Too busy running from the feds to drabble? Life of crime getting in the way of your art? We get it.
For the final lap, instead of adding a bonus day this time around, weāre happy to announce that we will allow #RoDAW submissions until Wednesday,Ā August 25th!
We invite those who didnāt get a chance to participate this week or those who just want to participate again to join us. As always, anyone and everyone is welcome to participate! Whether it be fan fiction, art, moodboards, shitposts āĀ weāre accepting anything you wanted to create or share for #RoDAW but couldnāt.
Remember to tag your content withĀ #RoDAWĀ and tag this blog! If we donāt reblog your post within 24 hours, feel free to shoot one of the mods a message, and weāll get on it.
Lastly, we invite you to join us on Thursday, August 26th for send-off discord server where we will reminisce about Ride or Die as a book and the past RoDAW events as a whole! Weāll release the invite link on the date.
We hope youāll ride again with us one last time.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
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Thank you to everyone to helped us celebrate Ride or Die, for the third and final lap! Between all the art and fics and edits and everything in between and beyond, you all made this appreciation week so fun, nostalgic, and such a success.
All winners have been contacted. Please help us congratulate them!
Fanfic Winner: @zaffrenotesā
Fanart Winner: @blackcatkita
Edits & Aesthetics Winner: @rideordiechronicles
Miscellaneous Categories Winner: @mpctroublemaker
Time Capsule Winner: @realmswalker (who has shared the prize with @siennamain !)
Were you working on something this week that just...wasnāt ready in time? We would like to see it!! (A picture you sourced for a partially finished moodboard, a snippet of fic, a detail from your art, a song from an unfinished playlist. Anything!)
Too busy running from the feds to drabble? Life of crime getting in the way of your art? We get it.
For the final lap, instead of adding a bonus day this time around, weāre happy to announce that we will allow #RoDAW submissions until Wednesday,Ā August 25th!
We invite those who didnāt get a chance to participate this week or those who just want to participate again to join us. As always, anyone and everyone is welcome to participate! Whether it be fan fiction, art, moodboards, shitposts āĀ weāre accepting anything you wanted to create or share for #RoDAW but couldnāt.
Remember to tag your content withĀ #RoDAWĀ and tag this blog! If we donāt reblog your post within 24 hours, feel free to shoot one of the mods a message, and weāll get on it.
Lastly, we invite you to join us on Thursday, August 26th for send-off discord server where we will reminisce about Ride or Die as a book and the past RoDAW events as a whole! Weāll release the invite link on the date.
We hope youāll ride again with us one last time.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Pairing: Logan x MC (Ellie Whitnall); Colt x MC (past, mentioned)
Book: Ride or Die (~27 years later)
Word Count: ~1800
Rating: PG-13 (innuendo)
Summary: Taking a leap - together.
Authorās Note: Written for @rodappreciationweek. Decided to take advantage of the extended posting window for a little follow up/epilogue to my two previous pieces submitted this go around - āSliding Inā that was written from Loganās perspective and āThen and Nowā from Ellieās perspective in this same general time frame. This piece is also from Ellieās perspective, so it probably functions more as an MC Day post, but it focuses a lot on her budding romance with Logan in their mid 40s, so he is heavily featured as well. Thanks so much to the RODAW team for hosting!
āWhere are you taking me, Troublemaker?ā
Ellie glanced over at the passenger seat, smiling as Logan scanned the passing landscape. āI told you, itās a surprise.ā
The traffic around LA had, as always, been a nightmare. But now that they were far enough southwest and on the I-15, she was able to open things up a bit, actually get a little bit of speed. Not as much as she would like, of course. That wouldnāt come until the last stretch of the drive. But it wasnāt the stop and go, heavy traffic that plagued the freeways of LA itself.
Authorās note: Back in March, @playchoicespodcastāā made this suggestion about a Colt x Logan and I wrote this piece. It took me forever, given how confident I feel about writing Colt and mlm pairings, but I finished it. This is my last work to @rodappreciationweekāā extended submissions. Thank you all for hosting it one last time. Btw, If I missed the deadline, you can totally ignore it. [Leading characters are owned by Pixelberry Studios and original characters are creations of this author]
Book: Ride Or Die
Pairing: Colt Kaneko x Logan
Rating: E
Word count: 1705
Reading time: ~7min
Summary: Two years have passed, yet Colt canāt stop thinking about opportunities he missed in the past.
July 2021
Colt stretches his arms on the bed, then crosses them behind his head and looks out the window. As the moonlight seeps through the curtains when the wind blows, he heaves a sigh. Only a handful of things bring him as much pleasure as basking in the afterglow, but when itās combined to a calm night, thereās nothing like it.
His eyes dart to the random girl he hooked up with as she shifts to the side and places one of her hands over his torso. He looks down at the large hand, then at her. Despite the manicured nails and properly moisturized palms, it has some small scars and calluses. Her long fingers move and down slowly, making Colt remember a different time when a hand like hers rested on his chest.
It's the last day for @rodappreciationweek well, the extension anyway and because of something that happened this morning, I'm feeling... free and celebratory.
So, I have decided to share something made for the next chapter of Second Chances made by the incredibly talented @annasassiart (a long ass time ago)
Here you have it, my dears, Logan and Ellie's reunion. I would tag y'all but I'm on my phone, in my car, waiting for food.
Itās the last hurrah for the extended @rodappreciationweek and as I was still unable to complete the fic I was writing on time š„ŗ, I thought Iād share this instead as my little contribution for the finale. āļøā¤ļøāš„
(Dang it, I forgot to write āfor a momentā ahssjdkdldl)
[RoD] Pixel Person MPC Tutorial - Part 1 - Supplies
I intended to just share the patterns for the Pixel People version of the RoD characters for @rodappreciationweek but a few folks expressed interest in more detailed instructions, so I spent entirely too much time writing up a How To guide because I'm a nerd. and a craft nerd. and then realized it was way too much information for one video, so I split it into 3 parts.
Part 1 will go over supplies, and includes the patterns, with a color chart. Part 2 will show you how I stitch one of the pixel people, and Part 3 will go over how to finish your project to display and/or wear.
First off, here's the shopping list to start things off - feel free to save this to your phone so you can refer to it when looking for stuff online/in person at your local craft store. JoAnn's will have 99% of the list, Michael's will have maybe 80%, and anything you can't find in person you can order online - while Amazon carries nearly all of these things, I highly recommend 123stitch.com as a specialized store. They carry an insane amount of inventory and they ship orders fast.
FABRIC
Aida (pronounced "eye-duh," "eye-ee-duh," or "ay-duh") is the fabric most commonly associated with cross stitching, especially for beginners. It's a stiff, gridded fabric with evenly spaced holes to pass the needle through. It's easiest to find in white, but it comes in other colors, and it's sold in a variety of "counts," which refers to the number of stitches in an inch. 11 or 14 count is good for beginners, 16 count or higher is good to include a lot of detail in a smaller workspace. DMC, Charles Craft, and Sensations are good brands.
Cotton is another option if you don't like the appearance of Aida. This can be any solid or patterned design you like, but aim for a quilting weight if this is your first time stitching. Something like cotton jersey would have too much stretch. Kona Cotton has a nice weave, but nearly anything in the quilting cotton section will work.
Linen is a third option, and the material I personally like to use for hand embroidery. It can have a very open weave or a tighter weave closer to cotton, and often includes "imperfections" where some of the threads are thick in spots, adding a textured feel to the material.
If you decide to stitch on cotton, linen, or a finished product like a sweatshirt or cloth napkin, you'll want to add Waste Canvas to your list. It looks similar to Aida cloth with the grid pattern, but you lay it over your fabric and use it as a template to create the same even stitching as you'd get with Aida. You can then remove it by dampening the work area and pulling the waste canvas threads out one by one; if it's a soluble version, you can submerge the finished piece in warm water to 10-20 minutes and the canvas will dissolve into the water. DMC and Charles Craft are good brands.
Additionally, for any cross stitch done on something that will be worn/washed with regular use (clothing, towels, napkins, etc.) you'll want to get Fusible Interfacing that will protect that backside of the material and aid in locking the stitches in place. It's sold on bolts in JoAnn's, typically near the cutting station in most of their stores. It looks like tissue paper, where one side is smooth and the other side is bumpy/textured. The bumps are glue that gets activated with a combination of heat and water (you will need an iron for this). You won't need much; a 1/4 yard strip would be more than enough. You just need enough to cover the stitched area of your finished piece. Pellon brand in P44 is something I use for all kinds of sewing projects. Do yourself a favor and find the discount/scrap bin near the cutting station or search the pre-cut fat quarters in the quilting aisle and pick something white/light colored to use as a pressing cloth.
EMBROIDERY HOOP/FRAME FOR STITCHING
Aida is generally pretty stiff on its own not to need a frame, but a hoop/frame is nice to use to keep the oils on your fingers from getting into the fabric (and it's nice to be able to hold something for a large pattern). Cotton and linen are too soft/flexible to stitch on their own, especially if you want tight and even stitches, so you'll definitely want a hoop in that case.
Hoops can either be wood, plastic, or sometimes metal. I prefer using wood, but feel free to get whatever you like. Anything larger than an 8" hoop will be cumbersome to hold in your hand, but aim for a hoop that gives you extra space outside of the dimensions of your pattern. For example, one pixel person on 14-count Aida will measure about 3/4 inch x 2.25 inches; one person on 8-count will measure 1 inch x 4 inches. If you're stitching the whole crew, an 8" hoop should be fine.
If you plan to display your finished piece in a hoop, pick up more than one - one to display, the other to use for stitching.
If you really get into cross stitch, something like a Q-snap frame will be kinder to your fabric while you work. Q-snaps are plastic tubes that form either a square or rectangular frame, and come with clamps to hold fabric in place. You can then roll the clamp to tighten the fabric if it loses tension while you stitch, versus pulling the fabric in a hoop to readjust tension, which can sometimes warp the stitches. Q-snaps are more expensive than hoops though. In the photo I have pieces of felt that I layer over the fabric, to give the clamps more of a grip and to protect the fabric.
SCISSORS
Pretty self-explanatory - you want a large-ish pair to cut and trim your fabric, waste canvas, and/or interfacing to size. They can be fancy dressmaker shears or utility scissors; just make sure they're nice and sharp.
You'll also want a smaller pair of embroidery/needlework snips to trim thread. Nail scissors would also work. PS - decorative snips are very cute and if you're like me you'll want to collect them just for fun, lol
EMBROIDERY FLOSS AND NEEDLES
Embroidery Floss - DMC and Anchor are the brands easiest to find in stores. I prefer DMC due to the wide variety of colors, and colorfastness even after years of use. You'll want the standard 6-strand skeins from either brand for cross stitch; don't mess with the corded perle cotton (I know they're pretty, but we want the smoother skeins so we can pull the threads apart later). I suggest going with DMC since not all the colors I used in my patterns have an equivalent shade in Anchor's inventory.
Embroidery and/or Tapestry needles are different from the standard sewing needles you might already have at home in a sewing kit (though sewing needles will come in handy for part of the process too). The eyes on embroidery/tapestry needles are larger to accommodate for multiple threads at once, or even silk ribbons for fancy embroidery work. There are tons of articles online that go into detail about the difference between needle sizes and when to use them, but the main difference is embroidery needles are usually longer and have sharper points to literally stab a hole through fabric; tapestry needles are shorter/thinner and have blunt (but still sharp if you poke your finger) points to go through open weaves. Pick up a pack to have multiple colors of floss threaded while you work; Clover, Bohin, and DMC are all good brands.
(not pictured) Bobbins - Little paper or plastic pieces used to wrap and store excess floss. They're good if you want to organize your floss in a floss box, and for labeling floss if you're working on something with a lot of colors.
[click to enlarge] Above is the chart that tells you all the different colors you'll need to get for each character. If you plan to do multiple characters that use some of the same numbers, it's fine to just pick up one skein of that color; you're only using a small portion of the floss so it will last you a VERY long time š
(I know the image quality sucks, but tumblr maxes out at 10 images per post. This breaks down where each floss color is used, depending on the character/outfit. You can view/download the patterns from my Google drive here to save to your phone or tablet, and use as a reference when stitching.
EXTRAS (FOR FINISHING YOUR STITCHING)
If you're a crafter of many things like me, you might already have some of this stuff in your home. I'll go into more detail on how/when to use these items in Part 3, but add what you need to your supply list to get everything in one go...
Sewing thread and sewing needles - nothing super fancy, just pick a thread in a contrasting color from whatever color your fabric is (e.g. stitching on white Aida? use green or navy thread.)
Chipboard or Mat board - pick up a sheet only if you're going to frame your finished piece in a picture frame where you pull the back out to open it. It's a thick fiber board that looks like cardboard. If you can't find any, the back material of a sketchpad will work, or you can use 2 layers from a cereal box for a less expensive DIY option.
Binder clips - you'll use these to hold fabric in place against the chipboard if you're framing your project in a picture frame.
Cardstock - optional if you plan to display your project in an embroidery hoop or front loading picture frame. You'd glue this to the backside of the hoop and/or layer over the stitched fabric to hide the raw edges.
Clothespins - if you plan to display your project in a hoop, clothespins will help press the fabric to the inner hoop while the glue dries.
Glue - only if you plan to display your project in a hoop. Fabric, tacky, craft, or hot glue; whatever your personal preference is.
PREP THE RED FLOSS
I can't speak for Anchor brand floss, but the red floss colors for DMC brand have a tendency to bleed onto fabric if the threads get wet. It's an annoying and painstaking effort to remove the stain from the fabric without removing color from nearby floss once a piece is already stitched, so I proactively wash my red floss if I plan to stitch on anything other than black fabric.
If you're stitching on Aida, you can probably skip this step since you won't need to wet the fabric. If you're stitching on something that uses waste canvas and the pixel person you're stitching has red in their pattern (Colt's red pants, MC's plaid flannel, MC's tube top, MC's red leather jacket) keep reading.
In a clean cup, add some warm water with a couple drops of dishwashing soap. Remove the paper bands from the floss skein and drop the floss in, soaking all the threads. Gently swirl the water in the cup to work it into the fibers, or carefully use your finger/a chopstick/end of a paintbrush to agitate the water without messing up the floss too much. After a minute or so, dump the water and rinse the floss until you no longer see soap bubbles when you give it a little squeeze. Lay it down on a clean cloth or towel somewhere to air dry.
Get ready for Part 2, where I'll show you how to stitch a mini MPC!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Unsolved Part 4: If Youāre Going Through Hell, Keep On Going (Teagan/MC)
Book: Ride or Die
Pairing: ??
Series Premise: One year ago, their plan to take down Jason Shaw ended unexpectedly: with his murder before their very eyes. Theyāre gathering back in L.A. to reunite and learn the truth ⦠or so they hope.
Catch Up: Unsolved Masterlist
A/N: Happy extended @rodappreciationweekā (thank you so, so much for giving us more time)! This is my MC day entry. Thank you, hosts, for making this such a fun and inclusive event!
A/N #2: Unsolved will have six parts and be from a different characterās POV for the first five. This series will include content warnings for police activity and teenage pregnancy, as well as trigger warnings for gun violence, mild gore, PTSD, imprisonment, character death, and N*FW.
A/N #3: Thank you to @kat-tia801ā for reading this over and talking me down!Ā
RoD MC's childhood moodboard for extended submissions to @rodappreciationweek
We don't know much about RoD MC's childhood or her mother, but I like to think these unanswered questions are opportunities to be creative. So here's my MC's childhood in pictures: Carla was a girl scout until sophomore year in high school, she loves camping and hiking and Riya was always around š
For more info about my RoD MC: Get To Know Carla | RoDAW - MC tag game
Series Summary: After Jin and Logan seemingly part ways for good, she heads to the East Coast to begin a new chapter of her life at Langston. While she forgave Logan for The Lie, she was never ready to let him go, and neither is he. Can they repair their relationship with miles between them?
Pairing: Logan x MC (Jin)
Series Rating/Warnings: 18+; language; series will include ns*w š scenes
Chapter Rating/Warnings: T
Authorās Note: * All main characters belong to Pixelberry, Iām just borrowing them * I had a bonkers idea to write an i-donāt-know-how-many-parts series for @rodappreciationweek that also reflects the Time Capsule challenge * This is an ambitious AU to my Mixtapes Side A & Hidden Track series, where Jin chose Logan. It begins a few months after the canon events in RoD concluded (my Choices math guesstimates July 2018 for this series), and will span roughly 12 years into the future * It will also include prompts from 50 Wordless Ways to Say āI Love Youā and a little literary š„ for kicks * chapter title is from a Cigarettes After Sex track *
Word Count: ±1900 (7 minutes reading time)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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A/N- No warnings I can think of except mild swearing. This took a long time to come out, didn't it? Oh, well, it's here now and I gotta say, I'm moderately happy with how it turned out! I hope you all enjoy Logan's POV and as always, I truly appreciate every like, comment, reblog, and all of you, my dear readers.
Running For You
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Go.
Drive.
The clutch hummed beneath his left foot, the other pressed on the brake. Hand gripping the shift knob, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to breathe through the pain. If he looked at her, even a glance, he wouldnāt be able to leave. And he had to leave- for her. He had to leave.
Just get the hell out of here and drive!
He released the clutch and opened his eyes at the exact moment he hit the gas, and he drove away. Away from the only girl heād ever loved. Away from the only one whoād ever loved him. Away from the foolish fantasy heād allowed himself to believe the last few months.
He knew how this would end from the start; it had been stupid to think otherwise. She was a light in the dark, smart, and beautiful, with an entire world of possibilities just waiting for her. He was a punk high-school drop-out car thief going nowhere but prison or six feet under. He would only bring her down and he wouldnāt let that happen. She deserved more than he could ever give her. She deserved everything, and without him in the picture, she was free to get it.
And so, he drove, only making it a couple of miles from her house before the tears welling in his eyes blurred his vision enough he couldnāt see. How could it hurt so much? He asked himself. How could anything hurt this much? He pulled over and turned off the engine, chest tight and heaving as he struggled to breathe⦠and he cried.
**********
Weeks ticked by with mile markers as he made his way to Detroit. Stops in Phoenix, Lubbock, Plano, Fayetteville, Memphis, and Chicago kept money in his pocket, not that he needed the cash. Heād managed to save quite a bit while working for Kaneko. Too many times heād seen people living by the next payout that might never come, then blowing it all on drugs or gambling or some other complete waste that didnāt get you anywhere but on the street. Or dead if you couldnāt pay your debts. He was a lot of things, but stupid wasnāt one of them.
Still, the money he had stashed wouldnāt last forever, and college towns were full of cocky idiots who didnāt know how to drive the cars mommy and daddy bought them. Rich assholes who were all too eager to lose money they didnāt earn themselves, and Logan was happy to help them part with it. He never stayed long, two days, tops. Just long enough to get a new burner phone and make some money before the Brotherhood or FBI got wind of where he was.
Not a day went by when he didnāt think of Ellie. Heād imagine her riding shotgun, the wind blowing through her hair with the sun kissing her golden skin. The way sheād sing at the top of her lungs even though she couldnāt carry a tune to save her life, then laughing because she knew she couldnāt.
It wasnāt healthy; he knew that.
Only two people knew the situation that heād spoken to since he left: Vaughn and Colt. Their opinions were as conflicting as his own thoughts; go after her and let her go. Vaughn never was one to think things through. Act first and deal with the consequences later, but Logan didnāt have the luxury, not when he had Ellieās future to think about.
Coltās advice was to let her live her life, give it time and heād forget all about her as she would him. Of course, the asshole would say that, like he himself could ever forget her. Maybe he could, but Logan couldnāt. Ellie was more than a memory that would fade over time.
He didnāt want to forget. Didnāt want to forget how perfectly she fit tucked beneath his chin as he held her in his arms, the delicately floral scent of her perfume, or how she would mumble random facts while doing mundane things when she was cramming for a test.
She was a ghost, haunting his every waking thought and a near-constant presence in his dreams.
Heād been in Detroit nearly a month before it became too much to bear and he called her for the first time. If everything had gone according to her plan, sheād be somewhere between LA and Langston- away from her dad and his eavesdropping ears. Not that it mattered. As soon as she said hello, his throat closed up and he couldnāt speak. What would he have even said? What gave him the right to say anything after all heād done?
It took another week to gather up the nerve to call her the second time and by the third, she figured out it was him, even though he never said a word. It went on for months, each call intended to be the last. But as she told him about the classes she was taking, the people she was meeting, leaving the parties Ingrid dragged her to early, he couldnāt stop. Her voice was a drug he didnāt want to quit. An anchor to a life he wished he had. A life with her.
He wanted to tell her everything. About his buddy Zach from back in the day, who went straight when he met his wife. How Zach gave him not only a job at the garage he managed but a place to stay as well. About babysitting Zachās four-year-old son Mason, building forts, and getting play-doh stuck in the carpet. How he had her to thank for taking classes and getting his GED.
Most of all, he wanted to tell her how every night heād look up at the stars and think of her, wondering if she was doing the same. How much he missed her. How he still loved her and always would. How much he regretted leaving her that night and how sorry he was for everything. He was so goddamn sorry.
But he couldnāt. Doing so would only open the door of communication even further, giving her false hope there was a future for them when there wasnāt. The day would come when heād let her go. Let her be free to chase the life she deserved instead of the one where heād only hold her back. Maybe it would be when she finally told him to stop calling or stopped taking his calls altogether. Or maybe he would stop being a damn coward and do the noble thing for once in his life.
Closing the garage for the night, Logan walked across the empty lot to his unimpressive and inconspicuous used car parked beneath the flickering pole-mounted light. He made a mental note to call to get the bulb replaced as soon as he got back to the garage in the morning and slid behind the wheel, letting out a groan even louder than the creaking of the worn seat.
Itād been a long day. Fourteen hours of work, three of them past when everyone else left, to make sure a single momās car was done so she could take her kids to school in the morning. Exhaustion seeped into his every pore as he rolled down the window, hoping the cold night air would keep him from falling asleep on the way back to Zachās place. Glancing up, he saw stars dotting the clear November sky and thought of Ellie like he always did. Like he promised her he would.
Telling himself it was too late to call, and she was probably sleeping already, he took his phone from his pocket and pulled up her contact info.
She answered after the second ring, her voice soft and tired, āLogan? Itās late⦠are you okay?ā She let out a heavy sigh when he didnāt answer. āOf course you wonāt respond. Why would you start now?ā
A sense of foreboding washed over him at her tone. Every other call she was cheerful, excited about school, happy to do all the talking if it meant he kept calling because then at least she knew he was safe- or so sheād said. This call was different, intuition or whatever it was, he could feel it.
Whatās the matter, Troublemaker? He silently asked, as if he didnāt know the answer. What can I do to fix it?
Minutes crept by in silence and he wondered if she hung up before she spoke again. āWhy wonāt you talk to me, Logan? Iā¦ā Her breath hitched like she was holding back tears. āI miss you so much and I⦠I just need to hear your voice. Please?ā
He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned back against the headrest. Throat tight, he willed himself to speak, to tell her everything he needed to say. But, whether it was the fear of breaking down or of what would happen after, he remained silent, his heart breaking as he listened to her sniffles come through the phone.
āI really hope youāre ok⦠but Iām not. Iām not ok. At all.ā She drew in a shaky breath. āEvery day I wake up and wonder if this is the day I find out youāre dead, or locked up, or if Iād even know if you were. If Iād hear from you or not, if youād talk to me when you called or if Iād be sitting there like an idiot talking to someone who canāt even be bothered to say hi.ā
The words tumbled from her lips, getting more and more desperate with each thought she expressed. āI have Ingrid hounding me to go out to pick up guys all the time, this jackass who wonāt take no for an answer in my astronomy class, my advisor told me not to take so many credits but I didnāt listen and now if I donāt ace the exam Iām getting a B+ in creative writing. Iām drowning here, Logan. I thought I could handle it but I canāt.ā
He longed to hold her as her sniffles turned to sobs. In another life, he could see himself there with her, supporting her, and telling her that yes, she could handle it. Maybe if her plan had worked, they could have handed over the brotherhood to the feds, but without that leverage, he didnāt have a leg to stand on. It was just another fantasy. He belonged right where he was, sitting in a rundown parking lot nine hours away, paying for his past and trying to get by the right way.
āI love you, you idiot! Donāt you know that?ā she asked. āI love you so damn much and I donāt care about your past or that youāre on the run or any of it. I care about you, and I know we can face anything as long as weāre together. If you still love me, come to Langston. Wherever you are, whatever youāre doing, it doesnāt matter. There has to be a way, and I know we can figure it out together. Please, Logan, I need you. I canāt do it without you.ā
Her pain was crushing, as was his, wrapping around his chest until it was difficult to breathe. Not wanting her to hear him cry, he clamps his hand over his mouth, inhaling and exhaling hard and fast through his nose.
I canāt do it without you.
Sheād said it to him before, once.
Heād left her to save her from a life of heartache and stayed away to do the same. But, with every word, he realized his decision was only going to keep hurting them both. And what would be the point of that? Some convoluted sense of being noble? Some form of self-hatred because he knew he didnāt deserve someone like Ellie?
You deserve everything you want, Logan.
All I want right now is you.
āOf course I still love you, Ellie,ā he told her, his voice shaky. āBut itās not that simple, baby.ā
Silence met him on the other end.
āEllie? You there?ā he asked.
Pulling the phone from his ear, he stared at the black screen, wet from the tears running down his cheeks. āDamn it,ā he grumbled, tossing the phone onto the passenger seat, the battery having run out after his thirteen-hour workday.
He sat staring out the windshield, listening to a distant siren carried on the wind blowing leaves and trash across the pavement. A parade of ideas and complications ran through his mind for a half hour or more, hoping like hell to find a way for them to be together. Every idea led to the same near impossible conclusion. It wasnāt going to be easy and there was an excellent chance it would end badly, but he couldnāt see any other choice. Unlike Ellie, he really couldnāt do it alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three weeks later found him sitting in his car on a sunny, palm tree-lined street. His heart raced, nausea making his stomach churn as he watched the house across the street, trying to psych himself up to knock on the door. The last time he was here, he had a gun pulled on him and was given ten seconds to leave town. What was to stop the guy from just shooting his ass outright this time? Or locking him up without giving him the chance to explain himself? This might be the dumbest thing heās ever done.
Now or never, he thought as he watched Wheeler walk through the living room to the kitchen through the picture window. Better to do this now while heās enjoying his morning coffee than after he straps his Glock .45 into his shoulder holster.
Guess Iāll see where the road takes me.
One last look at a selfie he and Ellie took while laying in his bed was all the assurance he needed. Getting out of the car, he slipped his phone into his back pocket and resisted the urge to jump up and down a few times before walking up to the house he thought heād never see again.
He took a deep breath and reached up to knock, swallowing down the rising bile in his throat. It took a minute for the door to open, long enough for Logan to worry about his breakfast burrito and orange juice coming up all over the rose bushes Ellieās mom had planted.
Whatever the detective had in mind for a greeting died on his lips at the sight of Logan. Heād aged in the last few months, his hair less pepper and more salt. His eyes, more wrinkled than the last time Logan saw him, drooped slightly at the corners yet were just as shrewd, calculating the scene in front of him, first across Loganās face then up and down the street.
āYouāve got balls, Iāll give you that,ā he said, crossing his arms against his chest. āBut what the hell are you doing on my porch?ā
āI know Iām the last person in the world you want to see, Sir,ā Logan answered, willing his hands to stay put at his sides. āBut I came to ask for your help.ā
Detective Wheeler let out a sound between a scoff and a chuckle. āAnd why would I do that?ā
āBecause I love your daughter more than anything, Sir, and she loves me. I havenāt seen her since I left that night, havenāt even said a word to her, though I have to admit Iāve called her. I needed to know she was ok.ā
Wheelerās eyes narrowed, his expression turning to stone. āOf course sheās ok. Without you turning her life to shit, sheās fine.ā
āSheās not though.ā Logan shook his head. āBeing apart, itās killing us both.ā Frustrated, he looked away and ran his fingers through his hair. āLook, Iām not stupid, ok? I know I donāt deserve Ellie.ā He felt his throat tighten and held back his tears, charging ahead in a last desperate attempt to convince him. āBut I want to. I want to be the kind of man she can be proud to be with. I want to be able to give her everything she deserves. I know I can be that man, but I also know I have shit to answer for. If I have even a chance at a future with her, I need to face my past.ā
His eyes bore into Loganās, looking for any sign of bullshit before letting out a sigh. āSpit it out, kid. What are you doing here?ā
His next words would determine not just his relationship with Ellie, but the rest of his life as well. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, surprised by how calm he felt.