with my art reposted and everything despite my TOS, because of self-shipping. This person stalked me with url changes, saying I was fat, must be a CNA even though I’m an RN because I’m a degenerate with no hobbies. Just because I like Gil and self-shipped. I had people be rude and awful on DailyGil twitter.
All I’ve done is my rant above and posted memes and other content. Or merch. If fandom is going to do this, if me posting content is just going to backlash against me. Why...even do it at all except for those I trust?
I can’t do this anymore. I honestly can’t believe people are like this all because of a stupid fandom and their ships. Because I focus on Gilgamesh’s Fate lore more than fandom. That the feelings of LGBTQA+ people are lesser than ships, and that theft/reposting is okay to do.
I toned it back and stopped posting longer gushes, and just some merch, some things here and there. But no more. Literally. No. More.
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“oh but we never get to SEE them be friends” you people can squeeze romance out of a rock, but you can’t extrapolate the platonic devotion and motivation behind an action or character arc? okay.
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very cheap second hand copy of mason’s gilgamesh arrived today and it had annotations from a previous owner that are probably better than the text itself
If anyone ever tells me again that I’m not concentrating hard enough or I’m not focusing hard enough on doing my tasks or work or whatever, here watch this. No brain is the same and our ADHD brain looks different when focusing/concentrating!!!
This is a SPECT, S-P-E-C-T of my husband’s brain. This is his brain during focus of a–at a task that takes concentration. This is showing blood flow to the different areas of his brain when he has to focus and concentrate.
And this…is mine.
When I have to focus and concentrate on something I find boring, my brain literally goes to sleep.
Okay, when I was having that test, I knew I was being tested. So I was concentrating as hard as I possibly could. I was trying to focus, and that’s what happens in the brain of someone with ADHD.
So when we say our brains work differently, we literally…
girl help im in the 5th floor of the ooku and kama’s clones keep trying to sex me up i tried to ward them off by explaining soulsborne lore at them but it only made it worse girl help
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My favorite bit of Kiara lore is that shes one of the most skilled hackers on the planet in her time, and is apparently a lowkey supergenius with technology. You ever think in Chaldea someones computer freezes for whatever reason and the IT person they send is the lady who tried to fuck the planet
I ran Daily_Gil for a few months and gilsqueen (my main personal twitter).
I started Daily_Gil because I thought it’d be fun to post some official pictures I’ve taken or collected over the last 4+ years. I had it planned down the line to post pictures of uncommon merch that had specific designs etc.
Gilsqueen was where I original uploaded pictures of my hauls, my art, as well as my introspection about Gil if it wasn’t here on tumblr. I started to become more comfortable about my “self-shipping” too.
Between what has happened with being screencapped, having the things I’ve personally made be stolen, being personally attacked on here for something really stupid I never said, people retweeting and posting raunchy and horrible things onto Daily_Gil...
Then of course, I already had to deal with the off characterizations I see in fandom.
I’m tired. I’m done with Western FGO fandom. It’s been one thing after the other to the point I’m having to block r/grandorder bot and other big FGO/Fate social media hubs.
Look, I tried to overlook things for 4+ years. I wanted to spread my love for Gil to other fans and those who appreciated him as a character. It was to the point I was totally fine with overlooking if people shipped things I didn’t. Because that’s just common courtesy? If someone ships something I don’t, I’m not going to take it personally. If it was so far out there, then I would block people. But, I really extended courtesy to people who I agreed to disagree with on twitter, as long as you didn’t interact with me trying to fight me to begin with.
I even overlooked a lot of things that made me uncomfortable as people just having fun, but if it gets to the point of being attacked, walked over, stolen from, or being sent horrible things, I’m not going to do it anymore. It’s not worth it for me to put in effort into something that people are going to do this for. I’ve definitely made some friends through this but I don’t want to deal with the other side of it any longer.
Some people have reached out to me about wanting me to continue writing, drawing, making silly charts or memes. I appreciate this but I can’t keep doing this anymore if sharing it means that I’m just going to get hurt. I already have to deal with transitioning into a real full-time nurse and I don’t want what I love to add onto that stress. Honestly, I don’t deserve that treatment. Nobody does. Writing, discussing, sharing Gilgamesh related things was quite literally from my heart. There’s a lot of things I don’t feel comfortable in explaining why I feel this way, but it was something fun and enjoyable that took a ton of stress off my shoulders. When people do/did this to me, it added stress onto me that was supposed to go away. I don’t want my hobbies, likes, etc to do that to me when I need everything the most in my life.
I’m hope this makes sense. I’m frustrated, angry, and not happy with Western FGO fandom. This behavior on top of the art reposts such as people posting all of Miss Wada’s fan artbooks on twitter, stealing fan art and original content, lack of etiquette with retweets on non-English artists or even Western ones, is just the tip of the iceberg why I’m so done. I’ve had to contact websites to take stolen Gilgamesh fanart down because I saw Western people buying it. It’s going to happen on the Internet, but it feels like many should know better.
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I dunno how I feel browsing tumblr and then suddenly seeing screencaps of my twitter here lmao. Glad people can relate to this though lol
Edit: Okay, I might not be very happy about seeing this reposted. Please do not screencap my twitter and repost it somewhere. I understand that you (and those who reblogged it) relate to it and I’m glad you at least kept my @ username, but it still leaves me no credit for my thoughts. At least ask before you do this or link back to my tumblr. My twitter links to my listography that has links to my tumblr here as well as all my social media.
My twitter is very small, less than 100 followers, and I put a lot of love and thought into it whenever I tweet about Gilgamesh or make silly memes, art etc. I don’t tweet for popularity or anything of the sort. Compared to this post that has gotten over 50 notes, my original tweet got 1 like, which was from a close friend of mine.
I know it’s a silly thing to get upset over, but this keeps happening where I have shared my insights, thoughts, and creations about Gilgamesh, only to see it reposted without credit somewhere. It makes me not want to share anything at all anymore if someone is going to lurk on my twitter (I dunno if OP does follow me or not) and screencap me.
I’m not taking it personally, but I will be putting a notice on my twitter about this and have locked. I may or may not write or share my Gilgamesh-related content in the future on any form of social media.
