Rogue Wandering

Taken from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D. A summary of the tips the book hands you on how to recognize emotionally healthy people.

They’re realistic and reliable

They work with reality rather than fighting it. They see problems and try to fix them, instead of overreacting with a fixation on how things should be.

They can feel and think at the same time. The ability to think even when upset makes an emotionally mature person someone you can reason with. They don’t lose their ability to see another perspective just because they aren’t getting what they want.

Their consistency makes them reliable. Because they have an integrated sense of self, they usually won’t surprise you with unexpected inconsistencies.

They don’t take everything personally. They can laugh at themselves and their foibles. They’re realistic enough to not feel unloved just because you made a mistake.

They’re respectful and reciprocal

They respect your boundaries. They’re looking for connection and closeness, not intrusion, control or enmeshment. They respect your individuality and that others have the final say on what their motivations are. They may tell you how they feel about what you did, but they don’t pretend to know you better than you know yourself.

They give back. They don’t like taking advantage of people, nor do they like the feeling of being used.

They are flexible and compromise well. Because collaborative, mature people don’t have an agenda to win at all costs, you won’t feel like you’re being taken advantage of. Compromise doesn’t mean mutual sacrifice; it means a mutual balancing of desires. They care about how you feel and don’t want to leave you feeling unsatisfied.

They’re even-tempered. They don’t sulk or pout for long periods of time or make you walk on eggshells. When angered, they will usually tell you what’s wrong and ask you to do things differently. They’re willing to take the initiative to bring conflict to a close.

They are willing to be influenced. They don’t feel threatened when other people see things differently, nor are they afraid of seeming weak if they don’t know something. They may not agree, but they’ll try to understand your point of view.

They’re truthful. They understand why you’re upset if they lie or give you a false impression.

They apologize and make amends. They want to be responsible for their own behavior and are willing to apologize when needed.

They’re responsive

Their empathy makes you feel safe. Along with self-awareness, empathy is the soul of emotional intelligence.

They make you feel seen and understood. Their behavior reflects their desire to really get to know you, rather than looking for you to mirror them. They aren’t afraid of your emotions and don’t tell you that you should be feeling some other way.

They like to comfort and be comforted. They are sympathetic and know how crucial friendly support can be.

They reflect on their actions and try to change. They clearly understand how people affect each other emotionally. They take you seriously if you tell them about a behavior of theirs that makes you uncomfortable. They’ll remain aware of the issue and demonstrate follow-through in their attempts to change.

They can laugh and be playful. Laughter is a form of egalitarian play between people and reflects an ability to relinquish control and follow someone else’s lead.

They’re enjoyable to be around. They aren’t always happy, but for the most part they seem able to generate their own good feelings and enjoy life.

Photo by Emily Bogle/NPR

Francisco Cantú’s dreamlike – often nightmarish – memoir of his time in the Border Patrol mixes brutal personal reminiscences with detached academic interludes that offer the reader some welcome distance.

Read Genevieve’s full review here.

I mean

The guy next to them is even looking on in horror as if they’re describing a grisly child murder instead of figure skating.

“omg Marcia Clark, when asked about men now being afraid to work with women: “Oh boo fucking hooo.. My heart is breaking.. Learn what it’s like to have to mince your words, worry about offending. We’ve done it for 1,000 years: #MAKERSConference2018″

7 Films About Legendary Black Women that You Should Watch

“Black women have a long history of being involved within the film industry, whether it be as actresses, writers, producers, directors, or the myriad other roles that goes into successfully making a film. Despite this, it has taken a long time for us to have movies that focus on our stories—particularly ones that recognize the historical influence of real-life Black women.

With the success of Ava DuVernay’s historical biopic Selma, we thought it important to showcase a few documentaries and biopics about legendary Black women that you should also watch.”

Check out the list here

How one woman found her calling in failure

The Chinese Garden (1962) by Rosemary Manning

“In a girls’ boarding school in the late 1920s, a world of iron-willed authority, frigid rooms, and forbidden friendships, sixteen-year-old Rachel struggles to find a place for herself. When a rebellious student introduces her to a mystical, secret part of the grounds, the ‘Chinese garden,’ Rachel becomes torn between this hidden world of sensuality and pleasure and the formidable, controlling headmistress who inspires Rachel’s intellectual growth.”

Miss Pym Disposes (1948) by Josephine Tey

“Miss Lucy Pym, a popular English psychologist, is guest lecturer at a physical training college. The year’s term is nearly over, and Miss Pym–inquisitive and observant–detects a furtiveness in the behavior of one student during a final exam. She prevents the girl from cheating by destroying her crib notes. But Miss Pym’s cover-up of one crime precipitates another–a fatal ‘accident’ that only her psychological theories can prove was really murder.”

Olivia (1949) by Olivia (aka Dorothy Strachey)

“Olivia is sixteen years old when she goes to Les Avons, a finishing school near Paris, run by two Mademoiselles. It is a place of few rules, of laughter and lively conversation–a welcome surprise for a reserved young English girl. But the gaiety and freedom of Les Avons is only surface deep and emotional liaisons and jealousies form the hidden curriculum. Very quickly Olivia too is caught up in its spell, overwhelmed by her increasing infatuation with Mademoiselle Julie. Here she describes the powerful allegiances and repressed desires which smoulder at this secluded school, and the intensity and desperation of adolescent love.”

Regiment of Women (1917) by Clemence Dane

“In a small English town, just before the Great War, battle rages over Alwynne Durand, an appealing but dangerously inexperienced young teacher. Two women struggle to win her love and loyalty: Elsbeth, her fiercely protective aunt, and the formidable Clare Hartill. A brilliantly charismatic teacher, feverishly adored, Clare’s power is great–her abuse of it greater. Greedy for love, but incapable of returning it, she compulsively destroys the affections of those she most needs.”

The Small Room (1961) by May Sarton

“Anxiously embarking on her first teaching job, Lucy Winter arrives at a New England women’s college and shortly finds herself in the thick of a crisis: she has discovered a dishonest act committed by a brilliant student who is the protegée of a powerful faculty member. How the central characters–students and teachers–react to the crisis, and what effect the scandal has on their personal and professional lives, are the central motifs of May Sarton’s sensitive, probing novel.”

Frost in May (1933) by Antonia White

“The Convent of the Five Wounds, where Nanda Grey is sent when she is nine, is on the edge of London–but in 1908 it is a world unto itself. For the young girls receiving a Catholic education behind its walls, religion is a nationality, conformity an entire way of life. In this intense, troubled atmosphere, passionate friendships are the only deviation. Nanda is thirteen, a normal, quick-witted, spirited girl, when, catastrophically, she breaks the rules and pays too large a price for her transgression.”

The Getting of Wisdom (1910) by Henry Handel Richardson (aka Ethel Richardson)

Recent works I’ve read that fit this bill are:

Carol Goodman, The Lake of Dead Languages

The first confirmed discovery of a planet beyond our Solar System (aka. an Extrasolar Planet) was a groundbreaking event. And while the initial discoveries were made using only ground-based observatories, and were therefore few and far between, the study of exoplanets has grown considerably with the deployment of space-based telescopes like the Kepler space telescope.

As of February 1st, 2018, 3,728 planets have been confirmed in 2,794 systems, with 622 systems having more than one planet. But now, thanks to a new study by a team of astrophysicists from the University of Oklahoma, the first planets beyond our galaxy have been discovered! Using a technique predicting by Einstein’s Theory of General Relativity, this team found evidence of planets in a galaxy roughly 3.8 billion light years away.