$$ money on my mind $$

          eyelashes flutter a little in surprise - she doesn’t really know what she was expecting the man to say, but, uh, it wasn’t that. she lets out a polite little laugh, kinda confused but also pretty used to guys just…. talkin up their junk, used car salesman style. ‘ uh. first i wanna say that i don’t think th’balls matter so much as th’actual…. y’know….. but also i really wanna know what kinda trainin is that bad ? ’

“I was supposed to go on a date tonight, but the guy cancelled last minute. So now I’m all dressed up with no place to go. Say…you wanna go out? My treat.”

“Uh, sure. Why not? What did you have in mind? All I ask is no roller skating or anything in that nature. I don’t need a trip to the emergency room.”

“So me and a couple of the girls are going out tonight and we’re trying to decided a healthy mixer for our vodka. Personally I think we should mix it with another vodka but what do you think?”

“I guess it depends on if you can handle straight vodka or not. Pomegranate juice, Mountain Dew, Redbull are all pretty good mixers for vodka.”

“You want this coffee? It was an extra and I don’t want it.”

“Depends... What kind is it?”

“Oh, i’m just on break but if you want, I could probably whip you up something right -really quick.”

Some people aren’t meant for waiting tables. There’s this girl down at Calvin’s diner that’s terrible at it, but hey, they think she’s qualified so joke’s on me. You like your job? Sounds like ya don’t.

Shit really? How bad can she be? Is she “I forgot your ranch dressing!” bad or drop plates of food on a customer bad? Surprisingly, I love my job. It’s just the meetings that I hate. Sitting in a room, listening to a monotone woman, drone on and on about proper procedures and new changes to the computer system is not a way I want to spend my Thursday. 

“To be fair, though…Daniel Radcliffe’s got a lot more going for him than just his balls. Like, his dick, for instance.”

“Honestly, I wasn’t paying attention to his dick. I was too taken aback by the fact the dude has two cantaloupes for balls. Pretty impressive if you ask me.”

Meetings aren’t even that bad. When you’re a businessman, ya get used to them. Grow a pear, literally, and get over it, aight?

I never could be a businessman. In high school, I worked as a waiter and also got fired from said job because my customer service skills are probably the worst. Ya? We’ll see. If I complain about it enough, they’ll stop sending me. 

“Wow. Extreme. As far as bigger nuts though, it depends on who you ask.”

 “Well, Daniel Radcliffe has some pretty big cojones. He’ll have to be the first one I go to for advice.”

“Well - At least you won’t have to worry about testicular cancer, and well — bigger balls would be nice – On me.” He winked.

“I would also never have to worry about knocking someone up on a one night stand. No one needs little me’s running around.” A sly smirk came across his face at his ending comment. “Would they, huh? I may just get them to try that theory out.”