Minions & Monsters Review
OH BOY MINIONS. MINIONS MINIONS MINIONS. THE FAVORITE OF WINE MOMS EVERYWHERE. DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THAT THIS IS THE SEVENTH MOVIE WITH THE FUCKING MINIONS IN IT? (Hell eighth if you count the Minions short in front of Migration, or deeper Hell seventeenth if you count the all the Illumination Production logos.) Point is, not a fan of the Minions. I've always thought they worked best in the first Despicable Me, where they are utilized as little as possible, where they are more props for gags rather than gags themselves. But drunk middle age women and toddlers loves these fucking things so here we are. I haven't seen the other Minions movies, I know a lot about the first one because it caused psychic damage to everyone who saw it. The only thing I know about the second one is that a bunch of people wore suits to go watch it. But I actually want to check this out because they were apparently got inspired by the Cthulhu Mythos, and I was curious how.
HP Lovecraft was a massive bigot and a terrible writer. I've said that before, but it's no less true than the last time I said it. He just happened to accidently come up with some cool horror concepts while completely misunderstanding basic scientific concepts and scribbling down paranoid delusions. Occasionally his smaller stories land alright, but the real reason people think he's a good writer is because other, MUCH BETTER, writers will recognize the good concept and actually craft the story around it utilizing the cosmic horror instead of going off on tangents about how all non-white people are actually part of a secret globe-spanning cult that worships a squid-headed dragon man. So I wanted to see what this movie would do with the Lovecraftian themes. I was hoping that it would be a comedic subversion or parody of them, but the only real bar it has to clear is not being racist.
What's The Movie About?
A new tribe of Minions is out searching for a new boss, and end up in 1920s Hollywood. Two minions named James and Henry get inspired to create their own movie and summon a monster called Goomi to star in it.
What I Like.
Guys... This movie is really good. Like it's better than Despicable Me 2 and 4 what the fuck.
I can't believe I'm about to say this about a Minions movie: The characters are great. I really like the friendship of James and Henry, James being a creator who finally gets a break is super good, Ed the deaf Minion is super cute and I like that his disability is just a thing about him not his only character trait, Max the director is cool even though I was expecting him to be a real person, Goomi is both cute and conniving, The Bright Brother were a fun double act with one being outwardly mean and the other being super friendly, and the Minion who's a jerk is named Dick. A+ pun. The voice acting is also great. Everyone does a really good job matching the cartoony energy of their characters, specially call out to Jessie Eisenberg who I couldn't tell which character he was in the movie until looking it up later. Probably because they put a synthesizer on his voice but still. Christoph Waltz is in this movie! That's not as weird as my gut reaction thinks it is, but Hans the Jew Hunter from Inglorious Basterds is in a kids movie. Speaking of which, this movie snuck in a bastard. Seriously, a woman calls a Minion a beautiful bastard in this. I think they get away with it because they are remixing a scene from an old noir movie. Speaking of which...
The plot rocks. Again, I can't believe I'm saying this about a Minions movie, but I really like the time period they set for them, because it's just an excuse to for them to insert Minions into classic movie scenes. But the thing is, all of the gags in this movie are really good. See it's easy to say that they just added Minions into old movies, but they did a good job making decent slapstick within those remakes, and they inform the plot as well as being hilarious. The sight gags are great. I was laughing my ass off for so much of movie. There's so much sudden, ridiculous reactions I loved. A couple gags here or there were dumb, particularly the end credits scenes, but overall I think all the humor worked. I also really like James's plot. I've said it before, I like stories about characters becoming artistically fulfilled. They movie also did a really good job with the Minion dialogue, it felt less like gibberish and more understandable weirdly enough. I guess when the guy who has voiced the Minions for every movie they've been in is also the writer, you get some actually good Minion dialogue. Did you realize the Minions actually spoke real life languages? According to my mother who's a tiny bit of a polyglot, Minionese is a Pigeon mix of Spanish, Italian, Korean, and English. That information honestly makes it slightly more tolerable, and in this movie it's damn near great. I have to tip my hat when entire scenes will just be filled with Minion dialogue, yet I still understand what everyone is saying despite fairly minimal physical communication. The meta portions of the movie are good as well. It not just having a character talk to the screen or making references to other things in dialogue, they actually play around with the fact that this is a Minions movie about making movies. They are actually pretty cheeky with some of these gags too, like the Minions going from movie stars to completely unfilmable with the addition of sound. There are so many layers to that joke that I'm not even impressed that it's in a Minions movie. I'm just impressed period. They snuck in a Minions in suits joke in like holy hell!
MY GOD THIS MOVIE IS GORGEOUS. There's one shot in the rain that made my jaw drop with how good it looks. Illumination has a great style that actually blends cartoony designs and realistic textures that don't make me vomit. Everything is so squishy, I love it! The final monster they summon, Irene, is a giant blob monster and her texture work is immaculate. The monsters in general are fun. Goomi is very funny, and has some good quick barbs and jokes. I love that the other two monsters are named Howard and Phillips, again, A+ pun. And Irene is appropriately threatening. I really like that she's so massive you rarely see all of her on screen. Like she can't fit in the framing no matter where it camera is, that's a super fun Lovecraftian element to her design. The Lovecraft elements are pretty good. They are played straight and even for a kids movie, nothing about it is scary, but they nail the aesthetics and ideas. I'm half convinced they lifted the chanting from An actual Lovecraft story. I like that the device to free Howards and Phillips is this ancient device that rings a tuning fork, I dunno something about that just tickles me. So does the score. Maybe it's just because Backrooms has lowered by standards, but it was very nice and actually guided the emotions of the scenes. My final praise is that I really like the opening of the movie. They reestablish the lore of the Minions without retelling, if that makes sense. It's more subtle, they focus of the new information with the actual exposition but still showing off the things the audience would need to know from the first movie.
What I Don't Like.
I don't get the point of Dort. Like I understand that he's only there to wrap up the conflict of the movie in a neat little bow, but he and his bizarre subplot feel really out of place. I didn't hate them, but I just spent every one of his scenes wonder why he was even in the movie. Until the finale that is, and while it's fun, it's also stupid. I think my bigger problem is that he's anachronistic. Dort is a reference to The Day The Earth Stood Still (His name is just one letter off from the Robot in that movie.) Minions & Monsters takes place in the 1920s. The Day The Earth Stood Still came out in 1951. Now it's not like Dort is literally supposed to be the robot from that movie, and my favorite joke was a Citizen Kane joke which is a movie that came out in 1941. But his whole aesthetic is 50s style sci-fi which clashes with the general Roaring 20s/origins of Hollywood theme the rest of the movie has. I also hate that Dort has impregnated a human woman more than once, but I guess it's not a true Minions movie without a truly horrifying implication.
Final Summation.
This movie is way better than it has any right to be. Seriously folks, I recommend this movie, wholeheartedly. Even if you don't have kids. If you like old Hollywood movies, and I mean REALLY OLD, like silent movie old, or you like the general idea of the Cthulhu Mythos and not what Lovecraft actually wrote, I think you should go see Minions & Monsters.
This isn't a bit, go see Minions & Monsters. It's actually good.
No. Seriously. A Minion movie is legitimately good, not just for kids good, like actually good. You could go see this on your own and enjoy yourself.
I'M ONLY 26 DAMMIT, AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE WINE THAT MUCH.















