LEE SEO-YOUNG: Coming Out & Breaking Borders
Elle Magazine, October 2030
In 2018, Lee Seo-young made her debut as Yena, a member of the girl group Luxe. Hailing from Royal Entertainment, one of South Koreaâs most prestigious entertainment companies, Luxe emerged at the top of K-popâs 4th wave. You know their songs: Miniskirt. Up & Down. Heart Attack. Me & You. With a unique, ever-evolving image and an instantly recognizable discography, Luxe created the blueprint for many of todayâs girl groups.
But if you werenât following K-pop in the first half of the 2020s, you probably know the members of Luxe as individuals. After parting ways with Royal Entertainment, each forged their own path: some as soloists, others as actresses or songwriters. For Luxeâs youngest member, that path led toward uncharted territory. It was a revelation that shocked the K-pop world: Lee Seo-young became one of the first girl group stars to come out of the closet - alongside her now-wife, Son Ju-yeon (Byeol) of Heartz.
Amidst the storm of media of attention, Seo-young remained busy as ever off-stage. Since leaving Royal, she racked up the occasional variety appearance or soundtrack recording, all while hinting at something greater in the works. And now, that project has come to fruition: SY Entertainment, an openly LGBT-friendly K-pop label thatâs growing fast. Their roster of artists already includes Luxeâs Cheri, choreographer Jeon So-min, and singer Deutschland. We talked past, present, and future with the idol-turned-CEO herself.
You just finished your Elle cover shoot. Howâd it go?
LSY: Ah, itâs been some time since Iâve done that. *laughs* Modeling was always one of my favorite things to do. It never really stops feeling good. It was a relaxed, natural shoot, and I got to show my own style.Â
Congratulations on your recent wedding! The ceremony was gorgeous.
LSY: Thank you! I think every part of it came out beautifully. But the best part is that weâre a family now, officially.
As expected from Luxeâs âgoddess of love.â
LSY: Ha! You did your research.
It makes sense, though - you were one of the first idols to come out at the height of your career, and youâve advocated unapologetically for LGBT rights. That couldnât have been easy.
LSY: It was easier than staying hidden, I think. From the moment that I realized I was a lesbian, I didnât think it was something I should have to hide. I did, out of respect for my members and their careers, and everyone else that I worked with. But when the time came that I could own my decisions, I wanted to do it immediately. I talked with Ju-yeon about it a lot, and she felt exactly the same way.
There are a lot of LGBT people in this industry. It was the same ten years ago, but now, more people feel they can come out. I was given strength by everyone around me who stood by my side. Especially the Luxe members.
Many people have pointed out the similarities between you and So Ji-sub. You both came out of the closet, and now you too are starting your own company.
LSY: Itâs true! I never thought Iâd end up on this path. *laughs* I didnât realize I wanted to do this, or that I could do this, until I came out. Our CEOâs support has been so helpful, and I had his blessing to start the company. Iâve asked him for advice many times.
You released the single âHoney Beeâ with Roseanne Park and Lee Soo-hyun. What was it like working with your former Royal colleagues?
LSY: It was a dream come true! Iâve stayed close with so many people from back then. The trainee days and the Royal Survival days. Itâs been great seeing Rose and Soo-hyun grow as they went down their own paths, and when I heard that song I knew I had to invite them to collaborate. Theyâre both amazing vocalists. We all got to show off and just have fun.
Do you think youâll be recruiting the other Luxe members to your company?
LSY: *laughs* Weâve talked about it! Cheri is with us, of course, and Ashe has contributed some of her songwriting talents. Several of us are married now, but we still stay in touch every day and I know thereâs a reunion in the future.
Youâve said that this company will be LGBT-friendly. What does that mean to you?
LSY: Mainly, it means no one will have to hide. If someone wants to be open about who they are, that wonât be restricted at all. It helps that things have come a long way in the past ten years. Some fans still take it personally, but weâre seeing more that fans want to really get to know who their idols are, and they value that connection.
Of course, dating and relationships can be a distraction. Not just from the work, but also from who you are to the public. So thatâs something that should be kept private until itâs truly long-term and committed. There were many times when I was tired of waiting, but Iâm glad that Ju-yeon and I waited as long as we did. I think it was the right time.
It must have been, since your coming-out was followed by a wave of other idols and celebrities doing the same in the latter half of the 2020s. Several named you among their inspirations.
LSY: Iâm still trying to get used to that. I think I take more inspiration from those young celebrities, who are brave enough to be themselves from the beginning. Thatâs incredible to me. And that feeling made me want to start a company where that was possible for anyone.
More importantly, I was inspired by everyone in the LGBT movement in Korea. The credit goes to them. Their work is why we were able to get legally married, and why itâs more socially accepted than ever before in 2030.
Do you still encounter people who donât accept it?
LSY: Not often these days. Some of those attitudes are still out there. But in my professional life, everyone already knows who I am and what I am, and they donât work with me if theyâre not accepting. My friends have always been accepting, too. My family - it took many years, actually, but theyâre coming around. Itâs still a learning process. Even the fact that theyâre willing to learn is amazing.
So what are your future plans as an artist? Any solo releases in the future?
LSY: The thing is... whenever Iâve had an idea for something I could do as a soloist, I ended up thinking âbut wouldnât it be amazing if this person could join, too?â *laughs* I always end up surrounding myself with people. It feels better than being solo. Thatâs why I loved promoting with Luxe. Theyâre like sisters to me. I would like to keep working as a singer when I can, but itâll probably be a collaboration.
And whatâs in the future for SY Entertainment?
LSY: I canât give too much away just yet, of course. We already have some great artists and an amazing staff, and weâre working on recruiting more artists and trainees. Eventually, debuting an idol group is the goal. Iâm especially interested in people who have been in the industry for a while, who havenât had that big break yet or who want more freedom than they had in the past. Our idea is to give artists freedom, while still having a high standard for skills and hard work.
One last question... whatâs in store for you and your wife?
LSY: Right now, itâs all about work! Weâre both very involved with the company. Ju-yeon is a great choreographer, and her experience in Heartz makes her a precious resource for our trainees. Hopefully weâll get to take a nice vacation sometime soon. And when weâre ready, start a family. â¤ď¸
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seoyoung does make a good point. group activities can be a lot already, and really, luna is lucky to have debuted at all. thereâs something greedy in wanting more than that when she spent so many years truly unemployed, hidden away from the world entirely. being in luxe is a privilege, and she should remind herself of it more often. sheâs grateful every day, but after spending as much time in the group as she has, sometimes she forgets where she came from, and how much she suffered to get here. sometimes she forgets how much a luna of the past wouldâve given to be where she is right now alone.
âi think it would be fun to be busier,â she begins. âi always feel kind of sad when group activities are over, and eager to be working, but i think i would get burnt out eventually, and just want to be able to sleep.â sometimes she surprises herself with how much sheâs apparently overcome her lazy streak. well. not really, because sheâs not doing much outside of their mandatory group activities, is she? maybe she should find more projects to put her time into.
seoyoungâs words sound sad, but when luna looks over at her, she doesnât look particularly torn up about it. âiâm kind of like that too,â she says. she has minimal acting and modeling experience. sheâs only an average dancer. sheâs funny, though. surely she would kill it on variety, right? right? she hasnât had too much of an opportunity to prove it outside of their group shows. she frowns a little to herself, but she smiles softly afterwards. âi just have my songs.â she raises her notebook for emphasis, and luna is thankful for that much too. songwriting is her niche and her place in luxe. who knows where she would be without it.
âthey havenât invited me! can you believe that?â she says, mock outraged, as if sheâs sharing some unbelievable, shocking rumor. maybe it is a little bit of a shock. âiâd love to go whenever theyâll have me. iâd like to keep up my trend of fighting men in all of my activities.â itâs a reference to practically her entire history as a luxe memberâ more than that, as a human being. itâs funny that itâs carried over so much into her career without royal even knowingâ almost a little eerie, really. from chasing a man with a whip in like a cat, to literally stepping on one in the end of the year music shows, to whatever they did in up&down, now to ah yeah, where she got to essentially yell at one while rapping in their music video. she loves it.
âhmm... i kinda get that.â itâs not that seoyoung wants to be busier, exactly; even the lifestyle of a non-promoting idol is a strenuous one. itâs more like... âi get kind of lonely,â she admits. âi got used to being with all the members all the time. when theyâre out and about, itâs like...â seoyoung waves her hand through the air, indicating the lack of loud chatter. ânot like youâre not great company, unnie! but i kind of miss the noise, and the way it feels with all of us together.
âthat was always what i dreamed of the most, you know. about being an idol.â she rights herself halfway, lying down on the couch with her head propped on the armrest. ânot the performing or being famous, but living with a group of girls like this. i guess itâs âcause i was an only child,â she laughs. âit pretty much lived up to what i thought. but you probably already knew what that was like, having siblings.â
she watches as euijin raises her notebook, no doubt full of creative gems. âand youâre our rapper! donât forget about that.â seoyoung flips onto her tummy, watching euijin with a sparkle in her eyes. âyou beat us all in that area, too. donât make your songwriting sound so small.â she points sternly at euijin. ânot just anyone can write songs like that. youâre the creativity of luxe! the mastermind!â
seoyoung canât help but laugh. âfighting men?â she can always expect euijin to say the unexpected. âyeah, i hope they invite you sometime. i bet youâd crush the competition.â she waggles her eyebrows. âand what about at isac? they should let us compete against the boys, too. iâd love to see you throw some guy down on the mat.â
the filming of their next music video has begun. itâs their first full album this time, so everything feels just a bit more exciting, a bit more important. seoyoung already likes it better than up & down, overall - the songs sound similar, but ah yeah is more unique. the sets and outfits are a level up, too. no more vacuum-tight shirts and pants. that was one fashion choice sheâd had to grin and bear. this time theyâre high-fashion; studded leather, denim, and timberland boots. itâs a bit of sexy, a bit of cute, and a bit of badass. perfect for luxe.
seoyoungâs part in the song and music video is probably the least memorable, it seems, although thereâs no telling how itâll come out in the editing. but sheâs not sitting on a photocopier or aggressively rapping at a newscaster. not that that kind of role would suit her. instead sheâs on her knees in front of the camera, twirling her hair and smiling seductively as she sings the first half of the chorus. and the first half of the chorus. and the first half of the chorus. well, itâs the part that most people will be singing to themselves, if theyâre not just repeating the addictively catchy ah yeah ah yeah ah yeah.Â
the most fun parts to film this time are the group dance scenes. the point choreo is simple and pretty easy, but it never gets old. itâll surely be learned by many fans. the camera zooms in on her during her part and seoyoung takes the center with gusto. she never thought sheâd find such joy in flirting with the camera.Â
dance was an immaculate mix of athletism and arts. people who appreciate it called it a profession, but itâs still largely looked upon as a hobby, something easy, not an expertise by the unknowing public. when it came to musicals and dancing in a large group, a certain level of discipline was required.
âinstead of memorizing my lines, my bodyâs remembering the steps for me,â nayoung chuckled, patting her thighs for emphasis. âitâs stressful in a way because we have to learn to move on the same breathe, especially for the jumps. my biggest fear is always missing it and then landing on a bad timing compared to the others,â she added, humming. lips tugged into a wider grin, she nodded, âmaybe! iâd like to think thereâs going to be a theatre that focus a lot more on dancing. it would be fun, donât you think? oh, like sachoom!â the trainee dried the ends of her hair, loosening up the ponytail sheâs had.
âbut of course, luxe would always come first. i canât be away from you guys for long, itâs lonely,â she admitted. thereâs no denying that when she first joined, sheviewed the team as a responsibility more than a family. but with passing days, each of them working their hardest to bring the group to new heights while balancing their personal lives and goals, theyâve become an integral part of her life.
she will never be able to choose between private life and her group, at least, not for this duration of 7 years.
âthe other day, olympias packed a nutrition seafood lunchboxâŚand it has lobster rolls! i was so surprised, and itâs really good! besides the occasional food support, the buffetâs actually quite nice. on very good days, we have beef slices as well as pasta and rice rolls.â reaching over as she offered to help dry seoyoungâs hair, nayoung added, âi hope they do! iâve been bribing the team with our signed albums so, that might help, right?â
as nayoung describes learning the musical choreo, seoyoung does her best to imagine it. synchronization is important for idol groups, too, but it must be even more intense for that kind of show. luxe is a group of only five, compared to the dozens of dancers in some musicals. âon the same breath, really? wow, i donât even know if i could do that.
âsachoom... i think iâve heard of that. oh, maybe we could see it together someday.â it really does sound fun. seoyoung hasnât been lucky enough to see that many musicals in her lifetime, and sheâs always busy these days, but she really likes the few sheâs seen. âas long as itâs fun. sometimes when i see a really intense show i start to cry. now i have to make sure the cameras donât see me with my makeup running off.â
luxe will always come first for seoyoung, too. itâs good to hear nayoung say that. no matter what happens, sheâs never thought of putting herself ahead of the members. âyeah, itâs lonely when youâre not around too. sometimes i even hear ping calling out for you,â she teases. the plushie surely misses her warmth these days.
the mention of all those delicious foods has seoyoung's mouth watering. âugh, itâs like torture to hear that,â she complains, not too seriously. âyou think we can order seafood tonight? maybe itâs because we were splashing around in all that water, but some sushi sounds really good.â she gratefully accepts the help in drying out her damp hair, and she starts braiding it on the left side so it wonât stick to her neck. âooh, signed albums from zoe herself? theyâd better be olympias after that.â
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her shoes clatter in the entryway to announce her arrival. itâs odd to see it so empty â most of their members had gone home for the chuseok holiday, after all â leaving only naeun and seoyoung at the dorm. not that it was a bad thing, it left them time to spend with each other and as naeun had promised, she would never want to leave any of her members by themselves if she could help it. it was fortunate that naeunâs closest relatives were in seoul, anyways, so it saved on the crazy traffic it would take her to go back to busan and her penchant for unbroken promises. she makes it home by seven, having stopped by one of the rare restaurants that hadnât closed down for the holiday to pick up some food for her and seoyoung ( a bundle of half and half chicken to go with the side dishes and songpyeon her grandmother had given her before she had left their picnic that afternoon ) .
âseoyoung-ah, are you here?â she tries to fix her shoes the best she can, not wanting their manager to come in and see the mess in the doorway in the morning, before making her way to the kitchen to set down the bags that were achingly weighing her arms down. ( she could already feel the spikes of numbness in her biceps ) she pats her hands clean on the dish towel by the sink before moving about to remove the containers from the bags. âhave you eaten yet? i brought food like i promised!â
itâs seoyoungâs second chuseok without her family, and itâs not much easier than it was last year. some part of her had hoped that things would be patched up by now, but sheâs begun the process of burying those hopes. sheâs not jegal seoyoung anymore; sheâs lee seoyoung, and luxe are more of a family to her than anyone else. but the other members have their own families too. theyâre spending the holiday with their relatives, as they should, leaving her unfortunately... alone.
not that any one of them had neglected her feelings. they were all sympathetic, checking in with her and making sure she felt loved, and seoyoung was grateful for that. she told them sheâd be okay, and she is okay, really; some sadness in life is just inevitable, but itâll pass. and the silver lining is that naeunâs family is in seoul, so she doesnât have to go far, and she can come back to be with seoyoung. thatâs what she promised. it was an incredible gift.
she hears naeunâs voice and quickly gets up from lounging in bed. âta-dah!â she exclaims, popping out of the doorway. the rustling of food containers gets her stomach growling. seoyoung has been saving up room for the chuseok feast all day. minus sampling her own cooking, she hasnât had much to eat yet.
when she gets to the kitchen, she leans her head on naeunâs shoulder affectionately. âthank you, unnie,â seoyoung says with genuine gratitude. it might not be the most traditional way to celebrate chuseok, but itâs heartwarming anyway. âoh! i made something too.â on the stove, she lifts the lid of a large pot, revealing the daegu yukgaejang sheâd cooked up for the occasion. the spicy beef soup is a piece of home. something she wonât let go of. âi hope youâre ready for some heat, hehe. what did you bring?â
it doesnât really bother luna that the other members have more schedules than she does. well, not really, anyway. most of the time.
seolhyun and naeun have their dramas, faces plastered everywhere from endorsements, and their zoe isnât too far behind.
she and seoyoung, howeverâŚthereâs a little less for them, and luna especially. she wonders why. it doesnât make her insecure, it just makes her question royal a little. she has a great personality, and sheâs hotâ she has a viral fancam for it, if there was any reason for doubt. why doesnât she have a busier schedule? why didnât royal take advantage of said fancam and send her out into the world of variety shows and endorsement deals? surely some of them called and wanted her, right?
it makes her think, and sometimes it makes her a little restless. for the most part, however, she doesnât mind staying home and playing video games and catching up on sleep, or training more, or most importantly, working on more songs.
thatâs one thing she is thankful for: royal wanted her songs. she has cream under her belt, and the song was well received, even if it was a little scandalous. that much was pretty intentional. she intends to add more songs to her resume, so she writes as much as she can. lately, sheâs trying to diversify a little, and tap into more emotion. itâs proving difficult, but if she has free time while the others are busy, she might as well try to take up the challenge.
still, sheâs a little tired, and her lack of activity weighs a little heavier on her mind than usual. maybe itâs time for a break. âhey seoyoung,â she calls from where sheâs perched by the window, notebook in her lap. itâs just the two of them in the apartment, unsurprising even though itâs only nayoung with the individual activities this month. âdo you ever wish we had more activities? it seems like the others are always so busy.â
jobless. thatâs the term some of the fans use for luxeâs less active members, whether as an affectionate tease or a pointed jab at royal. itâs funny to think of herself that way, seoyoung thinks when sheâs grinding away in the practice room or chatting with fans on v-live. she always had a feeling sheâd find herself in this position, though. back in the days when debut was but a distant dream, she always knew she was more comfortable in a group than solo. sheâs happy to let the other girls shine a little brighter.
sheâs sprawled upside down on the couch, fluffy-socked heels hanging over the back while her long ponytail brushes the floor and blood slowly rushes to her head. appeasing the language-learning app on her phone by practicing a bit of english vocabulary, euijinâs comment is a welcome distraction. âeh?â she glances over to the window.
âhmmm.â if she thinks about it, it could be interpreted as a snub that the two of them were offered fewer solo opportunities. and itâs not like either one of them is unpopular with fans, either. âi dunno. the group activities can be a lot already. at the end of some days iâm thankful i can just fall into bed.â the luxury of gaming, reading comics and eating snacks was never sweeter than after hours of hard work.
âi have a little training in acting, but not as much as naeun unnie. the other unnies are much better dancers. seolhyun is a really great model, too. i guess iâm just kinda... here.â she flashes a self-deprecating grin at euijin. some had called seoyoung the all-rounder of luxe, which was nice to hear, but the downside was that she didnât really shine in any one particular area. âi mean, iâm the best at aegyo, but... that doesnât pay the bills,â she says with an exaggerated pout and a faux-sad whine.
âiâm surprised youâre not busier, though. why havenât you gone to show me the money yet?â
i hope it was worth it. those words stick with her, because sheâs thought the same many times. she thought those words over and over during her time at sphere. it was worth it to fine sunmi, but she couldâve done that with only three years in korea, then reunited with her family, traveling around the world some more. on the other hand, she wouldnât have built the family she did here in that time: sunmiâs family, now hers by extension. she also came to terms with the fact that she couldnât live that life forever. eventually, she would need to start her own, and stop freeloading off of her parents, and she had no secondary education and no dream job other than performing.
she stuck it out, and here she is, luxeâs ashe. when she stood on her debut stage, it felt like everything was worth it. she never takes it for granted for a day. can she say it with her whole heart? thereâs the smallest doubt, but still, she says, âit was,â with a smile. âworth it to find sunmi and luxe.â maybe with only one it wouldnât have been. she will always have to come to terms with the fact that she has been gone for half the lives of some of her siblings, that her youngest brother may not even remember her, that she will not be able to celebrate the twinsâ graduation or watch them grow up and live their own lives.
it makes her chest feel tight again. most of the time, she doesnât regret the choice she made anymore, but it is such a sacrifice to make.
she hears the strain in seoyoungâs voice, and looks over to her, listening, a little glad for the distraction from her own thoughts even if itâs at the cost of some of seoyoungâs peace of mind. her words are saddening, and luna frowns. she canât imagine being estranged from her family, even with the physical distance between them. they are her heart; both of her families are. âwell, theyâre missing out,â luna decides, and she slings her arm around seoyoung in a half hug, rubbing her arm quickly before letting go.
she grins and nods. she does consider herself lucky, even if the rest of seoyoungâs statement is a bittersweet one, smile growing more nostalgic, eyes a little more distant. âi miss them.â she focuses again, smile widening. âbut theyâre happy for me, and proud of me. kpop is really big in the states now. apparently they brag about me being their sister all the time.â
if euijin hadnât found her way to korea under such unique circumstances, she probably wouldnât be a member of luxe now. and who knows who else might have joined the group to fill in xayahâs absence? all things considered, seoyoung is glad that it was euijin. they may not be quite as close as she is with the other members - not yet - but sheâs talented and a good person, warm and strong like the sun. âiâm glad you found your way to us, unnie,â seoyoung says, leaning her head on euijinâs shoulder for a moment.
âiâd be bragging too!â itâs adorable to think of euijinâs - lunaâs - little siblings proudly supporting her. the fact that luxe has fans all over the world still stuns seoyoung at times. itâs enough to walk the streets of seoul and be recognized, or see their own faces in store windows. to think that the same could happen on the other side of the globe? itâs wild. âi hope we can go to chicago as a group sometime. you could be our tour guide.â
sheâs glad, too, for the gesture of comfort. seoyoungâs halfway to revealing the full story of last yearâs trauma to euijin. she wonders when that moment will come. itâs not like itâs a secret, but itâs never really been the right time, either. and she doesnât want to drop that heavy burden in the middle of euijinâs emotional moment. this is something joyful, a bittersweet yet beautiful gift from her sister. seoyoung is curious about the contents, especially since sunmi is someone sheâs seen before but never gotten to know.Â
picking up her head from euijinâs shoulder, she asks. âcan i see some of the photos?â
âI think that would be a cute thing to do, make these alcoholic gelatin into different shapes. I think there just needs to be a good way to get them outâŚâ From her experience, she already knew that jello didnât always come out in one piece, and that kind of depended on how bouncy it was. Seolhyun had watched so many videos on how to make gelatin with varying suggestions and numbers. The comments gave her more of an idea of how it would turn out if she followed these instructions, so she ultimately ended up with one she thought was easy to follow and not that complicated. While the water was boiling, she measured out how much agar needed to be used, and then poured some of her juice of choice in it to get it to⌠as the instructions said, âbloom.â
Then Seoyoung mentions her other idea about popping boba and looked at the other like she was a genius. âOh! Maybe on another day we can figure out how to make it. The jello shots might be enough science to work with for tonight,â she laughed. Wouldnât want to do anything too complicated while they were going to have alcohol in their system. Who knows if it could get disastrous? âI used to be a better drinker, but I donât go out as often as I used to. Iâve forgotten how many drinks itâd take me to reach that point⌠â With her hand up to make another point, she smiled. âWhat I do know though, is that no matter how much I have in my system, put on some music, and this whole room becomes a noraebang. Hope the others would be okay with it.â
{ tw: alcohol }
itâs always fun to watch seolhyun at work in the kitchen; since their usual collaborations are more on the healthy side, making something as indulgent as jello shots is even more fun. seoyoung watches curiously as the agar powder soaks up the juice. âoh wow! itâs like a science experiment.â
she canât help but feel a little self-satisfied at seolhyunâs reaction to her boba idea. âha! i'll have to see if anyoneâs done that before. if not, iâll claim the invention in the name of luxe.â she grins at the thought of luxe-branded alcohol drinks. âhey, if it takes off, we wonât even have to sing anymore. you would look great on the front of a bottle.â seoyoung mimes snapping a picture. in truth, though, sheâd want to keep singing even if she were set for life.
it only makes sense that seolhyunâs alcohol tolerance would go down. none of them had many chances to go out partying anymore, after all. maybe theyâll have a chance to do so again at some point. âi wish i could have gone out with you before,â seoyoung comments, leaning on the counter. she adds a splash of rum to her drink. âi guess i was a late bloomer. i wasnât interested in things like this before. grown-up things.â
a playful smile spreads across her face. âah, so weâre definitely going to turn the room into a noraebang, then.â seoyoung pulls up melon on her phone and flicks through the top tracks. âoh, daye sunbaenimâs âtiger eyesâ is still charting. i really like that song.â
   ââ   finally she had time to catch up on her shows. on a casual night at home, she was happy to be watching some shows on late-night television with seoyoung. it had been months since they have properly seen each other in the dorm. itâs been a time naeun had missed. thankful for the time, she enjoys the quiet between them ; eyes trained on the show they were currently watching.
she hums at attention when she hears seoyoungâs voice over the comedic relief of the variety show they were watching; turning her full attention to seoyoung rather than watching the other carefully from the corner of her eye ( like she had been doing since seoyoung had joined her on the couch ). âoh?â her hand that had been nonchalantly holding the remote moves to lower the volume so she can hear seoyoung better. her words confuse naeun but rather than suddenly question it â naeun nods her head, allowing the other to continue. âdid something happen for you to want to change it?â she asks at first, a tentative hand reaches out to carefully pat the otherâs ; assuring her of her presence.Â
itâs been a crazy few months â and naeun suddenly feels her own absence in the dorm. since she had been so busy filming her drama, she had lost sight of her other duties in her group. she wasnât just a vocalist in luxe but also their leader â and for the most part, for naeun, that meant being the pillar they could lean on if they ever had anything that troubled them.Â
âare you okay?â
seoyoung takes a deep breath. âyeah, iâm okay. i... i think.â
the variety show on tv had somewhat distracted her from the thoughts clouding up her mind. itâs funny to see these shows now that luxe has been on most of them, now that theyâve seen them from the other side. rather than just enjoying the comedy and the guestsâ antics, now she canât help but think of the fond memories they made there, the little things behind the camera that viewers never see. it was as good a distraction as any, until her worries become too loud to ignore.
{ tw: homophobia }
âitâs been a year since... you know.â no need to recap all the pain of coming out to her parents, of hearing her father suggest conversion therapy, and her mother demand that she never speak of it again. naeun was there; all of the members were there, and they saw what it did to seoyoung. the depression that she fought for months. sheâd eventually put on her brave face again, but that innocent, naive outlook she once had was gone. naeun already knows.Â
looking down at her lap, seoyoung continues. she feels naeun pat her hand, a small reassurance that helps the words come out. âi finally called my parents again. i unblocked their number and i called them. and...â thereâs a knot in her stomach. âit was fine. at first. it was like nothing ever happened.
âbut then i mentioned my girlfriend.â seoyoung feels anger coiling up inside her. just like it did before. âi donât know what i expected them to say. i really donât know. they...â a hot tear escapes her eye, and she quickly wipes it away, a harsh stroke. âmy mother said the same thing as last time. donât talk about those things.
âso i just hung up and blocked the number again. nothing changed. i donât think anything will ever change.â seoyoung grits her teeth. she finally looks up at naeun again, hoping on some level that seeing this anger wonât scare or worry her too much. âi think i donât want to be associated with them, unnie. our name, jegal. there arenât many people with that name. itâs too easy...â she exhales, frustrated. âthey can say look, thatâs my daughter. they wonât accept me but theyâll say that. i know theyâre still my parents but... how can i accept that?â
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juyeon felt so unbelievably overwhelmed by seoyoungâs presence. it felt so strange having spent their past year of their relationship talking through the phone and texting when they could, only to have seoyoung here, right in front of her. their meetings werenât often enough. juyeon went too long without kissing her. but that was what they signed up for, the price they paid. but a year was enough for juyeon to work out that they could do this. a lot of it was tough, tiresome; but loving seoyoung was easy. juyeon hums, her cheeks warm from blushing. what am i doing? she thinks to herself, shaking her head internally. she watches seoyoung carefully, curiously.
âiâm bold, huh?â juyeon asks with a raised brow, her fingers now entwined with seoyoungâs. but seoyoung is right, if theyâre going to achieve one thing tonight ⌠itâs definitely making out. she is surprised by yet another kiss, something juyeon needs to start getting use to. juyeon wonders if seoyoung can hear juyeonâs heart racing inside her chest? she hums, nodding her head at seoyoungâs suggestion. juyeon didnât really feel like getting her chef hat out tonight, although she did want to try and cook for seoyoung at some point. besides, take out was probably their best bet at eating, even though juyeon would be fine with selecting some ramyeon from her extensive ramyeon collection ( it was a traineeâs best friend ).Â
juyeon pouts. âyouâve already treated me enough by being here tonight, though~â she chimes, her voice playful. but juyeon wasnât going to deny her offer though, that would be rude. âi think ⌠iâve got some delivery menus lying around somewhere. iâll get âem out, okay?â juyeon says with a smile. seoyoung departs for the sofa while juyeon approaches the kitchen, trying desperately to remember where she actually keeps her takeout menus. she starts to rifle through her rather empty cupboards, cheering triumphantly when she finds a whole stack. she shuffles back over to seoyoung victoriously, plopping down beside her.
âmy training?â juyeon repeats with a smile. she shrugs. juyeon hadnât told anyone about the fact that she was apart of a debut project. not even her parents knew. it was her thing. a part of her was scared of announcing it, only for it to not go the way she intended. juyeon didnât want to be seen as a failure. not in the eyes of her parents and especially not in the eyes of her girlfriend. juyeon hums. âitâs ⌠going well, i think.â she says confidently with a nod. âi mean, iâm working hard on my dancing and rapping still, of course. sphere has me singing too now.â she adds.
juyeon pauses, slumping back against the sofa. she looks across to seoyoung. she feels bad, lying to seoyoung. âand iâm uh ⌠working hard towards something else too.â juyeon says quietly. was that enough of a hint for seoyoung to catch onto?Â
seoyoung nods and smiles, watching juyeon head off into the kitchen. itâs interesting to see her here at home, in her element. itâs very different from the days when they were both trainees, hustling away at seocho. in some ways her heart longs for that time; it was a different time, it felt so much simpler and full of possibilities. there was the stress, the long days of work and the uncertainty of ever debuting, but it was simple to have one goal to run to. and she got to see juyeon more, back then.
âwow,â she says as juyeon comes back with a pile of menus in her hands. âyouâre really an expert on takeout, huh?â her stomach is rumbling, just thinking of all the possibilities. pizza, chicken, ramyeon, tteokbeokki... it all looks good. seoyoung doesnât know where to start, so she just picks up a menu at random and unfolds it. âyou might have to tell me whatâs good.â
she looks carefully at juyeonâs face as she speaks about her training, and raises her eyebrows in interest. âsinging? really? iâd like to hear that.â itâs true, she hasnât even heard her girlfriend sing before. it was something that all trainees had to at least try, but juyeon downplayed it as a lesser skill. but regardless of what her singing voice sounds like, seoyoung has a feeling itâll just endear juyeon to her even more. she hums, with a suggestive smile.
when juyeon goes quiet, seoyoung frowns. âsomething else?â she repeats. juyeon said it so quietly that sheâs not sure if she should be worried or excited. âwell... is it something with the company? something with s-pop, maybe? or...â she bites her fingertips, trying not to get too excited. âa debut, maybe?â
luna never turns down hugs, naturally affectionate, and she doesnât feel silly in her crying. she squeezes seoyoung back, and even if thereâs something inherently embarrassing about crying in front of other people, surely this will only bring them closer. thatâs something she would never turn down either, even if it meant sacrificing some of her pride.
she raises an eyebrow at seoyoung, then further dabs at her eyes, tears finally drying. she makes a mental note to hydrate extra for the day to make up for all of the lost water from crying. maybe seoyoung has a point, though. aside from the small physical resemblance she and sunmi share, they do seem to have a certain likeness in spirit. âmaybe she knew even before we did,â luna laughs. thatâs highly unlikely, but she likes to think sphereâs ceo was happy to unite them. baek jiyoung was a kind woman for as long as luna knew her. thinking of her still makes her heart hurt a little. baek jiyoung lost both of them, too. she wonders if sheâs still happy for them now, having debuted outside of her hands.
she laughs again, nodding in agreement, because she and sunmiâs story is an unlikely one, and a little hard to believe. maybe itâs believable because itâs so contrived. surely it has been done before so many times that drama writers could find a more dramatic way to reveal sibling relationships? âi actually came to korea to try to find my birth family. sphere was kind of justâŚa detour, but i ended up finding my family without even really trying.â she shakes her head, still in a little disbelief herself.
she still hasnât met her dad. itâs a topic sheâs afraid to broach, though sheâs sure her motherâs husband would understand, angel of a man that he is. in the meantime, sheâll keep putting it off. sheâs plenty busy with her career now. she doesnât feel the desperation to know like she once did. maybe itâs thanks to the new family she gained after all.
âare you an only child?â she asks seoyoung, because she doesnât remember, though sheâs sure they talked about it before. âi donât remember,â she admits with another smile. god, her skin is going to be terrible from all the crying, she realizes, but thatâs a problem for a euijin of a later time. âsunmi is my only blood sisterâ that i know of âbut i have five adopted siblings. iâm the oldest. i donât think iâd know who i would be if i wasnât a sister.â seoyoungâs words make luna grin, though. âand now i have four more sisters!â
as euijin shares her experience, seoyoung nods sympathetically, trying to imagine it. in a way, euijinâs life is the opposite of hers. being raised in another country and having to search for her family... itâd be a great burden for any young woman, and something that takes great bravery and strength, she thinks. out of all the millions of people in south korea, to find oneâs family was a remarkable feat. âi hope it was worth it,â she says, wondering. âi mean, i'm sure it was worth it to find your sister. but the rest of your family. i hope everythingâs worked out with them.
âuh...â seoyoung pauses. âyeah.â she is an only child, technically, though itâs hard to even think of herself as being anyoneâs child anymore. âunfortunately,â she adds with a small, pained laugh. âmy parents... well, they put a lot of expectations on me because of that. and i wasnât really able to live up to them, so...â she pauses again. âwe donât talk anymore.â
she raises her eyebrows high. five siblings?! âoh my gosh, thatâs a huge family! how lucky you are.â seoyoung smiles. she really does think euijin is lucky. even if having that many siblings might be an annoyance at times, it must be so amazing. how could you ever feel alone? âah, and youâre the oldest? wow, that must have been a lot. iâm sure you took great care of the little ones, though.â
today is seoyoungâs, and my, four-year anniversary at rookies!
i wish i had paragraphs of stuff to say, but the words arenât there. what i do have is memories. four amazing years of rk memories. wow, iâve been here for as long as i was in high school. now thatâs a trip... rk was my first and only experience with krp. when i stumbled upon it at first i thought it was so strange, but it kept sticking in my mind and seoyoungâs character started building and building until i couldnât ignore it anymore. i had to give it a try. and, four years later, iâm still here.
i love rookies. for all its ups and downs, i think it is an amazingly crafted and special community. people pour their heart and soul into their characters, and iâve seen them grow through all that time. the stories may be fictional, but the accomplishments feel real. i may not be the most active member these days, but i love rkyena and rkchay, and the few other muses that i tried out along the way. i love the muns and members of luxe. i love everyone elseâs muses too. i love seeing their stories play out. i want to thank everyone for making rookies what it is, and i hope it will continue to grow and thrive.
luna scowls at the pat on her head, then laughs again, eyes still watery. despite her tougher image, luna does cry freely; she just isnât used to needing much comfort, and itâs even more unfamiliar from seoyoung. itâs not unwelcome, though, and maybe itâs a good thing she rely on her in a moment like this. they arenât as close as luna would like to be, and donât tears bring people together? well, it depends, but these tears should. she hopes so, anyway.
when her phone buzzes with a notification, she checks it to make sure the file arrived safely, and sure enough, it did. sheâll watch it later, when sheâs ready to feel humiliated and potentially cry again watching it through. luna laughs again at seoyoungâs comment. âbaek jiyoung is a bloodhoud,â she replies with a nod, still sniffling as her tears dry. she should probably find some tissues, but she doesnât feel like moving yet, an already lazy girl a little less willing to move thanks to emotional exhaustion. as for how it felt finding out sunmi was her sister? well isnât that a story.
âi donât know where you want me to start,â she laughs. thereâs so much context that only naeun knows. she doesnât mind sharing as many details as seoyoung would like. she sees the luxe girls as new sisters of a sort anyway. âi found out we were sisters because of our motherâs diary. sunmi was reading it one day, and i happened to catch her crying over it. i didnât know it at the time, but she had dropped it, and i picked it up to give it back to her and saw my name. we put everything together after that. kind of a bizarre experience.â she tilts her head to the side, recalling it, but then smiles a little wistfully. âit was emotional, but amazing, really. you know, i was adopted, soâ a big part of the reason i came back to korea in the first place was to see if i could find my biological family. turns out i didnât have to even work that hard. god just did his thing.â
when the initial head-pat is well-received, seoyoung follows it up with a squeeze. she hasnât gone through this process, this testing the waters of affection, in some time. of course sheâs hugged all the members plenty, but itâs different when comforting someone whoâs crying. whatâs the right thing to do? to make them feel loved and not suffocated? seoyoung already knew nayoung before she joined the group, so there wasnât much of a learning process there. sheâs glad to finally cross this bridge with euijin.
âmaybe itâs really not a coincidence,â seoyoung muses, tilting her head. âmaybe... some part of her noticed the similarity, deep down, and whatever she saw in sunmi was in you too. like, a psychological thing.â sheâs far from an expert, but sheâs heard of things like that. twins separated at birth who led parallel lives. euijin isnât a twin, but isnât there always some kind of essence that siblings share? no matter how different they look or act? seoyoung thinks so.
as euijin relates her bizarre experience, seoyoungâs mouth drops open in shock. âoh... my god. thatâs... like something from a drama. i wouldnât even believe it.â to learn something so suddenly that could turn your world upside down? she might faint. âthatâs incredible luck. or fate. or god, yeah.â sheâs not exactly religious, but she certainly couldnât think of a better explanation for something like that.
she rests her head on her knees, thoughts roaming. âiâm trying to imagine what i would do, but i really canât,â seoyoung says, with a disbelieving laugh. âi used to dream of having a sister. i wanted it so much. maybe...â she trails off and sighs. maybe if my parents had another child, they wouldnât have placed all their expectations on me. âwell, i guess things happen for a reason. luxe is my family now, after all,â she says, mustering a small smile.
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maybe luna will be embarrassed about crying later. right now, she feels plenty justified. after all, she just opened her birthday present from her sister: a box full of photographs of them together, and a photograph of her birth mother holding her.
luna is adopted, and sunmiâs half sister. their mother met an early death, and luna only moved to korea to find her roots after high school. she discovered sunmi was her sister, strangely, as they were both sphere trainees. itâs this way that she gained a new family: a man that wouldâve been her father had her mother not had an affair, and a man that treated her like a daughter coming home regardless.Â
she has two families now, and she loves them both dearly, more than anything. she misses themâ all of them, and she misses the mother she never got to meet, too. it all weighs heavily on her heart, melancholic, bittersweet, but mostly sweet. sheâll treasure this gift for a long time, and itâs why the tears take a while to dry, even after opening the gift
at least itâs still early in the morning, and she doesnât have any makeup on to ruin. sheâs been there too many times.Â
she looks up at seoyoung with a smile, even while still tear-stained. she laughs through them, and wipes at her eyes. âthank you for filming,â she says. âi hope it makes sunmi cry. itâs what she deserves. can you send the video to me?â
âyeah, of course,â seoyoung says, nodding with a small smile. sheâs honored that euijin chose her to film this emotional moment, even if it was simply the convenience of her being there. itâs odd to see the strong euijin with tears in her eyes, but maybe thatâs just a side of her that seoyoung hasnât been able to see yet. she gives her unnie a comforting pat on the head.
the story behind all this had been somewhat hard to follow; it was a lot to take in at once. regardless of how few or how many details euijin shared, it was clearly a heavy background. not quite as simple as the traditional korean family. though, from seoyoungâs own experience, even a very simple family could hide a web of secrets and drama.
she taps to save the video file, then sends it to euijin. seoyoung sets her phone down while the file transfers and hugs her knees, looking up at euijinâs face. âso... what was it like finding out that she was her sister?â she asks. âi canât imagine how that would feel. iâm so used to being an only child. and you both becoming trainees in the same place... wow, there must be something in your blood,â she jokes.