sweet but psycho

Skylark: THAT CAN VERY VERY VERY VERY EASILY BE ARRANGED!!

Skylark: LOLOL the movie IS pretty superb. The first one, anyway. I'm still upset I had to watch the second with my own two eyes.

Skylark: I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE ONE A MONTH? PEOPLE HOOK UP AROUND HERE! (I'm quiet, yes, but YOU know what I'm doing or not :-P and you could count as one of the quiet ones to people too!) LOL my main question for Hadley is WHEN would she have the time to get down and semi-dirty. I feel like every time I talk to her she's left one thing and about to go do another, if that lowers your edge around her.

Riley: WHAT IF I STARE AT MY OWN FACE SO MUCH I THROW UP?

Riley: Whaaaat? Why don't you like the second one? The second one's so good! I thought it was the third one that most people took issue with! And this is apparently why this is my RILEY ALONE-TIME CHEER UP series!

Kendall: Its SO weird, and sad! Hand holding is so great and comforting and I'd do it with all of my friends and my family if it wasn't looked at the way it was. But you know, society doesn't teach us to be affectionate with people that we're platonic with. And aww that sounds nice! Maybe I should try that hair tie thing, even if I don't have hair to tie back lol I can just lend it to my lady friends. Mashed potatoes are so good too! Especially when they're all buttery and chivey and oh gosh I'm hungry. Feel like getting a meal after ice cream lol?

Kendall: RIGHT?! The flavor of autumn is not what makes a mouth feel clean and fresh! GOOD FOR YOU FOR NOT WATCHING THAT SWILL, you got out of that one easy. Lol asking the wrong person? I'm talking to YOU, unless I have your number saved as Riley and you've been somebody else this whooooole time. But yay, let's do it!

Riley: So... just to clarify that means that if I ever see you try to hold someone's hand you're adhering to what society thinks and doing it because you like someone as more than a friend? Just out of curiosity. You probably have enough hair to do like, a head full of little mini spiky ponytails! But very mini lol, like you'd need to have 12 stacked miniature rubber bands instead of one big hair tie to wrap around your thumb. Get some food!!! It sounds like you're suffering without it. Or do you need me to bring you some? I could probably make chivey buttery mashed potatoes even without you having to be under the weather first :-p

I can’t even imagine, I’d blush so hard that I wouldn’t need extra lighting at my photo shoots. My eyes are perfect, especially when it comes to you, thank you very much, but keeping those thoughts in my head is easy enough, don’t worry. I won’t make you feel weird if I can help it. Did he? That’s great, then. Isn’t that what you wanted? And like I said, it probably just means he hasn’t seen you in the app yet or that he hasn’t logged on. Someone inviting you to do something says more than a swipe does.

You never know! I have 20/20 vision and at the health fair they told me that I might need blue-light glasses because my 20/20 seemed less certain than it used to be and my vision was getting blurry. It is! And you’re right, it totally means more than a Swipe. He’s already talked to me and he wanted to go with me to get ice cream, so I must be at least kind of interesting! 

I really am, aren’t I? I really oughta get someone to scribe this down for me, release a book and all that junk. And yeah, e-x-actly! That’s all we ever really do, just put into words and separated into phases. You’re asking if boys get disappointed by a girl not being sweaty enough and I’m telling you right now, straight up, that’s too minute a detail for a dude to care about after. Guys have expectations just like anyone else but for the most part? Dude brains get all happy and sleepy after they nut. Let’s girls get away with a lot of stuff. If you’re worried you’ll be bad at sex, which is what it sounds like you’re worried about, you probably won’t be. Just don’t do extra-weird shit and you’ll be fine.

Well now I’m changing my question and asking if they’re going to be disappointed by anything. Like, what would be the biggest dealbeaker for you with sex? I know it’s a long way off but I’m just curious about the whole thing. And what counts as extra weird shit? Do I need to learn how to bend my legs behind my head or something? Or like, use the covers as wings and make pterodactyl noises?

That’s definitely not the case! No one is more “killable” than another. Okay, I seem to be so off about these games. I did the same with Skylark. He suggested I get to know him better, I think the same idea should apply here.

Sky would at least take beautiful pictures of the dinosaurs if you left him there with his camera. Me? I’m just a screamer. If you can handle that, though, I’m always open to new friends!

Maybe it isn’t giving up though! Maybe its finally just learning to put yourself first. I heard that about psychology too but there’s something scarier about those classes if you ask me; I know they’re not actually teaching you how to get into people’s heads but I’m already close enough for comfort from where I’m standing. And of course! My parents are both cops, as soon as I was old enough to understand what that meant, I was so scared all the time that each day was going to be the day I got a phone call giving me horrible news. Just so, so scared. And who wants to be like that? I didn’t, that’s for sure. Maybe you could try a psych major! You seem like you’d be gentle with the information you do learn from people.

I don’t really... want to put myself first? I don’t know, if I’m not doing something to take care of others I feel kind of gross, or like I’m doing something wrong. Putting other people’s needs first comes more naturally to me. I’m always scared my dad’s going to do something dumb like get eaten by a crocodile or shot out of the sky by a bow and arrow or something; at least your parents are doing something meaningful. Not that that makes it any less sad if things go wrong, but well... at least it’s Auradon. They could be somewhere actually scary, like America!  

Kaz: You could stop cooking for them if you really don't want to use your time that way. Its YOUR time, you know.

Kaz: Name one thing you're optimistic about because from literally everything you've said in this conversation I find that impossible to believe.

Riley: And deal with my dad's disappointed looks that I'm not being the mom-friend like Wendy was when she visited Neverland? I wouldn't dare.

Claudine: Oh, really? I guess so then. Well, a lot of people are nice so that makes sense. Aw was he bigger than you when you guys were in fairy form?

Yet some kids still use those kind of words. 

They do, but I’m not going to encourage it!

Yeah that can be tricky sometimes. But honestly either way, I say just go for it. The worst that can happen is that nothing comes of it.

I’m definitely still planning on going, I just wasn’t sure if I should ask about, you know, the other part.

Kendall: I used to hold my mom or sister or dad's hands a lot lol. To cross the street but also just to have a hand in mine but I stopped when I got older and people thought it was weird :( I bet the hugging post will work though. There's something comforting about the thumbs. Wait, you get mac and cheese for having your teeth out? In that case lol I might consider it.

Kendall: Ah, sounds refreshing! Like gum, but the good kind. Hot take; cinnamon gum is the devil's work. I don't know what most boys do but I DO know cherry chapstick is a classic and it smells good all day and who doesn't want to smell good? YOU POOR THING, that makes me worried as to what other terrible videos you've watched over the years because there have been some BAD ones lol. I love ice cream too, yay, that'll perk us both right up. And of course I'm sure, why wouldn't I want to? Are you lactose intolerant or something? Because I am too and I have the pills that help with that so we'll be okay! Want me to pick you up somewhere?

Riley: It's so weird that the world has decided hand-holding is something that's only allowed to be done by little kids or by couples! What if I just wanted to hold Dizzy's hand or Skylark's? Why can't I just want the comfort of not getting lost in a crowd because I'm holding onto what matters? There is! Sometimes I just wrap my hair tie around my thumb a bunch of times instead of wearing it on my wrist, it feels nice. Well, you have to eat soft foods - I maybe should have stuck to mashed potatoes but the mac and cheese was easy enough to kind of eat one at a time and mush with my tongue!

Stooooop but don’t really, your validation fuels me. And psh, I think gushy thoughts about a lot of things, I’m sensitive, but I keep a lot of it to myself because I think it would make you uncomfortable to hear how awesome and photogenic and beautiful and ethereal when the sun hits her eyes just right I think my lovely best friend Riley is. Artist’s thoughts, what can I say? Oh no. Well, you can’t say he NEVER swiped back, he still might. Besides, there are lots of bats in the cave, Girlfriend Riley is rising. I can feel it.

And I wasn’t even trying to validate you on purpose this time, imagine if I turned on my concerted-effort-charm! Oh. I mean, you’re right, it probably would make me a little bit uncomfortable, but not because I don’t think it’s really sweet and amazing that you see me that way! Just because I’d, I don’t know, think maybe you needed to get your eyes checked. Or maybe he already swiped left! Although if he swiped left, why did he invite me to go get ice cream with him? The world is so confusing. 

Skylark: You have to AGREE that you're cuter, key word agree. Because objectively, just as two images, you ARE. So.

Skylark: I'LL TRY NOT TO RUIN ANOTHER ACTOR FOR YOU AGAIN BUT I DIDN'T REALIZE ADAM DEVINE WAS SACRED.

Skylark: Fine, I'd be in the bottom twenty! That's still low for this school. But you never know! They do say it's the quiet ones, don't they??

Riley: I'M GOING TO NEED A PHOTOGRAPHIC SIDE BY SIDE TO ANALYZE FOR A LONG TIME UNTIL I CAN MAYBE SORT OF FIND A WAY TO AGREE.

Riley: EVERYONE FROM PITCH PERFECT IS SACRED IN THEIR OWN WAY! I watch those movies so many times!

Skylark nodded, glad that Riley’s  intense want to be a girlfriend didn’t have her settling for some freshman basic chum who probably didn’t know how to do laundry and wore the same underwear for a week before turning it inside out and wow, his inner monologue had gotten specific; he just knew she deserved better than to have to be the mom in a relationship and her boundaries were sensible. It made him happy to agree. “No, I think you’re on the right track. It’s a whole new world for freshmen, that does make them babies, whereas we’re the soph-o-mores. Very sophisticated,” he laughed. 

The new parameters were in mind as they kept going and that excluded guys like Theo anyway who was a senior but still not mature enough for Riley, in Sky’s completely biased opinion. Besides, if Riley was going for a Medici, Isaac was a better fit for what she wanted. Kendall was too. He and Sky weren’t close, so he wouldn’t have to pick sides if it didn’t work out like he had with Riley’s last try, and if it did work out? There were far worse guys out there to try to make Riley happy. She was happy already, with the way that she grinned and the way she said the word ‘perfect’ so eagerly, so Sky let out a sigh and smiled and swiped right. There was a charged silence for the direct second after, to see if there was a match, but nothing popped on the screen. Awkward.

“Well, we said that was the last one for today,” he said, turning his eyes to her, trying to think of the perfect thing to move them past this moment “Want to go eat something? My treat, if and only if you don’t ignore me in favor of the many conversations you’re bound to be having once these people swipe back while.”

Despite all the time that the two of them had spent using the app last year, Riley felt like all the specifics of how it worked eluded her now. Sky might have felt a flash of disappointment on her behalf that Kendall hadn’t immediately popped up as a match, but Riley didn’t; she figured it would take time, although the temptation to obsessively check her phone to see if he’d swiped back on her was definitely going to be hard to resist. But if he didn’t... maybe he just friend-liked her too much to want to date her? She could probably make excuses in her head all day long, but was relieved for the fact that she didn’t have to.

“Food sounds perfect -- who knew being anxious about Matchmakr could make a person so hungry?” Riley giggled, hopping up from her seat and reaching out her hand to help pull Sky up, too. She felt lighter now that the app was closed and she wasn’t obsessing over it as much, but she’d never admit it out loud that the dating app almost made her more nervous than just going through her regular, everyday life did. If she said it out loud, she was sure Sky would encourage her to delete it immediately, but she didn’t want to right now. All she wanted was good food, and the best company, and she tried to close the Matchmaking side of her brain off as she asked him, “What are you in the mood for? My treat, if you’ll hold onto my phone so I’m not checking it a million times while we’re out.”

Kaz: Jeez, it's not a punishment, its playing! If you played along maybe you could both have fun, like if they ate first, you could use the leftovers in a food fight. Win win!

Kaz: OOHHH you're one of those people who calls herself a realist because she hasn't come to terms with the fact that she's a pessimist yet. How cliche.

Riley: Or they could save the leftovers to eat tomorrow! When they throw them around all over the place that just means it gets wasted and I have to cook for them again sooner, and it takes a long time!

Bro, look. On the real? There’s a billion people on this planet with a trillion quirks or traits or straight up problems and someone always appeals to someone else, it’s nature. The solution is to use what you have as a general appeal - your looks, your kindness, your generosity, your willingness to try things - until you meet people that you get more specific with. I should write all this in a book, or get someone to write it for me, this is good shit. Riley, a dude isn’t going to be super picky about how sweaty a girl is after sex, he just had sex! He’s going to be ecstatic. Okay. You screamed because it was a surprise or because you don’t like dick? Because one of those could be a problem.

You are kind of good at this whole advice thing. See if people like surface level Riley enough to talk to me for a while, and then test the waters with deeper Riley issues -- did I get that right? Because if I did, you should write it yourself! And if I didn’t, well, maybe then you can turn it over to someone to write it for you so you make sure your great messages get across. So guys don’t get... disappointed? Like as long as it’s sex that’s good enough for them? I was worse than surprised, I was shocked!