Rants. And more.

As mentioned, already obsessed. 

Well, in order to increase my musical perspective and maybe even get introduced to several new artists, I’ve decided to take upon the ‘new artist every day/week’ challenge. Depending on how much material there is to get through and also, how obsessed I get with them. I’ve always wanted to do this, however, I never got around to it. Now thanks to Apple Music, I have an insanely huge library and an insanely huge resource. 

Day 1: Hælos

My best friend has probably produced some of the best writing I’ve seen. Yesterday, when she was desperate to get something out and on paper, every thought dismantled itself and hid in corners, unreachable. They either never come in pieces or never come. It’s always that way. All at once or nothing at all. Why do we have such a hard time segregating? Is it because we spend too much time putting things off? Is it because we leave it to a relaxed, useless weekend to deliberate on our hearts excuses? Or is it because we’re unable to prioritise efficiently, so everything seems important enough to give us a migraine?

I’ve suffered too many migraines in the recent past without an ounce of hope for a solution. The fourth reason for The Mess could be our obsession with unsolved moments. Some of us have brains programmed to pick up even the slightest change in routine and expression. And thanks to our observation skills, we know exactly why it’s happening. Assumptions are the basis of all that ruins. However, when you’re that observant, your assumptions are almost never wrong. So if you’re suddenly talking about someone twice a day instead of once and talking to us lesser, we know what’s up. Having this ability is quite a curse when your sole purpose of being is to make other peoples lives easier. Because then you’re stuck in between picking the ‘cold shoulder’ as your next move or not being a bitch and desperately finding the silver lining.

I almost always end up staying friends with every guy I like even after most of them turn me down. Most of the time, they use me to get to know my hot best friend better. When that’s not the case, which is EXTREMELY rare, they just push me away. Once in a while, a guy comes along who does neither. So I encourage him to date other women with the hope of getting over him once there’s someone else in the picture and in the process, damage myself quite a bit. And then I’m a wreck every few days because it might actually work. Why? Why are our brains so hell bent on torturing ourselves? Why do we put up with abusive relationships or choosing maths when we don’t even like it or picking a corporate job that pays us a decent salary and all we do is dream about being a writer in that tiny cubical of ambitions. 'Someday’, we say and quickly shove that dream into the box with other things that don’t make sense. Why is it so hard to want things proudly? I think part of it lies in realism. And a part of it also lies in friends that turn you towards realism in order to look out for you. I’m a million kgs overweight and would love to have an entire bar of chocolate by myself. But that doesn’t make sense. That’s a stupid move. But wanting that bar of chocolate shouldn’t make me feel guilty. This might be a stupid example due to the obvious adverse health effects but food examples just make more sense. The point is, our wants are as much a part of us as are our limbs and ideas and ethics. We’re made of desires and ambitions and desperate needs. We might not always get what we want and we may not even get it, logically. But it’s who we are. And rejecting that does not sit well with being fully accepting and secure.