R o b y n ♡

There are different definitions of lonely, but experiencing it is the worst feeling. 10 months of living in a new place (almost a year) and it has been quite difficult finding friends. There were a few people I have met but sadly, I have failed them multiple times. The past couple of months I had control of doing things on my own and did not need anyone. As soon as I got attached to one person who I considered a friend, he did not show up as often when I did needed him. My other friend said that I only needed her when I’m going through something, which is true, that is why I have not decided to reach out to her at this time. I find it difficult to be alone since majority of the time, I am by myself at home because my sister is always gone on trips for work. Today, I went to the dog shelter and tried to bring a dog I had walked back to his cage. He resisted going back into his cage because it would mean that he would be trapped between two walls of concrete separated from the outside world. 

I popped open a bottle of Riesling, which I would never do if I was drinking alone. Sadly, me and the glass of white wine have a connection because we both have a purpose. I remember what he said when he told me that he could no longer be there for me because I was not a responsibility he had to care for other than the other things in his life he was responsible for. I used to mean a lot to him when he liked me for so long, only for him to realize I was not what he was looking for and I did too. Our friendship had now become awkward, meaningless and dry. Sitting from my living room couch, I continued to watch Netflix and television... alone. When it comes to being lonely, you are responsible for you. No one will ever ask or look for you unless you say something. In the word lonely it has the word “one.” Meaning, not two people but one person and that is you.

1. You always know what to say even at times when i’m just quiet like when we met for the first time.

2. I love how you’re a complete nerd/geek when it comes to star trek like how i’m a geek for star wars.

3. You saw me and told me I was interesting in your eyes that no guy has ever told me before.

4. I love how you always reply so quickly whenever we text each other and I always calling you to make sure you got home safe.

5. It amazes me the effort that you give every time you drive all the way to my house or pick me up from the gym so I don’t have to commute.

6. I miss the smell of your Lacoste & Calvin Klein. 

7. I like how every time we fight, you put up with me and all my problems when i’m feeling sad.

8. I miss and love the way you slowly held my hand in public, because i’ve never done that before.

9. I miss watching netflix shows and movies down in my living room until 10 pm.

10. And lastly, i miss you always holding the door for me even if it’s just small gentleman-like manners.