😽

Being child-like and believing God is a beautiful thing. Don’t let anyone cause you to throw it away through natural knowledge and human reasoning.

I will never get over how weird it feels to have tragic and emotional chapters of your life where you just also still go to work, and the grocery store, and see funny videos online all while feeling such paralyzing fear and heartache

I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief.

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”

Thinking about the true horrors of living through my eating disorder and wanting her back. Like a bad breakup but still aching for her love. The grip of her hands around my waist while I shoved three fingers down my throat and throwing up until I saw blood from the pit of my stomach. The way she reminds me to eat small, eat slow, drink water, always pretend to be full. And maybe she’s no good for me but she’s got this way with words. She reminds me every day that how I look is my worst nightmare that my fears are coming true every time I walk out the door, that obesity resides on top of my bones. She never forgets to call even after the breakup. And I’ll tell my friends, again, I’m losing the weight the healthy way. Knowing that the last time I ate was 3 or 4 or 5 days ago and she’ll be proud of me. And maybe we’ll breakup again. But I’ll always welcome her with open arms.