Words are the source of misunderstandings

the Sea of fucking Possibilities.

I don't recognize myself anymore.

To the victor belong the spoils

Tell me why it's your favorite, or why it reminds you of somebody or something or some place. Tell me if it's something amazing you've just discovered or an old song you can't get out of your head. Or don't say anything at all... I'll listen to it and wonder about why you chose it.

Why does insomnia feel like home?

#sf #clues #longweekend

It's 5am. I haven't been sleeping very well. Somehow existing on random cat naps and crackers I've ordered from Amazon. It's insane that Amazon still doesn't have things like toilet paper or paper towels. I thought things were getting better. Are people still hoarding? Since the end of March (currently the end of May) so roughly 2 months, I've only worked 2 weeks.. and now we're meant to go back and try to operate as normal as possible under the circumstances. So far, I don't feel too anxious about it. I think what worried me the most was how people responded to all of this. The hoarding. The panic. The feeling that the world was in the process of ending. Then I got sent home. My anxiety level dropped almost immediately knowing I would be home with my family. Knowing that whatever happened.. We'd be together. I thought that I would use the time to focus on getting better. Take my antidepressants, clean up my room and sort thru my clothes.. create a positive space to live in. I bought paints and I toyed with the idea of trying new techniques and letting some creativity flow.. I thought I'd write some.. my excuse always being too busy.. too tired.. nothing exciting to say.. but I didn't do anything. That's a lie, I did manage to read a bit, finally getting thru a Murakami and recently I've become engrossed in Byron Preiss' The Secret: A Treasure Hunt. That in itself has led me to do so much research on the history of SF and the people who might be associated with it. I guess I'm a little bit sad that I didn't do more with the time I had. I assume things will begin to go back to normal, but you can't really predict those kinds of things. It's funny, some people I know are so desperate to fill their day with some *thing* to do..some place to go.. need to go to dinner, be with friends, get their nails done etc. I don't understand why. Sure I miss being able to do all those things, but it's not life altering. I keep ordering shit I don't really need. A new swimsuit. A new thermometer. Pet hair gloves. $35 of snacks for the sake of 'free shipping'. Magnetic eyelashes. Body brushes. A case of sunflower seeds. I'm still waiting for my Botulism City t-shirt.. Tomorrow I'll have to be awake by this time to get ready for work. Part of me is relieved.. glad I still have a job to go to.. but part of me isn't ready. I'm sad for what will happen if there is a 2nd wave. People have gotten so bold because they can't see the immediate threat. If they'd have kept us all working in the middle of it, they'd be crying to go home...Rioting and picketing for the right to stay home.. people are never satisfied. I'm tired of the hatred and unending bickering on FB. I understand and respect everyone having an opinion, but why why why do people have to shove it at anyone/everyone who has the slightest deviation of opinion. Why does everything have to be so black and white. Polar opposites. No room for compromise or some understanding.. people don't even entertain the concept of seeing things from another perspective. Maybe I'll hide out on Tumblr for a while. It's been so long. Maybe I'll start writing again. Maybe..