Rolla Selbak

In the wake of anti-immigrant sentiments that are sweeping across this great, young nation that's made up of 98%, well, immigrants</a>, I find it shocking that presidential nominees like Donald Trump want to create Nazi-like IDs and databases for American Muslims, or that 31 U.S states actually rejected taking in Syrian refugees who are fleeing their war ravaged homes for shelter, clean water and a school day with no bombs.

I guess the fear is that ISIS will get a hold of legally procured guns and shoot up theaters, schools and college campuses leaving behind manifests of how God wanted them to do the deed, or how they wanted to punish womankind for being so promiscuous (oh wait, we don't need ISIS for that) .

Rather than making a humanitarian case for why, as the grossly richest nation with the most military impact around the world, the least we can do is take in a few a vetted refugees, I'd like to instead take a different approach and bring up something everyone, whether conservative or liberal, can agree on: expanding the dating pool.

As an Arab immigrant myself, I don't mean to toot my own car horn, but there are some awesome perks to dating us, and a lot of this applies to fellow immigrants from other regions around the world as well. Here are a few.

1. You Will Never Starve

When you go to your date's house, you will be fed, then fed, then fed again. It is like a never ending buffet of buffets where you never witness the bottom of your plate, where saying "no thank you" means I want some more, and "yes please" means I want to be escorted back home by a Maury Povich camera crew and a crane. For reference, please study My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Yes, it's really like that.

Also, what would our vegan hipster friends do without hummus?

2. Swearing

Dating an immigrant will immediately increase your swearing arsenal by at least twofold. Plus you get to sound Shakespearean and scary as hell. Phrases like "the devil will ride you", "your house will certainly be demolished" or "may your life force be cut short" don't have quite the same effect in English.

To be fair, they don't make that much sense in Arabic either, it just sounds cooler.

3. No More Paying for Dates

Arab immigrants in the U.S are some of the most educated and successful in the country. In fact, A greater percentage attends college, and those who earn master's degrees or higher do so at twice the national average.

Also check out the list of 8 famous Americans with Syrian roots. You could be dating the next Seinfeld, Paula Abdul, or Steve Jobs.

So chances are your date is well-educated, with a great job, which means you can cool it for a while, stay home and play video games, and have your girlfriend or boyfriend write your college papers.

Plus, have you ever seen what happens when you try and fight a brown person for the restaurant bill?

4. Great With White Parents

Here's a secret: brown immigrants love white parents. We do. Something about them being reasonable, their voice decibels being at a humanly safe level even when they're upset, and acknowledging the word privacy when it comes to their children just makes us covet the white household.

However, it is precisely our strict upbringing that makes your immigrant date quite possibly the most polite, well mannered and consequently the most charming person you have ever brought home to mom and dad.

5. Immigrants Heart America

When Fourth of July rolls around, take a look at your neighbors' houses, and see which ones are the most draped in American flag paraphernalia. Chances are it's your immigrant friend. This phenomena is not only because in a lot of cases America has given them the safety, security and opportunity we all cherish, but also because we are mortified of ever being associated with crazy, psychotic douche pouches like ISIS.

Essentially anytime you see an immigrant waving the flag, picture a speech bubble that reads, "I love American, I hate ISIS, I am not crazy, I hate violence, I love this country, please don't wiretap my phone, or follow me in your cop car, or take me away in a black hood. Please pass me a hotdog, and don't tell my mom I'm eating pork."

6. Airport Security Is a Breeze

You will never travel easier. Security will be so focused on your immigrant friend, especially if they're male and haven't shaved for a few days, that they'll completely ignore your larger than regulation sized lotion bottle, they'll skip right through the letter opener you forgot at the bottom of your carry on, and won't blink twice at your sex toys.

7. Chillin'

The dream of a dream when a woman's voice is heard echoing throughout the land. Her azan beckons the community to prayer because its heavenliness and beauty would be the closest thing to God and the angels.

Modesty would be the imperative virtue it is. Men cover their eyes in a veil so women don't feel the gaze, and can move about freely throughout society with no assault, and no aggression.

Women would lead prayer as the sheiks, as elders with a wisdom gained through the eyes of one who gives birth to life, who perceives in subtleties, and who understands the importance of tenderness in a world so violent.

The privilege of finding a perfect soulmate would make women choose carefully whom to create a family with. When she finally chooses her mate, there will be no doubt in her mate's mind that there is no other, not two, or three or four, no matter whether the spirit is of a male or female persuasion.

It would be a privilege to be in partnership with her generosity and grace, and she in return would feel the same.

In heaven, awaiting her would be 72 loves. 72 creatures whom she touched during her time on earth. 72 souls she helped nurture, 72 young ones she helped mentor, 72 hearts she helped heal.

May Allah have peace upon every girl, woman and mother, and the men who are brave enough to love them with all their might.

~ Rolla Selbak