#RoDAW

First off, here's the shopping list to start things off - feel free to save this to your phone so you can refer to it when looking for stuff online/in person at your local craft store. JoAnn's will have 99% of the list, Michael's will have maybe 80%, and anything you can't find in person you can order online - while Amazon carries nearly all of these things, I highly recommend 123stitch.com as a specialized store. They carry an insane amount of inventory and they ship orders fast.

FABRIC

Aida (pronounced "eye-duh," "eye-ee-duh," or "ay-duh") is the fabric most commonly associated with cross stitching, especially for beginners. It's a stiff, gridded fabric with evenly spaced holes to pass the needle through. It's easiest to find in white, but it comes in other colors, and it's sold in a variety of "counts," which refers to the number of stitches in an inch. 11 or 14 count is good for beginners, 16 count or higher is good to include a lot of detail in a smaller workspace. DMC, Charles Craft, and Sensations are good brands.

Cotton is another option if you don't like the appearance of Aida. This can be any solid or patterned design you like, but aim for a quilting weight if this is your first time stitching. Something like cotton jersey would have too much stretch. Kona Cotton has a nice weave, but nearly anything in the quilting cotton section will work.

Linen is a third option, and the material I personally like to use for hand embroidery. It can have a very open weave or a tighter weave closer to cotton, and often includes "imperfections" where some of the threads are thick in spots, adding a textured feel to the material.

If you decide to stitch on cotton, linen, or a finished product like a sweatshirt or cloth napkin, you'll want to add Waste Canvas to your list. It looks similar to Aida cloth with the grid pattern, but you lay it over your fabric and use it as a template to create the same even stitching as you'd get with Aida. You can then remove it by dampening the work area and pulling the waste canvas threads out one by one; if it's a soluble version, you can submerge the finished piece in warm water to 10-20 minutes and the canvas will dissolve into the water. DMC and Charles Craft are good brands.

Additionally, for any cross stitch done on something that will be worn/washed with regular use (clothing, towels, napkins, etc.) you'll want to get Fusible Interfacing that will protect that backside of the material and aid in locking the stitches in place. It's sold on bolts in JoAnn's, typically near the cutting station in most of their stores. It looks like tissue paper, where one side is smooth and the other side is bumpy/textured. The bumps are glue that gets activated with a combination of heat and water (you will need an iron for this). You won't need much; a 1/4 yard strip would be more than enough. You just need enough to cover the stitched area of your finished piece. Pellon brand in P44 is something I use for all kinds of sewing projects. Do yourself a favor and find the discount/scrap bin near the cutting station or search the pre-cut fat quarters in the quilting aisle and pick something white/light colored to use as a pressing cloth.

EMBROIDERY HOOP/FRAME FOR STITCHING

Aida is generally pretty stiff on its own not to need a frame, but a hoop/frame is nice to use to keep the oils on your fingers from getting into the fabric (and it's nice to be able to hold something for a large pattern). Cotton and linen are too soft/flexible to stitch on their own, especially if you want tight and even stitches, so you'll definitely want a hoop in that case.

Hoops can either be wood, plastic, or sometimes metal. I prefer using wood, but feel free to get whatever you like. Anything larger than an 8" hoop will be cumbersome to hold in your hand, but aim for a hoop that gives you extra space outside of the dimensions of your pattern. For example, one pixel person on 14-count Aida will measure about 3/4 inch x 2.25 inches; one person on 8-count will measure 1 inch x 4 inches. If you're stitching the whole crew, an 8" hoop should be fine.

If you plan to display your finished piece in a hoop, pick up more than one - one to display, the other to use for stitching.

If you really get into cross stitch, something like a Q-snap frame will be kinder to your fabric while you work. Q-snaps are plastic tubes that form either a square or rectangular frame, and come with clamps to hold fabric in place. You can then roll the clamp to tighten the fabric if it loses tension while you stitch, versus pulling the fabric in a hoop to readjust tension, which can sometimes warp the stitches. Q-snaps are more expensive than hoops though. In the photo I have pieces of felt that I layer over the fabric, to give the clamps more of a grip and to protect the fabric.

SCISSORS

Pretty self-explanatory - you want a large-ish pair to cut and trim your fabric, waste canvas, and/or interfacing to size. They can be fancy dressmaker shears or utility scissors; just make sure they're nice and sharp.

You'll also want a smaller pair of embroidery/needlework snips to trim thread. Nail scissors would also work. PS - decorative snips are very cute and if you're like me you'll want to collect them just for fun, lol

EMBROIDERY FLOSS AND NEEDLES

Embroidery Floss - DMC and Anchor are the brands easiest to find in stores. I prefer DMC due to the wide variety of colors, and colorfastness even after years of use. You'll want the standard 6-strand skeins from either brand for cross stitch; don't mess with the corded perle cotton (I know they're pretty, but we want the smoother skeins so we can pull the threads apart later). I suggest going with DMC since not all the colors I used in my patterns have an equivalent shade in Anchor's inventory.

Embroidery and/or Tapestry needles are different from the standard sewing needles you might already have at home in a sewing kit (though sewing needles will come in handy for part of the process too). The eyes on embroidery/tapestry needles are larger to accommodate for multiple threads at once, or even silk ribbons for fancy embroidery work. There are tons of articles online that go into detail about the difference between needle sizes and when to use them, but the main difference is embroidery needles are usually longer and have sharper points to literally stab a hole through fabric; tapestry needles are shorter/thinner and have blunt (but still sharp if you poke your finger) points to go through open weaves. Pick up a pack to have multiple colors of floss threaded while you work; Clover, Bohin, and DMC are all good brands.

(not pictured) Bobbins - Little paper or plastic pieces used to wrap and store excess floss. They're good if you want to organize your floss in a floss box, and for labeling floss if you're working on something with a lot of colors.

[click to enlarge] Above is the chart that tells you all the different colors you'll need to get for each character. If you plan to do multiple characters that use some of the same numbers, it's fine to just pick up one skein of that color; you're only using a small portion of the floss so it will last you a VERY long time 😅

(I know the image quality sucks, but tumblr maxes out at 10 images per post. This breaks down where each floss color is used, depending on the character/outfit. You can view/download the patterns from my Google drive here to save to your phone or tablet, and use as a reference when stitching.

EXTRAS (FOR FINISHING YOUR STITCHING)

If you're a crafter of many things like me, you might already have some of this stuff in your home. I'll go into more detail on how/when to use these items in Part 3, but add what you need to your supply list to get everything in one go...

Sewing thread and sewing needles - nothing super fancy, just pick a thread in a contrasting color from whatever color your fabric is (e.g. stitching on white Aida? use green or navy thread.)

Chipboard or Mat board - pick up a sheet only if you're going to frame your finished piece in a picture frame where you pull the back out to open it. It's a thick fiber board that looks like cardboard. If you can't find any, the back material of a sketchpad will work, or you can use 2 layers from a cereal box for a less expensive DIY option.

Binder clips - you'll use these to hold fabric in place against the chipboard if you're framing your project in a picture frame.

Cardstock - optional if you plan to display your project in an embroidery hoop or front loading picture frame. You'd glue this to the backside of the hoop and/or layer over the stitched fabric to hide the raw edges.

Clothespins - if you plan to display your project in a hoop, clothespins will help press the fabric to the inner hoop while the glue dries.

Glue - only if you plan to display your project in a hoop. Fabric, tacky, craft, or hot glue; whatever your personal preference is.

PREP THE RED FLOSS

I can't speak for Anchor brand floss, but the red floss colors for DMC brand have a tendency to bleed onto fabric if the threads get wet. It's an annoying and painstaking effort to remove the stain from the fabric without removing color from nearby floss once a piece is already stitched, so I proactively wash my red floss if I plan to stitch on anything other than black fabric.

If you're stitching on Aida, you can probably skip this step since you won't need to wet the fabric. If you're stitching on something that uses waste canvas and the pixel person you're stitching has red in their pattern (Colt's red pants, MC's plaid flannel, MC's tube top, MC's red leather jacket) keep reading.

In a clean cup, add some warm water with a couple drops of dishwashing soap. Remove the paper bands from the floss skein and drop the floss in, soaking all the threads. Gently swirl the water in the cup to work it into the fibers, or carefully use your finger/a chopstick/end of a paintbrush to agitate the water without messing up the floss too much. After a minute or so, dump the water and rinse the floss until you no longer see soap bubbles when you give it a little squeeze. Lay it down on a clean cloth or towel somewhere to air dry.

**********

Weeks ticked by with mile markers as he made his way to Detroit. Stops in Phoenix, Lubbock, Plano, Fayetteville, Memphis, and Chicago kept money in his pocket, not that he needed the cash. He’d managed to save quite a bit while working for Kaneko. Too many times he’d seen people living by the next payout that might never come, then blowing it all on drugs or gambling or some other complete waste that didn’t get you anywhere but on the street. Or dead if you couldn’t pay your debts. He was a lot of things, but stupid wasn’t one of them.

Still, the money he had stashed wouldn’t last forever, and college towns were full of cocky idiots who didn’t know how to drive the cars mommy and daddy bought them. Rich assholes who were all too eager to lose money they didn’t earn themselves, and Logan was happy to help them part with it. He never stayed long, two days, tops. Just long enough to get a new burner phone and make some money before the Brotherhood or FBI got wind of where he was.

Not a day went by when he didn’t think of Ellie. He’d imagine her riding shotgun, the wind blowing through her hair with the sun kissing her golden skin. The way she’d sing at the top of her lungs even though she couldn’t carry a tune to save her life, then laughing because she knew she couldn’t.

It wasn’t healthy; he knew that.

Only two people knew the situation that he’d spoken to since he left: Vaughn and Colt. Their opinions were as conflicting as his own thoughts; go after her and let her go. Vaughn never was one to think things through. Act first and deal with the consequences later, but Logan didn’t have the luxury, not when he had Ellie’s future to think about.

Colt’s advice was to let her live her life, give it time and he’d forget all about her as she would him. Of course, the asshole would say that, like he himself could ever forget her. Maybe he could, but Logan couldn’t. Ellie was more than a memory that would fade over time.

He didn’t want to forget. Didn’t want to forget how perfectly she fit tucked beneath his chin as he held her in his arms, the delicately floral scent of her perfume, or how she would mumble random facts while doing mundane things when she was cramming for a test.

She was a ghost, haunting his every waking thought and a near-constant presence in his dreams.

He’d been in Detroit nearly a month before it became too much to bear and he called her for the first time. If everything had gone according to her plan, she’d be somewhere between LA and Langston- away from her dad and his eavesdropping ears. Not that it mattered. As soon as she said hello, his throat closed up and he couldn’t speak. What would he have even said? What gave him the right to say anything after all he’d done?

It took another week to gather up the nerve to call her the second time and by the third, she figured out it was him, even though he never said a word. It went on for months, each call intended to be the last. But as she told him about the classes she was taking, the people she was meeting, leaving the parties Ingrid dragged her to early, he couldn’t stop. Her voice was a drug he didn’t want to quit. An anchor to a life he wished he had. A life with her.

He wanted to tell her everything. About his buddy Zach from back in the day, who went straight when he met his wife. How Zach gave him not only a job at the garage he managed but a place to stay as well. About babysitting Zach’s four-year-old son Mason, building forts, and getting play-doh stuck in the carpet. How he had her to thank for taking classes and getting his GED.

Most of all, he wanted to tell her how every night he’d look up at the stars and think of her, wondering if she was doing the same. How much he missed her. How he still loved her and always would. How much he regretted leaving her that night and how sorry he was for everything. He was so goddamn sorry.

But he couldn’t. Doing so would only open the door of communication even further, giving her false hope there was a future for them when there wasn’t. The day would come when he’d let her go. Let her be free to chase the life she deserved instead of the one where he’d only hold her back. Maybe it would be when she finally told him to stop calling or stopped taking his calls altogether. Or maybe he would stop being a damn coward and do the noble thing for once in his life.

Closing the garage for the night, Logan walked across the empty lot to his unimpressive and inconspicuous used car parked beneath the flickering pole-mounted light. He made a mental note to call to get the bulb replaced as soon as he got back to the garage in the morning and slid behind the wheel, letting out a groan even louder than the creaking of the worn seat.

It’d been a long day. Fourteen hours of work, three of them past when everyone else left, to make sure a single mom’s car was done so she could take her kids to school in the morning. Exhaustion seeped into his every pore as he rolled down the window, hoping the cold night air would keep him from falling asleep on the way back to Zach’s place. Glancing up, he saw stars dotting the clear November sky and thought of Ellie like he always did. Like he promised her he would.

Telling himself it was too late to call, and she was probably sleeping already, he took his phone from his pocket and pulled up her contact info.

She answered after the second ring, her voice soft and tired, “Logan? It’s late… are you okay?” She let out a heavy sigh when he didn’t answer. “Of course you won’t respond. Why would you start now?”

A sense of foreboding washed over him at her tone. Every other call she was cheerful, excited about school, happy to do all the talking if it meant he kept calling because then at least she knew he was safe- or so she’d said. This call was different, intuition or whatever it was, he could feel it.

What’s the matter, Troublemaker? He silently asked, as if he didn’t know the answer. What can I do to fix it?

Minutes crept by in silence and he wondered if she hung up before she spoke again. “Why won’t you talk to me, Logan? I…” Her breath hitched like she was holding back tears. “I miss you so much and I… I just need to hear your voice. Please?”

He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned back against the headrest. Throat tight, he willed himself to speak, to tell her everything he needed to say. But, whether it was the fear of breaking down or of what would happen after, he remained silent, his heart breaking as he listened to her sniffles come through the phone.

“I really hope you’re ok… but I’m not. I’m not ok. At all.” She drew in a shaky breath. “Every day I wake up and wonder if this is the day I find out you’re dead, or locked up, or if I’d even know if you were. If I’d hear from you or not, if you’d talk to me when you called or if I’d be sitting there like an idiot talking to someone who can’t even be bothered to say hi.”

The words tumbled from her lips, getting more and more desperate with each thought she expressed. “I have Ingrid hounding me to go out to pick up guys all the time, this jackass who won’t take no for an answer in my astronomy class, my advisor told me not to take so many credits but I didn’t listen and now if I don’t ace the exam I’m getting a B+ in creative writing. I’m drowning here, Logan. I thought I could handle it but I can’t.”

He longed to hold her as her sniffles turned to sobs. In another life, he could see himself there with her, supporting her, and telling her that yes, she could handle it. Maybe if her plan had worked, they could have handed over the brotherhood to the feds, but without that leverage, he didn’t have a leg to stand on. It was just another fantasy. He belonged right where he was, sitting in a rundown parking lot nine hours away, paying for his past and trying to get by the right way.

“I love you, you idiot! Don’t you know that?” she asked. “I love you so damn much and I don’t care about your past or that you’re on the run or any of it. I care about you, and I know we can face anything as long as we’re together. If you still love me, come to Langston. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, it doesn’t matter. There has to be a way, and I know we can figure it out together. Please, Logan, I need you. I can’t do it without you.”

Her pain was crushing, as was his, wrapping around his chest until it was difficult to breathe. Not wanting her to hear him cry, he clamps his hand over his mouth, inhaling and exhaling hard and fast through his nose.

I can’t do it without you.

She’d said it to him before, once.

He’d left her to save her from a life of heartache and stayed away to do the same. But, with every word, he realized his decision was only going to keep hurting them both. And what would be the point of that? Some convoluted sense of being noble? Some form of self-hatred because he knew he didn’t deserve someone like Ellie?

You deserve everything you want, Logan.

All I want right now is you.

“Of course I still love you, Ellie,” he told her, his voice shaky. “But it’s not that simple, baby.”

Silence met him on the other end.

“Ellie? You there?” he asked.

Pulling the phone from his ear, he stared at the black screen, wet from the tears running down his cheeks. “Damn it,” he grumbled, tossing the phone onto the passenger seat, the battery having run out after his thirteen-hour workday.

He sat staring out the windshield, listening to a distant siren carried on the wind blowing leaves and trash across the pavement. A parade of ideas and complications ran through his mind for a half hour or more, hoping like hell to find a way for them to be together. Every idea led to the same near impossible conclusion. It wasn’t going to be easy and there was an excellent chance it would end badly, but he couldn’t see any other choice. Unlike Ellie, he really couldn’t do it alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three weeks later found him sitting in his car on a sunny, palm tree-lined street. His heart raced, nausea making his stomach churn as he watched the house across the street, trying to psych himself up to knock on the door. The last time he was here, he had a gun pulled on him and was given ten seconds to leave town. What was to stop the guy from just shooting his ass outright this time? Or locking him up without giving him the chance to explain himself? This might be the dumbest thing he’s ever done.

Now or never, he thought as he watched Wheeler walk through the living room to the kitchen through the picture window. Better to do this now while he’s enjoying his morning coffee than after he straps his Glock .45 into his shoulder holster.

Guess I’ll see where the road takes me.

One last look at a selfie he and Ellie took while laying in his bed was all the assurance he needed. Getting out of the car, he slipped his phone into his back pocket and resisted the urge to jump up and down a few times before walking up to the house he thought he’d never see again.

He took a deep breath and reached up to knock, swallowing down the rising bile in his throat. It took a minute for the door to open, long enough for Logan to worry about his breakfast burrito and orange juice coming up all over the rose bushes Ellie’s mom had planted.

Whatever the detective had in mind for a greeting died on his lips at the sight of Logan. He’d aged in the last few months, his hair less pepper and more salt. His eyes, more wrinkled than the last time Logan saw him, drooped slightly at the corners yet were just as shrewd, calculating the scene in front of him, first across Logan’s face then up and down the street.

“You’ve got balls, I’ll give you that,” he said, crossing his arms against his chest. “But what the hell are you doing on my porch?”

“I know I’m the last person in the world you want to see, Sir,” Logan answered, willing his hands to stay put at his sides. “But I came to ask for your help.”

Detective Wheeler let out a sound between a scoff and a chuckle. “And why would I do that?”

“Because I love your daughter more than anything, Sir, and she loves me. I haven’t seen her since I left that night, haven’t even said a word to her, though I have to admit I’ve called her. I needed to know she was ok.”

Wheeler’s eyes narrowed, his expression turning to stone. “Of course she’s ok. Without you turning her life to shit, she’s fine.”

“She’s not though.” Logan shook his head. “Being apart, it’s killing us both.” Frustrated, he looked away and ran his fingers through his hair. “Look, I’m not stupid, ok? I know I don’t deserve Ellie.” He felt his throat tighten and held back his tears, charging ahead in a last desperate attempt to convince him. “But I want to. I want to be the kind of man she can be proud to be with. I want to be able to give her everything she deserves. I know I can be that man, but I also know I have shit to answer for. If I have even a chance at a future with her, I need to face my past.”

His eyes bore into Logan’s, looking for any sign of bullshit before letting out a sigh. “Spit it out, kid. What are you doing here?”

His next words would determine not just his relationship with Ellie, but the rest of his life as well. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, surprised by how calm he felt.