R.M. Renfield's Number 1 Simp

(/ RP blog for my OC, tags and such are below )

My pen broke I've been so angry at it.

Regardless, I did see that Elizabeth yesterday at dinner. I was sitting across from her and she's mute so I was patient with her, I'm a very patient person, but then it annoyed me because she wasn't even trying to talk so why even ask me to sit with you? I read your letter? And I asked her why she wasn't talking and I was gentle because she must be a bit fragile to be here, and then she spoke.

So she wasn't mute she just likes writing letters. Alright alright and it is alright, yes. And I asked her why her name was Elizabeth the third and why her parents didn't think of something else, like mine is new no ones had it in my family before, that's the point of a name, three would get confusing. I thought I'd be helpful and tell her about the Marys because it makes sense how people talked about them, but then she just looked confused which was strange of her.

It was a very clear cut story. I told it very clearly. I spoke her own accent. But I suppose her permanent confusion must be why she's here.

Aside of her confusion was all the usual meal things. There was the food (I ate some because it wasn't completely bad) and how it smelled and the noise and I hated all of that because it's hard to focus and it's fucking shit. I want to be better but they never let me get fucking better. And everyone was beside me and I was done eating, she was eating slowly and hadn't left yet, and then someone touched me, and I swear to God they were talking about me and laughing at me and they wanted to do something to me so I left to be alone because they're all fucking horrible wretches.

It's odd. I want children, but they seem to be something I'll never have. I'd never send them to an asylum. I'd keep them close.

I came back from watching 🩶Renfield🩶 in the gardens today and there was a weird note by my door. I was hoping it was from Renfield himself but then I remembered that he hadn't left my sight today, and then I thought it was my parents but it wasn't. It was someone called 'Elizabeth Godwin', and there's apparently been a lot of her running around because she's the third. My parents gave me a new name instead of just using the same old one. Not like her or John or Harriet's child. I don't know why she doesn't just use a nickname instead of using a number to tell her apart from the other Elizabeths because a number is so impersonal. When there were lots of Marys around we said what was wrong with them. Sad Mary, Happy Mary, Other Sad Mary, Weird Mary. Weird Mary was so funny.

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