π«ππ
πππ ππππ ππππ ππππ πππππ
ππππππ...?"
When my brother told me about what happened to you, it didn't seem to have an impact on me. How does one even respond to the news of death? Iβve seen countless movies and have sat beside those who cried. Maybe, I have imagined myself to be that way too.
But why did I? How could I? When it was my turn to hear the news, I fell asleep peacefully that night.
It has to be brought up twice until it hit me the next day my Uncle asked me the question; I wasn't dreaming. It was true.
Yet, no tears fell. I just gazed back blankly. Was I in denial? I never knew something like this could be real or that sooner or later, it was my turn to hear this.
No. I didnβt want to believe that a person could just cross the afterlife. Easily. In a snap.
I held my chin high, unable to swallow it all at once especially when what broke me the most is when I sat with my grandmother as she whispered to me, βππ πππ ππ πππππππ
ππππ πππππ πππ'ππ πππ
ππ πππ πππ πππ ππππππ π πππππ ππππ πππ ππππ ππππ."
I remember ignoring him that day.
π°'π πππππ, π¨ππ.
I wasn't mad at you. I was just sick that day and I know very well how much you cared for me. You never failed to show me β to show us, not faltering, not even one bit even if the distance between us is a journey.
I will miss you, I do. Even if Iβm in my grumpiest mood, you remain light, you remain loving.
There will be no more be βthe favorite grandchild competitionβ β something I will truly miss. The banters and the ideas on proving that we deserve to be your favorite.
((πΈπ£ππ π‘πππ’ππ π€π ππππ€, ππ‘ π€πππ πππ€ππ¦π ππ πΎπ’π¦π. π»π π€πππ πππ€ππ¦π ππ π‘ππ ππππ π‘ πππ ππ π‘ππ ππππ.)
I love you. I'm sorry that I haven't said that when I was growing up. If only I could say it face to face one last time, Iβd take the chance and say it aloud as I hug you tight.
There are countless of things to say that I forgot to tell you when you were alive, but I cannot do it anymore because you are gone.
You are now out of reach.
It has been the 18th day since your passing and my world shifted. How do I continue living with you not by my side?
But this isn't a goodbye, Ama. This is simply, see you later.
I wrote this last year (February 5), 18 days after my grandfather died. I still missed him. I will always miss him. I missed him more because of Wonwoo's cover. But Iike him, slowly, on my own pace, I'm slowly letting go.
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