play the game.

Charlotte glanced down, her mind working overtime once more. Was there any other motive than actually wanting to not be and feel alone in this town or just wanting to mess with her? It seemed like those two were the most likely options here. What if she just allowed him to apologise, allowed him to get into her life? As long as she kept her walls up and kept questioning his moves, there was no way this could end up with him working into making her life miserable once more, right? As long as she made sure he wouldn’t get that chance, why not give him an opportunity to make things right? She watched him pluck the flower out of his jacket, brows raised slightly. Was this all going too fast to be genuine? It did kind of feel that way, but she didn’t want him to think she was doubting his possibly genuine apology. She slowly unfolded her arms and took the flower as she glanced at it for a few seconds before looking up at him. “ Thank you. ” She let out as she glanced back at the flower. “ That’s very considerate. ”

“You’re welcome.” Confusion was written all over her face, and for all Rowan didn’t relate to many emotional responses, he supposed that this one was understandable. “I know it’s like, really sudden and everything, but so is... well, all of this. We might have lost two-thirds of our town but the possibility of anything happening to me-- well, to all of us-- never really occurred to me until recently. That sort of thing can make a person consider what kind of regrets they might have.” He smiled a little at her again. “If it’s okay with you, I’m gonna try and, you know, treat you more like an actual person. Girls like flowers, right?” It was almost easy to see how he’d managed to charm his way through life when he wanted to. None of it seemed rehearsed; the genuineness of his words, the remorse in his tone, how he anxiously glanced between her and the ground as though afraid to look at her. Finally, he gestured back the way they had walked. “I know we’re sleeping in the same house, but I’m planning on stopping at my parents’ place to use the gym. Can I walk you back?”

Charlotte wasn’t really sure if she had any control left here, after all, she was one of the few who’d even considered doing research. But that was probably it. She couldn’t even stay in her own home anymore, she had to follow the rules made by people who didn’t even know what they were doing. It was truly one of the worst-case scenarios altogether of how life could end up going. “ I get what you’re saying, and I want to believe that this is you actually opening up to me, but I don’t know. ” She admitted. “ I don’t trust you. ” Charlotte wasn’t sure whether it was the right thing to say – if he’d really just opened up to her, she might’ve ruined that. She just couldn’t just pretend like te last six to seven years hadn’t happened. “ I would consider an apology. ” She really would. Normally, she wouldn’t even think about letting someone hurt her like that and just apologise and move on. This was different though. This was all they had. “ But I’m going to need a whole lot more than words. Actions always speak louder. ”

“Yeah, I get that. I wouldn’t trust me either.” He offered her a smile, hoping that he could charm her into changing her mind. “Like I said, I wouldn’t expect you to forgive me. It’s too much to ask, even for me.” Had she ever thought this might happen? Had she wishfully imagined it? Part of him hoped so; if she really wanted to believe him, someday she could. Still, Rowan wasn’t stupid nor was he as naive as he seemed. He knew perfectly well that it would take a little time to get Charlotte to believe or trust him. “Considering it is all I’m asking you to do.” He pulled his gaze from her then, glancing down as he opened up his jacket and reached inside to pull something from his inner pocket -- a pale pink rose, a little crushed from being inside his jacket for a couple of hours after he’d used a kitchen knife to sever it from a bush, but beautiful nonetheless. He pinched the bud gently to get the petals back into shape before he extended his hand, holding the flower out to her. “I know it’s not a lot, but I thought it could be, like, a token of apology.” He let out a breath. “I’m sorry.”

To say her suspicions left right then and there would be a complete lie, but the part of her that felt so strongly for others took the lead. Either he was a phenomenal actor, or this place had broken him. Knowing – or at least considering what his lifestyle might have been like, Charlotte could imagine that a place like this could break someone like Rowan. Maybe not so much into some sort of existential crisis, but doubting who would even care, or fearing what horrifying thing might happen next was definitely something she could imagine for him. “ That’s life, isn’t it? ” She let out before she pressed her lips together. “ We don’t have control over anything in the end. ” That was probably the part that scared her the most, not being able to control anything that happened. In school she could at least control her grades, she could control how she behaved. But now, the rules had disappeared and the rules that usually applied, the control that had always been there – it had all gone out of the window. “ It’s okay if it scares you – it would be worse if it didn’t scare you. ”

He nodded slowly. She understood him the way he wanted her to, and there was a strange sort of thrill to it. “Yeah. I’ve always had control, though -- or I did before. I don’t here.” That much was completely true, at least. Rowan sighed softly and kept his gaze downcast, merely humming in agreement with Charlotte’s words. He wondered if she was scared by it all; she had certainly sounded so when she and Eleanor had discovered the fire. “If something like that happened... I don’t know. I don’t want to do the whole ‘face your mortality’ thing, but if everything ended here, I wouldn’t want it to be like that. I wouldn’t want to be surrounded by people who hate me, and it’s not like I can leave.” Reaching up to place a hand on the nape of his neck, he rubbed at it a little, appearing restless. “I know there’s no way you’d forgive me for all the shit I’ve done to you, and I don’t expect you to. I just... want things to be better than they are.” He looked at her then, eyes seeking hers. “Would you consider letting me apologize to you?”

Charlotte nodded at his answer, not really sure what exactly he was aiming for. As he came to a stop and turned towards her, Charlotte followed his lead and faced him. His sudden change in posture made her slightly suspicious. She’d never seen him like this – why would he suddenly open up to her? Out of nowhere. Sure, if he really didn’t have anyone, he would have to start with someone. But still – her question of why she was the person to talk to was as relevant now as it was before. His words, saying how he didn’t think anyone would miss him, nor care stuck with her. She’d felt like that. Not just after the disappearance of everyone they knew and love. All throughout high school and even college part of her had felt like no one would truly miss her, like no one would truly care. “ You’ve gone out of your way to piss me off and upset me. ” Charlotte repeated as a small huff left her lips. “ More like you made sure my entire time in high school I barely had friends. Because of you, I spent most my time spending the lunch break in the library. Because of you, I felt like shit nearly every single school day. You didn’t just piss me off or upset me, you made sure I would much rather forget about my life then than relive another day. ” 

Memories of their shared time in high school almost made him break. What she remembered as a hellish few years was the opposite to him; in school, he’d been on top of the world and everyone had known it. “I know.” Still, he maintained his composure, glancing up at her occasionally as she spoke but never fully looking at her. “I did do all of that. It was... really selfish of me.” Try as he might, Rowan couldn’t put himself in her shoes, couldn’t envision what she had felt. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. After the fire... well. Anything could happen. Someone could start another fire and burn us all down. We could all disappear so easily.” He closed his eyes then, his brow furrowed as if in stress. When he spoke again, his voice shook ever so slightly. “That everything could go away like that... it scares me.”

At least his answer didn’t seem too rehearsed or fake. She was just there at the right time in the right place, which seemed like a solid answer. Charlotte had to admit that she’d been speaking to several people in this place she never would’ve talked to if they hadn’t been there at that time either. That didn’t mean Charlotte was just willing to believe every single word that came out of his mouth. “ And what exactly did I say that was right? ” She wondered out loud as she glanced at the guy walking beside her. He seemed somewhat different. Maybe it was the fact that it was literally just the two of them? Maybe it was that he was trying to turn his life around, knowing that they weren’t likely going to get saved any time soon. “ Alright. I’m not promising anything – but go ahead. I’ll listen. ”

“I don’t know, you were talking about how dangerous the fire was or something. I’d already been thinking about it, but something just kinda clicked into place.” Rowan slowly drew to a halt beside Charlotte and turned to face her, and every aspect of his body language whispered benevolence more than it did aggression: his hands shoved into his pockets, arms drawn close to his sides, eyes downcast and hair falling slightly over his eyes. “I’ve been thinking a lot since the whole fire thing the other day. I know I’m lucky in the respect that I’ve never had anyone close to me die, like... not even of sickness or anything. And then I heard you and El screaming about the fire and something just kind of hit me, you know? I’ve never thought about how short life could be or how quickly it could all just... go away.” Rowan took a breath, trembling a little as he exhaled. When he looked at the girl, he appeared nervous, eyes darting around her. “If I died tomorrow, I don’t think there’s anyone left that would miss me, much less care. Especially you. I won’t lie about the fact that I’ve definitely gone out of my way to piss you off and upset you.”

He didn’t exactly come to the point, which made her both more curious and more stressed out about the whole thing. What could he possibly want? She wasn’t just about to forgive him for everything he’d done the past couple of years. Not after some remotely kind words and an invitation for a walk. At least he seemed to realise that himself, promising her he wouldn’t hurt her, which made the invitation just slightly more ominous. “ Fine. ” She let out, arms still shielding her chest, as if that would protect her from anything he’d throw her way. She turned back towards the door, to show him she was ready for the walk. “ Why me though? ” There was no way she was the only one he could talk to about whatever was on his mind. There were more smart people here, there were people he probably liked at least a bit. Why was she the one about to go on a walk with him?

They began at a slow pace, walking side by side from the cafeteria as the sun began to set in the distance. Her question almost made him chuckle -- why me? It was fairly simple. “Honestly? You happened to be in the right place at the right time,” he said, “and you said the right thing, I guess.” There was a moment’s quiet as they walked, the distance between them no more than a foot or so. Close enough that he could speak at a lower volume than usual if anyone else happened to be around, but not so far that she couldn’t hear him. “Look, I’m going to say some things and you won’t believe them, but I have to try.” They were already close to the edge of town, mostly surrounded by unused houses.

Rowan left her feeling somewhat curious, yet didn’t allow her to trust the situation completely. After all, he did spent the majority of their time together either insulting her, or making sure no one wanted to be friends with her. Somehow that still didn’t stop her curiosity from taking over. So a couple hours later, Charlotte found herself walking back into the cafeteria, glancing around as she crossed her arms. Somehow that made her feel a bit more safe – after all, she had no idea what to expect. And knowing Rowan, it wasn’t going to be great. He was either going to make a massive fool out of her, or her was going to play a slow game of making a massive fool out of her. Either way – she wasn’t going to let him have that satisfaction. “ So, why exactly am I here? ” She wondered as she approached Rowan. 

Whatever was going on in the town, one thing remained certain: Rowan hated working. He spent most of his dinner shift that evening deep in thought, not really speaking to the other kitchen helpers unless he had to. Between food prep and serving, he took a short break and left the cafeteria, returning fifteen or so minutes later with something in the pocket of his jacket. He was wearing it again when he left, pleasantly surprised to find her waiting outside and willingly approaching him. “Hi,” he said, offering her a smile. “Look, uh, I know this is sudden, but -- would you mind taking a walk with me? It doesn’t have to be long. I just have a couple of things to say, and I know you don’t trust me, but I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Before she could correct him on his statement, he actually picked up on it himself. She felt bad for being as surprised as she was – something she didn’t actually think she could feel towards Rowan. After all, he did make her feel miserable during her entire time in high school, and pretty much the entire time since they’d been stuck here. “ Yeah – that probably wouldn’t work. Besides, I don’t think we actually have access to a full-on lab other than the science classroom. ” She shrugged. They would probably never find the person behind this, but they could try. It was clear he wasn’t really interested in the possibility of a police state or anything heading in that direction, cause he stood up immediately. She figured he’d leave her at that, and honestly, she really didn’t mind. Though then he basically asked her to hang out, which definitely took her by surprise. “ I – eh… What? What do you want to talk about? ” What could possibly be something he’d want to discuss with her? 

Her expression was startled, and he found that he kind of enjoyed it. Already he felt a little better about being stuck in an isolated town. Smiling slightly down at her as he stood at the side of the table, Rowan merely shrugged. “Guess you’ll have to meet me here after my shift if you really want to know,” he said, and shot her a charming smile before he turned to walk away, emptying both of their trays and placing them on the stack with the rest. Before he left the cafeteria, he glanced over his shoulder at Charlotte again, his mind whirring with possibilities as he left the building and headed out into the unknown.

For some reason – for the first time since they’d met, Rowan agreed with her. Charlotte raised her brows slightly before she furrowed them and narrowed her eyes a bit again. What was he up to? “ I don’t really know too much about it either – but I know it doesn’t start from nothing. So either it was an accident that got out of hand, or we have an arsonist in town. ” To be honest, Rowan wasn’t exactly crossed off her list of possible perpetrators, but she wasn’t about to share that with him. “ Yes – police states are bad. We definitely don’t want that to happen. That would be the guard taking over the entire town. Which is basically what is happening now, except now they still answer to the council. Though at this rate, I don’t even know how long they’ll even be in power. ” 

He nodded, appearing to be thoughtful. “Well, maybe the guard or the researchers or someone can look at the scene now that the fire’s over. They could like, find a used match, and trace it back to the owner like it’s CSI or something.” After a second’s consideration, he shook his head. “Nah. Matches are wooden -- that would have burned up, too.” It was quite possibly the longest he’d ever gone while speaking to Charlotte without insulting her. Rowan leaned back in his seat for a moment to contemplate what she had said. “Huh. Politics.” Without warning, he stood up from their table at the cafeteria and picked up the tray his food had been on; almost as an afterthought, he picked up hers, too. “Hey, uh... I’m working here tonight, making dinner and shit, but are you busy after? There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

“ How exactly do you think fires start? ” Charlotte asked as she narrowed her eyes at him. “ Like I said – there are no electricity cables close enough to start a fire, there was nothing there that even remotely come close to being able to start a fire. ” She let out a deep breath. “ I know you couldn’t care less – and I don’t care about that. I just don’t want someone around this place making things even worse than they already are. ” She shrugged as she glanced back down. “ The council is already going crazy about someone lighting something on fire – it won’t be long until we’ll be living in some kind of police state if people keep going. ”

“Okay, okay, you got me.” Rowan held up his hands in mock surrender, looking directly at her. He’d been kind of bored lately, he thought, and he wasn’t close to anyone in Coldridge. Maybe he could attempt to be nice to Charlotte if it would give him something to do. “I don’t know anything about fires or all that nature shit. You’re right.” He’d never said that to her before, and hoped that it would make him appear sympathetic. “A police state is bad, right?”

“ I just don’t understand why someone would do this. ” Charlotte started as she glanced at the other. “ I mean – it very obviously wasn’t an accident. There were no cables or any signs of electricity nearby. ” She just couldn’t even grasp the idea that someone would do something like this. Luckily, she and Eleanor had just walked out and spotted the fire pretty quickly. Still – much more damage could’ve been done if they hadn’t. “ It’s not like we have a fire department here. This could’ve killed someone. ”

“How do you know someone actually started it?” Rowan hadn’t been much involved in the efforts to put out the fire and find the perpetrator -- which, he supposed, was exactly what was expected of him. “I mean, forest fires are a thing. Unless they found, like, a huge bottle of gasoline there, how can you know that it was started on purpose?” He shrugged, seemingly uncaring. The widespread panic that had resulted after the fire was almost amusing to him considering that he wasn’t bothered by it.

    It was near hysterical to witness how little rowan had grown up after they’d left high school, kota had figured that teenage antics had been left behind when they’d stepped out of those school doors for the last time years ago. apparently rowan hadn’t received that memo, still going by on that same bland personality he’d had back then. “still easily riled up then,” kota grinned, seizing rowan up. he was still taller by a few inches, then again that had never stopped kota in high school from getting in a few good punches. “oh, so you’ve been watching me, huh? always knew you’d had a thing for me. don’t worry your secret’s safe with me, rowan.” Taunting him was the last option kota should’ve gone for, but when it came to the dickhead in front of him kota had never chosen to walk away. any time rowan opened his mouth kota’s entire being was insulted and he just couldn’t let that slide by. his grandma constantly warned him, multiple house arrests proof of the evidence he’d never listened to her when it came to his nemesis. “spoken like someone who hasn’t gotten any in awhile. how long has it been, rowan? or do you just scare everyone off? need your dick sucked? i’m sure some poor soul is willing to sacrifice themselves. don’t know if they can handle the humiliation though.” scoffing kota crossed his arms in front of him, ready to walk away from this mess. he had better things to focus on, like finding that ‘mr. handsome’. “go fetch yourself a new drink, you’ve got legs, the table is over there. it’s not that difficult, you just take one step and then another and before you know it, you’re at the drinks table.”

Rowan raised one eyebrow, seemingly unaffected by Dakota’s words. Of course, that was only on the surface -- inside, he burned with anger, hating even the slightest flicker of an implication that he wasn’t in control of the situation. “Please,” he scoffed. “I can assure you that if I swung even remotely in your direction, I’d have much higher standards than you. Can’t help but notice that you’re the one who brought it up, though. Is there something you wanted to tell me?” He knew that there would likely be repercussions from their newfound council when it came to fights, but that wasn’t even on his mind. Being around Dakota made him feel like he was back in high school, which had indisputably been his domain; he’d never shied away from the other then, and he didn’t plan to start doing so now. Not when this was the most fun he’d had in literal weeks.

“I’d ask why you care so much about what I do and who I do it with, but I actually don’t want to know the answer,” he said, an arrogant smile on his face. “Jesus, Dakota. Not everyone lives in the narrow little world you do. Have you forgotten that I can actually afford to travel and meet interesting people? Now isn’t the time for me to go on about French girls, but those poor souls you refer to tend to thank me for the privilege.” Admittedly, the thought of getting with another person hadn’t even occurred to him since being back in Coldridge. It wasn’t like he considered anyone there interesting enough for him. “Is that all you’ve got, anyway? You think you’re taunting me by pointing out that I’d never sleep with you? Maybe I’m easily riled up, but you’re the one who’s still standing there and asking for a punch in the face because it’s the closest thing to attention you’ll get.” Quiet fell for a brief second before he opted to make good on his subtle promise; his hand curled into a fist and he took a step closer to Dakota before his arm moved, elbow pointing back before his knuckles made contact with the side of the other’s throat.

early mornings had become jessica’s routine ever since she moved out of town for college. she’d probably lost count of the number of classes she had that started at 7 in the morning. with that, she was the first one to arrive at the kitchen, getting to work straight away. learning to cook and loving the activity was one of the first things she did after moving away. the kitchen began filling up with people– rowan being one of them. she coughed back a laugh upon seeing the obvious disdain on his face. “ well hello to you too, sunshine , ” she chirped, passing him a hairnet and apron instead of answering his question. “ we’re actually on pancake duty. they’ve got scrambled eggs covered over there . ” the girl pointed at the big bowl of pancake batter she was mixing as he came in. 

"Why is this happening to me?” Rowan groaned as he took the proffered garments from Jessica, pulling only the apron on and stuffing the hairnet into the front pocket of it. Much as he loathed the current situation, he knew that work had to be done, and he didn’t want to draw any more attention to himself than necessary -- after all, at least half of the people left in Coldridge seemed to think that he was the worst person in the world. Outrageous, in his opinion. He’d never done anything wrong. Rowan frowned as he followed after Jessica, his eyes falling on the bowl of batter. “That looks gross and messy,” he whined, but picked up a ladle nonetheless. “At least pancakes can’t be that hard. I’ve made them before.” Twice, to be precise, but it hadn’t been disastrous. He soon became involved with pouring batter onto the griddle and watching as it solidified into a pancake ready to be flipped. “How’ve you been, anyway?”

That worldview had rapidly begun to crash down when he’d returned to his hometown for a visit and found himself unable to leave. Sitting cross-legged in the Richards’ backyard with a cigarette in hand and smoke billowing about his face felt like the lowest he’d ever been; Rowan had always had everything, and now it felt like he had nothing. As vapid as his modeling work seemed, he’d worked hard, and now none of it mattered. Being prom king all those years ago didn’t matter. It was hard to say that Rowan actually missed his family because it wasn’t exactly true -- he’d never really liked other people, but rather, he liked what they gave him. His parents provided an upper-class lifestyle and the ability and means to do just about whatever he wanted, still receiving continuous praise for his achievements. In that same vein, he hadn’t truly had friends in LA; he had associates and plenty of them, but it would be a lie to say that he actually enjoyed their company. Coldridge was even worse. The closest thing he had to a friend there was Jessica, and though they’d run in the same circles in school and had been decent to one another since they’d come back, it wasn’t like he actively liked her. He couldn’t think of anyone he actually genuinely liked.

What was the point of anything, then?

Rowan let out an irked sigh and turned his gaze skywards, trying to decipher what his own thoughts meant. There was nothing in Coldridge for him, and it seemed like most of the people left stuck there with him disliked everything about him. He maintained that a lot of them were likely jealous of his success; even the ones who treated him with respect or admiration didn’t exactly pull his favor. What was the point of staying there when he had nothing? Rowan attempted to search his memories for moments in his life when he’d actually thought himself to be happy; most of them centered around his work, getting to see his face on front covers, being granted access to prestigious events, and honestly, getting to hook up with model girls was pretty gratifying. None of that existed any more, and before that, the only things he could think of were related to the girls he’d broken up with during his time in high school and college. Most people might have been reluctant to end relationships, but Rowan had found it rather amusing, and more than anything, making them cry and shout at him had made him feel powerful. He’d been able to evoke the strongest and most damaging emotions in them. How could he think of himself as equal to them when he could affect them so? Nobody had ever been able to do that to him.

His mind wandered through these deductions as he smoked, twirling his lighter in his free hand. He had no power any more. People his own age -- and even fucking younger than him -- apparently got to decide where he slept, what he ate, and what he did with his time. Just thinking about it filled him with annoyance and something close to anger. Flicking the lighter in his hand a little too aggressively caused him to drop the object, which landed on a couple of dry leaves on the ground; Rowan stepped on them instinctively to quash the thin wisp of smoke that rose from them, and as he did so, something terrible occurred to him. He wanted his power back, Coldridge be damned, and without planning to do so, he stood up and started to walk. It wasn’t like anyone would notice his not being there, after all.

His journey through the town resulted in more of the same. He saw plenty of other people but spoke to none of them, and none of them went out of their way to say anything to him. It felt like no time at all had passed before he reached the outskirts of town, eyes sweeping over the woods that encircled the place. Rowan had always hated them. Cities, he liked, and boats he liked even more. There was freedom associated with both of them and small towns felt like prisons. As far as he knew, he was completely alone, not another soul within a mile radius.

It hadn’t rained in days. Stooping to pick up a handful of leaves, Rowan crushed them in his hand until they crumbled, dried out and dead. Not enough.

A fallen branch caught his attention, and he reached for it without hesitation. A mere few months ago he would have freaked out at the idea of touching something so dirty, but now he continued to feel nothing even as he stood up straight with the stick between his palm and his fingers. Rowan fumbled in his pocket for his lighter and lit the end of the branch furthest away from himself, watching with fascination as it caught quickly, flames licking the bark and spreading quickly to the smaller twigs that branched out along its length. For a moment, Rowan simply held the burning branch, looking on as it lit up; realizing that the flames were creeping closer to his hand caused him to let go of it, throwing it to the ground with more force than necessary. There it fell into a heap of dried leaves. Perfect tinder and he hadn’t even planned it. The fire spread quickly to the leaves and to another few twigs on the ground, rapidly growing in size; if Rowan had a mirror, he might have been intrigued by the way the fire reflected in his eyes, but the only thing on his mind was that this was the happiest he’d felt in weeks. Nobody was close enough to see the fire, but as it slowly began to increase in size, so did the smoke rising from it until it was high enough that it may have been visible from a distance. Watching the wood and leaves curl up as they burned away sent a thrill running through him that felt just like the power he’d missed so badly. A small smile tugged his lips upward as he looked on, lingering until it occurred to him that someone would likely find him there if the fire continued to grow, and he didn’t want to deal with punishment and having anything else taken away from him. Turning around, Rowan started to walk back a different route he’d taken on his way there, looking back only to smile when he saw flickers of orange between the trees.