I can't wait for Valentine's Day tomorrow.Â
It means I get to buy a shit-ton of chocolate and not be judged for eating all of it later.

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@ripjessie
I can't wait for Valentine's Day tomorrow.Â
It means I get to buy a shit-ton of chocolate and not be judged for eating all of it later.

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Reblog if you will answer LITERALLY ANY anon questions.
come on with your questions annons
No no, you misunderstand. Â Itâs a giant chocolate cake and INSIDE the cake is a Hutt. Â Frosting-caked jubblies optional.
No. Nope. Nayc. Nahin, Nein, Nyet, Nobata, Non.
I will not accept anything less than one hundred percent real cake. Or I will riot and set it on fire.Â
It's a real cake. Â It's chocolate Hutt flavor.
It tastes delicious until you realize that there's a Hutt trying to give you a lap dance.
Send me a...
â for a tip for getting my muses romantic affection â for on of my muses guilty pleasures â for something that my muse wants to do â for something my muse admires â for something that make my muse sad â for something my muse wants to protect ⨠for something that relaxes my muse
Do I... know you from somewhere?
Dalen blinked, and took a moment to give the human a squinty-eyed look over.  âI⌠I donât think so?â he said after a moment, pulling back just a touch.  âI-itâs possible that I do.  Iâm⌠n-not exactly good with faces.â
Dalen folded his arms across his chest. Â âP-pretty difficult to let him know anything i-if I donât know who he i-is,â he said, a small smirk tugging at his lips. Â âGonna a-assume heâs a s-salarian if he looks l-like me. Â M-might want to shore up on your o-offensive terminology, though,â he added, a tiny chuckle escaping. Â âL-lizard would b-better refer to a krogan, or a d-drell. Â The a-appropriate insult for a salarian would be f-frog.â Â He tilted his head and tapped one of his horns, smiling. Â âTh-the more you know.â
Acting casual was probably his best way of getting out of this.
Heh.  His nonchalant attitude would probably have been more convincing if he wasnât stuttering at every other word.  That said, the old fart thought it simpler to be more direct at this point.  âYeah.  Salarian.  Goes by the name of Dalen Ithas.  Figured youâd know something about him.â  He let a pause fill the gap between himself and Nal.  Public abductions werenât exactly simple, especially on a place as well-secured as the Citadel.  Eh⌠maybe secured isnât the best term.  But for someone who lacked finesse like Zaeed, getting out had been the more difficult part.  âTomato tomahto, Twitchy.  Look, Iâm not turning the bloke in.  At least, I donât plan to.  Need his help with liberating some personal assets.  SoâŚâ  Zaeed looked around, making sure there werenât any potential eavesdroppers before continuing with, âWhy donât we drop this bullshit already?â
The salarian glanced from side to side, taking a moment to see if there was even the slightest chance of getting out of this⌠then sighed heavily.  âThis is a terrible place to talk,â he said quietly, closing his eyes and rubbing the heels of his palms against them.  âNo way to know who might be listening.  Iâve got better places, if you donât mind following.â  Turning away, he tucked his hands neatly into the pockets of his labcoat.  âSo are you abducting me, or hiring me?  Because if itâs the former, Iâll have to ask that we stop by the hospital first.  Iâd really like to have my armor if Iâm leaving the Citadel.  And my gun.â  He laughed weakly.  âAnd if itâs the latter, Iâd tell you Iâm not taking jobs at the moment, but⌠something tells me you wouldnât listen anyway.â
He allowed Dalen to lead them both to a more secluded part of the hospital. Â Part of Zaeed was worried that the slippery bastard might try and make a run for it or even sucker punch him when he wasn't prepared. Â Age didn't do the human's reflexes any favors, even if he was still in proper shape. Â Once they were out of earshot, the amphibian turned back to his potential captor and asked what Zaeed's plan involved. Â "Hiring. Â To be honest I planned on carrying this thing out until I found out you were former STG. Â Something that my clients hadn't told me, probably to underpay." Â He shook his head- not the point. Â "Though yes. Â I'm looking for a vault on Earth. Â Full of weapons, supplies, and whatever else the Blue Suns managed to stockpile when they first came into existence. Â Only problem being I've got no bloody idea where it is. Â But I do know who can lead us there." Â The one-eyed man leaned into the wall behind him, cocking his head to the side and asking, "Interested?"

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Youâd be living in sheer ignorance. Â Itâs only fair I liberate ya savages.
My hero.
Iâll be sure to send you a Hutt in a giant chocolate cake for Valentineâs Day.
A Hutt-size chocolate cake, yes.Â
Hutt covered in chocolate cake, nope.
No no, you misunderstand. Â It's a giant chocolate cake and INSIDE the cake is a Hutt. Â Frosting-caked jubblies optional.
WHO WANTS TO JOIN A CULT
AND ITâS NOT GONNA BE LIKE JONESTOWN I SWEAR
MAYBE IF I CAN MANAGE IT I CAN WRITE SOME NOVELS AND PULL AN L RON
BUT I DUNNO HOW IâM GONNA MAKE MONEY OFF A CULT BASED OFF BOOKS ON GLITTERDICKS
Recruit Ron Jeremy. Â Cover his dick in glitter. Â Post it on the internet. Â Ask for other people to post their dicks covered in glitter.
Worship the Glitter-Dickstianity.
Youâd be living in sheer ignorance. Â Itâs only fair I liberate ya savages.
My hero.
I'll be sure to send you a Hutt in a giant chocolate cake for Valentine's Day.
Do I... know you from somewhere?
Dalen blinked, and took a moment to give the human a squinty-eyed look over.  âI⌠I donât think so?â he said after a moment, pulling back just a touch.  âI-itâs possible that I do.  Iâm⌠n-not exactly good with faces.â
The human nodded slowly, scrolling through the holographic display as the salarian in front of him seemed to break under the pressure. Â âRight right, of course. Â Said they wanted âim alive. Â Thatâs a fifty percent mark-up from my usual prices.â Â After a few more scrolls, Zaeed closed his account and turned to face the salarian. Â âHaving said that, he was supposed to be around here. Â Got some basics on âim, though if heâs half the man that his reputation infers Iâm in for a struggle.â Â Zaeed picked himself off the wall and eyed Nal head to toe. Â âFortunately, I might have more use of âim than whoever hired me to find âim. Â If you happen to find the lizard, let âim now that Zaeed Massani is looking for him.â Â
Dalen folded his arms across his chest. Â âP-pretty difficult to let him know anything i-if I donât know who he i-is,â he said, a small smirk tugging at his lips. Â âGonna a-assume heâs a s-salarian if he looks l-like me. Â M-might want to shore up on your o-offensive terminology, though,â he added, a tiny chuckle escaping. Â âL-lizard would b-better refer to a krogan, or a d-drell. Â The a-appropriate insult for a salarian would be f-frog.â Â He tilted his head and tapped one of his horns, smiling. Â âTh-the more you know.â
Acting casual was probably his best way of getting out of this.
Heh. Â His nonchalant attitude would probably have been more convincing if he wasn't stuttering at every other word. Â That said, the old fart thought it simpler to be more direct at this point. Â "Yeah. Â Salarian. Â Goes by the name of Dalen Ithas. Â Figured you'd know something about him." Â He let a pause fill the gap between himself and Nal. Â Public abductions weren't exactly simple, especially on a place as well-secured as the Citadel. Â Eh... maybe secured isn't the best term. Â But for someone who lacked finesse like Zaeed, getting out had been the more difficult part. Â "Tomato tomahto, Twitchy. Â Look, I'm not turning the bloke in. Â At least, I don't plan to. Â Need his help with liberating some personal assets. Â So..." Â Zaeed looked around, making sure there weren't any potential eavesdroppers before continuing with, "Why don't we drop this bullshit already?"
Do I... know you from somewhere?
Dalen blinked, and took a moment to give the human a squinty-eyed look over.  âI⌠I donât think so?â he said after a moment, pulling back just a touch.  âI-itâs possible that I do.  Iâm⌠n-not exactly good with faces.â
The one-eyed mercâs good eye squinted before leaning into the wall behind him and crossing his arms. Â âRight. Â Wasnât asking if you knew me though. Â You look familiar, is all.â Â Zaeedâs arm rose up slightly, the omni-tool reappearing and displaying a credits account. Â âTheeere we go. Â Sorry, you just look an awful lot like my newest job, so to speak.â
Dalen froze for a second at that, though quickly did his best to cover up any obvious signs of apprehension.  âW-well, Iâd hate t-to be someoneâs⌠job, of s-sorts.  Well, m-moreso than I already am, f-for some people.â  Lifting his wrist, he displayed the hospital ID band, which he normally took quite some pains to hide.  âM-my nameâs Nal.  Iâm a p-patient at H-huerta.  Y-youâre not looking f-for me, are you?â
The human nodded slowly, scrolling through the holographic display as the salarian in front of him seemed to break under the pressure. Â "Right right, of course. Â Said they wanted 'im alive. Â That's a fifty percent mark-up from my usual prices." Â After a few more scrolls, Zaeed closed his account and turned to face the salarian. Â "Having said that, he was supposed to be around here. Â Got some basics on 'im, though if he's half the man that his reputation infers I'm in for a struggle." Â Zaeed picked himself off the wall and eyed Nal head to toe. Â "Fortunately, I might have more use of 'im than whoever hired me to find 'im. Â If you happen to find the lizard, let 'im now that Zaeed Massani is looking for him." Â

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What side of an ewok has the most hair? The outside.
Thank you for the scintillating lesson in xenobiology ner vod.Â
Donât know how I live without your ever-flowing fount of information.
You'd be living in sheer ignorance. Â It's only fair I liberate ya savages.
Do I... know you from somewhere?
Dalen blinked, and took a moment to give the human a squinty-eyed look over.  âI⌠I donât think so?â he said after a moment, pulling back just a touch.  âI-itâs possible that I do.  Iâm⌠n-not exactly good with faces.â
The one-eyed merc's good eye squinted before leaning into the wall behind him and crossing his arms. Â "Right. Â Wasn't asking if you knew me though. Â You look familiar, is all." Â Zaeed's arm rose up slightly, the omni-tool reappearing and displaying a credits account. Â "Theeere we go. Â Sorry, you just look an awful lot like my newest job, so to speak."
"Hrm⌠I better start reserving some Credits on a separate section."
"Iâm going to be needing a ship sooner or laterâŚ"
I always thought krogan crashed ships, not buy 'em.
Reblog if I'm allowed to send you in character asks even if we have never talked before.
Broke, Blind, and Bedlam | Closed (playingwithashadow)
Between the enemies he'd made because of his colorful personality, Jack's personal revenge quest against the rest of Cerberus that he personally assisted with, and his liaison with Miranda, Zaeed found little time for his own goals. Â He still had the vault on Earth that housed more weapons than he liked to admit. Â The only issue being he had no bloody clue where he could find the damn thing- Earth was a big place and the only one who knew its location in his head was Vido. Â And he kinda had a gaping hole where a brain should be. Â The newest commander-in-chief, Darner Vosque, likely had some sort of codex or database on his person that could indicate where the vault could be found. Â That said, he was also no doubt aware that Zaeed had the key- that was the original agreement. Â Years ago, when Zaeed and Vido were still cordial, the duo realized that they needed a safeguard in case the Blue Suns were ever purged for good. Â Much like their business, the mercenary pair split the responsibilities: Zaeed took the key while Vido chose the location. Â It was a lovely set-up until Vido shot his former business partner in the face.Â
As much as he wouldn't mind bringing the son of a bitch back from the dead to question him, it wasn't an option now. Â The only reasonable way for Zaeed to find the vault was by finding Vosque. Â A task easier said than done: even though he was an idiot, the men under his command were smart enough to know he's made just as many enemies as Zaeed. Â Maybe it meant he was doing a good job. Â Maybe it meant the bastard needed to die. Â Didn't matter, the one-eyed bounty hunter needed Vosque alive. Â That said, he wasn't an infiltration specialist- he had all the subtlety of an elcor with a Thanix cannon mounted on its back. Â No, he needed a more gentle touch. Â So to speak. Â Favors don't call in themselves: he had sent out feelers to an old friend of his, a Kasumi Goto. Â The two shared a ship in the Normandy, a common goal in the Collectors, and a fat paycheck that would probably allow for an early retirement. Â Something told Zaeed that Kasumi was still on the loose and might be interested in helping out a former ally with getting their hands on the vault location. Â

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I HAVE MAGGOTS IN MY SCROTUM
Just saw Book of Mormon today. Â Funniest thing I've seen this year, though I'll keep an open mind since it's just February.
Reblog if you have a Skype. Send me an ask if you want mine.