Chelsea Plunkett~ Rising Inward ~

My trip to the Scottish Highlands, where I lost my mind and found the truth.

“Scotland exists to challenge you and push you to your limits” – I think they meant physically, but for me the mental challenges were more intense. My ambition when in breath-taking Glencoe, the beautiful jewel of the Scottish Highlands, was to bag my first two Munro’s (Scottish mountain peaks that are over 4k feet), to paddle board across Loch Lomond and to reconnect with myself on the deepest level. Which all happened. And it was exactly how I thought it would be – wonderfully strenuous. I really did have the best time but often the silence became deafening, and the paralysing stillness sent me into both a blissful state and a spiral of self-doubt, fear and anxiety. 

“...what greeted me was beyond the words, beyond the rhythm and beyond the poetry of the songs I had chosen.”

The drive into Glencoe was something else. I had of course constructed what I thought was THE BEST ethereal playlist to match the surroundings - but what greeted me was beyond the words, beyond the rhythm and beyond the poetry of the songs I had chosen. The beauty was more than I had anticipated. For the second time in my life, I had been brought to tears by natures beauty. So much so I had to pull over the car… There are no words for the intensity I felt. Maybe it was the long drive or the fatigue of the Loch Lomond paddle boarding, but the feeling was like no other.

On the second day, after spending a wonderful night in a camping pod, I wanted to take on Buachaille Etive Mór – a stunning monument of mother earth. The conditions on the day I went to tackle the magnificent beast were far from perfect, but as a resilient Cumbrian, I wasn’t going to let a light rain put me off.

The mountain towers above a tiny bothy (a lttle house), which has to be the most photographed house in Scotland – something that was instantly pointed out to me when I posted a picture of it on Instagram! To me though, the tiny white house represents a call back to a much simpler way of life. I think we can all learn so much from that. A simpler way is something I aspire towards!

As I made my way past the little house, up the crags and through the boulder fields, the weather became progressively worse. I was in a constant mist of soft rain which seems to come from every direction. Soaked is not even the word that would fully represent how I ended up. Drenched would be better. Saturated would be best. Pretty soon my dream of reaching the summit was dashed as a black cloud descended over the peak. The sound of a helicopter flying around didn’t do much for my confidence either! The first Munro was then lost completely to a blanket of darkness. There was only one thing to do - turn back.

“...It was just me and this little creature on what felt like the whole mountain...”

But before I headed back down, I sat on the rock to assess the route and to pause for a second to fully mourn the loss of not being able to achieve my goal. Which was just enough time for a mountain mouse to appear from under a rock, look at me, and then scuttle back into the earth. It was just me and this little creature on what felt like the whole mountain. I was alone. Completely. 

No WIFI, no 3G, not a soul around …it was just me (the mouse) and my own thoughts. A place I didn’t think would be so powerful. Being alone really makes you realise a lot of things. It allows you reassess yourself. It’s like standing in front of a mirror that reveals every dark corner of your being. Every fear you have ever had or anxiety that you have tried to bury, all begin to bubble back up to the surface to face you straight on. Something that is not for the faint hearted but facing them is the only way they can be resolved, however terrifying. So, there I was, with my mountain mouse, in a period of gentle calm on the mountain, facing my demons head on.  

One of my demons may surprise you - I am a hopeless romantic. Which is not something that is often considered a demon. I am literally in love with being in love. And I often take this into my everyday life. Although I am a deep thinker and I’m great at reflecting, I fail to see when something isn’t quite right, or indeed when things are incredibly wrong. I like to romanticise life on all levels and think the best of every situation and every thing. If someone tells me something sincerely, I believe it. Which is wonderful, but very much to my own determent. I leave myself open to manipulation, to being used and to ultimately being hurt. 

“...I was taken with it, swept from my feet and carried along the river of desire and red flags.” 

I recently found myself in a situation with a whirlwind person, they came on strong then left without a word only to returned with the same intense feelings they had shown me before. I was taken with it, swept from my feet and carried along the river of desire and red flags. I let myself be carried off into a situation that I knew would cause me pain in the end, when they would inevitably leave again. Which they did. The worst part - I did this to myself, I had allowed this to happen by not listening to my own intuition. Deep down I knew full well it would end this way but I ignored it.

The distance (physical and mental), stillness, time and the lack of distraction from external sources, allowed me to see things with more clarity. The whirlwind was not real. A hard truth. It was a fabricated illusion that I hooked onto. Sat on the mountain, with the mist of the harsh Scottish Highland weather coming at me, I could for once see the exact realities that were there all along. Realities that I had chosen to ignore and break my own standards and boundaries for. Making decisions and taking actions that are not part of who I am or who I want to be. 

From there I made the conscious choice to place myself on a different path with the hope it will root me back into reality and lift the veil that has been clouding my view. 

With my sopping wet boots back on the ground, I felt the connection of the scree beneath my feet, crunching as I stood up. I began my decent down the mountain. Back down to face my reality with truth in my heart and with the realisation that whirlwinds will only ever create destruction in their wake.

Forever rising inward, Chelsea x

The reasons we do things can be a complex model of emotion, rabbit holes, misinformation and wonderment… and the lure of the unknown. I’m shocked by some of the decisions I have come to. And it’s often founded from the wrong places. I sometimes need time to reflect and step back from the chaos. And I find that in the wilderness.

Into the wild I go.

I find walking therapeutic. Like a walking meditation. A chance for my brain to decompress as I realise the enormity of the world and how little the problems that I’ve built up in my mind really are. I find this most of all by water, in forests or at the top of mountains. It’s often difficult to comprehend the beauty of the earth until you fully immerse yourself in it.

The highlands of Scotland are filled with some of the world’s ethereal beauty. They are shrouded in myth and legend and it’s something that calls to me from deep within. Could it be the Scottish heritage? Or just the lure of the faerie stories that encapsulated my childhood. Whatever is, I took the decision to take off and explore. On my own.

3 days of pure self-reflection. It could be make or break... But maybe the break is what I need! The most beautiful things come from the ashes. Whatever it will result in I’m hoping it brings me some inner peace, grounding and that I return refreshed in preparation for my next adventure to Stockholm – with some epic pictures, of course.

“...The most beautiful things come from the ashes...”

Goal: To surrender control and let the pieces fall where they may.

Buachaille Etive Mor - MunroStob DeargMunro, Stob na Broige

Paddle boarding on Loch Lomond

Highland and clan history at Cou

Yoga and self-reflection (heart/anahata chakras)

Avoid the midges.... hah.

Chelsea x

I move to Stockholm in two weeks... 6 months ago I literally lost everything. Here’s the story of how I rose from the ashes, under the shadow of a global pandemic. There is light in the darkness. You just have to find it.

...Fear, excitement, regret, apprehension, wonder, pride… some of the words that run through my head when I begin to think about my upcoming move to Stockholm.

‘What am I doing?’ Is the question that crops up the most.

The answer? I have no freaking clue what I’m doing. Which is something I have had to come to terms with. I used to plan everything. Plan for planning, plan the plan to make the plan to plan… plan. I was forever living for the future and completely overlooking the time that was passing me by. I lost so much life wishing for future events. To the point where I wasn’t enjoying myself. I was living in a far of land and forgetting about the only time we ever really have - the present moment.

“...surrender control and letting the ebb and flow of life...”

I’m still not great at it but I’m trying to surrender control and letting the ebb and flow of life wash over me and pull to the places I am supposed to end up. Rather than trying to orchestrate every small detail and getting lost in the process.

This letting go of my control was sparked by the beginning of 2020 – and it probably came at the best time, as the world as we knew it came crashing down. Not only was the world submerging into chaos, my personal world was also being flipped on its head. In the space of the two months, my 4-year relationship ended. I lost my home, my dog and the life I had created for myself. Not only that but… I also lost my job, right before the pandemic hit. It was at this moment I realised we never really have control over anything. It’s an illusion, nothing we plan for will ever be how we think it is going to be. There are so many factors that are beyond or grasp it’s impossible to know what is ever going to happen and trying to hold on to it often causes more harm than good.

“...lost my home, my dog and the life I had created for myself. Not only that but… I also lost my job...”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I just sit by and do nothing – inaction won’t lead you anywhere either - it will prevent you from evolving. So, as soon as I lost my job I hustled. I was able to use my overactive, planning mind to find an alternate income source, in the space of two days. Yep, my survivor’s brain kicked in and I was able to save myself. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted but I was able to use my skills to get myself out of hot water. Proving that sometimes even perceived negative traits can be repurposed.

Like I said the job wasn’t exactly what I wanted but it was in an industry I enjoyed, and I thought I’d give it all I had. Which I did. But it was hard moving into a role I knew nothing about. In the midst of giving up, I got a phone call, completely out of the blue from the directors. I thought, this is it, they’re not happy with what I’m doing, and I’ll have to find another job. But in my new mindset I though, this is fine I’m just not on my path. Little did I know they were about to pick me up and place me back on it. They offered me the role I had been working towards for 3 years (after leaving design). I was blown away. 

Life has a way of turning up for you when you surrender to it.

Not only did the give me the job I wanted, they also asked me to move out to Stockholm to work with them in their head office. Something that I have only ever dreamed about. An opportunity of a lifetime that only ever happens to a small group of people… and I was one of them.

So... I journal as part of my regular practice (off and on, I’m not particularly regimented!) but I found that when I’m struggling to find the light it’s useful to rest of someone else’s words and stories. In makes me feel connected. That things will work out. The path is not a straight line and I’d hope with my posts I can help someone realise that too.

So, this imperfect soul greets another… welcome.

I hope this encourages you walk your path and helps you believe anything is possible when you just let go to the natural rhythm.

Let’s rise inward.

Chelsea x