Roar Theatre

I get a lot of flack for some of the creatures I’ve invented. Here’s the why for some of them:

Bees - I made bees to be friendly, peaceful buggers, but then I spilled a jar of stingers all over them. There you go.

Sharks - To make good movie villains. Have you seen Sharknado?!

Hippos - I made these guys as a joke, for all of us to laugh at. Then they kept growing bigger and bigger. Now I won’t even go near them.

Fire ants - Strictly made for Ozzy Osbourne to snort a line of. How much more badass is he for doing that!

Spiders - I didn’t make those, they were already here in the great beyond plaguing us all. I just sent them all to earth. Deal with it.

Ticks - To control the deer population. You have no idea how hard that is to do. One day, it’s going to get out of control, then there’ll be chaos - freaking deers everywhere.

Lice - To make fun of the poor kids, duh. ‘But God, the meek shall inherit the earth.’ Yeah, that’s what powerful people tell you to keep you meek.

Me: Bieber

*gets held up by the bra clasp