rikuiisms

it’s not the first time he’s thought this,  remembers hollow bastion after sealing the door to darkness,  remembers sitting there,  alone  ;   wondering just how badly he’d fractured his relationship with sora,  wondering if he’d  scared  him,  if he’d ruined everything,  if sora looked at him and only saw darkness,  a  monster.

he knows,  now,  that that’s not true,  that sora only ever sees the best in him,  which has always been far more than what riku deserved.

but,  watching the way sora’s keyblade materializes in his hand,  settles across his lap  ------  watching the look on his face,  sees  fear  again,  he can’t help but feel the same way he did on that rock in hollow bastion.   can’t help but wonder if sora is afraid of him,  or afraid of his baggage.

maybe,  if he’d shared that paopu fruit with sora before,  sora wouldn’t be so scared.   maybe he’d know that riku has devoted his entire being to him,  that he will always be part of sora’s heart and that he will always be connected to him,  no matter what.

he knows sora doesn’t feel safe in this moment,  and riku can’t help but wonder if things would be different had he only just shared the paopu fruit with him.

does  it  still  want  to  fight  me  ?

he’ll try as hard as he can to ease sora’s fears.   he shakes his head.

“  no  ---  the organization  manipulated  him,  in castle oblivion.   they coded him with my memories,  and then twisted them.  ”   just as they twisted sora’s  ---  and he briefly wonders what’s stopping him from explaining as such to him.   “  they replaced my memories of kairi with fabricated memories of naminé.   they did the same to you  ---  and so the two of you fought over naminé,  like how you and i fought over protecting kairi before.   naminé  fixed  them for you,  though.   that’s how you woke up in that pod,  in that mansion in twilight town.  ”   because sora’s memories were stored within roxas,  within xion  ------  but that can wait another day.

“  i had to fight him,  too.   vexen pit him against me to mine more data from me,  to upload to him.   but i sent him into the realm of darkness.   that’s where i found him again,  when me and mickey were trying to find aqua.   he  ---  helped me.  ”

so  does  he  live  in  your  heart  now  ?   like  roxas  lives  in  mine  ?

he answers with only a nod,  allows sora to continue.

do  you  like  talking  to  him  ?

at that,  riku seems thoughtful.   “  i guess it’s not too different from  ---  talking to myself.   except,  this version of me has a different  worldview.   he’s harmless to us now,  don’t worry.  ”

sora’s keyblade hasn’t  disappeared  quite yet,  though  ---  he’s still worrying.   riku wants so badly to be more helpful,  wants so badly to quell the bad thoughts and fears that plague sora while  awake  just as he can when he’s asleep.

i  just  hope  i  can  protect  everyone,   y’know  ?   someone’s  gotta  put  a  stop  to  the  organization  !   might  as  well  be  me,   right  ?

“  sora  ---  ”   he says it so  nonchalantly  that it almost  hurts.   sora’s willingness and determination to help  everyone  he meets is endearing and inspiring  ---  but he knows that it’s been part of the boy’s undoing all the same.   riku’s terrified sora will push himself to his breaking point,  terrified that it will  hurt  him.

aqua  was  stuck  there  for  ten  years  !   can  you imagine  ?!

he can,  and sora knows he can,  and riku can see sora trying to backtrack immediately.   he doesn’t  mind  it,  though.   for as much as he can imagine being stuck there for any period of time,  for as much as he  saw  with his own eyes what ten years did to someone like aqua,  he can’t begin to imagine what it would do to  himself.

riku doesn’t know if he’d have lasted nearly as long.

no  one  else  gets  hurt,   y’know  ?   i have  to  do  something.   i  think———   i  think  tomorrow  might  be  my  last  chance.

“  ------------------  you know you’re not the  only  one heading out there tomorrow,  right  ?  ”   he says it with as much good nature as possible,  tries to hide the fear that makes the worst feeling in the pit of his stomach.   “  it’s not all on you to protect everyone.   we’re  all  guardians of light.  ”

❝   i  do  believe  in  you,   Riku!   It’s  just—   ❞

It’s  just  that  Riku  is  holding  his  hands,   just  as  he  always  does  in  his  dreams,   and  Sora  doesn’t  remember  how  to  breathe   /   how  to  think   /   who  he  is  without  Riku.   (   He  doesn’t  understand  why  he  can’t  stomach  a  world  devoid  of  anyone,   tries  so  hard  to  save  everyone!   but,   a  world  without  Riku  is  the  only  one  that  haunts  him  behind  his  eyes  at  night.   )

It’s  just  that  he  feels  so  sorry  for  Riku,   because  he  knows  that  Riku  was  made  for  this,   and  he  thinks  that  no  one  should  ever  have  been  “made”  for  Darkness.   (   He  misses  the  happy  Riku  from  their  childhood,   the  Riku  that  smiled  and  laughed  with  him,   the  Riku  that  so  easily  beat  him  in  footraces  and  tormented  him  with  scary  stories  just  so  he  could  have  an  excuse  to  comfort  him  afterward   ———   or,   at  least  that’s  what  Kairi  says.   )

You  never  noticed? Not  really.   I  thought  he  was  just  being  nice. I  think  there’s  more  to  it  than  that. Whatever  you  say,   Kairi.   Why’re  you  so  hung  up  on  me  an’  Riku,   anyway? I—I  dunno.   I  just   …   think  you  guys  have  a  special  connection.   It’s  funny  that  you  don’t  see  it. ‘course  we  have  a  special  connection!   He’s  my  best  friend!   You’re  my  best  friend,   too,   Kairi!   Is   —   Is  everything  okay? Yeah,   of  course!   I’m  just   …   worried  about  Riku.   I  think  the  Darkness  is  getting  to  him. Yeah,   me  too.   That’s  why  I  stopped  letting  him  “eat  my  dreams”. You  what?! H—Hey!   Why  are  you  yelling  at  me?!   It  helps  him,   doesn’t  it? No!   Your  dreams  are  different,   Sora!   They  help  him! That  doesn’t  make  any  sense!   Did  Riku  put  you  up  to  this?   He  was  really  mad  when  he  found  out  I  figured  out  how  to  block  him.   Well,   I  don’t  care  what  you  or  Riku  have  to  say  about  it!   I’m  not  gonna  make  him  feel  worse!

He  stormed  away  from  that  conversation  a  couple  of  weeks  ago,   and  his  nightmares  have  been  worse  and  worse,   and  he’s  been  angrier  and  angrier  with  no  end  in  sight!   (   Is  this  how  everyone  would  feel  without  Riku?   Is  this  how  Riku  feels  right  now,   and  always,   because  of  what  he  does?   Sora  doesn’t  know  which  one  is  worse,   but  he  does  know  that  he’s  being  followed  by  shadows,   and  his  eyes  are  slowly  changing  color,   and  he  wants  to  hurt  anyone  or  anything  that  would  hurt  Riku  and  the  shadows  tell  him  that  they  can  help  him  do  that!   that  they  can  make  him  stronger!   )

and,   why  should  that  be  a  bad  thing? He  would  do  anything  to  protect  Riku,   to  protect  everyone   —   even  hurt.

You’ve  already  helped  so  many  people.   The  world  doesn’t  rest  on  just  your  shoulders.   You’ve  done  more  than  enough,   Sora.   It’s  my  turn,   now.

❝   No,   it  isn’t!   ❞

He  squeezes  Riku’s  hands,   whines  frustration,   presses  himself  into  Riku’s  chest  without  thinking  about  it  because  beneath  the  shadows  that  wisp  around  his  arms,   his  chest,   his  yellow  eyes,   he’s  still  just  a  boy  afraid  of  ghost  stories   /   a  boy  who  still  trusts  Riku  more  than  anyone  else  and  still  depends  on  him  to  keep  him  safe.

❝   It  isn’t  just  on  your  shoulders,   either,   Riku!   Y—You  can’t  just   —   keep  eating  people’s  dreams  and  thinking  that  nothing  bad’s  gonna  happen!   I—I  don’t  care  what  you  say!   Nobody  was  “made”  for  Darkness!   It’s  changing  you,   making  you  sad  all  the  time!   I—I  don’t  want—   ❞

He  sniffs,   releases  one  of  Riku’s  hands  to  make  a  fist  to  scrub  stubborn  tears  from  his  eyes,   angles  his  head  to  pillow  it  atop  Riku’s  chest  and  circles  his  arm  around  Riku’s  waist   (   —   because,   subconsciously,   he’s  exhausted!   just  wants  to  sleep  in  Riku’s  arms  for  the  rest  of  his  life!   can’t  understand  why  that  means  anything  different,   or  that  it’s  the  only  thing  that  Riku  wants,   too.   )

❝   I  don’t  want  you  to  be  sad  anymore,   so  I’m  not  gonna  let  you  eat  my  dreams!   e—even  if  it  means  that   …   I  have  to  be  sad,   and  even  if  Kairi  says  that  my  dreams  don’t  make  you  sad.   I  think  she’s  wrong.   ❞   @rikudevium!

SORA  BELIEVES  IN  HIM,   IT’S  JUST   ------------   just  that  nobody  believes  in  the  darkness   (  not  without  good  reason  ),   nobody  believes  that  any  good  could  ever  come  of  it.   but riku thinks it has the  potential  to do good,  if wielded by someone with the will to possess it.   so many have tried to harness the power of darkness by force,  and those are the people that have corrupted it  ---  but riku was  born  with it,  riku never  asked  for it.

riku has two of the brightest lights he’s ever seen in his own life,  and he knows he couldn’t possibly be half as strong without them.   and he knows that sora is the other half of his own heart,  and he absolutely  can’t  strong without him.   they make his own heart brighter,  a warm ray of sunlight that clears away the darkness in all dreams,  brings him back to reality when he changes his own form.

the nightmares exhaust him,  feed darksider in ways no ordinary person could handle.   every night he consumes loneliness and despair and agony,  tears and blood and sweat,  bright flames and the chilling cold.   riku has spent too much of his own life understanding sadness and loneliness  ------  but he knows now how to parse through those feelings,  separate them from himself.   because he has kairi and he has sora and they make each other stronger and he can’t possibly ever,  truly,  be alone.

but riku had grown too used to consuming sora’s nightmares,  replacing them with good dreams and watching them unfold,  watching dream - sora realize his love for dream - riku in a way that sora still cannot seem to grasp.   weeks have passed since the last time riku has been able to consume one of sora’s nightmares.   sora figured out how to block him out entirely and it’s both frustrating and  admirable  how sora can figure things out when he puts his mind to it,  how  stubbornly  he’ll maintain his resolve.

he’s tried to talk him down,  gently,  more than once  ------  with no success.   and all the while,  he feels sora’s anger,  he feels sadness and fear and he feels darksider gravitating toward him more and more,  feeding  off of it,  lending sora its power,  because without sora’s nightmares it cannot sustain itself,  needs  sora’s heart just as much as it needs riku himself.

normal nightmares are like caffeine.   darksider needs sora’s nightmares like they’re an entire meal,  like they’re water and air and the most necessary components of survival.   (  or  maybe  they’re  a  drug,   darksider whispers to him in the depths of his mind,   and  you’re  in  withdrawal.  )   riku has tried  desperately  to explain it to him  ---  but he doesn’t know how much more clearly he can express the connection between their hearts,  the fact that their bond is so much more powerful than their connection with absolutely anybody else,  even with kairi.

i  don’t  care  what  you  say  !   nobody  was  made  for  darkness  !   it’s  changing  you,   making  you  sad  all  the  time  !

if it’s done anything,  it’s just made him worse at  hiding  it.   or,  maybe that’s sora’s doing,  melting the cold exterior he worked so hard to craft around him,  filled with contrived arrogance and detachment.   but riku gets the feeling that if he tries to explain that to sora,  the thought of riku having always been sad will only upset him more.

and as it stands now,  riku can’t bear to see him any more upset  ---  as sora wraps his arms around his waist,  settles his head upon riku’s chest  ;   almost as if his body were begging for riku to  help  him,  even if sora and his brain would never acknowledge it,  own up to his  exhaustion.   and riku wants to collapse against sora in turn,  overwhelmed by other nightmares and lacking the strength to handle them.

if he can’t get through to sora,  they will surely undo each other.

“  c’mon,  sora  ---  not  all  darkness has to be  bad.   even if it  is  easy for it to  become  bad.  ”

he’s not about to say that  his  darkness,  that darksider is wholly good  ------  but riku has to believe that he won’t succumb to it one day,  that he  can  do good with the gift he’s been given  ------  that it  is  a gift,  and not a  curse.   how can he live with himself if he can’t  ?

i  don’t  want  you  to  be  sad  anymore,   so  i’m  not  gonna  let  you  eat  my  dreams  !   e - even  if  it  means  that   …   i  have  to  be  sad,   and  even  if  kairi  says  that  my  dreams  don’t  make  you  sad.   i  think  she’s  wrong.

were riku not currently holding sora in his arms,  he’d most assuredly be retiring to his room for the next year.   if he can’t get through to sora in this moment,  perhaps he really will.

“  kairi’s  right,  silly.   your dreams work  differently  than everyone else’s.   the link between our hearts is  stronger  than any other connection we have.  ”   he’s careful as he lifts sora’s head off his chest,  settles one hand on his shoulder and the other cupping his chin.   riku just wishes sora will understand what this  means.

“  taking your nightmares,  turning them into  good  dreams  ------  that’s what makes me  strongest.   there’s no way i can be sad when you’re dreaming peacefully.   but i need you to  trust  me,  sora.  ”   the hand upon sora’s shoulder grips just a bit more firmly,  involuntarily,  pleading.

IT’S  CERTAINLY  HARD   to  stay  asleep  when  one  has  someone  who  speaks  as  loudly  as  sora  straddling  one’s  lap.   it’s even  harder  for riku to ignore the way his face is completely covered in kisses,  always soft.   in all actuality,  sora makes waking up easy   (  and worth it  ),  but he most assuredly will put up a small fuss about being woken regardless,  in the form of a long  groan,  for now,  as his eyes slowly open,  adjust to the flood of light within the room.

c’mon,   wake  up  !   i  made  breakfast  !   …   sorta.   little  chef  used  my  hands  to  make  it,   so  i  get  some  of  the  credit  !

he  would  chuckle at that,  but sora occupies his lips first,  and he exhales a contented sigh through his nose as he cups sora’s cheek,  lifts himself to reciprocate the kiss in kind.   he loves  all  of sora’s kisses,  but he would be remiss if he doesn’t say that these ones are his favorite.

“  well  —  that was real nice of little chef to pitch in,  ”   he answers goodnaturedly as sora pulls away,  slowly starts to shift himself so he can sit up against the back of the bed.   “  neither of you had to do that for little ol’ me.  ”

and,   afterwards,   i  have  something  special   —   just  for  us.

sora seems  nervous  as he says it,  and his eyes soften.   he leans forward,  kisses the space between sora’s eyes,  all gentle,  settles his hands upon his hips as sora remains seated upon his lap.   looks a little sheepish,  himself,  when he answers.

“  aw  ---  i love  you,  sora.  ”   another kiss,  this time placed atop his nose.   “  whatever it is you have planned,  i know i’ll love it.   after all,  the best birthday gift i could ask for is to spend it with you.  ”   then,  a final kiss,  placed upon sora’s lips not unlike the way he’d done so earlier.

“  i guess the food’ll get cold the longer we sit here,  huh  ?  ”   though he’s most certainly loathe to get up,  and force sora to get up off of him.   he pulls his legs in from beneath him,  reluctantly pokes them out from beneath the warmth of his blankets and slides the rest of the way out of bed.   he adjusts his tank top,  pulls the fabric more taut over his stomach,  and then turns back to offer sora a hand.

“  besides,  the sooner we eat,  the sooner i get to see what you’ve got planned,  huh  ?  ”   and he’ll give sora’s hand a reassuring squeeze,  at that.

he proceeds to pull him toward the kitchen  ---  which will most certainly turn into  him  being pulled,  he expects,  by the time they arrive to a neatly set table,  food set and coffee already prepared exactly the way riku likes it.

he can’t help but press another kiss to sora’s cheek,  wonders how on  earth  he could be so lucky to call this guy his,  after everything.   he won’t betray the fact that he’s thinking it in that moment,  but he knows he couldn’t possibly ever hope to deserve sora.   though he keeps trying.

“  ------  this looks incredible,  ”   he says,  thoughtful,  slowly seating himself down at the table,  with sora’s chair already pulled out next to his own.   he lifts his mug of coffee  ;   teasingly,  he adds:   “  you’ve gotten real good at cracking eggs,  huh  ?  ”   takes a sip,  feels just  that  much warmer   (  and his heart already feels like it’s about to melt  !  ).

THIS  COULD  VERY  WELL  BE  THE  END.   riku knew it,  the moment the demon tide swallowed everyone whole,  ripped their friends away from them,  plucked them off the ground one at a time.   it’s just him and sora,  now,  and he knows even then that won’t be for long.

behind him,  sora loses hope.   and riku’s heart breaks to know that beneath all that shining light,  beneath all the hope he inspires in others,  he,  too,  feels worthless,  feels that he’s weak and that he is powerless without the strength of the others,  feels like he’s lost hope.

you  don’t  believe  that,   he says to him,  knows he has to do something  !   even if he knows that this demon tide will surely swallow the both of them next  ;   he knows that sora will find a way,  sora  always  finds a way.   so he can’t give up,  needs sora to see that he refuses to get up,  and so too should sora.

he stands tall in front of the boy in despair,  bares his teeth and his blade.   he knows what it feels like to be swallowed by the darkness  —  he’s not afraid  !   he’s not afraid of the darkness,  not afraid of the tide of heartless that heads straight for him,  opens its mouth wide and prepares to consume him.   and if he’s to go down,  it will not be without a fight.   it will not be without giving his all to protect the person that matters most to him.

he moves to thrust his blade forward,  to hold the heartless off for as long as he can  —  but,  suddenly,  he’s thrown back by an outside force,  by something  other  than the heartless in front of him.   he gasps for air,  digs his feet into the ground to steady himself,  keyblade vanishes for the time being as he shields his eyes from the oncoming blast of dirt and debris,  finally lifts his head to see what has taken his place  —

“  ————  sora  !?  ”

shrouded in darkness,  aura  oozing  darkness,  nails extended into claws  —  a shadow in human form,  in  sora’s  form.   it can’t be  —  but he looks behind him,  and sora kneels there no longer.   it  must  be.

sora  must  have acquired this power after  he  became a heartless  —  to save kairi.   if only riku had possessed a strong enough will to deny the darkness,  himself.   he might have  succeeded  at protecting sora and kairi both.   riku knows he cannot be solely to blame,  but he certainly feels he ought to take the brunt of it.

“  s - sora,  come  back  !  ”   he calls out,  desperate,  chest feeling too painfully tight,  tears welling up in his eyes no matter how hard he tries to blink them back.   if this is all to end,  it  cannot  be like this.

sora pulled him out of the darkness,  and now it’s his turn to do the same for sora  !   for sora may think that he gets his strength from his friends,  but it’s the opposite  —  they get  their  strength from sora.   riku is only strong because of sora,  only has hope because sora inspires it within him.   were it not for sora,  he would be where his past self stands,  alongside the rest of the organization.

determination stirs anew within him,  something brighter than ever before.   keyblade materializes back in his hand and without a second thought he’s lunging forward,  leaps over sora’s shadow form,  and as he lands he’s twisting around,  winds himself up,  his keyblade formchanging into a broadsword as he slices at the demon tide,  a shockwave made of light surging forward.

the heartless falter,  just in time for his keyblade to vanish again,  and riku turns back around and bridges the gap between he and sora,  throws his arms around him.

if this is to be the end,  let it be with the love of his life in his arms.

“  ——  it’s  okay,  sora,  ”   he breathes,  holds onto him for dear life,  prays he can get through to him beneath the darkness that billows around them.   “  it will be  okay.   you always find a way.  ”

the demon tide has recollected itself from behind him,  and he tucks sora’s head into his chest so that he might not see them coming,  might not watch as the mouth opens wide and prepares to devour.

HE  FEELS  AS  THOUGH  HE’S  BEEN  FLOATING   for  hours,  now.   he and mickey had come dangerously close to being lost in the realm of darkness,  for he’d held his own against aqua fine but he knew he wouldn’t last  —  the darkness that had consumed her made her far more powerful than he,  gave her far more endurance  ;   and riku had already exhausted himself.

mickey had been trapped,  and riku had known he wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer,  had felt himself starting to become overwhelmed by exhaustion,  his limbs weakening.   he’d felt fear,  that he would be overpowered,  that they wouldn’t make it out,  that he’d never see sora again  ——

sora.

uttered under his breath like a prayer,  pleading for a miracle,  pleading to see him one last time.   and it was as though he’d been heard,  for he was answered immediately,  no sooner had he called for him than a door opened from above. light shown through,  and an angel descended upon them,  a savior to pull them out of the dark.

sora.

stood next to riku,  glowing,  smiling so brightly at him that riku felt as though he’d been blinded,  felt as though the breath had been completely knocked out of him,  and never before had he been so thankful to have been disobeyed in his life.   sora should not have been able to find a way to access the realm of darkness,  and yet  —

i  made  it  !

he never fails to surprise him.

now they’re back at yen sid’s tower,  aqua safe and alongside them,  and he and mickey are left to recuperate while sora prepares to go off yet  again  to recover ventus.   he can’t wait for this to be over,  is growing weary of only having his gummiphone to check on sora’s wellbeing,  of only being able to speak with him through video calls  —  but he supposes it’s still better than not being able to speak with him at all,  than following not too far behind to make sure he was safe and was on the right track,  all the while far enough so that he wouldn’t be  caught,  wouldn’t be  seen,  for fear that sora would look upon ansem’s face and feel  repulsed,  scared.

the harder he falls,  the harder it is for him to be apart.

———— i  know  what  you  meant  now.

distracted,  riku nearly jumps at sora’s appearance,  but is ultimately more relieved to see him,  glad that he’s able to see him before his departure.   distracted,  riku isn’t immediately sure what sora means.

until sora takes his hand in both of his own,  leans in and kisses him so confidently that riku almost forgets to breathe again,  and he remembers.

you’re  important  to  me,   too,   sora   —   more  than  you’ll  ever  know.h - hey.   what’s  that  supposed  to  mean  ?

“  sora  —  ”

i  love  you,   too.   rest  up,   okay  ?   i  gotta  go  now.   catch  ya  later  !

“  s - sora,  wait  —  ”   if he  thinks  he’s going to get away just like that  —  the way sora treats this so  casually  would  astound  him were it not for the fact that riku  knows  this is just how sora is.   if they’re to make the moment last,  even an extra moment longer,  riku has to be the one to do something about it.

he grabs back onto sora’s hand,  pulls him close,  and if he had wanted to be a  wise  ass,  if he were the same kid that had wanted so badly to leave home three years,  who thought he was too cool for  everything,  he’d be making some stupid remark about how it certainly  took  sora long enough to figure it out.

but he’s patient.   and when it comes to sora,  he believes in him more than he believes in anything else.   he knew he’d figure it out.   he was willing to wait as long as he had to for when the time came.

so he kisses him back,  instead,  equal certainty and  desperation   (  thank  you  for saving me,  be  safe,   please  come  back  to me  ),  cups the boy’s cheek and settles his forehead against sora’s.

“  ————  be quick,  alright  ?  ”   he says at last after breaking the kiss,  although he hasn’t lifted his head away from sora’s and his breath still breaks against his lips.   “  it sounds like we have a lot of catching up to do.  ”

sora  has  never  understood  how  or  why  Riku,   of  all  people,   turned  to  the  darkness;   Riku,   who  has  always  been  the  brightest  light  in  his  life;   Riku,   who   —

We’ve  always  been  rivals,   haven’t  we? No!   We’ve  always  been  friends!

Riku,   who  he  grew  up  with,   laid  on  his  back  in  the  warm  sand  of  Destiny  Islands  and  watched  the  stars  with   —

Sora,   you  wanted  one,   didn’t  you? A  papou  fruit. If  two  people  share  one,   their  destinies  become  intertwined.   They’ll  remain  a  part  of  each  other’s  lives,   no  matter  what.   C’mon,   I  know  you  want  to  try  it.

I  do!   he  thinks,   thought   —   still  thinks,   two  years  later. (   He  thinks  that  he  loves  Riku,   but  he  doesn’t  know  the  word  for  it.   )

The  only  word  that  he  knows  right  now  is  “hurt”,  because  it  hurts  to  see  Riku  hurt,   and  it  hurts  to  care  so  much.   (  It  hurts  to  know  that  Riku  doesn’t  think  himself  important  enough  to  be  helped.   He  told  Goofy  that  a  little  hurt  isn’t  such  a  bad  thing   —   but,   this  isn’t  just  a “little”  hurt.   This  is  a fatal  wound.  )

Bold  of  you  to  assume  I’m  above  putting  you  over  my  shoulder  and  leaving.

❝   H—Hey!  Riku!   That’s  no  fair!   ❞

He  sniffs,   realizes  that  he’s  begun  to  cry  in  earnest,   raises  fists  to  hastily  wipe  at  his  eyes.   (  This  hurts,   this  hurts,   this  hurts  so  much,   Riku’s  hurt,   make  it  stop   — !   )

Sora,   have  you  finally  decided  to  call  upon  the  darkness? It’s  not  darkness!   not  if  it  helps  him!

Sora  understands,   now,   how  and  why  Riku  turned  to  the  darkness. He  knows  that  he  would  do  the  same   ———   for  Riku,   if  it  helped  him.

Two  seconds,   huh?  Fine.

Riku’s  voice  calls  him  back  from  the  brink,   because  it  always  has,   and  he  returns  to  see  Riku’s  arm  inches  away  from  him,   palm  open,   proffering.

Get  back  up,   then,   will  you?   You  win  this  time   —   but,   only  if  you  start  smiling  again.

The  corners  of  his  mouth  curl  with  a  will  of  their  own,   and  his  answering  grin  is  so  big  and  bright  that  it  hurts  in  the  middle  of  his  cheeks.   (  A  little  hurt  isn’t  such  a  bad  thing.   Hurt  is  how  we  know  that  we  love.   )

❝   Haha!   You  got  it!   ❞

Sora  takes  hold  of  his  hand,   supports  all  of  his  own  weight  so  that  Riku  doesn’t  have  to,   gasps  softly  when  Riku’s  hand  moves  to  cup  his  cheek   —   thumbs  away  a  stray  tear.

You’re  important  to  me,   too,   Sora   —   more  than  you’ll  ever  know   —   and,   I  hate  to  see  you  so  upset.

❝   H—Hey.   What’s  that  supposed  to  mean?   ❞

He  blinks,   naive  confusion,   wipes  the  rest  of  the  tears  from  his  eyes  before  deciding  to  focus  on  the  one  thing  that  he  does  understand:   Riku’s  injury.

❝   Anyway,   let’s  get  you  fixed  up!  There  was  a  pool-thingy  a  little  ways  back  where  we  could  clean  you  up,   so  you  at  least  won’t  look  like  you  totally  got  creamed  by  a  Nobody.   ❞

A  boyish  giggle,   and  then  he  softens   /   sobers  as  he  raises  Riku’s  injured  arm  level  with  his  chest,   hovers  his  free  hand  over  the  gash  and  murmurs  the  incantation  for  Cura   —   watches  the  skin  stitch  itself  shut,   watches  the  redness  and  inflammation  dissolve  into  just  the  slightest  hint of  irritation.   (  It  isn’t  a  complete  heal,   but  it’s  enough  that  he  exhales  relief.   )  He  tops  it  off  with  a  sweet  little  kiss,   thinks  nothing  of  it.

❝   ———   there!   All  better!  Was  that  so  hard?  Now   —   to  the  pool-thingy!   Up,   up,   and  away!  ❞

“  I  KNOW  IT’S  NOT.   that’s why i'm saying i’m  not  above it.  ”   he’s still teasing,  although he’s realizing belatedly that this is  certainly  not going to get him to cheer up any faster,  even if he  has  finally agreed to allow sora to heal his wound only moments later.

(  he feels relief over sora’s relief  ;   didn’t think he could stand to see him cry any harder.   he never wants sora to be sad,  ever.  )

then again,  none of this is going to stop him from  continuing  to tease him without mercy,  because sora’s  used  to it.   sora can take it.   sora would tell him to quit it if he couldn’t   (  he  hopes  ).

but,  when riku tells him to start smiling again,  the change is almost  instantaneous.   sora has a smile that could light up the entire world,  makes riku’s heart all the warmer for it.   sora’s smile is the only smile that can put a smile on riku’s own face without even thinking twice.   sora’s the only one that can get him to  laugh  so easily.

riku may hate himself for being swayed toward darkness,  for allowing it to make him into a  monster,  but he can’t say he doesn’t  understand  why.   he would do anything even now to protect him.   he has never met a purer,  more beautiful soul than sora’s.

hey.   what’s  that  supposed  to  mean  ?

he’s almost disheartened by the fact that sora feels the need to ask.   but,  he remembers who he’s talking to.   and maybe he still  is  disheartened,  but he certainly understands.   sometimes,  sora is absolutely clueless.

and it makes him laugh.

“  i get the feeling there’s a part of you  somewhere  that knows.  ”   he leaves it at that  ;   lets the conversation move in another direction.   that is,  he lets sora busy himself over his arm without further ado,  lest he grow distressed over how it continues to bleed freely.

there  was  a  pool - thingy  a  little  ways  back  where  we  could  clean  you  up,   so  you  at  least  won’t  look  like  you  totally  got  creamed  by  a  nobody.

“  h - hey.  ”   it’s a half - hearted protest.   he’ll give anything to listen to that giggle replay in the back of his mind forever   (  sometimes,  it overwhelms him how much he  loves  ).   “  like  you  look so put together,  wise guy.  ”   and there’s an eyeroll,  just as sora casts  cura,  makes quick work of the gash on his arm,  just as he promised  ---

and seals it with a kiss atop the wound.   and while  sora  might not think anything of it,  riku nearly  chokes.   clears his throat,  tries not to seem as flustered as he is,  but there’s no controlling the way his cheeks warm up,  all the way to the tips of his ears.

there  !   all  better  !   was  that  so  hard  ?

he hadn’t thought it  would  be,  but here he is.   another round of throat clearing,  his gaze averts toward the floor,  still trying  desperately  to grasp onto composure.

the  strength  that  i  need. the  strength  for  what  ? to  protect  the  things  that  matter.   you  know,   like  my  friends.

he remembers terra.   he remembers the day he was passed the keyblade,  never really understood what it truly meant,  what power it held,  what exactly he’d need to keep his friends safe  from  ;   only that it possessed a power that  would  keep them safe.   he knows,  now,  where terra’s path led him  ---  to xehanort.   to darkness.   all because he wanted to keep his friends safe.

and,  then,  riku fell into the same path,  only ever wanted to protect sora and kairi.   he allowed darkness to consume him,  fell right into ansem’s hands  (  to  xehanort’s  ).   he got  lucky  that he fought his way back to the light,  that he’s learned how to allow his darkness and his light to coexist,  because few others have been so lucky.   not even  terra  ---  he’s still  trapped. 

i  told  you,   i  didn’t  want  to  be  found.   not  like  this.   i  ...   couldn’t.

you’re  coming  back  with  us,   right  ? i  had  given  in  to  the  darkness.   how  am  i  gonna  face  everyone  ?

noctis might not  need  their power.   but riku knows the organization will strike when he’s at his lowest,  catch him off guard,  and it will hardly matter if he  wanted  the power or not.

in this world,  darkness seems to equate to whatever plague has harmed many and brought about daemons.   it hardly seems like such a desirable thing to those who are seeking to restore light to the world,  to bring an end to longer nights.   and the organization cannot bring noctis’s father back,  cannot restore light to the world,  cannot help noctis answer his calling.   perhaps riku doesn’t  need  to worry about the prince and his friends.   still,  the heartless,  the nobodies,  the organization are all here for a  reason.

above all else,  when it comes to protecting the ones that  matter  ------  sometimes,  one loses all reason.   one will do whatever it takes.   riku sees the anguish in noctis’s heart,  sees that yet he still  fights  like hell to keep his friends alive  ------  and he might not sense darkness within him  yet,  he cannot discount it.   he looks at noctis,  and he can almost see himself.   or who he used to be.

above all else,  the organization can give noctis the false hope that they can protect everyone alive that matters.

he  doesn’t  need  me.

the words catch riku off guard,  just for a moment.   and he  can  hear how much it hurt to say them.   because it wasn’t so long ago that he had thought the same way  ;   except he thought he was no longer needed because he’d been  replaced.

while  you  toiled  away  trying  to  find  your  dear  friend,   he  quite  simply  replaced  you  with  some  new  companions.   evidently,   now  he  values  them  far  more  than  he  does  you.

he learned the hard way how  wrong  he was.

“  i know i haven’t been here long,  so sorry if i’m jumping to conclusions.   but from what i’ve seen  ------  i don’t think that’s true at all.   i’m not calling him  hopeless,  but it seems to me he needs you plenty.   i  think more than the others.  ”

what  would  you  have  us  do  ?

sora has always been the light that guides him home.

and while most other people would let him wrap gauze around his injury while they’re on the move,  he knows sora will not rest until he is certain the injury has healed,  or is well on its way to healing completely.

you’re  not  ‘ fine, ’   riku  !   sora insists,  and riku doesn’t have the heart to tell him he has shed far more blood than this.

there  isn’t  anything  more  important  to  me  than  you  !   don’t  you  get  that  by  now  ?!

perhaps he ought to have expected it,  but the words still take him aback,  cause his chest to tighten up,  make it almost too hard to breathe.   he  does  understand,  although part of him wishes he  didn’t.   he  does  get it  ---  but he wishes that he  wasn’t  so important to sora.   after everything,  he still doesn’t think he’s  worth  it.

(  he’s  trying  to be worth it,  though.   he wants more than anything to be the friend that sora has always deserved.  )

i’m  not  going  anywhere  until  you’re  better  !   you  can’t  make  me.

punctuated by sitting himself right on the ground,  cross - legged,  puppy dog eyes right back up at riku,  and that tightness in his chest loosens just a touch,  blossoms into warmth,  and there’s  amusement  that pulls at his lips,  alights his eyes.

“  bold  of you to assume i’m  above  putting you over my shoulder and  leaving,  ”   he remarks,  arms crossed.   at the same time,  though,  he feels himself starting to give in  ---  begins to suppose that this will go a lot easier if he just  gives  in.   and,  then,  he notices the tears in sora’s eyes.   and he’s surprised,  once again.   breathless.   and there’s a brief stab of pain in his heart.

because,  he  loves  sora.   and he comprehends the way that he does fully.   he just isn’t certain sora loves him in the same way.   maybe he does,  and he just doesn’t understand it.

above all else,  sora reminds riku that someone in this world thinks he’s worth loving.

so he offers an arm to sora.   and he sighs,  resigned,  but all soft.   “  two seconds,  huh  ?   fine.   get back up then,  will ya  ?   you win,  this time  ---  but  only  if you start smiling again,  got that  ?  ”