as soon as rey dared to open up a fraction of her force presence to the stranger whoâd slowly approached, she felt as if sheâd been shot in the chest by a blaster. she even stumbled backwards slightly, a sharp gasp leaving her. but nothing had happened; not physical, anyway. the force. it only spoke one thing to her now: ben. just his name, over and over and over. it was his force presence. something she hadnât felt in days, since the day he slipped from her fingers and into another world. the sensation was so strong that tears instantly began leaving her eyes as her body began to tremble, but she didnât dare turn around just yet in fear of what she would see.Â
âno,â she snarled painfully at the sound of his voice, his beautiful, heartfelt voice. this was evil. the force dared to make her mind believe he was there? it was almost cruel. as if she wasnât suffering enough. then his voice spoke again, and she had half a mind to ignite her lightsaber and slash through the image she knew was not there. but she didnât and she knew why: the longing. even if it was fake⌠she just had to see him. no matter how much it would hurt. mustering all her strength through the sobs she was now releasing, rey turned in a slow circle to face âhimâ, her figure hunched over slightly. the sobs only came harder as she stumbled in place, dropping her rag and her lightsaber immediately to the ground. how real he looked. how perfect. it was so harsh for her mind to play on her, but sheâd revel in it as much as she could.Â
almost as if her legs were losing feeling, rey hobbled towards him at a low pace, her sight of him being blurried by her tears. this was the man who had become her other half; without him, sheâd felt like she only partly existed anymore. she had no emotions, no thoughts, no passion. nothing. until now. her hand was practically shuddering as she lifted it up tentatively, but eventually she gathered the courage to rest it lightly over his cheek, where sheâd previously healed his facial scar. another sharp blow to the gut hit her, and she whimpered, keeling over even more and clasping onto his shirt with her other fist to retain her balance. though her tears had not even slowed, she still managed to speak.Â
ââŚy-youâre a memoryâŚâ she was not even really talking to him, but more to herself. to tell herself to not get too overjoyed since he would just leave again. thatâs all this was. just the same as luke and leia had appeared to her on tatooine as force ghosts. âyouâre-youâre in my h-head, get out of my head, i c-canâtâŚâ she trailed off as another sob left her, and this time she fell against his chest fully now. but then she felt it. almost like the way sheâd healed his abdominal wound, he was healing her spirit, her heart. suddenly⌠she felt whole again. but whyâŚ? shock overcame her as she considered the possibility that perhaps⌠this wasnât false at all. she lifted her gaze to his, eyes wide and red, but desperate. ââŚi-is it r-really you?â she wept, now clasping both hands over his cheeks, eager to feel more of him, to caress his warm skin under her fingers once more. âb-ben⌠i-is it you?â
the pain in her own voice almost frightened him in itself; it was a mixture between deep sorrow and rage that fell from her lips, and even though he couldnât see her face just yet, he could picture the same scowl sheâd given him many times throughout their battles. that fierce, powerful scowl that had been just one of the features that had caused him to fall under her spell instantaneously. but, after seeing it so briefly in the moments before his death, he realized he much preferred her breathtaking smile.
it took everything in his power not to run towards her and envelop her in his arms, but he knew how fragile she was in this moment, and he would let her come to him at her own pace. always at her pace, whenever she was ready. so he held himself steady as she turned to face him, the sight of her tear-streaked cheeks and reddened face sending another dagger through his chest. it reminded him of the feeling heâd had briefly when sheâd stabbed him with his own lightsaber - perhaps even more painful. still, ben didnât move, allowing her to process everything. it had been so much for him to process himself; it was still hard to believe that he was actually standing here, visibly in front of her rather than simply as a spirit. it was almost too good to be true.
she was stumbling towards him now, and out of pure instinct, ben lifted his arms just enough in preparation to catch her if she were to fall. heâd never seen her in such anguish, and it tore him apart inside to watch, though he promised himself he would make her feel okay again. that was why he was here, wasnât it? what other reason would he be alive for other than to ensure the woman he loved was living a fulfilling life? only the force knew the true answer, so it seemed. as her hand touched his cheek, ben felt a shiver run down his own spine, finally feeling the clarity that yes, this was real. how heâd missed her loving touch. there was nothing like it in the entire galaxy.
âitâs okay...iâm not a memory,â ben murmured to her, allowing her to grasp at his shirt and fall against his chest, instantly leaning into her touch but still not wanting to do anything to scare her off. but then rey was still for a moment, her warmth radiating against him until he felt her slim fingers curling around his cheeks once more. her beautiful hazel eyes gazed up at him in awe just as he was sure his own reflected her emotions, taking a moment to recall each and every one of her soft facial features. â...itâs me, itâs...really me,â he whispered back, nodding gently in her hands before reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. âi...i wish i could explain how, or why...i followed you everywhere, but you could never see me or hear me or feel my presence until...â he thought back to when theyâd arrived on naboo, not even sure how to pinpoint when exactly heâd returned physically. it had just sort of...happened. âa...doing of the force, i suppose, though i donât deserve this, but...if this means getting a chance to be with you, then i couldnât dare ask for anything else.â