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my family and i went to a quiet place, breathed some nice air and had healing time together! after our time together, i've come back with a fresh mind 😌 😌
the sunset was so beautiful yesterday so i took a picture ㅋㅋㅋ my photo-taking skills aren't that great ㅜㅜ i hope your sunsets look much prettier than mine
olympias, who i love always, have a happy chuseok 💖
🕘 15 DAYS SINCE LAST LOG IN 💬 79 COMMENTS 📄 NEW POST !
learning choreography has always been a grueling process for naeun.
it wasn’t that she didn’t like dancing nor that she wasn’t good at it. ( she’d like to think that she’s gotten leagues better in comparison to how she started back in 2014 ) but while their choreography wasn’t the hardest in the world, having to do it in heels all the while looking as sensual as possible always seemed to stump her. ( it was always her trying her hardest not to look constipation, and hoping that the 1% who did think she looked such a way wouldn’t comment in under the videos on youtube )
after the first comment that had said so, naeun had forcibly stopped herself from searching up comments and reviews about herself.
it was why, when they’re shown the choreography that would accompany their promotions for ‘ ah yeah ’, naeun just prayed that it wouldn’t be any harder to do in heels. and thankfully, it wasn’t. at least by naeun’s standards ( and she wasn’t an lead dancer, at that ) -- to say she was able to follow the cues fairly easy was saying a lot. considering, usually, she’d be dragging nayoung or seolhyun back to the practice rooms once the choreographer had left to go over the movements again. this time, she was able to follow the movements -- and go home early too!
it was weird to think about, considering how fun the ‘ oh boy ’ song turned out -- she had been thinking they’d try for a more fun choreography but it paled in comparison to their ‘ ah yeah ’ choreography. which, naeun figured, was so that it wouldn’t outshine the promotional song. she shouldn’t be complaining, though ( not that she outrightly would ), if the choreography was any harder, it would mean she would be losing even more sleep than she intended.
at least this way, ahead of promotions, at least she’d get the most out of sleep that she could. ( it was one less thing to worry about )
her head shakes as she feels her grandma kang pinch her side, once more lamenting about her sudden weight loss as she fixed up the rest of the side dishes onto the picnic blanket. she wonders when mason will get here. whenever he was around, her grandma was usually much more infatuated with him than her. having arrived with her grandparents ( their driver had made the fortunate pass near her dorm and happily picked her up on their way to the park ) that by the time it had begun to turn noon ; almost all the spots in the grass had been taken. why her grandparents wanted to spend chuseok outdoors rather than inside was beyond her --
she can spot her grandpa kang in the distance, another body near him. if naeun squinted, she would guess he had found mason but upon closer inspection -- as they walked closer and closer to the spot she and her grandma sat at -- naeun could feel her face freeze in surprise. was that taehyung? she feels her jaw go slack at the sight before her.
“yah, what are you doing back in korea?” she asks -- the sudden shock from seeing his familiar face melting as he drew near. “did the aliens decide you were too much for them?” naeun pouts before laughing.
seoyoung takes a deep breath. “yeah, i’m okay. i… i think.”
the variety show on tv had somewhat distracted her from the thoughts clouding up her mind. it’s funny to see these shows now that luxe has been on most of them, now that they’ve seen them from the other side. rather than just enjoying the comedy and the guests’ antics, now she can’t help but think of the fond memories they made there, the little things behind the camera that viewers never see. it was as good a distraction as any, until her worries become too loud to ignore.
{ tw: homophobia }
﹡ ━━ it’s a reflex, but she feels her brows dip -- furrowing further at the other’s words. understanding blooms slowly, she gulps before nodding. until seoyoung spoke again, naeun wasn’t sure what to think. she didn’t want to fear the worst -- but she could feel that sinking feeling at the depths of her. a part of her scared to hear what seoyoung was to say -- and the memories that came with the single mention of what happened the year prior is enough to confirm naeun’s fears.
then surprise sparks, her eyes alight with the emotion. seoyoung had talked to her parents? naeun, once more, isn’t sure what to think -- a dozen or so thoughts racing in her mind. had it gone well -- had it gone bad? from the sound of seoyoung’s voice, her actions, naeun could only assume the latter and she swallows harder, her hand moving quick to wrap itself around seoyoung’s to give her a light squeeze.
“it isn’t right.” all she wanted to do was wrap the other in her arms, and give her that familial love that her family couldn’t. it hurt that they would go to such lengths to hurt the younger girl. “they’ve hurt you so much, they shouldn’t be allowed to call themselves parents.” they’re a disgrace, she wants to say but refrains.
naeun closes her eyes at the confirmation -- at the words that leave seoyoung’s lips ; it brings an anger, a frustration to naeun’s core. much like before, naeun feels disbelief at the audacity seoyoung’s parents had. how could they treat their daughter in such a way? it hurt naeun more, hearing that while seoyoung had taken the initiative to try -- such efforts had been thrown back into her face, useless. she can feel her molars grind, her hand tightens around the other’s again. “you shouldn’t have to.” she says, shaking her head. naeun knew she was fortunate, her family would never treat her like seoyoung’s has -- and it was that fact that made her all the more sympathetic to seoyoung. with a sigh, naeun levels her gaze with seoyoung’s. while afraid of what she may say, naeun asks her, softly; thumb rubbing the back of the other’s hand in comfort. “what are you going to do?”
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it was euijin’s turn to have the tv that night and rather than fight her on it, naeun relented and took it upon herself to go back to the old and tested method of watching dramas -- the almighty laptop. while she wasn’t sure if any of the dramas on netflix were any good, she was sure that she and seolhyun would be able to find something. it had been a while since they had binged anything together -- their schedules were quite unforgiving, leaving them little to no time for all nighters that consisted of dreamy men and cute but cliche romantic scenes under the stars. alas, it was unfortunate but somehow, someway -- naeun was going to make sure that they at least go through at least 2 episodes of any drama she could find tonight.
she had missed these types of nights with seolhyun, anyways.
it was practically tradition -- after having started it shortly after they had begun dorming together, naeun was literally aching to squeal and cry with seolhyun over some sappy drama. and after each of them had been part of their own shows, it had made naeun even more curious about the dramas they watched. so after a time, she comes into the other’s room with her laptop in tow -- already scrolling through the recommendations that netflix had pulled up onto her account. “okay, since euijin took control of the tv. we’re just going to have to make due with my computer. do you know if there’s any show on netflix that’s a good tear-jerker?”
“nayoungie ~” her voice rings into the room before she makes her appearance in the doorway ; a hand knocking on the open door. her head pops in to check if the other was in. ( luckily, she was ) unlike the other girls, nayoung had the fortune of having the only solo room in the dorm. after all the other members had moved out, and the rest of the roommates situation had been sorted, it was left to nayoung’s capable hands. after having gone over the schedule, again, with the manager ( something about how naeun had to be more on top of her members or something like that -- as if naeun wasn’t already feeling guilty for not doing enough the past few months ) ; naeun had made to seek out nayoung.
stepping into the other’s room, she immediately dives onto the other’s bed, seeking the warmth of the other girl. “your photoshoot with black yak is tomorrow,” she says into the other’s side as her arms wrap along the girl’s midsection. she hopes she hadn’t accidentally launched herself onto nayoung’s bed while she was taking a nap ( maybe she should have checked before doing so ) ; “are you excited?”
turning to lay on her back, she stares at the ceiling with a small sigh.
“you’ll get merch, right?” she asks lightly, glancing at the other from where she had laid down ; snuggling deeper into the other’s comforter. it wasn’t like naeun needed any new clothes -- but she had been looking at the black yak site earlier that day, and while naeun wasn’t an avid sports or outdoors person, the jackets had definitely caught her eye. not that she had come into her member’s room to ask for anything like that.
her footsteps are light and fast as she comes bounding down the hallway from the front door, box in hand. having gotten the alert from her phone that a certain package had been delivered, naeun had excused herself from their room to grab it from the doorman. in a way, it was to avoid getting scolded again by their manager for buying miscellaneous things that took up space that was nearly nonexistent in the dorm. but naeun insisted ( in her head, at least ) that this was something all of them would like. if not, needed in their lives. with that certainty, she had bought the thing -- not really thinking to ask whether the others agreed or not.
( not that naeun expected them to turn her down or anything, but still )
by the time she makes it into her room, she’s plopping to the nearest bed -- unfortunately it was euijin’s rather than her own -- to show off what she had bought to the younger girl. “hey - hey - hey, do you want to see what i bought?” her eyebrows waggle as she goads the other one, probably disturbing her -- but nonetheless, continuing to do it until she got an answer from her.
Getting skincare products seemed to be the least amount of things that Somin goes out to buy these days. A couple of sighs, the usual cleaning of her shared home with Sunmi, the odd working hours and scheduling of different events warrants a pick-me-up. There aren’t many stores open this late either, and there’s a silent scold in her mind about why she’s doing this now instead of waiting until other stores would be open in the morning. She ruffles her hair with a sigh, entering the store as she’s in search of some face masks to boost some life into her tired features. with nothing but her beanie on her head and make-up to shield her eye bags caked in make-up.
She’s certain Sunmi would probably be annoyed that she’s exhausting herself, and be as closed up as she’s become lately.
Shaking her head, the Jordans on her feet guide her to the wide selection of face masks that the store offers. Somin can only scrunch up her nose, trying to recall which one would be best suited for her. There’s not that many people in the store, but there seems to be only one staff member on duty, ringing up purchases between helping customers. “It’s going to take forever before I find the one I need…” she says softly, though loud enough for a nearby customer to hear. Where is she supposed to begin?
﹡ ━━ it wasn’t everyday that she made it to the nearest olive young -- but naeun was desperate. she had forgotten the day before that she was already to her last dollop of makeup remover and by the end of the day, just knew she wouldn’t have enough to salve her skin tonight. and sleeping with even a smidge of makeup ( unremoved by water and her cleanser ) was unacceptable. ( she was probably being over dramatic and her skin could take a day of not doing her extensive routine but naeun was already in too deep to turn back from her skin guru ways )
after schedules that day, she had made a beeline to the nearest store -- manager kyu had offered to go out and buy it for her ( bless his kind soul ) but naeun already had a feeling he’d come home with the wrong one. and rather than let him exhaust himself in the beauty aisle, she was determined to let him rest after the long day they had. ( after all, it wasn’t just the idol who was working hard during the day )
so, here she goes -- promising to make a quick one-through the shop before leaving only to hear the remarks of a nearby customer. curious, and slightly concerned, naeun turns to the other -- words already leaving her lips before she could think to stop them. “did you need some he --” she was poised to say before her eyes fell to who had spoken in the first place ; finally focusing her gaze on the other’s face. “eh? -- is that you somin-ah?”
“I like it better than staying at home or training the whole time,” Seolhyun replied matter of factly. She saw herself as more of the active kind, or rather ambitious, wanting to take the opportunities as they came by. Like with her time filming The Heirs, or even with Dream Knight before that, there were hiding places here and there to find considering they were not needed for all hours. Has Naeun found those places in the sets they’ve laid out for them?
“I managed to keep myself busy and that distracted me from sleeping. But you also know me, I can’t just sleep anywhere. So I talked to the extras or the staff, or went to the styling trailer to try out their techniques in hair and makeup. One of the best days were when I had scenes in Bona’s bedroom and there was a bed right there. Honestly, I fell asleep there more than once. The staff would wake me up when they needed me soon, but some did tell me they tried to give me as much rest as they could too.”
Watching videos only worked for a time, because in those hours when she was the most sleepy, it would just make her eyes heavier. She hummed softly, thinking of more ideas and experiences she had during her weeks filming. “Oh, also… during my breaks, I saw some being able to bring their hobbies on set, too. One knew how to knit, so they would sit there and do it. And drawing too? Something to keep your mind occupied.”
﹡ ━━ naeun wasn’t really adept to filming sites. sure, she’s had the fortunate experience in the past. but that had been a lifetime ago -- even now, she still felt it was quite surreal that she had been casted at all amongst the others who had auditioned alongside her. the only positive, that she really had thought of at the beginning of it all, was that she would get to pseudo-sing for certain parts of her scenes. that had really been the most draw to the part for her, to be honest. but now, after suffering over long nights that never seemed to end -- maybe she had really been in over her head.
( was she cut out for this type of work? )
unlike seolhyun, naeun couldn’t say whether she liked it better -- sure, it was different and naeun was one who liked different things. never one to stay on the same path ; but she was also a creature who adored her sleep, uninterrupted. and unfortunately, over the past few months of filming, it had really put a dent in her rem cycle. “that’s true.” seolhyun had never been one who could just sleep right away. “that was sweet of them. if only i could have a bedroom scene, maybe i could catch a few z’s. i just feel so embarrassed to sneak off to sleep -- i don’t want them to think badly of me.” she frowns, fingers tugging at the edge of the lyrical sheet she had dropped into her lap.
“oh, did you? maybe i can bring something. maybe my coloring books or something, i just don’t want to seem ungrateful for the opportunity or .. i don’t know, like i don’t want to be there if i seem occupied with something else.” she still wasn’t quite sure what was the appropriate decorum with things like these. sure, her co-workers had tried their best to make her feel comfortable ; but it was still hard to not be intimidated by those who had leagues of experience from her whenever she got to set. “i wish someone i knew got casted with you, you were lucky to have ariel and jonghyun.”
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Flowers teach hope and patience. Flowers teach tenderness. Flowers teach futility and amazement. You know me, I am always willing to learn. Besides, it is spring. The beautiful forces of nature refuse to remain silent and I feel like observing everything.
Katherine Mansfield, from a letter to J. M. Murry written c. April 1922 (via siikens)
her shoes clatter in the entryway to announce her arrival. it’s odd to see it so empty -- most of their members had gone home for the chuseok holiday, after all -- leaving only naeun and seoyoung at the dorm. not that it was a bad thing, it left them time to spend with each other and as naeun had promised, she would never want to leave any of her members by themselves if she could help it. it was fortunate that naeun’s closest relatives were in seoul, anyways, so it saved on the crazy traffic it would take her to go back to busan and her penchant for unbroken promises. she makes it home by seven, having stopped by one of the rare restaurants that hadn’t closed down for the holiday to pick up some food for her and seoyoung ( a bundle of half and half chicken to go with the side dishes and songpyeon her grandmother had given her before she had left their picnic that afternoon ) .
“seoyoung-ah, are you here?” she tries to fix her shoes the best she can, not wanting their manager to come in and see the mess in the doorway in the morning, before making her way to the kitchen to set down the bags that were achingly weighing her arms down. ( she could already feel the spikes of numbness in her biceps ) she pats her hands clean on the dish towel by the sink before moving about to remove the containers from the bags. “have you eaten yet? i brought food like i promised!”
◆ 체리 of LUXE(럭스) - ‘ GRAVITY by SARA BAREILLES ’ (COVER) .
it’s a song she knows like the back of her hand ( or her heart, if she wanted to be poetic about it ) -- she’s sung it more times than she can realistically count.
and here she is again, begging her team to let her make an official cover for it -- despite their suggestions to do something a little more upbeat ; a little more happy ; ‘no ballads’ they had tried to pleaded with her ; naeun still went along with her preparations for the song.
no ballads? did royal really not know her at all?
even with so jisub’s criticisms about how her ballads were boring and repetitive -- naeun still loved them. knew her voice adapted well to them and if anything, at least she hoped her fans would enjoy them as much as she did.
this time, rather than just sing, she had prepared the piano accompaniment as well.
it wasn’t her fault that the set designers had pushed for the moody affect -- dimmed lighting, white dress, black piano -- if anything, naeun had just went along with it ( albeit, happily ). rather than the casual, less poised, filming that they had done with her late night cover ; this was much more refined, planned -- and while low-budget, it still was more than just gearing up th recording studio.
she hadn’t expected it at all, but liked it all the same.
while her piano skills aren’t exactly spectacular, she makes it through the first rehearsal without the occasional slips -- the usual blunders of mistaken keys and notes that had occurred when she had first practiced the song the week before. now, it seemed like it was almost second-nature.
she’s sure the song has had over hundreds of covers already, but as she sings -- the camera whirring around her ; fingers on the keys , she feels herself get lost in the song once again. a difference -- once more -- to the songs she usually sings as luxe’s cheri. because, if she thought of it too deeply, songs like these were more the color of luxe’s son naeun rather than luxe’s charismatic leader. these were far too emotional, scratching below the surface than luxe has yet to do. not that their catchy and upbeat feminine anthems weren’t her taste, but this -- this feeling she got as she sung these words, they felt raw, far more real to her.
a contrast to what she usually did for them. and she liked it -- the difference. because for naeun, this felt more her than any of the songs she had been singing recently. she could only wish to do it more. feels this emotion more as she continues to sing, eyes half-closed as the camera ran around her ; capturing her in the low lighting.
and as the final note runs out and she realizes, two years later, maybe royal still doesn’t quite get her at all.
“There’s a Japanese phrase that I like: koi no yokan. It doesn’t mean love at first sight. It’s closer to love at second sight. It’s the feeling when you meet someone that you’re going to fall in love with them. Maybe you don’t love them right away, but it’s inevitable that you will.”
— Nicola Yoon, The Sun Is Also a Star
(via weltenwellen)
◆ 체리 of LUXE(럭스) - ‘ LATE NIGHT by NOEL ’ (COVER) .
it’s a nice break from normality, naeun thinks.
weirdly enough -- her normal was filled with wardrobe fittings, table readings and filming sites. and for the first couple of weeks naeun had ever intention of disliking it. she hadn’t been in an ‘actor’-esque headspace in years and to suddenly be thrown into it like this was beyond her. ( especially after her audition that had only confirmed her doubts of her acting ability -- somehow, someway the chance had come and much like her money-hungry company, she had taken it for the ride )
so, when she mentions it to management in passing ( like she seems to do a lot these days ), she’s overjoyed when they give her the permission to do a cover of noel’s song on their company channel. it was a opportunity she had wanted very much.
because she, a vocal, doing anything but singing was aghast to herself.
even her fans had figured the surprise and commented on her social media as of late the moment rumors had fled the entertainment chains. so, naeun does what she thinks is best -- to quiet their fears with a song. because songs always made everything better, right?
naeun doesn’t think too much of her song choice, noel has always been a group she admired ever since she had come to korea. her sister had introduced them to her, vouching that their vocal harmonies would breath life into her ‘shallow’ world. and that much was true. the harmonic fluidity of the balladeers was commendable.
and while a younger, less mature naeun would have feared ruining the song ; she had grown from her vocal insecurities. after fights of years of waiting, she could do what she loved and do so happily ( even if her company wanted to try to steer her into a completely different direction ) ; naeun hoped that she’ll be able to still find the right path to what she solely believed she was destined to do.
she had rehearsed the song several times, accompanied by coach teo and coach choi on numerous occasions to fix any vocal mishaps that happened -- especially when she got too excited ( or ambitious ) with her runs -- but the day the recording comes is casual. opting out of the fancy sets, she comes to the recording studio in the bare minimum. ( still adequately dolled up in a ‘no-makeup-but-makeup’ fashion as deemed by their salon )
all she had to do was put the headphones on and sing.
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there’s been a lot weighing on seoyoung’s mind lately. no matter how many times the members have been there for her, all the struggles they’ve gotten through together, there’s still a small cloud of hesitation hanging over her. does she really want to burden them with her problems when they’re already working so hard?
at the end of a long day, seoyoung sees the dark circles under her eyes in the mirror and remembers the much greater danger of keeping things bottled up. that brings everyone down. and she really can’t go on without someone to talk to. she’ll tell juyeon soon enough, but first she wants to talk to naeun. she’s nothing if not the perfect leader, always kind and strong, willing to listen. she’ll know what to do.
that’s how they find themselves in a cozy corner of the common area, seoyoung rubbing her palms hard over her face, trying to keep herself calm and composed. “i’m thinking…” she trails off, then huffs, frustrated that the words won’t come out easily. “i’m thinking of changing my name.”
﹡ ━━ finally she had time to catch up on her shows. on a casual night at home, she was happy to be watching some shows on late-night television with seoyoung. it had been months since they have properly seen each other in the dorm. it’s been a time naeun had missed. thankful for the time, she enjoys the quiet between them ; eyes trained on the show they were currently watching.
she hums at attention when she hears seoyoung’s voice over the comedic relief of the variety show they were watching; turning her full attention to seoyoung rather than watching the other carefully from the corner of her eye ( like she had been doing since seoyoung had joined her on the couch ). “oh?” her hand that had been nonchalantly holding the remote moves to lower the volume so she can hear seoyoung better. her words confuse naeun but rather than suddenly question it -- naeun nods her head, allowing the other to continue. “did something happen for you to want to change it?” she asks at first, a tentative hand reaches out to carefully pat the other’s ; assuring her of her presence.
it’s been a crazy few months -- and naeun suddenly feels her own absence in the dorm. since she had been so busy filming her drama, she had lost sight of her other duties in her group. she wasn’t just a vocalist in luxe but also their leader -- and for the most part, for naeun, that meant being the pillar they could lean on if they ever had anything that troubled them.
Of course he had followed Luxe closely since their debut, and of course he knew the members when he saw one. They were not his favourite girl group for nothing after all. What had started as him waiting for his brother to show up in the Royal cafe to dump one of these stupid flyers on him (it counted right? Even though they lived in the same house?) turned into a fateful encounter as none other than the leader of Luxe stepped in and made his jaw drop to the table. Honestly he had thought himself having the luck of a lifetime when he get to see her and work with her up close during the MGAs last year, and thus he had never expected to see her again. The young fan felt like he could cry from joy right there and then, but he managed to hold it in and sprint up to her.
“Sunbaenim!” he called out hoping he wouldn’t get pushed away by the guards immediately. “I don’t think you remember me but I’m Daehwi, you coached and helped me once! I’m sure it’s thanks to you that I’m where I am today so can you please take this?!” With those words, his body bent into a deep bow as he shakily from nerves held out one of the flyers for her to take. For his next request however, he became strangely bashful, not knowing how to convey his feelings. “And… I-if you can, then maybe a sign…”
﹡ ━━ she was running late -- something that she hadn’t done since her first week at royal all those years ago. even though it was a customary vocal lesson, naeun still hadn’t making coach choi wait for her -- especially when she had been the one to set up the appointment. having gotten to the company building in the middle of the day -- her manager had been by her side in case fans got too close, something she was grateful to. ever since news of her being casted in the new drama alongside kim soohyun, she’d been seeing more people follow after her than usual.
just as she was about to pass the threshold from the cafe ( she couldn’t help herself from grabbing a bite of one of the bowls -- yena had gotten her hooked ever since the first time they had come here ) but she hears a familiar voice propel her backwards -- head turning at the sound of a call. she feels her eyes narrow as she tries to put a name to the face before realization sets and a grin immediately warps along her lips, happily. “ah, daehwi-ssi, right?” her hands clap joyfully before setting a touch to her manager’s shoulder to allow the younger to pass by. “it’s been so long, how are you?”
she watches as the other passes a paper her way -- eyes widening at just what was written on the paper. it was laughable. a recruitment flyer from sphere -- for her? a royal idol? “ah, are you here to poach me out of royal’s hands?” she laughs before shaking her head ; his second request has her giggling once more before nodding. “of course, i’ll take any request from a former pupil!” manager kyu is at the ready with a pen, passing it over to her so she could sign the paper with her signature. although a clumsy signature, she hoped it was good enough ( she was still trying to work on her signature ) for daehwi. “here you go -- i hope this is alright!”
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