one day, maybe one day he’ll hear that statement without the whole night drives with part in it. it’s not a lie that taemin has taken a bit of a deeper interest in the tall male in front of him, one that has majorly developed over the last couple of nights taemin has had trouble with nightmares and sleep overall. he hates even assuming it, but there could be some root of his night terrors in the fact that he’s been anxious about his feelings towards this man for days now. this man who appears to be hinting at a date, or that might just be tae’s wishful thinking? you see, taemin could have sex easily with people, but holding hands is much more difficult for him, something sacred, something he could only dream about. and now as his fingers are locked with jaesung’s, he freezes up, eyes coming to a close. he tries to imagine asking him out, leaning in to bring their lips to a close, and he might get rejected, but in case he doesn’t, he pictures meeting the musician’s very korean parents in the very depths of korea while taemin himself is a pure disgrace, a polar opposite of a proper korean upbringing and morals, hell, they’d probably laugh at him for not knowing the language of his people and not being able to communicate with them. heck, he only learned how to say thank you to jaesung a while ago when he got shitfaced, and maybe in the meantime asked daehyun how to tell someone they’re handsome, but he’d rather die than say it. he’d bring jaesung so much unnecessary pain. wincing before he opens his eyes, his free hand goes up jaesung’s chest and rests at the base of his neck, thumb being able to graze the lower portion of his cheek and jawline. “i’m not hungry, so your stupid face can get a break. can’t guarantee things will be the same tomorrow night,” his voice is hoarse and low, like a whisper after a long silence, but there’s a hint of their typical playfulness to it. his eyes are heavily hooded as he gazes at jaesung’s features. he’s too beautiful, even when he unexpectedly gets up in the middle of the night, while taemin is lifeless and definitely not a sight for sore eyes. he feels really small and wants to hide from jaesung’s browns, bury his face in his chest but they… they’re not really like that, you know? “what are you gonna do if i don’t?” taemin asks doing his best to improve his mood and not be a mess third night in a row, even though all he wants is to curl up into jae’s side and maybe get his hair played with. “all i’m saying is, i can’t treat you with a meal if i’m dead.”
oh, the irony of it all — not exactly knowing just how gone he is for the other when his relationship with his roommate has been anything but platonic. from becoming roommates and never really interacting until taemin’s asking to hook up and that’s all it is. until they’re not, but he’s still in his bed, only this time to comfort the mathematician. and maybe there needed to be a conversation in between that, something to make sure they were on the same page, instead of this guess and check method they’ve got. trying whatever out and if there’s a good reaction then it’s fine, but if the other is asking what the fuck you’re doing then you say nothing and move on. a terrible method, really but they’ve somehow made it work ( at least that’s what he tells himself ). though the lines have always been blurred and it doesn’t help that taemin’s words never matches his actions — keeping him close physically, but emotionally keeping him 3 feet away. weird how someone could be so close yet feel so out of reach. but when you know, you know is what his mother used to say when he was younger and while the phase is simple, it scares him shitless as a child of divorce. because he thinks he knows, especially in moments like this, with their fingers tangled in the dark and how warm his touch feels, but he’s not sure if it’s mutual. which is why he has a secret plan for tonight. “what if i’m hungry, then what? and don’t worry about my stupid face, we’re doing face masks before we go to bed tomorrow. no but’s about it, babe.” the pet name is said in a teasing way, but it’s in no way an actual joke. giving a boop to his roommate’s nose since he’d feel weird flicking him in this moment, “yah, why assume i’m gonna murder you? dumbass, and to think i was gonna offer you an award.” the words may sound as if he’s annoyed, he’s anything but, a lazy smile on his face as he meets his roommate’s eyes because deep down he knows that no matter what he finds out with his experiment — if taemin was a house on fire, he’d gladly run in.
