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when the character is obsessive and desperate and guilty and scared and ashamed and traumatized and repressed

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Sometimes a family is just a large group of hazards to society and 3 time tony award winner patti lupone.
Don't become so afraid of being annoying that you don't allow yourself to be anything at all.

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trans men are underrepresented, but if you start blaming trans women for that you should put a toothpick under your toenail and kick an anvil.
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as a tme person with a transfeminine sister it is extremely clear to me that we absolutely do not have an equivalent experience.
she did not experience "male socialization." when i look back on our childhood, it is easy to understand that there was no privilege to that concept. she was forced to try and shrink herself into the shape of a man, and was abused when she didn't succeed at playing the part. being "raised as a boy" only highlighted the stark incongruity between what was expected of her and what she was. this repeatedly led to her facing violence.
and to be clear i genuinely don't care if you think a rude comment from an exasperated trans woman online is as equally bad as the literal risk of her being murdered when she walks outside. this is not a competition, being the most visible is not a prize. i genuinely fear for my sister's life.
It's always "gender isn't real! Do whatever you want forever!" until a trans woman comes into view, then "afabs have a unique and innate connection to womanhood that amabs cannot ever have." But also "tme/tma is just recreating the gender binary!" And later when trans women speak about how we're discriminated against even by tme queer people it's "we're all faggots in the eyes of the state!"
It's not a coincidence that this is exactly the same kind of goalpost moving that you see literally every kind of bigot engage in.