I want to be a robot dinosaur

Today’s reviewer is Rachel Chapman!  Rachel Chapman is a funny lady who lives with her cat, Lady Tom Hanks, in NYC. You can see her performing with her improv team Liam Got Coffee, which she came up with the name after Liam Hemsworth’s love of getting coffee. Rachel also runs the Tumblr “Saving Room For Cats”, is best friends with Taylor Swift, and will someday be CEO of Disney! Rachel’s just a girl living in New York City but would rather be living in Tom Hanks’ heart.

Rachel Chapman: Wow! Wow! Wow! I’m so so happy that Dylan asked me to be a part of this. There’s nothing I love more than Christmas. It’s the greatest time of year and “All I Want For Christmas” is the best, so I’m already going to be super picky.

Let’s get into it! First off, I’ll say what I loved! I absolutely loved all the Christmas lights. I feel like I took my eyeballs out and replaced them with magical twinkly Christmas lights. To quote You’ve Got Mail, putting up more twinkle lights is “a fine idea.” I am also in love with this cat.

Now, what I did not like about this cover was that it made me feel old. Right off the bat, I was an old lady asking why these kids were screaming at me and if they could turn that racket down.

Honestly, if you’re doing a cover, you have to make it your own. And I think Against The Current’s take is just to be loud and shout at me a lot. Like when Mariah sings, “Santa won’t you bring me the one I really need,” it’s cute, she’s having a fun convo with Santa, and they’re LOLing. When Chrissy shouts it at me, I imagine Santa running away screaming, “Please leave me alone, I used to be so jolly.” I mean maybe if you ask politely Santa will give you this guy for Christmas, but I would be so scared if I were him. Chrissy’s all cute with her Victoria Justice looks and the I’m going to keep putting my hair behind my ear and not making direct eye contact at the camera thing, but then she opens her mouth and BAM she’s all “GIVE ME A BOY, DAMN IT!!!!!” 

I know I would probably jam out to this if I was a teenager and be all like, “so fun,” but there was just nothing special. Also, a song should continually grow and get to a fun climax of sparkles. This cover was very one note, and that note was LOUD.

But let’s face it, I want to be invited to this super fun Christmas party! I want to be a hip cool teenager. They’re decorating a tree and doing eggnog from a beer bong. I’m there! But of course we’re avoiding the idiot that walked underneath a ladder, he’s going to have a shitty year of bad luck. Sucks to be him! If I was at this party, I’d be in the corner having the time of my life playing with the cat and covering myself in Christmas lights.

 I give this cover a 4 Christmas Lights out of 10 Christmas Lights. I smashed 6 lights out in my teen rage!!!!

Dylan:  Against the Current, today’s band, comes from a long line of punk bands with pretty front girl lead singers and forgettable everybody else.  Of course, we can’t forget No Doubt, as Gwen Stefani was one of my first big crushes.  Paramore of course also falls into this category as well, with Simon & Garfunkel being another famous example (You’re not fooling anybody, Garfunkel).  The video at least relies almost entirely upon the lead singer, Chrissy, smizing at the camera for the entirety of the video, with various other moments of cuteness throughout.  The rest of the band is made of nobodies that are all so obviously in love with Chrissy that it’s tremendously depressing.

The cover isn’t bad.  It’s a pretty solid pop punk cover and with a pretty girl as their lead singer, the band could totally achieve commercial success.  I had never heard of this young band, but they do hail from Poughkeepsie, where I went to college, so I think I feel pretty attuned to the local culture.  One time I saw Third Eye Blind in concert at a local venue, so I feel pretty in touch still.  Power chords galore, musically there isn’t much to be impressed by here.  It’s a pretty standard A:B cover of pop to punk.

This cover feels like a Drake & Josh episode: something they would play at the end of a Disney show in a local talent show to win the huge cash prize!  This cash prize would obviously get donated to the local dog shelter before a tiny Shi-tzu puppy ran up and jumped in Chrissy’s hands.  Then Chrissy would look directly into the camera and say, “Merry Christmas, Everybody!”  I’m sure your 9 year old niece loves this band as much as she loves Green Day.  My only gripe with it is about the current state of punk, which, as a white male who grew up in the suburbs and is currently wearing Sambas, is my birthright.  For a cover about as punk as candy cigarettes, I guess it’s pretty tasty.