I am Bender; please insert girder.

I expected as much.

I want you to pull a sick fatality straight out of Mortal Kombat and snap my spine in two. Give me that sweet relief, my roboman.

I will do it. Bend over.

Sadly enough, you robocan’t robopunch me in the roboface, as my face is one hundred and fifty five percent pure human flesh, give or take a piercing or two. You’d be robopunching me in my weak, easily bruised skin.

Your human carcass will truly understand the meaning of the word pain once I am robodone with it.  

You’re stating this in a detail that’s definitely not needed, bro. I’m triggered, gonna need you to tag your grossnasty #sex mentions, don’t make me call the robosex cops on your ass. They’ll travel through time and space to apprehend your disgusting delinquent roboself and throw you in roboprison. Have I said “robo” enough times by now? Hopefully not, I’d like to roboadd a few robomore.

You know, I was enjoying all the roboaddons, but the second you said robomore that was roboenough and I’m going to punch you in the roboface.

You act as if I say that because I have some sick, twisted fantasy of bending you backwards and fucking you into the sea because I do not. I have no desire to procreate. You know this, you programmed me. I was merely stating, any intention of giving me a dick would be for selfish reasons on your part.

Hell, at least I’ve got one.

You are the one who determines what I “have” and I think we are both aware, giving me a penis would look bad on your part, since you would be the only one to benefit from it hypothetically.

Do as you will, Broseph. Who wouldn’t want my hot ass pasted all over their dash? I know I’d swoon if I saw my own junk on the dash, might even make it my icon. Every time you open my blog on mobile you’ll be greeted lovingly by my dick. “Hi, hello new friend.” Says mini Dirk.

Mini is the perfect word to use.

Why did you like that post.

*Ape Makes Eye Contact With You On The Sub Way Train*

the fuck are you looking at

Square Up