HIDDEN SOUL

*   CLOSED  STARTER  FOR  :    @riscnsolo   !

𝐇𝐄  𝐖𝐀𝐒  𝐃𝐈𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓.     the  darkness  that  loomed  his  heart  existed  no  longer ,  and  the  ben  he  knew  from  the  past  had  risen .    by  only  looking  at  him ,  he  could  feel  the  light  of  his  parents  flowing  through  him .   the  young  soul  who  was  on  the  path  to  becoming  a  powerful  jedi ,  one  that  swore  to  do  good  for  the  galaxy .    it  was  wonderful  to  see ,  because  much  like  anakin ,  it’s  never  too  late  to  have  a  change  of  heart .    ❛❛    you’ve  grown ,   ❜❜    obi - wan  remarks  softly ,  though  not  necessarily  referring  to  his  passing  age .    still ,  the  jedi  master  senses  conflict  from  the  other ,  which  causes  him  to  express  concern .   ❛❛   i  sense  these  strong  feelings  from  you ,  ben .   what  troubles  you ?   ❜❜

ben had never met the man he’d been named after, but he’d heard many stories in his youth, stories of how brave and wise the jedi master had been during his lifetime. at one point he’d even told his mother that he hoped to be as strong of a jedi as ben kenobi one day, but of course, all those ideals had faded away once he’d fallen to the dark side. but still, he could recognize the man’s presence immediately, the man he’d never truly known. startled, ben turned around at the voice, realizing that obi-wan was alive, just as he was. for years during his struggle, ben had hoped for some sort of advice from his predecessors, something. but no one had been there when he’d needed it. but now obi-wan decided to confront him? it was a bit too late, wasn’t it? “...what troubles me?” he asked incredulously, unsure of how to respond to a man he’d only ever heard of. “i’ve always been alone. i’ve had to live this way for so long, and now for some reason i’m alive again. i don’t understand any of this, and i doubt you have much help to offer me.”

Morrigan rolled her eyes with a knowing smile, just marveling at the sheer insanity of it all. She had no idea what to do for herself, but she knew she could steer him in the right direction. She didn’t give a damn about what became of her. As far as she was concerned, she died on Exegol and left her legacy at that. She had zero interest in reclaiming this new life and somehow making it ‘better’ than the last. Morrigan knew that she was brought back by a fluke. People like Ben, however, were brought back on purpose. She could tell in the way that Rey looked at her that he was brought back for her, no doubt to ensure a balance in the Force or something like that.

“I can’t speak to whether or not we ‘deserve’ second chances, but I do know that we’ve been handed them regardless.” she shrugged with a sigh, trying to find the right words to say. “I have no place in this story, Ben. You do. With all the life converging here on Naboo, the galaxy might need you and Rey. I was a pawn, a piece moved around by forces of destiny that I cannot begin to control. I don’t have a future. You do.” 

Taking a step towards him, her demeanor significantly softer than when he’d first come into her space, her eyes met his for the first time in several minutes. “Go to her, Ben. Go. Take back the life you were meant to have before Snoke, before the First Order, before all of it. You owe it to her, and yourself, to at least try.” she insisted with a weak smile.

All his talk of her true identity and what she stood for felt like a cold slap in the face. It was unintentional sure, but it stung all the same. She had no identity, nothing to stand for. She quite literally had nothing, and that was somehow more terrifying than anything she’d dealt with in her time with the Knights. She was essentially a rebel without a cause and the isolation in that threatened to consume her. 

“i wish i understood it,” ben muttered, still somewhat frustrated that he didn’t know what the purpose of their revivals had been. yes, he was more than grateful for being given this second chance at life, but why? what had he done to deserve it, how had it happened, what did it mean? there had to be more to the story, and he wasn’t entirely sure it was all the force’s doing. but he met morrigan’s gaze once more, shaking his head. “you have a place in your own story. you’re powerful on your own accord, and that counts for something. so don’t doubt yourself so easily. we all have our sins and we have to live with them now, so it seems. but hardly anyone knows your true identity here. you can start fresh a lot better off than i can.” ben knew it would take people a long time, if ever, to be able to forgive him for everything he’d done. but her...only few had seen her without her mask. there was a good chance that she’d be able to start a completely new life on naboo.

but he remained silent as she stepped towards him, realizing that she knew. about rey, about snoke, about what he needed to do. he wanted to ask how, why, but ben couldn’t formulate the words. suddenly they were kids again, having an actual heart-to-heart conversation, and it caused a wave of emotion to wash over him. so he gulped, nodding his head solemnly. she was right. he had to try, there was no other option. “if you promise me the same thing,” ben finally spoke softly, his expression serious yet pleading. “you have a blank slate...idunna. do with that what you will.” he began to turn around, to continue in his search for rey, before pausing and mentioning one more thing. “...know that you have a friend in me now, as much of the definition of friend that you and i could ever know.”

Phasma had been doing her best to compact all the information that others had given her in regards to her fate and whereabouts. The Chrome Trooper paused when she lay eyes on a familiar face, one that she had now turned furious against. Her fingers flexed as she approached the other, oddly bold when she knew what the other could do to her “Is it true?” she merely announced “And if it is true, what of the First Order and my allegiance to you?” she asked, her face hidden by her chrome helmet- ever the professional.

@riscnsolo​

ben hadn’t seen the captain in quite a long time, recalling how bits of her armor had been found after the flamed battle she’d been involved in. her death had soon become apparent after that, but after all of the strange happenings recently, it came as almost no surprise to him that she was here, speaking to him as if nothing had happened. although perhaps that wasn’t the case - it seemed she knew of his fate. but he had to play it off. if his plan were to work, he’d have to know precisely what to say and how to act.

“...i deflected, briefly,” ben admitted, bypassing an acknowledgement of her own survival for the time being. “but i did it for the wrong reasons, and i realize now where i truly stand. the first order will still stand and i will stop at nothing to reform its flaws to make sure that it remains the strongest regime in the galaxy.” his words were spoken in the voice of kylo ren, the way he had always spoken to her. “we’re here for a reason, captain. we must restore order...do you disagree?”

the feeling of his fingers flitting delicately across her trembling skin made yet another flash of flight burst inside of her. never had she felt so strongly with the force, not since she’d harnessed all the power of the jedi and defeated palpatine. now she felt as if she could do that all over again, just at the feeling of his touch. she blinked multiple times but listened carefully as he spoke, both of her arms pressed up to his chest. more tears left her eyes at his heartfelt words, unable to even believe what she was hearing. they’d had barely seconds to truly be together, and now fate was giving them another chance. the force worked in mysterious ways, but this was one way rey would never question.

though she’d been an aggravated, empty shell of a girl ever since the day he’d left her, rey felt nothing but whole now. she felt strong. and she felt… happy. overjoyed, even. after another few moments of finally wrapping her head around what was happening, rey felt a grin form on her face. one that mirrored the exact one she’d had before their kiss. “it’s you…” she whispered, still in disbelief, but also almost now in acceptance and relief. tears escaped her eyes as she stroked her fingers through his hair, letting her gaze drift over each and every one of his features. they were drifting closer now, but… it wasn’t enough. she needed more.

rey stepped away, which she was sure would surprise ben, but only so she could jump forward and into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. then, without a second to waste, she kissed him with every inch of love and emotion she had for him in her heart. finally. though it had only been days, it’d felt like lifetimes. she kissed him as if he was going to disappear from her hands again. but no, not this time. he was here to stay. they loved each other and the universe was letting them have each other.

they surely could’ve kissed for hours, but rey broke away after a few minutes, her tears still rapidly falling, though she stayed happily situated on his waist. after simply staring into his eyes and toying with a lock of his hair again, rey shook her head. “…ben, i love you…” she whispered passionately, not able to go another second without letting him know. “i think i’ve loved you since i met you… a-and i know you might not be able to say it back, but i needed you to hear it… i love you.”

he watched as the smile formed slowly on her lips, the way her eyes brightened like he’d only truly seen once before. this was all he had ever wanted. for rey to be like this, always. his blissful girl. ben leaned in closer to her touch, letting her feel him to assure her even more that he was physically there, that this wasn’t a vision or a force ghost. his thumbs moved up carefully to wipe the tears that were on her cheeks, though he felt his own eyes brimming with tears simultaneously. it was like exegol all over again, but this time, he had a chance. a real chance.

suddenly rey was moving, and he wasn’t sure what she was doing until she was jumping up and wrapping herself around him. in that moment, ben realized this was the closest they’d ever been to each other. she’d never hugged him before, not like this. but it warmed his entire being. and then she - she kissed him. but there was no slight hesitation or unsureness the way he’d sensed her originally feeling before she’d kissed him on exegol - no, this was different. their first kiss had been sweet, loving, and tender, but this - this was even more passionate.

ben didn’t hesitate at all in kissing her back, knowing that he wouldn’t scare her off anymore now that she knew he was real. his arms wrapped tightly around her lower back as he supported her weight, pulling her tightly into him as his lips attempted to explore her mouth. she tasted slightly sweet, and he sighed lightly into their embrace as he deepened the kiss even further. it was as if neither could get enough - they had fought so long to be here, against others, against themselves - that everything was exploding all at once. but ben knew when she pulled away that she needed to speak, and his eyes searched her own for her emotions, feeling them almost in sync with his own. she loved him. it sounded too good to be true. it was too good to be true. but...since she’d met him? he’d been fixated on her ever since he first laid eyes on her on takodana, maybe even before that, but ben had not once imagined that rey could have any positive feelings towards him back then. it pained him to think back to their earlier interactions, but so much had changed since then. none of it mattered anymore. 

“rey,” ben breathed out, letting out a disbelieving chuckle and shaking his head, rubbing his own eyes to wipe the moisture away. “i gave my life force to you. i would do it again in a heartbeat. you know that...” for some reason, he stopped. he loved her, of course he did. she knew that he did. but why was it so kriffing terrifying to say aloud? he swallowed hoarsely, leveling his gaze with her before leaning in to peck her lips once more. it was the first time he’d initiated it, but what had been meant to be a chaste kiss quickly turned into another passionate one, as they both seemed to wonder why they’d deprived themselves of each other for so long. “...you know. and i’m here, sweetheart,” he whispered the words against her lips as he held her around him, utterly overjoyed just to be with her. “if you let me, i’ll...i’ll spend the rest of my new life trying to do anything i can to be good enough for you...”

Hearing Ben lay out everything in plain in front of her was nothing short of heart-wrenching. He really was sorry, or at least, whatever version of him stood before her was anyways. Something stirred inside her like a strange serpent…It wasn’t forgiveness, but it was akin to it. It almost felt like closure, or at the very least, something that signaled that closure was possible after all this time. 

She could sense a shift in his mood at the mention of Han, and her hands unclenched, only to allow herself to wrap her arms around herself, as if she was having to hold herself together. “You were never meant to know.” she said softly, “Snoke bought my horrible excuse that sending me was misguided because that was your kill to complete your descent and devotion to the Dark Side. He only punished me for daring to question his wisdom as well as my perceived ineptitude, but remarked that I had a point. In truth, there was some part of me, even with how much I hated you, that could never do that to you. Your father had never been anything but kind to me when he’d visit you at the Temple. I couldn’t let him perish, not if I had anything to say about it. It was my only transgression against the First Order until I died.” It felt so good to finally get that off of her chest, to finally tell Ben and not Kylo.

His questions brought her out of the haze of vague warmth that had begun to cloud her, instead sending a stone straight through her stomach. Her eyes began to well with tears once more as she wordlessly shook her head. “I…I don’t seek anything. I didn’t want this either. I knew someday I was going to die, and I-I took comfort in that permanence. That was something solid, something sure, something I knew I could count on. Now that’s been taken away and I’m here with nothing but my sins and my night terrors.” she explained slowly, her head still shaking side to side slightly. 

Her mind immediately went to the scavenger and their heated encounter on the Falcon. “You at least have her, the literal savior of the galaxy, to vouch for you, to love and cherish you. Rey loves you so much Ben…” she explained, her own eyes casting to the ground. “I went looking for her as soon as I realized where I was, wondering if I’d find you there, but mostly so I could see her for myself. She’s in such grief, such anguish over your death. I’m genuinely amazed she didn’t kill me, though she threatened to several times.” she laughed humorlessly. “You need to go to her. I am lost Ben, but you have a true second chance. If we’re here, there’s a chance you parents are and Master Luke and everyone. Go to her and start the journey to making things right. I’ll be alright. “ That was a lie, but what more could she do? She knew she wasn’t going to kill him, wasn’t going to torture him. Loyal to the last. 

“All that I ask of you is to not try and kill your past, as you say. Your past is a part of you, but it does not control you. Let it be a reminder of your wrongdoings so that you may begin to make things right. Don’t forget, you were seduced by one of the greatest Evil Forces in the galaxy, one that claimed your grandfather, and he was the Chosen One. Learn to forgive yourself as best as you can, then you can start to divorce yourself from your past. You will never truly be able to let go, but you might be able to live past it.”

the entire confession regarding his father was entirely too painful to hear, causing ben’s fists to clench simply at the memory of his father in those final moments and the way that snoke had somehow convinced him to go through with the action. but the idea that snoke had also tried to influence his knights to kill han before he did - it angered him more than he ever could have imagined. han’s death had been the biggest regret of his life, and he couldn’t even picture anyone else, let alone the people he thought he could trust, going behind his back and murdering his father without a single word. ben hated snoke, palpatine - whoever it had been - he hated them with all of his being. still, he knew morrigan wasn’t to blame. at the very least, she hadn’t gone through with the order, and he was somehow thankful for that.

but she’d hated him. surely they all did. and were they at fault for it? with the way he’d taken their freedom from them? of course not. his knights would have lived better lives had they never crossed paths with ben solo, that was guaranteed. gradually, he unclenched his fists, forcing himself to remain calm and as much at ease as he could be in this situation. but then she mentioned...rey. rey...loved him? when had she met rey? morrigan’s explanation caused him to furrow his eyebrows, instinctively leaning forward with intrigue. she’d spoken to her...she truly believed this would be his second chance to live happily. ben nearly scoffed at the idea, finding it difficult to even fathom actually righting all of his wrongs and living peacefully without consequence. it was impossible, even if his family would forgive him. there was no way it would work. 

“i...don’t know what to do just yet,” ben admitted, shaking his head and running a hand through his dark locks. “it’s not that easy, as i’m sure you understand...” he gave her a knowing look, though he suddenly felt the urge to attempt to assure her otherwise, realizing just how hopeless she was feeling herself. “but...who knows. there has to be a reason the force brought us here...perhaps if we can uncover that reason, we can utilize these second chances properly.” ben offered her another apologetic gaze, hoping she understood that he was truly being sincere. “...if i somehow deserve this second chance, well, you sure as hell do, if not more. you can start a new life. no one knows your true identity or what you stand for now. living with your past can be difficult, yes, but...don’t you think it might be worth it just to give it a shot?”

as soon as rey dared to open up a fraction of her force presence to the stranger who’d slowly approached, she felt as if she’d been shot in the chest by a blaster. she even stumbled backwards slightly, a sharp gasp leaving her. but nothing had happened; not physical, anyway. the force. it only spoke one thing to her now: ben. just his name, over and over and over. it was his force presence. something she hadn’t felt in days, since the day he slipped from her fingers and into another world. the sensation was so strong that tears instantly began leaving her eyes as her body began to tremble, but she didn’t dare turn around just yet in fear of what she would see. 

“no,” she snarled painfully at the sound of his voice, his beautiful, heartfelt voice. this was evil. the force dared to make her mind believe he was there? it was almost cruel. as if she wasn’t suffering enough. then his voice spoke again, and she had half a mind to ignite her lightsaber and slash through the image she knew was not there. but she didn’t and she knew why: the longing. even if it was fake… she just had to see him. no matter how much it would hurt. mustering all her strength through the sobs she was now releasing, rey turned in a slow circle to face ‘him’, her figure hunched over slightly. the sobs only came harder as she stumbled in place, dropping her rag and her lightsaber immediately to the ground. how real he looked. how perfect. it was so harsh for her mind to play on her, but she’d revel in it as much as she could. 

almost as if her legs were losing feeling, rey hobbled towards him at a low pace, her sight of him being blurried by her tears. this was the man who had become her other half; without him, she’d felt like she only partly existed anymore. she had no emotions, no thoughts, no passion. nothing. until now. her hand was practically shuddering as she lifted it up tentatively, but eventually she gathered the courage to rest it lightly over his cheek, where she’d previously healed his facial scar. another sharp blow to the gut hit her, and she whimpered, keeling over even more and clasping onto his shirt with her other fist to retain her balance. though her tears had not even slowed, she still managed to speak. 

“…y-you’re a memory…” she was not even really talking to him, but more to herself. to tell herself to not get too overjoyed since he would just leave again. that’s all this was. just the same as luke and leia had appeared to her on tatooine as force ghosts. “you’re-you’re in my h-head, get out of my head, i c-can’t…” she trailed off as another sob left her, and this time she fell against his chest fully now. but then she felt it. almost like the way she’d healed his abdominal wound, he was healing her spirit, her heart. suddenly… she felt whole again. but why…? shock overcame her as she considered the possibility that perhaps… this wasn’t false at all. she lifted her gaze to his, eyes wide and red, but desperate. “…i-is it r-really you?” she wept, now clasping both hands over his cheeks, eager to feel more of him, to caress his warm skin under her fingers once more. “b-ben… i-is it you?”

the pain in her own voice almost frightened him in itself; it was a mixture between deep sorrow and rage that fell from her lips, and even though he couldn’t see her face just yet, he could picture the same scowl she’d given him many times throughout their battles. that fierce, powerful scowl that had been just one of the features that had caused him to fall under her spell instantaneously. but, after seeing it so briefly in the moments before his death, he realized he much preferred her breathtaking smile.

it took everything in his power not to run towards her and envelop her in his arms, but he knew how fragile she was in this moment, and he would let her come to him at her own pace. always at her pace, whenever she was ready. so he held himself steady as she turned to face him, the sight of her tear-streaked cheeks and reddened face sending another dagger through his chest. it reminded him of the feeling he’d had briefly when she’d stabbed him with his own lightsaber - perhaps even more painful. still, ben didn’t move, allowing her to process everything. it had been so much for him to process himself; it was still hard to believe that he was actually standing here, visibly in front of her rather than simply as a spirit. it was almost too good to be true.

she was stumbling towards him now, and out of pure instinct, ben lifted his arms just enough in preparation to catch her if she were to fall. he’d never seen her in such anguish, and it tore him apart inside to watch, though he promised himself he would make her feel okay again. that was why he was here, wasn’t it? what other reason would he be alive for other than to ensure the woman he loved was living a fulfilling life? only the force knew the true answer, so it seemed. as her hand touched his cheek, ben felt a shiver run down his own spine, finally feeling the clarity that yes, this was real. how he’d missed her loving touch. there was nothing like it in the entire galaxy.

“it’s okay...i’m not a memory,” ben murmured to her, allowing her to grasp at his shirt and fall against his chest, instantly leaning into her touch but still not wanting to do anything to scare her off. but then rey was still for a moment, her warmth radiating against him until he felt her slim fingers curling around his cheeks once more. her beautiful hazel eyes gazed up at him in awe just as he was sure his own reflected her emotions, taking a moment to recall each and every one of her soft facial features. “...it’s me, it’s...really me,” he whispered back, nodding gently in her hands before reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “i...i wish i could explain how, or why...i followed you everywhere, but you could never see me or hear me or feel my presence until...” he thought back to when they’d arrived on naboo, not even sure how to pinpoint when exactly he’d returned physically. it had just sort of...happened. “a...doing of the force, i suppose, though i don’t deserve this, but...if this means getting a chance to be with you, then i couldn’t dare ask for anything else.”

Of all the things that she’d expected to hear from Ben, a genuine apology wasn’t among them.  The tears continued to pour down her face with a righteous vengeance, as if there was a distinct possibility that she might be able to drown herself in her own tears. He was right though…They were friends once. She never understood the others’ disdain for Ben’s past. Everyone has their baggage. He was not his grandparents and shouldn’t have been defined as such. Part of her had marveled at the way he dealt with the weight of such a heavy legacy. It turned out that heavy was indeed the head that wore the crown. It was a large part of how this interaction had come to be.

“Everything…W-Wait, everything that had gone wrong? What does that mean?” she inquired, her voice raw and cracking, her muscles already sore from the intense tension she held throughout every limb of her body. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t fantasized about this, dreamt of ways to make him pay if she’d been given the chance. Instead, she found herself hesitating in the way she had the last time she’d been presented the opportunity to kill a Solo. Then, she’d rationalized that it was Ben’s duty to kill his father in order to fully transform into Kylo Ren. It was the only thing that kept her from being killed. In reality, she knew why she’d spared him; it was the same reason she hadn’t tried to kill Ben now. 

I thought I could save you. Those words are ones she knew would keep her awake at night. There was so much defeat and a hollow sadness that came with hindsight. It was the tenderest sentiment anybody had ever shown her since, well…Since she met Luke over a decade ago. She’d never felt as though she was one who was worth saving. Her chest ached as she felt her heart shatter again, practically hyperventilating as she inhaled. 

“I-I spared him, you know. Your father.” she added shakily, unsure why she suddenly felt compelled to tell him this. Perhaps it was due to his own admission at failing to save her, or anyone in the Knights for that matter. “Gave him explicit instructions on how to evade the First Order in the future, too. Snoke had commissioned me to bring him in alive for you if possible, but kill him if it was necessary. It wasn’t hard to find him, but I just couldn’t do it…I wouldn’t do it. It’s the only direct order I ever refused. Despite how much I should despise you, how much Snoke wanted me to despise you, I could never do that to you. I did my best to remain loyal to the last moment. I tried…To what end, I don’t know anymore. I don’t even know why I’m telling you any of this, I just…”

it almost broke him to see one of his knights, the woman who’d always been so strong and stoic, crumbling apart in front of him like this. they hadn’t spoken so informally to each other since before his fall to the dark side, and it made him truly realize just how much he’d taken his knights for granted. despite all of his firm demands, his personal failures, they’d stuck by his side. never had the knights of ren been solely loyal to the first order - they’d been loyal to kylo ren. no matter what.

“everything,” he repeated, hating to have to recall all of the events that had led to their descent into the darkness, and everything after that. but he would, if it would clarify things for her better. “you deserved more than following me down that path. than joining me - but i gave you no choice. it was to join or to die, and i’ve been haunted by that ultimatum since i presented it to all of you. if it weren’t for me...who knows where you would all be now, but i doubt you would be here.” it felt...strange to apologize, to admit to his own wrongdoings, but once he’d started, everything else had begun to pour out. ben wanted to right all of his wrongs, even though he knew the idea of that was nearly impossible. but he’d been given a second chance at life, for some insane reason, so this was what he’d intended to do with it. no matter how long it took.

but then morrigan mentioned his father, and a sharp exhale left ben’s lips. the last memory he had of his father was tender, but it was mixed with the painful one that had shown his father’s last words and final breath at his own hand. it still hurt. it would always hurt. but to hear that she had the chance to kill him first, and she’d spared him...it was, indeed, a surprise. especially knowing that she had defied snoke for his sake. what could he say? thank you for not killing han solo and allowing him to do it himself? it didn’t sound right, but that was the first thought that came to mind. if only he’d known how much that decision would forever haunt him, but of course, it was supposed to secure him to the dark side forever. instead, it had only torn him apart further.

“...i didn’t know,” ben admitted, lowering his head as his eyes met the ground, unsure of what else to say. speaking of everything now felt odd, as if he were discussing himself in a past life - which, in some ways, he supposed he was. they had both been reborn, and maybe that would be enough to start anew, to go over their grievances and finally come to a common ground. “morrigan,” he spoke finally, not recalling the last time he’d addressed her by name. he wondered if she even wanted to be called that anymore, but decided against questioning her. “...what do you seek in this new life? do you still feel a pull to the darkness? things are different now, very different, so it seems...but i understand if the past feels too heavy to let go of just yet. i once tried to kill my own past, but...it’s not as easy as it seems.”

…No. No. NO. Well, she had her answer for where on earth she was: she was somewhere that was determined to punish her for her sins. It made too much sense…She’d awoken in opulence, seemingly alive only moments after accepting her fate only to have him at her doorway. Nails dug deep into palms as her fists clenched do hard she swore her knuckles would burst forth through the skin. Never in her life did she ever think she’d feel such hatred, such anger. She didn’t want to kill him. As she turned around ever-so-slowly, she just wanted to make him suffer. She just wanted to torture him, to make him feel the way she’d felt for years and years and years. 

It didn’t help when he started to mumble, sniveling some sort of half-apology. He wanted to explain. Even in this moment, he wanted to try and talk his way out of it. Just like his father. She never thought there was a sensation that could be more paralyzing than fear. Clearly, unadulterated loathing was just as potent. Tears began to pour down her cheeks in heavy streaks, eyes ablaze. “Why Ben!?” she croaked, her lips curled in wrath, “Why did you take me? Why didn’t you kill me then? Why did I have to make that choice?! I was a child, Ben! We all were! I just don’t understand…W-Why me?”

he was half-prepared to dodge a bullet strike had she been carrying a blaster, knowing that she must have felt utterly betrayed by him. in his efforts to save the girl he loved, ben had to turn on his comrades, as much as he would have preferred otherwise. it was not a pleasant memory to recall, and he’d expected that if his knights had ever been given the chance again, they would all turn on him in the same way he’d turned on them. he deserved it, after all. he deserved her fury.

but when she spoke, ben realized it wasn’t their final moments together that morrigan was dwelling on. it was everything. from the very beginning. he swallowed roughly, not even knowing where to begin. at the time, he’d chosen the students who had always defended him, who’d stood by his side even when he’d been ridiculed for being the grandson of darth vader. they had once been real friends. but he’d long since forgotten the definition of the word, and as knights, their relationships had become much more professional. however, seeing her like this, mask-less, her emotions painted on her face - it was as if they were children again, scared and prepared to run away from their troubles.

“...i trusted you,” ben responded solemnly, his head lowering as he avoided her gaze, the gaze that could only make him feel more guilty. “i knew you were strong, stronger than everything that had gone wrong, and...i thought i could save you.” he chewed his lower lip now, realizing he’d done the exact opposite in the end. he’d imprisoned his knights to a lifetime of suffering, the same way he’d been imprisoned by snoke. “i was wrong. for all of it. i don’t ever expect you to forgive me, to understand any of my thought process at the time...but more than anything, i am sorry for everything. i didn’t want to be alone, so i made you all suffer with me. it was the most selfish thing i could have done.”

If one more person came to check in on Morrigan, she was absolutely going to lose her mind. Ever since waking up here on Naboo, she’s seemingly been pestered by half of its residents. Granted, she’d maybe been seen by about two different people, but that was two too many. She was stewing in rage, rage at her demise, her current situation, the amount of Force sensitive beings that were on this planet. It was all far too much for her to bear. She’d been screaming and slicing things up with her lightsaber for the better half of a day. As she crossed the room to look at herself in a mirror she’d shattered mere moments ago, the door came open and a timid looking droid poked its head in. Snarling, Morrigan used the Force to pick up the droid and chuck it over the balcony that was open and adjacent to her room.

She could feel eyes on her from outside the door that the droid had opened, so she growled in a voice filled with venom and danger, “You’d better move along if you know what’s best for you.”

it wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. the knights had once been the closest thing ben had to friends - that was, comrades who did as they were told and who, on occasion, he consulted with. but at one point, they were all just children training to be something greater. they’d all fallen - he had taken them down with him. and in the end, he’d turned on them, and it had been their demise. though he’d had no other choice in that desperate hour, ben couldn’t help but feel the remorse that came with his actions. they’d trusted him and he’d failed them. just as he’d failed everyone.

“you have every right to despise me,” he mumbled in a low voice, ashamed that he was even trying to make amends. even though he was somehow alive once again (as were they, apparently), ben had no doubt that she would try to kill him again, given the chance. which was why he stayed in the doorway, refusing to get too close too soon. “it won’t make up for anything, but...i can do my best to explain everything...if you will hear me out...”

it seemed all rey wanted to do nowadays was be on the falcon, which was parked in the fields near the palace plaza. fixing it. exploring it. even just sitting in it. it reminded her of han and leia and luke and everyone that she’d lost. but more importantly… it reminded her of ben. her ben. the one that she’d felt connected to most in her life. she’d never even been here with him, but she knew it’d been his at one point in time. his presence lived in the walls, as did his family’s. she wiped some grease from her forehead as she replaced the wrench in the toolbox. external exhaust vents were working again, that was good. but that kriffing forcefield… there was no way out. no way to reach more who were force sensitive and find them. for now… this was her life. 

she was wiping her hands with a rag and stepping off the ramp back onto the grass as she heard footsteps come up behind her, and she casually moved her hand to her lightsaber, which was hooked on her leather belt. forged from her staff, embedded with a yellow kyber crystal. her own. “i should warn you not to come any closer,” she murmured, obviously drastically different than the bright-eyed young padawan she’d been just days before in her fight against palpatine. now she was a jedi. and she was not afraid. she kept her back to them, but turned her head just slightly in further warning. “not. any. closer.”

no matter where she went, he followed. for all of his time spent in the world between worlds, he’d tried to follow her, just to be with her through everything she did. he’d knelt next to her as she buried his uncle and mother’s sabers, wanting nothing more than to embrace her, even when she couldn’t feel his presence. sometimes he spoke to her, just telling her that he was there, but she never heard him. she cried, and he watched, tears always brimming at his own eyes whenever he had to endure both of their pain at the same time. but then - she was gone. he’d lost her, and found himself here instead - on naboo. walking. breathing. feeling. but he couldn’t find her, so he’d set out in a panic, desperate to make sure she was okay. it was likely a cruel force trick of some sort, to think that he might have a chance to be seen by her again - but he had to try.

ben scoured as much of naboo by foot as he could, avoiding conversation with the locals or anyone else who might question who he was and what he was doing here. he didn’t know the answer himself - the mystery of being alive again was one he’d resolve later, after he found rey, after he knew she was safe. she was here on this planet, and he used all of his force power to try to sense where exactly she could be - but it turned out to be more obvious than he’d ever expected. 

the sight of the falcon brought back bittersweet memories in itself, but ben pushed those feelings aside for the time being, determined to find her. he was so used to her not being able to feel his presence, so when he saw her, a relieved breath escaped his lips, his whole chest heaving in reassurance. rey was okay. she was working on his father’s old ship, and for a few moments he just watched her, nothing but utter admiration in his eyes. but then she was finishing up, then stepping down the ramp, and he found himself circling around from the side of the ship, forgetting that she could hear him now. so at the sound of her warning, ben froze, swallowing roughly. what could he say? she didn’t know it was him. he didn’t want to frighten her.

“...rey. i...i came back for you, sweetheart. i’m here.”

Fennec had been trying to get into the palace place for a while now and she was starting to get pissed at the storm trooper that wouldn’t let her in especially due to the fact that one of her most recent assignments had been inside. “You’re not going to make this very easy are you?” She asked the storm trooper as she crossed her arms. “Fine, we can do this the hard way or my way.”

it was still surreal. ben wasn’t sure if this was all in his head, or a trick of the force somehow, to be actually walking and present. the world between worlds had been a frightening sort of purgatory, a place where his surroundings were only half there, where he could see others but they could not acknowledge him. but he’d followed rey here, to naboo of all places, because he had to be close to her. but now that somehow he’d been...revived, so it seemed - everything had become even more complicated.

the woman was obviously trying to get inside the palace, and it startled him to see her arguing with a stormtrooper - they were here too. he didn’t know how any of it made sense, but he needed to enter as well, so ben simply waved a hand in front of the stormtrooper’s face as he passed the woman, causing him to immediately step aside. he’d have no memory of it within a few minutes. ben didn’t know who she was, but it didn’t matter at this point - he had no reason to form an opinion. “you’re clear,” he mumbled as he continued walking, knowing that rey must be close.

KYLO REN/BEN SOLO is TWENTY NINE years old, and hails from THE DEAD. he is STRONG MINDED yet CONFLICTED, and looks a lot like ADAM DRIVER.