HiroC+OnoD my silly ossans

MDZS fic update

journey of no envies

When Wei Wuxian was expelled from the Yunmeng Jiang Sect, Jiang Yanli rushed to the Burial Mounds.

Nie Huaisang is content to be the useless second child his entire life. But for all his willful ignorance and indulgent cowardice, he worried for his brother. He then decided to visit an old friend.

Lan Wangji struggled using his words. But he yearned. He learned.

Wen Qing and Wei Wuxian encountered a series of strange curses in Yiling.

The different trails meet, and the paths diverged.

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Tags:

burial mounds family, Fix-It, Everyone lives/Nobody dies, Worldbuilding, Inventor Wei Wuxian, Wēn Qíng Deserves Better, Nie Huaisang loves his brother, an attempt to make sense of demonic cultivation, Everyone has their own agenda

AKA one of my experiments on how to motivate yourself to finish writing a fic?

I started writing the fic in 2019, posted the fic in November. Stopped posting it in 2020. It is now 2024.

I have a clear, decisive end in mind. I have plenty of notes, both in a physical pen and paper notebook and the ones I typed on the computer.

I still find it a challenge to finish the story. And I know it is never the lack of willpower (it never is).

For me personally, my challenge has been both the complexity of the story, and learning about how I work with myself, instead of against. Following arbitrary schedules, for me, no matter how strategic they are, would not work.

(Fanfic writers often joke about daydreaming about the fic instead of actually writing it. For me, it is no joke😂😭)

It has been like this for me not just in terms of writing fics, but in other areas of my life as well, such as work.

And I have long known I could never rely on motivation. It is such a fickle thing.

One wise man said, build a habit, so you don't rely on motivations.

I agree with this notion, to an extent.

It has worked for me in one area, but not another. There isn't a one solution fits all, after all.

But in a world that speaks loudly about how consistency is key, advocates repetition to instill habits, and ultimately praising efficiency of an automated process (even when it is our own brain), I forgot the very reason why I write.

I assign less and less importance on motivations.

After all, sparks of joy, sudden bursts of energy, light-bulb moments of inspirations, are unexpected, unpredictable, and therefore, unreliable, aren't they?

Even though the very reason I write was the pure joy of thinking up a story, cooking up plots and scenes. That lightbulb moment in the shower! Or specific moments during daydreaming that I ended up including in my fic.

Things that are difficult to find if it is an automated process, for established habit.

No wonder we are all burnt out and spent.

We are all so focused on achieving, doing, and in the process, forgetting why it is worth achieving.

Hmm.

I actually just wanted to post a few pics I took.

I tried to write a caption so it has some context.

Why did it become such a long post? 😭😂

(look at the tiny clay kitties!!!!)

It feels a little bit silly.

I could just log into AO3 and re-read them. No big deal. Why go through the hassle?

But I'd like to think it would be worth the "hassle".

It is a process of cultivating joy🌱

The story, the ideas you've cooked up in your mind years ago - if it doesn't excite you as much as it used to - that's normal. Our brain is built to get used to things, after all.

(even when it saddens me to admit that it doesn't excite me as much as it used to).

It does not mean that it has to be an automated process, simply done out of habit, or done because it is scheduled into a calendar.

Sudden bursts of energy, light-bulb moments of inspirations, are unexpected, unpredictable, but they have always been reliable in igniting desire - the soul of creativity itself.

The so-called motivations. Elusive and mysterious.

Quite troublesome!

In my case, since I have been working on this fic all by myself, it could get severely understimulating.

One of the things that have greatly helped is shifting my perspective to see that in fact, I'm not entirely alone. (Especially since parts of the story has been posted and received by people).

Of course I know there are people who read the story. I still get the occasional kudos from time to time (thank you!!).

But even if fanfic writers say they read and re-read comments, it's not like we open our phones everyday to do it. Not when we have whatsapp to respond to, newsfeed to scroll, genshin to play, and social media accounts to stalk.

It's quite common for a hundred people to click on your story and only one person might leave you kind words.

But that one person could have brightened your entire day! Even when you came back to their comment the next day, it still managed to leave you smiling.

Life goes on the following day though, and as time went on, you forgot about those kind words.

I, too, forgot. Even though I clearly received more than one.

So, in an effort to keep the desire alive, to fill my space with the little joys, to cultivate motivations, and all in all trying to write -- I made them just a little bit more physical.

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