death always comes more than once

However, it was not for the mundane eye--that much was evident, as the door of the study room swung open and Cain closed his books abruptly, glancing up with slight wilderness in his eyes. The boy hadn’t slept; that much was, also, evident. “S-sorry--did you reserve this room or s-something? ‘Cause otherwise, uh--” he faltered, for a moment, fingers tapping against the wood desk anxiously.

@cainromanov

calliope had called cain, out of the blue, considering she spent most of her days avoiding him. it wasn’t anything against cain, he just reminded her so much of her brother. when she saw cain, she saw her brother, they were a pair, you didn’t get one without the other. cain’s reappearance was a constant reminder that her brother was in fact dead, and calliope refused to cope. it was emiliano, that she needed now, he made everything better, always. the closest thing she could get to her brother, was cain, calliope desperately hoped, he’d be the clarity she sought, the thing to make her mother’s voice seize. 

they had planned to meet in the courtyard, that night, not having been sleeping much, she had gotten their early, breathing in the cool air, it was a comfort, why she didn’t wear a jacket. she was numb, numb to everything around her, except for the echoing words of her mother. nothing calliope ever did was good enough for her mother, she was lost to who she was supposed to be, or even to who she was.

when he arrived, calliope breathed out his name, “cain”, he was unaware of milo’s death prior to parent’s weekend, but she had seen the look on his face when he found out. she looked down at the ground, feeling ashamed she hadn’t told him herself, but she hated admitting the fact that her brother was dead. she had a million things to say but as he stood in front of her, her mind went blank, the only thought in her mind, as she casted her hazel orbs over him, even after all this time, where’s milo? almost expecting him to come up behind him. she let out a deep breath, “do you hate me?” 

the call had been unexpected--cain had closed himself off from everybody following the weekend; suddenly knowing exactly why calliope had changed the way she had, and feeling much of her pain himself. that being said, the boy found himself grateful that she had called. it wasn’t healthy to grieve alone, to let yourself suffer on your own--and he knew that, even if it had been his therapist’s words originally. and well, he needed her--or at least somebody who had...understood what he felt--and max was far out of the question. 

as per usual--cain hadn’t been able to sleep an ounce, instead choosing to chug down a can of red bull with his eyes firmly on the clock, impatiently waiting as he watched the arms move. his mind had been going too fast, or too slow--there wasn’t really an inbetween, just a mass of fumbling thoughts barely comprehensible. it had felt like he was losing his mind. maybe he was--maybe he already had...technically, he did. thoughts of the cult had entered his mind and the brunette took it as a sign to get a move on, shrugging on his leather jacket and heading into the night.

walking towards callie now, his steps faltered--for a brief moment, anxiety tightening his chest. he didn’t know what to say--he might had, once before, but then? his mind had gone blank, but it was too late to run. he neared, hands stuffed into his pockets as usual, practically looming over the blonde. her question had hit him--could’ve knocked him back, some sort of emotion flashing across his features for just a moment. “god--callie,” his voice felt heavy, his eyes watering and him unable to do much about it except rub at them. cain took another step further, hesitating once more--before taking a deep breath and wrapping his arms around the shorter girl in a consuming hug. his anxiety spiked--cain wincing at the feeling of being so close to another being, yet stayed in place--firmly, for what seemed like ages, “never in my life, callie--absolutely never.” for once, in all the time that he’d been back at kingswood, he hadn’t stuttered out his words.

She was caught off guard at his words, Max was hiding a lot of things but anyone could have guessed that. No, what put her on edge was how he said it, as if he knew exactly what it was that she was hiding. “What makes you say that,” she asked, nervously laughing as the rest of her tensed at the various amount of things he could know. She was hoping she was just being paranoid, overthinking everything due to recent events but there was a nagging at the back of her mind that told her otherwise. “Everyone hides something.” Just like how she hides her dependency on pills, how she hides her involvement with Rule of Rose and investigates whatever society SB stood for.

His eyebrows furrowed at the brunette, a small pit of anger flaring in his stomach--”What d-do you mean ‘what makes you say that’? You’ve kept some serious shit from me, Max, I--f-fuck--” as the boy swore, his arms unraveling as he hit the door frame in a spurt of uncharacteristic anger, “Everybody hides something? Yeah--sure, people do--God fucking kn-knows I’ve been carrying secrets on my back for fucking years--but not this. Not...fucking, this, Max.” He lifted himself from the frame, fully now, taking a small step back--his hand going to rest on the doorknob instead. “I understand, alright? N-nobody...wants to fucking think about his death, and I know th-that you suffered just as much as I have--or fucking, Callie, for god’s sake--she suffered the most out of us all. But--Jesus Christ--I didn’t...fucking, deserve to find out like that. For somebody so fucking smart...you really, didn’t think at all--did you?”

It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that Layla’s eyes had been constantly glued to her phone since she got back to Kingswood. She was constantly waiting for updates from Tyler, whether they came from his instagram or his twitter account. She had promised her therapist that she wouldn’t try to contact him until she was ready, but that didn’t mean she was gonna stay away from him completely. It was this compulsion that lead her to bump into someone as she was walking the halls. The guy was much bigger than her and almost caused her to fall forward. She probably would have if he hadn’t grabbed her shoulder before it was too late. Normally, she would’ve cursed him out, accusing him of not watching where he was going, but she admit it was partially her fault this time. “It’s fine. I’m sorry too. I really should learn to look before I walk. I- I know you, don’t I?”

As soon as the petite girl was upright and sure not to fall again, Cain retracted his hand, shoving both of them into the pockets of his jacket and taking a small step back. Even in his progress towards recovery, distance was preferred. “Yeah--I should be b-better about it too, but...” he offered a small, nonchalant shrug, “...probably, honestly?” it sounded almost egotistical, but Cain had always been known around the school--both before and after his disappearance--and people recognizing him wasn’t exactly new for him. The dark-haired student before him seemed familiar as well--his eyebrows furrowing slightly in thought as he gazed down at her, “I--uh, was missing for a year or some’ like that. Y-you used to be in Elizabeth, right?” 

After Cain had disappeared in the middle of her set, Max hadn’t seen the male since Friday. If she hadn’t known any better the conspiracy side of her would have thought he had pulled another disappearing act but with the kidnapping during cotillion, she was paranoid about all of the males, suspecting everyone who she had once given a free pass to. Finding Cain in his dorm, she knocked on the door, curious to know what his alibi was during the time of Adelaide and Avery’s disappearance. “I see you were avoiding me,” she asked, almost teasing as she didn’t realize that Cain was indeed avoiding her. “One would think you have something to hide.”

@cainromanov

As much as Cain would’ve liked to imagine that he had been doing, better, since the event--he had been a right mess, truthfully. Days blended into nights and days again and the bags under his eyes were about as bad as they had been the day he returned to Kingswood--he found himself wide awake at night, laying in the dark and staring into the ceiling’s abyss. His eyes would shut and the memories would play behind his eyelids, grainy as an old film and just as choppy; unpacking in their dorm on their first day of Freshmen year, talking late into the night...every night, Emiliano playing the piano and Cain sitting against his leg, his own sprawled out and a book in hand--Milo and Max, holding hands the entire way down the hall, the lankier boy trailing behind them yet not in a way that suggested a third wheel--just, him, letting his best friend escort his girl to class. Cain, instead of reliving those memories, had opted for Red Bull and scanning his journals for something, anything, that he could’ve missed. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that Max would had, eventually, come looking for him (nor, did it occur to him--that it was to do with the society, and not the boy’s disappearance)--which was precisely why the boy had opened the door in the first place, a frown immediately overcoming his blank expression at the sight of her, “Have I? I haven’t noticed.” Cain leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed as his eyes bore into her, “I th-think you know more about hiding things than I do.”

The past few days had been a...struggle, for Cain, to say the least--it felt as if he had been grieving all over again, and he wasn’t sure quite what to feel. Was he supposed to be grateful, that he finally knew? Because a part of him had...really, truly wished he had stayed ignorant--stayed unassuming; it was childish, sure, but Cain had become a...wishful thinker, of sorts. His mind had been in a fog, since the parent’s weekend--which must had been why he bumped into the small frame of the girl in front of him, a small stuttered swear underneath his breath before reaching out and steadying her, gloved hand on her shoulder, “S-shit--sorry about that. You a-alright?” at least he had been getting better about touching people--at least, as long as he wore his leather gloves.

The older Adelaide seemed disapproving of her mother’s actions, and this set Adie at ease. It was good to know that other people thought her mother was being harsh, especially if another parent thought so. She knew quite a few parents around here probably thought the same of their children as her mother did her. She wiped carefully at her eyes, trying to not ruin her makeup. “She just… she wants me to do the things she did when she was here. She wants me to be this perfect little doll or puppet that she can just… control, and I don’t want that. She wants me to be this high class socialite and I just want to be normal and do what makes me happy. She can’t accept that.” Adie sniffed. “Are you a mother Miss Adelaide? Could you ever do what my own mother is doing?” 

Adelaide dug through her purse once more, pulling out a small compact mirror and handing it to the girl, so she could do some minor damage control, “Sometimes parents forget that their children are just...that, children. They’re not puppets, or clones of themselves. Sometimes our desires get in the way of what is really best for our children. It is...really, awful, Adie, that your mother can’t accept what you want to do, but at the end of the day you are still your own individual person--that alone makes you very special.” At the mini-Adelaide’s question, the redhead nodded, “I’ve got five children, and I love them more than anything else in this world. I’m sure that I’ve been overbearing, but it really is in their best interest. I would never, ever, discourage my children from pursuing their passions--even if they’re not to my taste. It’s simply not right. But even so--we all make mistakes, and I’m sure I still could’ve been a better mother--when my eldest went missing, I blamed myself for a long time.”

“If that isn’t true, I don’t know what is.” The blonde agreed. “You and me both, but kids will be kids, there’s not much we can do about it.” Lisa shrugged. “I luckily only have two children so it might work for me, I don’t know what’d I’d do if I had more than two.” she teased with a small chuckle. “That does seem like a fairly smart way to keep track of them, I still use the baby monitor for my youngest.”

“It’s better to let them have their fun now and get it all out of their systems, lest they carry all their teen angst into adulthood. Nobody likes an adult who still acts as if they’re rebelling against their parents.” Adelaide replied, lifting her champagne to her lips, “I didn’t realize how many children I had until they all started high school, honestly, and suddenly--my nest was empty. Five seems like a lot until they all start slowly doing their own things in life.” She let out a small, sigh, reminiscing the past, “We’ve been trying our best, after the incident--figured it was better to keep them all in one place so they could keep an eye on each other.”

“You wouldn’t happen to know where we are would you? I seem to have gotten terribly lost in my attempt to find my kids.” He said, approaching the first person he saw to try to at least get back to where he started.

“You think they ran out to the courtyard?” Vaughn inquired, nodding his head towards the double doors leading outside, before letting out a low chuckle, “The dining hall is just a few hallways down. It’s nearly impossible to wrangle up all my kids on my own, so I’ve let them run off on their own for now. They’ll come around eventually.”

Romanov Family Weekend

Reese has to strain her ears to understand what Cain was saying through his shaky breathes. She had no clue what he had forgotten or why he had forgotten whatever it was but she did know it was serious, his rare show of distress making that evident. Kneeling down besides him she ignored the billowing of her dress as it sprawled around them, the potential wrinkles being the last thing in her mind. Internally she was conflicted, two emotions that she rarely experienced were at war with one another. Her angry side wanted to lash out at him, kick him further down while he was still vulnerable but another part of her prevented her from doing that. It was a side of her that she so often suppressed and denied, a side of her that only a handful of people had managed to break into. In a rare show of empathy, she took the road less traveled and decided to be the bigger person. For now at least. “What did you almost forget,” she asked gently, at least as gently as someone with indifference could. It was forced but she didn’t want to scare him, seeing Cain as a kicked stray that would run away at the slightest of movements. She was confused as to what he could forget but she knew now wasn’t the time to satisfy her curiosity.

It took, more than a few moments, for Cain to regain his breath--at least, enough so that he could speak without taking several moments in between, his voice still shaky as he spoke, “F-fucking--Milo, his death.” He threw his hands up, running them through his hair and pulling sharply, a manic laugh breaking through, “My brain’s s-so fucked, that I forgot my own best f-friend’s death. Who...who forgets, shit like that? That isn’t....that isn’t fucking o-okay. And Max...Max--she knew. She knew this entire d-damn time, that I didn’t remember And she didn’t say a damn thing.” The way he spoke--the words chopped together uncomfortably, as if the words physically hurt to leave his throat--it was filled with a pain he hadn’t felt in years--a pain he wished he could forget, all over again, only to never experience it again. His hands shook as he dug through his pockets, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and flipping it opened, letting the lighter and one of the cigarettes fall into the palm of his hand, “I can remember...almost, all of it--n-now, at least--what happened to him.” His words were bitter, and he let out an empty laugh, again, fitting his cigarette between his lips afterwards. Cain brought the lighter up to it, though his hands still hadn’t calmed--it was near impossible for him to spark it, and he soon gave up, leaning his head back against the wall in defeat.

The woman before her was so warm it radiated off of her in waves. A warmth she aspired to radiate herself. The fact that they shared a name made her chuckle, wiping at her eyes carefully. “That’s funny… my name is Adelaide too. Everyone calls me Adie, if that makes things a little easier.” She offered, taking the clean napkin and carefully dabbing at her eyes. The older Adelaide was more intuitive than she expected, knowing that these tears weren’t performance related. She laughed weakly at the accusation. “No ma’am, it’s not a boy.” She assured her with a sigh. She already felt connected to this woman, like she could tell her anything. “It’s um… it’s my mother. She doesn’t exactly approve of me being a singer, and she didn’t even bother to hide that disdain just now…”

Adelaide smiled warmly at the girl, glad that she had at least made the junior chuckle, “Is it now? That really is such a lovely coincidence--my husband’s called me Lady ever since I met him, but I think that’s the only nickname I’ve ever been given.” She shook her head, though it hadn’t bothered her one bit. If anything, Adelaide found it incredibly endearing.  “It really is a pleasure to meet you, Adie, despite the circumstance.” Her eyebrows furrowed at the mention of Adelaide’s mother being the root of her distress, eyes instantly filled with concern, “Well...that’s just not right--” Adelaide began, her smile turning into a slight frown, “While I’m glad that it’s not a boy causing your tears--the fact that it’s your own mother...” She let out a small sigh, remembering her own youth with an oppressive mother, “You sang beautifully, I don’t see how any mother could be upset by their child’s talents. Anything you create should be the most beautiful thing to her--I’m really, truly sorry that she reacted the way she did, Adie. Mothers can be...stubborn, really--I like to think it stems from them wanting the best for their children, but I also think that if done wrong it just...completely does the opposite effect. It really is a thin line, but that’s still no excuse for her behavior. Especially in public, that in itself is completely uncouth.” Adelaide rambled, just a tad--the topic had been a source of passion for her; several of her organizations that she worked closely with had involved youths with troublesome pasts--most involving their family in one way or another, “I know that as a young girl it feels as if her opinion is the most important, but, I can promise you--it isn’t. The only thing that is important is your feelings and your passions, nobody else’s.”

Lisa nodded, putting the punch down as soon as she could taste the alcohol in it. “Since when did parenting become so difficult?” she let out a small laugh as she grabbed a bottle of water instead to get the taste of alcohol out of her mouth. “That would surely make keeping track of them easier.” Lisa admitted with a small smile.

“Honestly--you would’ve thought it got easier the older they got,” The redhead agreed, crinkling her nose at the punch, “They spiked it again this year, huh? Can’t say I’m surprised, but for once in my life I want a fruity punch instead of champagne and water.” Adelaide shook her head, still smiling, “I don’t have enough arms for all those leashes, so at least two or three of them would end up running off anyway. The best I can do is track their phones, really, and that’s just to make sure they’re safe and not in some kind of drug den,” After Cain had gone missing, they had ended up tracking their phones and their individual cars--a precaution the parents considered necessary.

It was nice to see her family. Or at least that’s what Adelaide kept telling herself. She did love her parents, but they were so overbearing. Her mother especially. Ever since she walked in, she started criticizing every single thing about Adelaide. Her dress, her hair, the people she was talking to, the way she was sitting. Adelaide had been pretty successful at tuning it out until the ceremony began. Adelaide was one of the performers to welcome everyone, and she was singing Grease. She was having a blast, but the whole time she was up there, she couldn’t help but notice how her mother looked so… annoyed. No smile, rolling her eyes, not looking at her daughter at all. She didn’t even clap when the song finished, just giving her a look of disapproval. Adelaide bowed politely and excused herself from the room, going out into the hallway and taking a shaky breath as she leaned against the wall. She tilted her head towards the ceiling, trying her hardest to not let the tears fall down her face. She knew her mother didn’t approve of her performing… but could she at least pretend to be supportive? Adelaide jerked at the sound of the door opening, turning away from them and wiping her face, not wanting anyone to see she was upset. “Sorry I was just g-getting some air…” She told them thickly.

Whilst Adelaide hadn’t meant to run across the crying girl, instead looking for her son--who had disappeared during one of the earlier performances--she wasn’t the type of woman to leave a girl in such a fragile state alone, “Oh, darling, what’re you crying for? Your performance was lovely.” The redheaded woman moved closer to Adelaide, her British accent just a hint of what it used to be, and placed a delicate hand upon her back--soothingly, “I’m afraid I’m fresh out of handkerchiefs, but I can offer a shoulder if you’d like?” Cain still lingered in her mind--but as far as she could tell, he was long gone. He needed space, Adelaide figured, and her priorities had been drawn elsewhere, “I’m Mrs. Vaughn, but you can call me Adelaide if you’d like--I won’t mind, honestly.” Her other hand dug through her purse, the items jingling around until she pulled out a crumpled, yet clean, napkin, offering it to the junior before her, “No--no, this mustn’t be performance-related. I know better than that,” Adelaide mused to herself, her hand rubbing the other’s back, the way mothers should, “It isn’t a boy, is it?” Her tone was light, joking almost, her gaze not quite firm, “Because I can tell you right now, sweets, he isn’t worth it.”

lisa came into the kingswood building with her husband and her youngest child in towe as she began to look around for her eldest daughter. “this place brings back a lot of old memories.” she smiles as she looks around the place, recognizing some old things mixed with new things that were added after chasity was born. “anyone seen an eighteen year old girl around here anywhere? about yay high, blue eyes, looks like a way hotter version of me.” she admitted, heading over to the punch bowl where everyone seemed to be hanging out as she grabbed herself a glass of punch which she knew fairly well had already been spiked.

Adelaide Romanov shook her head, a small laugh spilling from her lips as she took a sip of her champagne, “I’m afraid not--I’m having trouble finding my own little tots. Not to mention their father,” her eyes scanned the room, almost nervously, though her smile never faltered. It wasn’t the others that she was necessarily worried about, though she loved all her children equally, but it was Cain who caused her nerves to be on edge. She knew he was displeased with her and Vaughn, and it didn’t take a genius to tell that he was avoiding them for that exact reason, “I just want to keep them all on a leash, you know?” Adelaide said, turning to Lisa.

She hated herself for watching his every move, her body in tune to his every moment despite the anger that was heavily present in her. So when she saw Cain rush out of the hall in hurry, she couldn’t help but we worried for him when he still hadn’t shown up three performances later. She hated the rush of feelings going through her, not use to genuinely caring for something let alone for someone. The last time she had worried for him was when he had first disappeared, the thought of what could have happened to him keeping her up at night. Wanting the feeling to away, Reese stood up and made a quick exit through the doors, ignoring her mother calling out to her. She didn’t have to look far to find him, his distress being loud enough for her to follow. When she did come across him she hesitated, not knowing how to really approach him ever since he had disappeared. “Cain,” she called out hesitantly, deciding to make her presence known before she got too close. “Cain, what’s wrong?”

@cainromanov

His memory may had been...awry, but Cain was not stupid and it certainly did not take a genius to put the pieces together. From the mention of a tribute, to Max walking towards the mic, to the opening lyrics of the song--he knew, deep down, exactly what had happened. It was as if his memory unlocked itself, and floods of memories from his sophomore year flooded his mind. He could barely see as he excused himself, halfway throughout the song--ignoring the worried glances from his parents and siblings and the confused gazes of just about everybody else. Cain felt suffocated, as if he had been submerged once more, the boy clutching his chest as he entered the hallway, another hand grasping the wall for support as he walked a ways away. His legs collapsed, though he couldn’t feel it--couldn’t feel anything, besides the hole burning in his chest and the grief that consumed him, as if he was still at Emiliano’s funeral. As if he was there, right now, kneeling besides his grave as a younger boy. Back against the wall, Cain attempted to control his hyperventilation--taking longer, deeper breaths, but every time he closed his eyes, more and more memories of the event surfaced. His panicked driving to the hospital, Max’s eyes meeting his as she sat in her hospital bed--the way he had refused to shed a tear at the funeral until he was sure he was alone--and how they were all coming now, unstoppable, his head aching with the pure emotion of it all. He could barely hear Reese’s voice though his own thoughts, only registering her presence the second time she spoke. Cain looked up, rubbing his eyes almost angrily, “I forgot.” He said, hard to speak through his breaths, eyes trailing the familiar redhead. He knew her too, and he knew he knew her--knew the way he felt about her, at least, the familiar twang ringing through his broken heart, “That’s...that’s what’s f-fucking wrong.”

It was pretty common knowledge that Adelaide was anything but a rule breaker. A golden girl, the Virgin Mary, the goody goody… the list went on and on. One of the rules the school had was no pets. It wasn’t exactly strict, or at least Adelaide wasn’t aware if it was, but when Adelaide saw a stray orange cat outside that wintery night, all rules were damned. She tip toed through the dark halls of the school, the cat purring in her arms as Adelaide chatted to it quietly, heading for the kitchens to feed it. When someone stepped out onto her path, her eyes widened and she bit her lip. “You never saw this. If anyone asks you about some girl carrying a cat to the kitchen to give it some chicken, you didn’t see anything.”

It had been one of those nights where Cain knew he wasn’t going to get any real sleep. He had gone to bed early, hopeful that he’d get some good shuteye for once--it seemed that as soon as he returned to Kingswood, his dreams morphed into nightmares more often than not--and that night was no different. After a particularly, skin-peeling sequence of nightmares, the boy had woken in a cold sweat, heart mimicking a hummingbird’s. With a small, defeated sigh, the tall shell of a boy slid on his sneakers and shrugged on a coat, heading out into the cold. How he ended up in the main building, wandering the hallways, was something he didn’t quite know, or realize, he was doing. What drew him out of his, night trance, was the sight of Adelaide with a...cat? in her arms? Cain raised his eyebrows at the girl, a soft smile playing on his lips, “This is...well, unexpected,” He noted, an almost teasing tone to his voice, hands shoved into his pockets, “W-where’d you find that little thing? Unless you’ve been hoarding cats in your dorm this whole time?”