River City

Pokemon X and Y have been out for a solid three months now, and I think I can safely say that it’s a pretty unanimous thumbs-up for GameFreak.

After Black(2) & White(2), the fresh look and feel of the (meta)game are very welcome, leaving no bitter taste on the tongue after what seemed like the longest wait-for-release for a Pokemon game yet.

Now, there aren’t a lot of things to shit on about the new generation, but there is one particular rage-inducing chunk of the re-vamped wi-fi communication system that I would enjoy emptying every part of my bowel on: the GTS.

The (G)lobal (T)rading (S)tation was first introduced in generation IV, and has since been included in every installment, allowing players to wirelessly trade with other players around the globe. On paper, I love the idea. It gives the task of filling your Pokedex more of an exciting and exotic experience.

All that^ aside, I am writing this strictly about Gen VI’s GTS trading, and my own experience with it. That said:

I hate it. It’s bullshit.

Now, if you’re just looking for a straight up poke-for-poke trade, sure, do it, take it and go. But, if you have ANY specifications for the Pokemon you’re looking to receive from the trade, you’re shit ‘outta luck.

You cannot opt for a trade of a certain ability, nature, IV spread, shiny-ness, or (egg)move, whatsoever; there are no options within the GTS that allow you to set restrictions for any of that. You get three basic options: the Pokemon you want, it’s level cap, and it’s gender. Yes, I understand that there may be some decent, honest people out there offering or asking for decent, honest trades. I’ll leave the porch light on for those people, so that they might find their way to me. But as it stands, I’m pretty sure everyone is an asshole.

Okay, say I am looking for a NON-SHINY ZUBAT, with it’s hidden ability INFILTRATOR, and maaaaaaybe an IV SPREAD of 31/31/x/x/31/31 (if I’m lucky), because I want to make a decent Crobat for battling. In return, I’m offering a SHINY, 3 EGG MOVE, NO-GUARD MACHOP, with an IV SPREAD of 31/31/31/x/x/31. Crazy, right? I am blatantly asking to be fucked in this deal. I awkwardly type the request with my chewed-up stylus into the GTS, and send her off into the void. Arceus, help me.

“The Pokemon you deposited was traded!”

“Zubat came from the GTS!”

“Take good care of Zubat!”

A GODDAMN, LVL: 29, INNER-FOCUS, “THOUROUGHLY CUNNING”, RELAXED ZUBAT.

I can’t.

Drunk Arcade

There's an internal struggle I've been dealing with since I first learned how to set up a SNES emulator on my parents' computer in junior high. 

Is it okay to play games on an emulator, or does it cheapen the experience? 

Now, there are arguments for both sides, which I'll try my best to defend in the first instalment of the Deathmatch series — Emulator vs. Original. 

Ready? Fight!