'Curse Of The Crystal Coconut' by Alestorm
OH WOW! As ever with Robbo, he always seems to be fashionably late to the party. Yes I'm certainly late to this particularly raucous shindig, but are Alestorm really all that? This is the most recent release (As of February 2022) from the "Pirate Metal" band, in a current line of six albums. It was released in 2020. So let's find out if it's worth it's weight in gold doubloons or whether it should it be kept firmly hidden at the bottom of Davy Jones' locker...
First impressions after watching a couple of videos from this release gave me some serious Ninja Sex Party vibes in terms of childish humour, and to me, that's no bad thing. The distinctly Scottish accented pirate style vocals are like nothing I'd cared to listen to before. But I'm a sucker for a novelty concept, and so I dived head first into this album.
OH WOW!!! From the very off, with 'Treasure Chest Pirate Quest', you know you're in for a treat. A Heavy Metal sea shanty with an infectious chorus you'll be singing all day. Or at least until you get to track two with the hilarious 'Fannybaws', which ramps up the vulgarity but also the infectious nature of the songs.
There's absolutely no let up as the album moves from 'Chomp, Chomp' to 'Tortuga' and followed by 'Zombies Ate My Pirate Ship', featuring some hilarious metalcore styled singing with lyrics only a true lyricist could dream of ("Those zombies ate my pirate ship... They are a bunch of undead pricks!") and then the melodic metal style of 'Call Of The Waves' really ramps up the quality.
What comes next is an odd one, but a strangely suitable cover song of a small ditty from an old Donkey Kong Country video game influenced cartoon, called 'Pirate's Scorn'. Why not eh?
Now comes the song that truly hooked me in on my initial research into if Alestorm were worth my time. If purely only for its quite wonderful Wealdstone Raider viral YouTube video influenced title, 'Shit Boat (No Fans)'. Just over a minute long, it's childish, ridiculous, dumb and absolutely brilliant!
'Pirate Metal Drinking Crew' is yet another catchy number, in the same vain as the opening track to the album, but as we approach the album's final drops of delicious Rum, we're given the jewel in the tankard of this audio extravaganza with the epic eight minute plus 'Wooden Leg Part 2: The Woodening'.
The song tells a tale of a Pirate's quest for revenge and redemption and ultimately cursed attempts at using voodoo magic to reacquire limbs lost in previous battle. Yes really. Bonkers mad and great fun! Plus it refers to a "greasy Spaniard" and a "Japanese Bastard", so that'd go down well with the 'woke brigade'!
The album closes out with an old traditional number named after an old pirate called Henry Martin, which is probably the nadir of the album, but overall it doesn't spoil what has been one Hell of a journey!
So, yes, this album truly is worth its weight in gold doubloons. Even more so if you happen upon the deluxe edition, which has an extra whole album of the same songs, but made with what sounds like a Commodore 64 SID chip. Certainly one for the teenagers there in any case!
#Alestorm #OhWow













