Shift the tide.

Their biggest problem is always that they have to stop moving at some point. At least, that’s what River blames it on.  Easier to pin it on down time when internal distress in it’s myriad bullshit forms comes calling. Bee is still helping them through learning that it’s okay to blame the real causes. 

It’s stupid, really, when they were doing so well today; morning conditioning had gone smoothly and they were looking forward to getting back on the court again later.  But they’d made the mistake, in the interim, of setting about unpacking the one bag they hadn’t touched. When they pull the sketchbook they’d been using last season out of their backpack, the photograph they’d gingerly taped to their wall this same time last year slips out of its place between two unused pages.  They’d put it there for protection in their hurry to pack and forgotten about it.  It’s a picture of them and Dana together, the one she’d insisted upon getting developed so they’d have at least one “family picture.”  They’d liked having it, before, but today it’s just a reminder of the conversation they wish they hadn’t had to have, how cold their own voice had sounded to them that morning.

The whole situation reminds them of their mother, her vacillation between chilly indifference and icy hatred. It was like if she just pretended her children didn’t exist, that she didn’t care what was happening to them daily in front of her eyes, she could pretend she hadn’t pledged herself to the monster that saddled her with them and left herself no way out.  Alternatively, if she had to acknowledge them she at least had an outlet for her feelings; if they were regularly reminded that two of her deepest regrets were bringing each of them into the world, it was one more burden she didn’t have to shoulder alone.  What did she care if River hated looking in the mirror because her eyes stared back at them? If they had more nightmares about her than they had about their father? If they sat here on their dorm bed worrying about becoming her, years after the last time they’d seen her? It was bad enough that’d she’d contributed to the scars written all over their body without her continuing to cast her shadow over their life.

River releases a heavy breath, setting the photo aside.  Sitting here and stewing is pointless when they could be doing literally anything else.  Afternoon practice doesn’t start for a little while yet, but they have to get out of their room, regardless.  They don’t realize how intently they’ve been storming down the hallway until they accidentally brush past someone, immediately turning to apologize and hoping it isn’t someone quick to anger, until they realize it’s Brayden.  “Shit, sorry,” they say honestly, shaking their head to try and clear it a little more.  “Don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Fox Tower is a sight for sore eyes, even after only being away for a month.  It’d been good to see their sister right up until it really hadn’t been, at least, but even when the two of them got along staying with her had always felt like they were mooching, overstaying their welcome, even during their last two years of high school when they had been contributing financially.  Whether or not River belonged here, though, was no longer in question for them, if it ever had been. Just as well, since they had just effectively alienated the only family that mattered and had no idea where they were going to end up next summer, but that line of thought wasn’t really worth following at the moment, not on move in day. It still hurt, but unless Dana was going to put her 50% toward making their relationship as siblings work, they would have to be content with fading into the rest of each other’s bad memories. 

They focus instead on getting everything into their new room and starting to unpack, which, since they don’t have much, doesn’t take very long.  It’s satisfying to start getting things into their newly claimed space, unroll their bedspread and hang up their pink, blue and white pride flag again next to the Atlanta Thunder poster they managed to acquire over the summer (maybe it was weird to start stanning a team just because a former Fox was one of them, but damn if River didn’t need the hope that someone like them could make it).

When they’re finally satisfied with how their corner of the room looks, figuring they can rearrange things later if they need to, they head out into the hallway with the intention of seeing if anyone needs help moving things, only to almost run into someone they don’t recognize.  One of the freshmen, or maybe a transfer, they can’t be sure.  “Sorry,” River says, near-collision probably isn’t the best first impression.  “I, uh, don’t think we’ve met. I’m River.”

Truth be told, River’s summer break hadn’t actually been much of a break with how busy they’d been, even if they had done it to themself.  Which is what makes it such a relief to be here in Abby’s back yard tonight, free from their summer job and the confinement of Dana’s cramped apartment at last. Practice starts up again in just a couple of days, which makes this among the last moments of breathing room they’re going to have for the foreseeable future, but they’re actually looking forward to having their familiar routine again, and being around people who only know them as who they actually are. Hanging out with some of their old high school friends, if they could be called that, had sort of been nice, but it wasn’t the same as it was with the Foxes. Granted, they’d sort of kept to themself for the most part last season and weren’t super close to a lot of people yet, but they feel like that’s gradually starting to change.

tw: abuse (past, mentioned)

casey: this is why you are my favorite you have never once questioned the validity of my spectral roommate.

casey: YOU ARE VALID GHOST OF GENERAL BEAUREGARD!!

casey: i fell asleep during a ghost adventures marathon and he woke me up by screaming and jumping over the back of the couch so that's a very real possibility.

casey: we're breaking up i hat e him.

river: general beauregard. I love it 😂

river: if it really is a ghost doesn't the den have a cat in residence? they'll protect you. i think i read that some superstition believes cats can see them.

Colin was used to always being the new kid on the team, to bullying his way onto teams in the middle of the season, trusting his skill to pave his way. And, oftentimes, he left the same way he came: in the middle of the season, without a goodbye, never finishing anything he’d started, never seeing anything through. Coming back to the Foxes as a sophomore at the beginning of the year had been an adjustment, looking at the freshmen and realizing that he had more experience than they did, that he knew more—coming back to the Foxes as a junior, reaching the middle of the tenure with his Foxes, practically an upperclassmen, will likely be even more jarring.

Granted, he can’t say he’d really used his experience or his wisdom or what-have-you to help River out much, this year, but maybe he’d needed this year to grow into it. To realize that he could, if he wanted to. And then, to realize that maybe he does want to. 

He hefts a box in his arms, leads the way down the hall, taking a few attempts to jab the down button on the elevator with his elbow before he gets it. The look he levels at River is unabashedly curious—Colin’s never had any siblings of his own, though he spent more than a few years wishing for one, wishing for an ally against his mother when things were at their worst and he felt the most alone, and so he can’t help but feel interested when he hears about someone else’s, though he doesn’t exactly know what he wants to ask or how. “Older sister, I’m guessing? That’s cool. I’m going on Eliana’s road adventure and then I’m probably just gonna keep driving solo. Visit whoever will have me, hope my car survives.”

It’s a strange thing to be thinking about right now, maybe, but the whole moving out process has made it more clear that the start of next season is approaching fast, and when it arrives River’s going to be older than some of their new teammates, will have have been part of this team for longer.  It isn’t an idea they’re used to, yet; any kind of seniority usually means having to try and set some kind of example, and they still feel green even with this year behind them.  It’s probably a good thing there are plenty of people in the upper years to take over the brunt of that work, such as it is.  Upperclassman status doesn’t necessarily make someone a stellar role model, but at the very least it means experience, something River still doesn’t consider themself to have very much of when it comes to anything just yet.  

Socializing is on that list, for sure, but they’re miles ahead of where they were last summer, still jumping at shadows.  They take Colin’s seemingly curious expression as tacit permission to talk a little more.  “Older, yeah.  Which means we don’t have that much in common, but she lets me crash at her place,”  they shrug.  “That road trip sounds like fun. Where are you guys going?”

Noah hadn’t seen New York, but he almost had, had it not been for the accident. There was a meet not far from New York City, and his scores from his final competition were definitely enough to earn him an invitation, but one never came. Instead, he received condolences from coaches and gymnasts he’d met in his short-lived career, along with physical therapy, stricter rules at home, and a hole he’d searched for years to fill, before finding that the Vixens were a nice fit. He tried not to spend much time thinking about where he would be if it all hadn’t happened, like how his summers might have been spent travelling not only the country, but the world as competitions got harder and further away; maybe he’d even be on a more high-profile team. But instead of hotel beds and a luggage overflowing with leotards, Noah sat on his bed at home, his suitcase still occupied by, among other things, his Vixen uniform. 

At least he had company, he thought. His cat stalked around the floor, debating on whether he would be happier on Noah’s bed where it was soft, on the desk where the window cast warm sunlight, or on the dresser where he had the best vantage point in the room. Trying to coax Mittens to join him, promising not only the softness of his bed but also the warmth of his lap, Noah had barely been paying attention to his phone when he asked his question. Noticing it was River, Noah was a bit surprised, a slightly embarrassed blush creeping up to his face at the thought of how awkward this must be. River seemed nice enough, Noah thought, but they were a Fox, and anyone who possessed the skills to excel at Exy tended to intimidate Noah at first glance. “Oh! Uh, kind of? I thought Casey was the last person to text in the group chat, but I guess your message was right near his, so I must’ve tapped you on accident - sorry! Um, not like I didn’t wanna - I just… don’t think we’ve really talked much.” He felt bad at the prospect of just leaving it there, of just hanging up. “But, um, how’s it going?”

The situation is sort of awkward, that much River is sure of.  But at the very least, it’s Noah who’d called them on accident, rather than one of their more stand-offish teammates.  They’re sure it’s weird, but the nervousness in his voice makes them feel a bit better about it, too.  They know the ‘bad kids’ reputation that follows the Foxes influences the rest of Palmetto’s student body, and they wonder if it’s the same for some of the Vixens, for all their support. “It’s fine, the chat makes it way too easy to call or text the wrong person, I’ve done it before.”  While it’s true that they haven’t talked to him much, or to many of the Vixens, really, besides a few words in passing at team parties, if he isn’t going to just hang up they won’t either.  If they really are serious about branching out and talking to people more, they have to start somewhere.  Even if this isn’t exactly a conventional way to go about it.  River realizes their leg is starting to fall asleep, and they lift the cat from their lap onto the table as gently as possible, pacifying him by scratching him behind the ears when he makes grumpy noises at them.  

“I’m alright, I have the attention of a cat at the moment, which makes everything better.”  They angle the phone so that the animal in question is in view.  “He’s one of the many black and white cats who got stuck with the name Oreo, but I don’t think he cares.”  River probably shouldn’t be allowing him on the table, but they might as well be the only person home, so they aren’t actually worried about it.  Oreo decides to make himself at home directly on top of their sketchbook as they turn the phone back to themself.  “So, uh, how’ve you been? Are you home for the summer?”

arlo: Connecticut summer's were never really bad at all

arlo: SC can be hell compared to moderate, northern states 😢

arlo: i go to campus every day still. no worries: your route is still here and, i'd hazard a guess that it will STILL be here when you get back haha

arlo: why are you even thinking about running? enjoy your time away!

river: I'll say. at least it doesn't get as cold as it gets up north because NY is hell in the winter

arlo: tbh i will take rotten, polluted lungs over sticky, sweaty skin at this point

arlo: #priorities

river: I mean,,,same. i wouldn't have ever complained about summer where I used to live in indiana if i'd known about the alternative 😂

casey: haunted as in ACTUAL HAUNTED.

casey: story time!!

casey: i woke up yesterday and literally it was freezing, and i walked out the door and it was like--90 degrees.

casey: i checked the thermostat and it said that it was working???? SO IT HAD NO REASON TO BE THAT COLD.

casey: i also...have a witness.

casey: joel will back me up, he was there.

river: maybe someone else just turned up the air conditioning overnight?

river: because the way i see things even spirits should know not to mess with cheerleaders. even if it's just their house

river: i guess most of them probably went home for the summer though so maybe it's feeling brave

arlo: where are you headed?

arlo: i'm jealous!

arlo: i don't always mind the heat, but sometimes it does get a little overwhelming...

river: new york city, which isn't really as cool as it sounds

casey: I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH ALL OF YOU

casey: THE VIXEN DEN IS DEFINITELY HAUNTED

casey: like noah is a pure ray of sunshine and i think his room is like the one exempt space

casey: BUT THE REST OF IT!!!