Eddie's Endless Journey of Self-Sabotage
Crackish Headcanon: Eddie loves everything Steve Harrington, but just as every "yin" has a "yang", every bit of Steve that he loves presents a drawback.
Eddie loves that Steve is cute. He loves it even more when Steve is comfortable enough in his own skin to know how cute he is, and how cute Eddie finds him.
The problem? There are days where Steve is so cute that it actually annoys Eddie. It makes him irrationally frustrated, which makes him antsy and/or grumpy.
Eddie's best solution? Sit with it for as long as he can, then find the nearest patch of exposed skin to nibble on. It doesn't do anything about Steve being cute, but it makes Eddie feel better.
Case #2: Steve loves wearing sweaters.
Eddie will die on the "polos are stupid" hill, but he loves Steve's sweaters. He loves the colors, the designs, and how comfortable Steve looks and feels when wearing them.
Bonus: they're usually big enough that Eddie can crawl inside with Steve and leech off of Steve's seemingly endless body heat.
The problem? They're usually baggy enough that Eddie loses the ability to stare at Steve's chest whenever he wears them. He loses easy access to that glorious pelt, those delicately pink and sensitive nipples, and most importantly, hearing Steve's heartbeat when Steve's chest makes a better pillow than his actual pillow.
Eddie's best solution? He doesn't have one. On days where he NEEDS access to any of the above, his best chance is to hope it's not too cold and that Steve will take off his sweater if Eddie pouts at him enough.
Case #3: Steve still exercises consistently.
Eddie knows how important that part of Steve's routine is to him. He also reaps the benefit of Steve's conditioned stamina during "certain" times.
The problem? Eddie doesn't DO exercise, he's tried running with Steve once and swore never again. So every time Steve leaves for a run or goes for a swim in the lake, all that does is take him from Eddie's side for extended period of time. It's tolerable at best.
Eddie's best solution? There are none. Eddie just has to live with it. He won't tell Steve to give up one of the most consistent parts of his daily routine but he also won't work out with him ever again.
Case #4: Steve gets really into cooking and baking.
This is a no-brainer. Eddie loves what Steve makes, he loves that Steve feels proud of what he makes, and he loves that Steve clearly cares about their little family unit that providing for everyone becomes second-nature to him.
Bonus: cooking the meals is still seen as the "wife's role" in many Hawkins households, so to see Steve shamelessly defying that riles Eddie up (in a good way). Suck it, stereotypical masculinity!
The problem? Steve absolutely uses Eddie's adoration against him. He guilt-trips Eddie into eating whole salads (something that Wayne wholeheartedly encourages, the traitor) with his stupid puppy-eyes and his "I worked so hard to make it and I even added cheese and bacon bits to make it better for you!" card. He also teases Eddie relentlessly by wearing ridiculous aprons and (if Eddie's lucky) having nothing on underneath.
Eddie's best solution? Swallow each wince down after every bite of lettuce and focus on chewing through his carrots to keep any grimaces away. Constantly remind himself that Steve's feelings are on the line here and that there's always the potential for special "dessert" if Eddie cleans his plate.
Case #5: Steve is protective.
Eddie wants his loved ones to be safe and comfortable in the knowledge that they're loved, so he gets it. He also knows firsthand how unforgiving their world currently is to people who are unfavorable and different, so really, any protection his little sheepies can get is good in his books.
The problem? Steve still isn't the best bare-hand brawler of the group. He cares too much that his opponents are technically human, and thus, refuses to let himself go apesh*t like he would when faced with a Demogorgon or a hoard of Demobats.
Eddie's best solution? Hope he's there if/when a fight breaks out and, if all else fails, hope that Steve has good enough blackmail material on their enemies to finish a fight before it gets handsy.
(Eddie will never say this, and it disgusts him to even admit it, but Steve DID benefit from having Carol Perkins as a friend. He has sh*t on at least 85% of the town, and if rolling with the popular group has taught him anything, it's how to make waves and ride them so he and his loved ones makes it out unscathed.)
Case #6: Steve is curious about tattoos and piercings.
Eddie absolutely supports Steve's interest. He supports the "it's your body, you can decorate it how you want if it's what you want" notion and practically fantasizes about how HOT Steve would look with tattoos and piercings.
Bonus: Eddie's heart also melts anytime Steve talks about getting matching piercings with Eddie, or getting matching tattoos (maybe the same design or having each other's initials done).
The problem? It takes a while for Eddie to think of it, but it crushes him when he realizes that tattoos and piercings block certain parts of Steve from him. From his mouth, specifically. Any tattoos that aren't just outlines won't bruise as prettily when he suckles and nips at Steve's skin. And any piercings block Eddie's ability to nibble at that particular spot.
Eddie's best solution? At the moment, there is none. It's currently the ultimate "you win some, you lose some".
Case #7: Steve has an angelic voice.
Music has always been an important part of Eddie's life. It's been his longest standing passion and his biggest hope for the future. Of course Steve having a passion for music too excites him! It's yet another part of their lives they can share, another way their worlds intertwine.
The problem? It's the most trivial "problem" that Eddie has encountered, but it's something he pouts about, so it's still a problem. Steve will listen to rock and metal, and there are even songs and bands he likes, but his songs clearly favor the pop/indie pop genre. It makes creating music together difficult, nearly impossible.
Eddie's best solution? Steve doesn't force Eddie to love or play pop/indie music, so Eddie won't be the asshole who forces Steve to turn to metal and heavy rock.
Case #8: Steve has always been and will always be a big romantic at heart.
Oh no, having a partner who cares about you and isn't afraid to show it in ways that matter. The horror!
Bonus: Eddie loves the fun of theatrics and dramatic displays. He's used to climbing up on cafeteria tables and preaching about non-conformity, for crying out loud!
The problem? Steve unintentionally makes Eddie feel inadequate whenever he goes on one of his grander displays. It goes all the way back to when Eddie joked about roses being overrated, which led to Steve presenting him with a new bouquet every day for a month as he looked for the ONE flower that would make Eddie swoon. And it continues into today, like when Steve makes themed cakes for Eddie's birthdays and showers him with personalized, often hand-made gifts for Valentine's Day.
Eddie's best solution? Keep the kisses, cuddles, compliments, and consideration coming. Feeling out of his league? No problem, Steve never has complaints about Eddie's skills in kissing (or making out). Feeling like it's not ever enough? Hey, Eddie knows Steve loves being held, and he loves holding Steve. Feeling negligent as a partner? Well, Steve's always made it clear to Eddie that his attentiveness was always more preferable to his parents' overpriced gifts and endless access to their bank accounts.
Case #9: Steve gets into "nerd sh*t" very easily after giving into Eddie and Dustin's pleas.
Finally! The day has come!
Eddie has converted a jock AND brought STEVE into the world of D&D. He can spend hours explaining the lore and narrative of his campaigns, and Steve won't get annoyed because he "already knows all this". He'll hang onto Eddie's every word. And who doesn't want to see their partner having fun during game night?
The problem? It has occurred to Eddie (after many, MANY complaints from the rest of his party), that he sometimes pays a little too much attention to Steve during game nights. Be it offering Steve other options or re-rolls in exchange for "payment" later or putting Steve's character in "certain" scenarios, Eddie sometimes gets carried away. What can he say? He FINALLY got Steve here, and he loves Steve's reactions.
Eddie's best solution? Well, it's not really HIS solution, but Dustin has taken it upon himself to start bringing a squirt bottle to D&D nights (he was inspired by when he still had a cat). He and the other members of Hellfire will keep track of whenever Eddie focuses on Steve too much, and every three strikes, Dustin sprays him mercilessly.
Bonus: when Eddie gets fed up and threatens to find a creative way to kill Dustin's bard, Gareth takes over. Then Mike, then Jeff, then Lucas, then Grant, all the way down the line until Eddie doesn't have anyone else to threaten except for Steve himself. Which...not going to happen. Just...no.
Case #10: Steve is a brat.
Eddie won't ever say "no" to playing with Steve. He won't ever deny letting Steve have his fun either. Even when he acts disappointed, it's thrilling when Steve winds him up until Eddie HAS to act. Also, that Steve knows HOW to tease Eddie without reverting back to an outright douche is a testament to how well they know each other and how good their communication is. Who wouldn't be smug about that?
The problem? There is no problem. How could there ever be a "problem"? The closet Eddie ever gets to a âproblemâ is that Steve can be unpredictable, but that's part of the fun.
Eddie's best solution? Eddie can wait Steve out. Usually. And when the time comes, he's all too happy to collect his dues.
If you've made it all the way to the end...Congratulations!
Thank you for being patient with my rambling.
