RightSockJin

And just like that, his whole future seemed to implode. No longer did his visions of dates and confessions fit in with his current reality. His hopes for reciprocated feelings and smiles and pampering were dashed. The epic love story he’d written in his head was ripped into pieces and then shredded and then burned. Then the ashes were thrown in acid.

He hadn’t realized he’d tied himself up in you so tightly. Now realizing that you had never seen him in this way, nor had you so much as entertained the future he’d so carefully curated for you both, made him wonder if he’d been blinded by his affections.

“You said yes.” Was all he had to say.

Namjoon wasn’t afraid of emotions. In fact, he encouraged them. He’d cried in front of others on occasion, though he much preferred to keep those instances to a minimum, but he'd never cried in front of you. Somehow, this was much more embarrassing. How was he going to explain to you why he was crying without confessing and seeming like an asshole?

He was grateful that you had had the foresight to do this in private. You always were such a thoughtful person. You were always looking out for everyone before yourself, a quirk that he’d always thought he could help you overcome.

He looked up at you. Your long eyelashes fluttered and your pretty eyes sparkled with emotion. You were picking up on his disappointment, he knew it.

Years ago, when he had first met you, it had been a shock when you would point out how easy it was to read the thoughts going through his head. He’d always thought he hid his emotions well when he wanted to and to have you call him out when he was upset, or hurt or sad had shaken him.

He tried to hide his feelings once again.Tried to feign excitement with a big smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes but when a single tear ran down your soft cheek, he knew it was useless.

“Why are you crying,” he asked, instantly forgetting his own emotional anguish in favor of comforting you.

Again, he knew the answer, but he wanted the confirmation.

He cupped your face in his hands and wiped the steady stream of emotion from your skin. It was bittersweet to be so close to you. In your years of friendship, he’d held you in his arms many a time when men had brought you to your knees. He’d held you to his chest hoping that the next one would be him. The next “mistake” would be his and that he could comfort and apologize to you the way all the other men should have. He wanted to be your dream, the way you were his.

“I don’t know,” You gasped, nearly truthfully. Because there were too many emotions for you to process.

You were engaged and you had said yes because you loved him. Your boyfriend. At least, in the moment, when he was on one knee and he was smiling up at you, you had been sure that this had always been exactly what you wanted. Namjoon hadn’t even crossed your mind unlike the many times that you had inserted him into your dates and convinced yourself that the reason was purely because you admired your best friend and not because you were attracted to him and he would never see you the same way.

But as you sat before him and he held you so tenderly the way he had multiple times before, you were once again reminded how much you truly adored him. You remembered the countless nights you cried yourself to sleep because he never seemed to notice you. All the broken prayers and wishes you had seemingly wasted on something that would never happen came back as well. You remember feeling more than once that maybe, just maybe he felt the same way as you, but then everything was back to normal and he showed his usual platonic affection and comforted you when you were sad. It was then that you knew that your fiancé was right. The only way to truly move on from Namjoon was to let him go. Fully and totally.

And then it became clear. You had to cut him loose no matter how much it hurt you to do so. Namjoon deserved to be happy and it wasn’t fair of you to keep him trapped in a situationship like the one you and him had. It also wasn’t fair to Minhyeok.

You reached up and held onto Namjoon’s wrist, pulling them from your face gently. You place them between you, moving your hands down to hold his long fingers. The cold metal of rings contrasted heavily with the warmth of skin on skin. You glanced down, noticing that virtually the only finger that didn’t have a ring was his left ring finger, then noted that yours too was empty as you had taken off your engagement ring so that you could break the news to him before he figured it out. This would be the last time that finger would be empty on you.

“He seems like a nice guy,” Namjoon said, pulling your attention back to his face after trying hard to figure out a way to broach the now very difficult subject.

“He is,” you agreed shakily, swallowing the ball of emotion choking you.

“I know.”

Namjoon was lying through his teeth. He’d never liked Minhyeok. While he’d started out nice enough, after meeting him, something had snapped in the older man that made him shiver. He’d become controlling. In fact, he was surprised that you were at his apartment at that exact moment. The last time you had come over and stayed was before your relationship had become official. Something like a year and a half ago.

He enclosed your trembling fingers in his, hoping that he could provide some sense of grounding. The last thing he wanted was for you to have a panic attack. Not after the last one had almost led you to a car accident. He resolved then that no matter what you said next, he would take it and wish you nothing but happiness. He didn’t want you to be scared of making the right choices for you at his expense.

You took a deep breath. The darkness in his living room seemed to press into you and you wondered if you should turn on one of his lamps before you spoke or if your brain gave you this idea just to stall the inevitable. As if reading your mind, Namjoon turned on the lamp on one of his side tables and gestured for you to do the same to the one one your side of the couch.

You were wrong, the light made it worse. Now you could see the redness in his earth toned eyes and the fear that hid in plain sight. It also let you see how handsome he was, as if you needed reminding. The lights made the shadows define his features even further. This was just a reminder of what you could never have.

You took a gulp of air, then forced yourself to meet his eyes. He deserved a decent goodbye. A proper one.

“Namjoon I-” but what was to follow those words?

I can’t see you anymore? We can’t be friends from now on? Minhyeok doesn’t think it would be a good idea to see each other anymore?

None of those options felt right. There was a burning desire to follow those words with the real truth, the real reason you could no longer see him.

Namjoon, I’m in love with you.

But what good would that do at this point? He didn’t feel the same way and even if by some miracle he did, it was too late.

“Y/N,” he began, seeing as you didn’t have any intentions of continuing your sentence. Mentally, you thanked him for the save, but something in his posture told you that the danger was not yet over. Not even close.

“I think we should take a break… maybe put a little distance between us… until your wedding.”

And there it was. Out in the open were the words that you were far too scared to speak. Of course he had known what you didn’t want to say. He always knew. It didn’t make it any easier though.

Your chest felt like someone was stepping on it. You could feel him trying to pull his hands from yours but you refused to let go. It felt too real. It felt like the distance wouldn’t be temporary and the marriage would be a mistake. This was a mistake. This was a huge mistake.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered through closed vision, “This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. This was never what I wanted.”

“I know.” “No you don’t,” you sobbed, letting your head fall to your chest, “How could you know? How could you know…”

Namjoon fought back his own emotions with as much resolve as he could. He plastered a fake smile on his lips. A smile that he hoped would convince not only you but himself that he truly just wanted what was best for you and he didn’t care what that meant for him.

“I know because I wanted it too.”

It was as close to a confession as he could get. He couldn’t force himself to say the eight letters that would potentially change things between you even if it was the last time he ever spoke to you. He’d lived without you before, he would learn to do so again.

But then you were looking up at him and he could see that you understood plain as day through silver tears.

“You… you did?”

Did. Did what? Did he want your friendship of many years to end this way? No, of course not. Did he want you to be happy? Yes. Did he want to be by your side and be a part of that happiness? Ideally yes. But were those the questions you were asking? He couldn’t be sure and yet, he could hope.

You waited with baited breath for him to answer. To clarify.

Say it. You begged in your head. Say it and I’m yours. I’ll leave him. Just say it.

But all that Namjoon could do was look at your face, trying to remember every detail. He wished he was talented at painting or drawing so that he could draw you over and over to fill the inevitable void that you were already wedging in his heart. One that he knew would never be full again.

He found himself leaning closer to try to see clearer. His contacts were a little too dry and you were a little too far and the light a little too dark for him to soak up the details he so loved. The mole on your cheek next to your nose, the wrinkle between your eyebrows that appeared far too much since you had started to date Minhyeok, the scar on your forehead from one thing or another that happened in your childhood. All would be missed. He just needed to touch them one last time.

Instinctively, he reached out to do just that, his left hand once again cupping your cheek and his thumb smoothing across the divots and texture that you had always found so abhorrent all the way to the near edge of your nose where he found the spot he would so love to kiss. A desire that he would never more get to entertain.

He scooched closer to you so could breathe in the familiar scent of coconut and something flowery and sweet mixed with the irresistible vanilla of your perfume. His scent, something like buttery roses, soap and cedar filled your own head up with the feeling of Sunday mornings in a log cabin on a rainy day after a particularly good night of loving.

Your legs met in the middle of the love seat, one of his the one on the inside, bent so he could face you, and both of yours were crossed together like a pretzel. The texture of his sweats felt like silk on your bare legs and the heat from his body caressed your exposed skin. It was like he was hugging you before touching you and suddenly all you could think of was what his skin would feel like against yours with no barrier between.

He leaned closer. Namjoon knew he should stop. You had just told him that you were engaged and he’d just told you that there needed to be space between the two of you, but this was the complete opposite of both of those things.

Closer his lips came to yours, your wet cheeks never a deterrent for him, but when he was only a hair's breadth away, he paused. He couldn’t do it and he knew that neither could you. So he froze on the spot and just waited, breathing in your air and wishing that he had fessed up sooner and that he wasn’t the coward he now thought himself to be.

His eyes, which had fluttered almost entirely shut, now did the opposite. From this close up, he could see every inch of you doused in the yellow lights. You looked like an angel sent from somewhere surreal and ethereal. Your frown, pulled at the corners and a perfect peach, called to him. He wished could fix every problem, every issue. He wished he could somehow snap his fingers and erase your pain. But that was not his place. You were strong and independent. He would not- could not- disrespect you by trying to save you in some misogynistic show of power. This was up to you. You made your choices and he trusted that you knew whether they were the right ones or not.

And yet he did not have the strength to pull away from you. He couldn’t pull back now that he’d come so far. He begged you to do it for him. He begged for you to push him off and berate him for even trying to kiss you. He wanted you to stand, maybe slap him and walk away, severing the friendship that he had already tried to cut but failed.

Instead, he saw you open your doe eyes, scared and caught. He watched the fear turn into sadness and confusion. He watched the sparkle of hope fizzle and then die. And then he felt himself shrivel up and die too.

“Joon,” you whispered, your breath smelled of cherry and mint. A flavor he couldn’t quite wrap his head around but you seemed to like in chapsticks.

“Y/N?”

His lips brushed yours as he spoke. Sparks flew across his vision and his dead heart suddenly beat back to life with a ferver never before seen. Would one kiss really be all that bad?

“We can’t.”

And you were right. It broke you to say it since you had practically begged for just this moment for so many years but not now. Not when you were freshly engaged and you couldn’t tell if he was kissing you out of pity or because he wanted to. Even if you asked, you weren’t sure if you could believe him.

“I know.” Was all he said, letting out a held breath that tickled your lips and nose. God it was so tempting to just cross the final distance and kiss him.

He was so beautiful in the dim lighting. You could almost picture him in with candles lit instead of the lamps, maybe with his shirt off, maybe in a bathtub, maybe with you in it as well. The possibilities of which none were explored suddenly felt like lost opportunities and wasted moments. The weight on both yours and his shoulders held massive. A line had been drawn that neither of you were willing to cross but willed the other to breach in each other’s stead.

Alas, when the minute mark passed and no movement came from either of you, Namjoon forced himself back, just a fraction, and dropped his hand to his lap.

Still in each other’s space, you connected your eyes to his once more. You should leave. It was the only option left. But somehow, you knew once you did, it was for good.

“I wanted to, though.” You whispered, hoping that that was enough.

It wasn’t.

“I know.”

I know. Was that all he knew to say? I know. Yeah great he knew but did he really? Did he know how torn up you were just sitting before him with your heart on your sleeve and all he could say was that he knew? No. You wanted him to yell at you. You wanted him to scream and cry and kick you out of his house. You wanted him to give you a reason to trust your finacé. You wanted him to say that all he had ever seen in you was sex or that he only ever used you as an emotional dump. This was too hard, too unfair.

“Can’t you say anything else?”

“What?” His voice was louder, taken aback. His half moon eyes were wide, still red, and confused.

“I know,” you mimicked, “I know, I know, I know! Yeah, Of course you fucking know. We all know. We all know that I’ve been in love with you for years and you never gave me the time of day.We all knew that you didn’t feel it and it's cruel to pretend that you do now. Just tell me that you never loved me Joon. Just tell me to leave. I need to hear it because you give me these mixed signals and I just can’t take it anymore!”

You stood up, turned away from him and crossed your arms. You were so angry that the traces of hot tears were not cold to your burning skin. You were fuming. If you were a cartoon, steam would be coming out of your ears.

The sudden change in atmosphere took Namjoon by surprise. From a breath of a kiss to an ocean between you seemed a bit extreme but Namjoon, even in his shock, could understand what you meant because he had prayed for the same thing earlier. What he didn’t expect was for you to admit to him what he had suspected but convinced himself could not be reality.

“I didn’t know,” and maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say because knowing you, you would take his statement as sass or sarcasm, but he couldn’t help but smile lightly as you turned hotly towards him. You stopped over to his towering body, his arm now crossed confidently over his broad chest over the baggy shirt he’d opted for that day.

There was fire in your gaze and tension in your jaw. Your lips were set in a snarl, the one you thought was scary but only made him want to kiss you more than he’d ever wanted to before. Your hands were fisted together and he could make them out only slightly under your oversized sweater. The likes of which you had worn more and more to hide your body out of “respect” for your boyfriend even though you had always been confident and liked to show off your curves.

“Are you fucking kidding me Namjoon? What the hell do you mean you didn’t know? What don’t you know with that big ass brain of yours?”

Namjoon felt a tear roll down his cheek, but it wasn’t sadness he was feeling nor was it fear or anger, he was happy. So freaking happy. He couldn’t remember the last time that he cried out of pure joy. Suddenly, all of the obstacles seemed null and void and he had tunnel vision. The halo of baby hairs around your head caught the light of the lamps and made you look like you were wearing a crown. You were a goddess. You were his. You would always be his and you were right there. All he had to do was take you. Say yes.

“I didn’t know, Y/N.” he chuckled letting the tears stream freely, now void of all embarrassment, “I didn’t know, in my big ass brain, that you actually loved me back.”

“How could you not-wait what?” The anger, so vivid and red, fueled and roaring for you to scream at him and say he had a big head to hold his big dumb brain suddenly was doused with a wave of cool blue water.

“Did you not hear me? I said that I didn’t know.” And his smile was wide now, his nose a little runny and the tension in his muscles relaxed as he watched your face contort.

“You didn’t?”

He took another step closer to you, his happiness felt like it was coming off in waves, like the sun hitting your skin but without the dangers of UV rays or your worry about sunscreen. You felt weak. Your legs felt like jelly. Had you heard correctly? Were you going deaf?

“I didn’t. But-uh…” he hissed and scratched the back of his head, “I know now.” He was leaning down towards you. You were so close that you were looking almost straight up at him. Your neck would hurt if you stayed like this too long and his would get knots, you just knew it but neither of you were thinking clearly.

Namjoon, cautious as ever, loosely, almost not even touching, wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you closer. His big hand was splayed on your upper back. You held both of yours up to keep yourself from stumbling into him or hitting your head against him. Both of your centers were flush together, your legs separated only slightly, and your upper bodies held apart by just your arms.

“Yeah… now you know.”

And then there was science in which the only sounds were of the buzzing electricity and your shared breaths. Your mind was blank save for the recurring instruction to inhale then to exhale. Your eyes explored Namjoon’s face. From this close, you could see all of the imperfections of his skin and the moles you’d long admired. The one under his lip in particular made you falter.

You gazed up at him for a split second then back to the mole. Eyes locked, you leaned forward intent on giving it a peck. Your ears began to burn, your body- to heat up, and you realized that Namjoon was leaning down to meet you as you reached up.

Namjoon couldn’t function. The gears in his head had stopped working the moment you body hit his. Worming a hand into your hair, he helped to guide your head closer to his. You shut down the thoughts that kept popping up saying that this was a bad idea. You forced yourself to focus on the moment. This was everything you had ever wanted. This was what you had been waiting for for your whole life.

And then his lips brushed against yours, his warm breath coming out shaky onto your face. He was nervous. This was enough to tell. Namjoon was nervous to kiss you. It brought a smug smile to your lips as you closed the remaining distance.

Then it was dark. Eyes closed, lips sealed on each other and breaths hitched on the fear of taking things a step too far, the world stopped then just as suddenly exploded into being and color.

Where before the world was dull and grey, now there was an abundance of color and saturation that made both you and Namjoon gasp in shock. Your lips tingled and Namjoon’s skin prickled with goosebumps. Slowly, you kissed each other. Slowly, your bodies seemed to merge into something more, something together and whole and one. And then slowly, you both knew that this was the only right in a world of many wrongs.

Your bodies worked on instinct, lips dancing in the semi darkness with a tenderness that you had never been shown. Wave after wave of energy seemed to pile in your chest begging for release.

Namjoon let the hand on your back open as much as he could so he could hold as much of you as possible. He pressed your chest into his, seeking depth in your lips with his tongue running over the bottom one. The stars and universe seemed to realign with your bodies, connecting for the first time in a way less than platonic.

I love you. Your mind whispered somewhere in the dark void of your mind. I love you. Louder. I love you, I love you. You wanted to say it a million times. You wanted to kiss every square inch of his face and compliment every cell in his body. You wanted to taste his mouth and whisper the confessions you had never had the courage to confess before.

Namjoon’s smile was painful. Your hands came up to his neck, one hand cupping his cheek opposite of the one in your hair, the other one was on his neck. Chills ran down his spine and his muscles tensed. Your fingers on his neck drew small circles as your tongue met his and it was over. Blood rushed to his neck and cheeks and suddenly he was hot. So hot. The apartment had been pretty cool, set to a nice and pleasant 74 degrees, but now he was burning.

The tenderness of our tongue in his mouth made him feel like he was on fire. So warm that it almost burned his skin and he could feel himself begin to sweat as his heart pumped faster and faster.

Breaking the kiss, he gulped in air, completely breathless and excited in more than one way. He opened his eyes to your gasping just as he had, your lips slightly swollen and your hair where his hand was holding you firmly a slight bit frizzy and disheveled. But it was not enough.

Namjoon wanted to smear the lipstick on your lips all over your face and have your sweat soaked body under his, writhing with pleasure and his name falling from your lips. Namjoon was thirsty. He was hungry and you were looking like a full meal to his deep brown eyes.

Without waiting for you to speak, he leaned down and wrapped your exposed legs around his waist, crossing your heels behind him. You squawked unattractively and wrapped your arms around his neck to hold yourself up.

“If you want me to put you down or you want to leave, say it now because I don’t think I could take it if I took you to my room and you wanted to leave then.”

He said it with the smile still firmly on his lips, not a hint of doubt in his eyes. You giggled and buried your face into the crook of his neck where another of the moles you had always dreamed of kissing lay. Planting the smallest one you could muster, you were rewarder with a deep sigh that turned into a near moan.

“Ooo, I get to go into your room?”

Namjoon chuckled, walking towards the hallway that led to where he slept with what seemed like all the time in the world.

“You do. You haven’t been in there in a while right, Y/N?”

“Yeah,” you agreed, peppering kisses against the tendon in his neck and holding back the instinct to bite it. Namjoon’s hands were firmly on your thigh, making sure he wasn’t crossing any lines that you hadn’t explicitly told him he could, though a part of you wished that he would just throw caution to the wind and touch you.

“It hasn’t changed much since the last time you saw it.” He was at the door now and there was a tension now that you were at the precipice of the forbidden space. The place you had marked as crossing a line when you had gotten into a relationship was right at your back and by the slight tightening of Namjoon’s fingers on your bare flesh, he remembered that line as well.

“Last chance to back out,” he whispered, the fear that had dissipated was now dripping from his voice. There was no coming back from this now. If you let Namjoon walk you into that room, you were coming out and ending everything with Minhyeok.

Then it was all crystal clear. You pictured yourself waking up the next morning in Namjoon’s arms. You imagined what it would be like to date him, to hold his hand and to be held when you got home from work. You saw your whole future laid out before you. The love, the wedding, the family… and it was the easiest choice you had ever made.

“Take me in, Joon.”

His shoulders relaxed, his heart skipped a beat. Namjoon kicked his door open with as much care as he could spare before he basically jumped across the line that separated the room from the rest of the house. You were in his room and he had just kissed you and told you he was in love with you and you had kissed him back.

Namjoon was on top of the world. But he couldn’t wait to be on top of you, or to have you on top of him;he wasn’t picky.

You pulled back so you could see him, a soft smile on your face as you nuzzled your nose with his. Namjoon sighed again. It was like he was so happy that his body wouldn’t contain it all. He wanted to show you or scream at you or eat you up. He wanted his happiness to be seen by the world.

Fuck, he wanted you. He pecked your lips before you could pull away once then you pulled him back in for another quick kiss by the back of the head. He kissed you once more, pushing his lips against yours playfully trying to make it loud and obnoxious.

You laughed as he leaned down, your body coming with him until you were 90 degrees tipped back. You held onto his head for dear life and tightened your thighs around him.

“Joon I’m gonna fall,” you mumbled against him. Being the jerk he was, he let go of your legs. Your body fell from his, a bit of shock ran through you before your body bounced off his mattress.

“Asshole! I thought you dropped me on the floor!”

Namjoon leaned down over you, standing between your legs and holding his weight on his hands, which rested on either side of your chest. You scratched his hair the way you knew he liked. His eyes nearly rolled back into his head and something like a growl left his throat.

“I would never!” He argued.

“Yeah right. Remember that time when you said you could squat me and you refused to properly grab me so I ended up with the wind knocked out of me?”

“That was an accident.”

You laughed softly, “Uh Huh sure.”

Namjoon scrunched his nose, then leaned down to bite your cheek playfully.

“I would never drop you like that on purpose.” He clarified.

The air stilled when his beaming eyes met yours and you felt yourself become almost as breathless as you had then.

“I know.”

Namjoon didn’t answer. Instead he leaned down and kissed your pretty lips again. It started slow and sweet. The playfulness of the friendship you both shared seeped into it, but then he leaned down onto his forearms and his hips nuzzled into your partially clothed core.

He must have felt the shift too because he bit down on your upper lip and suckked it into his mouth. You moaned, then promptly regretted it. This was Namjoon, your best friend. It was weird to actually moan in his presence even though you had previously moaned his name when you were alone in your room.

Namjoon felt all the blood in his brain drain into his dick. He could feel your warmth radiate through his sweats and your underwear. The skirt you were wearing was no obstacle for the position you were in. He needed more. He wanted you to moan so loud that you were horse the next day.

When your mouth fell open, he took it as an invitation to continue where you had stopped in the living room. His tongue massaged yours in sensuous strokes. He pressed his middle to yours, hoping he wasn’t over stepping. You wrapped your legs around him and pulled him closer.

Namjoon understood instantly. He ground his hips into yours in circles. His member was rock hard and ready to come out but he knew he needed to take some extra time with you. If he remembered correctly, you had once mentioned how men never seemed to take the proper time for foreplay. He would not be one of those guys.

He rolled his hips into you again and you groaned into his mouth. Fuck. How was he supposed to hold off? No wonder men never took their time. The noises that you were making were sinful.

“Y/N,” he groaned, kissing your jaw then sucking a bruise into your neck, “tell me what you want from me, baby.”

You couldn’t think. What did you want from him? You wanted him. That much was clear. You wanted his fingers all over you. Those delectable, long… thick… fingers… you wanted… you wanted him… you wanted him in...

“Fuck, Joonie,” you gasped, pushing him off slightly so you could clear your head, “how am i supposed to think when you’re distracting me?”

Namjoon chuckled into the place where your neck met your collar bone. He nibbled on the skin but then brought his face up to yours so you knew you had all his attention.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be, just…” you swallowed the excess saliva in your mouth, “anything. Whatever you want to do, I want it too.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes. Typical of you not to say exactly what you wanted. Typical that you left it up to him. You always let him choose, always put him first. Namjoon knew better. This time, it was about you.

“You are so predictable, sweet thing,” he winked as he shifted so that he could hold himself up on one arm. His long fingers grabbed onto your upper thigh and slid down your leg. Namjoon marveled at how soft your skin was before he got to your ankle… God your ankles… but that was for another time… and pushed it to the side so your legs were now open enough for him to get between with his arm.

Namjoon looked down and pushed the fabric of the skirt up to reveal a pair of sinfully innocent seamless underwear. Almost perfectly innocent. Because they were wet. Already, the fabric on top of your lips was dark and it took everything in him not to lean down and kiss the spot and lick it clean.

Instead, he dipped his index finger under the seam and lifted it up so he could get his hand in. It was a mistake. You were soaking wet. So wet that he barely had to touch your lips to pick up your sticky arousal.

The moan that escaped his lips was embarrassing. You weren’t even touching him and already he was ready to spill his seed into his sweats.

“You’re wet,” he said dumbly, but for once in your friendship, you didn’t comment. Instead, your hands were covering your face as Namjoon wiggled his fingers around trying to collect as much of your juices as he could.

“No shit sherlock.” Namjoon had known it was too good to be true. He wasn’t offended, and he didn’t fire back. With all the subtlety of a bull, Namjoon nudged a finger between your folds and began to search for your magic button.

You gasped but Namjoon was not going to let you hide from him. With his free hand, he pulled at your wrists so he could see your face contort.

“Let me look at you.” It wasn’t a command, it was a request but you pulled your hands away so fast he would have almost sworn he’d forced you.

“Hey,” he whispered, worried but still looking for your clitoris below, “look at me, Y/N.” He held your chin as your eyes opened and you bit your lip.

“Let me know if you’re uncomfortable. We can take this slow, baby. I won’t get hurt.”

“Namjoon,” his name was tight in your throat and your eyes widened as Namjoon felt his fingers roll over a nub between your lower lips, “I- I want you to..”

“You want me to what?” He asked you, enjoying the way your body twitched as he rubbed circles into your sensitive area. His lips quirked.

“I want you to fuck me.” You whispered so low that he almost missed it. For what felt like the millionth time that night, his brain stopped working but his hands seemed to know exactly what to do.

He switched his index finger for his thumb and roughly plunged the index into your pulsating hole. Your eyes were so wide that he wondered if they would pop out.

“Namjoon,” you moaned, the sound deep and thick with arousal.

“I’m gonna fuck a baby into you,” he heard himself say, “I’m going to fuck you so good that no one will ever be able to fuck you again.”

“Please,” you begged, completely serious. His promises of a good time made more arousal ooze out of you.

“You’re so tight, baby. So wet for me… I want to be inside you.”

Namjoon kissed your nose then your cheek and pushed another finger into your needy hole.

“I want your walls to mold onto my cock. I want to make love to you, Y/N. Will you let me? Can I make love to you?” He curled his fingers up into the spongy part of you, making your whole body tense.

“Yes.” The word had barely left your lips before he’d ripped his fingers off you and yanked your panties off. The cool air of the room hit your naked lips as a shiver ran through your body.

Namjoon stood to his full height. His shoulders were so broad and his chest thick and built. You could tell through the baggy shirt that he grabbed from a corner and yanked off. The muscles in his body had been toned. You knew he was working out but shit this was something else. Knowing something and seeing it was something else entirely. He had a toned abdomen with the tiniest bit of pudge by his belly button and the waistband of his sweats. His arms looked so strong.

Without really thinking, you sat up and pulled your sweater over your head, leaving you in your completely unsexy bra and your skirt. Namjoon licked his lips before he stuck the two fingers that had been in you into his mouth and sucked and licked all the arousal off them. You watched him with your heartbeat rising. You could feel it pulsing in your core.

“Fuck you’re delicious, Y/N.”

You knew you probably already looked fuck out of this world. The fact that you were in the position you were in with Namjoon was enough to make you want to squirt all over his sheets.

“Take off the rest of your clothes, baby. Let me see you.”

You didn’t hesitate. You pulled your skirt down your legs and tossed it somewhere in the room. You unclasped your bra as he pulled his sweats and underwear off with one motion and stepped out of them. When he looked up, you were naked. Your bra was gone and your legs were bent at the knee and open so he could see everything.

He could get on his knees right then and spend an eternity just eating your pussy out, but his dick twitched between his legs and he couldn’t help but selfishly want to bury himself deep within you. These urges could wait for a later time couldn’t they?

With surprising difficulty, Namjoon pulled his eyes up from your dripping slits, because they were dripping, coated with clear arousal that was begging him almost as much as he was begging you to be laved at with his whole mouth, and looked at your naked torso. YOur skin was flushed and slightly damp. Your chest was heaving up and down, your breasts spread to give him a clear view of where his face belonged.

You curled a finger at him, gesturing for him to come over as you pushed yourself back against the pillows. Namjoon, entranced, hypnotized, enamoured like he was, hopped into bed like an over excited puppy and crawled between your legs. You shook your head at him as you grabbed his and brought his lips to yours. They met in a sensual, now less urgent but just as passionate kiss that erupted behind your closed eyelids in the form of fireworks and confetti. It had been so long that you’d hoped for him. That you had wanted him. It had been so long that you dreamed of him here, loving you in the way you wanted to be loved. Still his breaths were heavy and short, like he was trying to calm himself but couldn’t quite do it. It made your heart sing.

Slowly he ran his hands up and down the side of your body, almost as if he was scared to fully touch what he’d never once believed he would get but then his finger tips grazed your obliques and it was like the missing puzzle piece clicked into place. Your skin was silky smooth and soft to the touch. He really could get off on just how nice it was to touch your skin. ALready he knew that he’d have dreams about how smooth to the touch it felt to have you in his hands. You kissed him lovingly still, enjoying how carefully he explored your body and feeling completely worshiped underneath him as you had imagined it would be. Your hands ran down onto his chest feeling his every muscle. The expanse of lean meat above you made you swallow hard. Finally you got to see the culmination of his hard work. The chest, the toned and delectable chest you expected, but what you hadn’t expected was the glimpse of his oblique muscles and the four pack and start of six he had. With your lips still connected to his, you touched every inch of him you could without venturing too low.

Namjoon let his hand cross over your stomach and make its way up to your boobs, cupping the mounds under for a second, gauging how big they were in his large palms and smiling as he ventured further up. He pinched one of your nipples between two fingers and rubbed the other in circles with his palm. You groaned into the kiss and smiled as you felt his own smile come back. There was something so sweet about it all. So tentative and new that it felt like your first time all over again. It felt special unlike anything that had ever been before. This felt like the true start of something completely new and pure. Something right.

Namjoon bit your lip, a chuckle escaping his throat as you moaned into the damp cavern of his mouth.

“You’re so cocky, dude.” You said between kisses on your cheeks and jaw.

“Wanna see just how cocky I am?”

Yes. Yes you did, the member between his legs and now inevitably between yours was hot against your inner thighs and you wanted nothing more than to feel just how big it was, but the contrarian in you wanted to argue and give him a hard time. That is, until you felt one of his and leave your sensitive nipples and reach between you only to then run his tip up and down your slits.

He was big. Thick. He was probably somewhere about average in length, maybe slightly bigger, but he was thick. Your hand found its way between your bodies and fought his off to position itself around his shaft. Namjoon’s breath caught as he felt your long, warm fingers run up and down his dick using the tip to pleasure yourself. A fucking day dream. That’s what you were.

God, how did he get here? What had he done to deserve this reward? He licked into your mouth with renewed vigor and pinched and touched the nipple still in his hands as if his life depended on you getting off because in that moment, to Namjoon, it did.

“Joon,” you groaned as your orgasm began to build from the multiple points of contact, “Please…”

You didn’t have to finish. He knew what you wanted. He reached down and helped guide your hand down wrapping his around yours. His other hand held onto your hip to keep you at the right position. His tip felt every crevice of your folds before it caught slightly on the hole between your legs. It pulse excitedly, ready to welcome him in. It was slick with your juices. So slippery that Namjoon found it hard to keep his tip in position.

Namjoon looked up at you with nothing but care and love present in his eyes. There was lust in the back, held together by the ounce of self control he seemed to have. You could tell he wanted to fuck you into the matress but was holding back. Conflicted, you played with the idea in your head. As much as you wanted him to be rough, this was your first time together. It would be nice if he took his time. You wanted to feel him inside you and you wanted to remember it. At the same time, you wanted to see what sort of animal hid behind his calm exterior.

“Ready?” He asked, pulling you back into the moment, so defused and hazy by the sheer affection that radiated from both of your bodies.

You nodded. Ready was an understatement. You needed him inside you. You wanted him.

Then he was pushing into you and your world went white. He pushed all the way in with so much tenderness that you almost didn’t know how to react. Impulsively, you squeezed him as he went. He groaned, stopping every time you did that. His hand on your hip was squeezing bruises that you would cherish the next day. You kiss his chin, his lips, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead. You kiss everything within reach, and when he brought a hand up to cup your face, you kissed that too, holding it against your burning skin only to have him grab your finger and kiss your knuckles, eyes connected.

You could truly die then. You feel so complete and happy. Completely unbothered by the mess you were creating by giving yourself this one selfish act. It could wait for later. In this moment, you were Namjoon’s and he was yours and that’s all that mattered.

He bottomed out, his balls tapping your ass. It was then that you noticed that he hurt a little. He was so wide that your opening wasn’t used to it and his fingers, while big were no match for his girth.

“Fuck,” you whined, the pain bulding in your throat slightly. There were tears in your eyes. Namjoon began to panic.

“Y/N,” he paused, looking as the tears ran down your cheeks like they had a bit ago, “I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you? Do you want me to pull out-” “No.” You said firmly. Resolute. You would get used to it. You were sure. You just needed-

“A minute. Just give me… a minute.”

Namjoon, bless his heart, nodded, holding himself up with one arm. The hand on your face wiped the tears off as quickly as they came. He peppered kisses on your shoulders, never once pressuring you. He had half a mind to force you to stop if this is how badly he was making you feel.

“Move.” The command came out of nowhere and Namjoon was nowhere near ready for it. Your heart was racing. Your blood pumped through your body a mile a minute and suddenly, the pain was gone, well mostly. Blinding desire coursed through you as he stood still.

You couldn’t take it. You wanted him to fuck you. You wanted him to make it hard to walk. You wanted the pain. Ironically.

“Namjoon honey,” you started when he still hadn’t moved at all, too shocked to process your order. Your voice was thin and almost a whisper from how good he was stretching you. He looked up, a drop of sweat falling from his forehead.

“Yes?”

“Please baby… I want you to fuck me. I can take it.”

It was like a switch was flicked somewhere in his brain. His cock twitched inside you, your walls squeezed back in reassurance as he fixed his position over you. Namjoon brought a hand up and wrapped it around your neck, a kink you had told him about a long time ago when you were drunk and made him swear he would never bring up again after he had spent a good twenty minutes making fun of you, but now… you were thanking your past self for revealing this secret.

He pulled out slowly, like he was going to ignore your request, but then, he plunged in. His hips hit yours so hard you were sure it would bruise. A strangle moan was ripped from your throat. His fingers tightened slightly around your neck. He could feel your pulse against his thumb.There was something intoxicating about the power you had entrusted him. Fuck this was so hot. He’d dreamed of having you like this and now here he was fucking into you like there was no tomorrow. He pulled out again, slow as a turtle then thrust in at lightning speed. You choked on your spit, and his hand around your neck. The sound of his skin slapping yours made his cock quake as he rammed in harder, harder, harder. The squelching from your core only served to push him further. He wondered if you would let him record so he could have just the sounds of his cock in your pussy on a playlist. A thought for another time.

Stolen prayers of his name left your lips every time he stopped kissing you. Weak and fucked out and so incredibly sexy that he thought he must be dreaming. You were so perfect.

“Your pussy takes me so good, baby.”

“Fuck… Joon, I'm close.” And for once in your life, you were not lying. You reached down and rubbed tight circles into your clit as he continued his ruthless pace.

“Cum for me baby… I’m close too.”

“Call me baby,” you begged. The name felt like heaven on your ears from his deep voice.

“Baby,” he growled, “Baby you’re so tight and- wet.”

“Fuck, Joonie… I’m gonna-” You kept your pace steady as Namjoon pumped into you, his thick mushroom head hitting your gspot almost every time he pushed in. The coil in your stomach tightened. Harder, harder… Harder still.

“Come on baby. I want to feel that pussy squeeze around me.”

“I’m-” It was a culmination of his thrusts, your circles, and the dirty talk that finally got you there.

The rubber band that had built in your stomach snapped. You tumbled over the edge. Your body twitched as Namjoon kept fucking you through the orgasm. Namjoon watched as his dick disappeared into your even tighter hole. It squeezed around his rock hard erection.

“Fuck- Y/N… where do- where do you want me?” He asked as your walls spasmed around him, your arousal coating him from head to base.

“Inside- cum inside.”

He didn’t have to be told twice though he probably should have thought better of it. Namjoon pumped into you as overstimulation took over and your walls milked him. Your body twitched as he doubled down, chasing his own finish. You moaned into his ear, listing to the hard slaps of his hips on yours. You chanted his name like a mantra.

“Mine,” he growled so low that you almost weren’t sure that you heard him correctly.

“You-yours?” You asked, scared you had overstepped.

“That’s right. All mine. Just mine. My Y/N.”

His. It was all you ever wanted to be. His. And now you were. You were-

“Yours.” You confirmed, “all for you Joonie.”

Namjoon felt his hips stutter and then he stilled and he was cuming. He squirted into you thick ropes of cum that made you feel even more turned on even though you had just orgasmed. Namjoon moaned your name into your ear along with whispered confessions of love and happiness that had you feeling as if you had finished twice.

“Fuck…” he panted as his arms gave out. He let go of your neck and let his body fall on top of yours. His weight wasn’t unbearable. In fact you enjoyed the way that his body curled into yours like a puppy curling up with its person. You held him close, letting him mold himself onto you. Namjoon’s heaving body flush against your naked one felt like it was exactly where it was supposed to be.

You breathed in tandem with him, his head on your chest. Namjoon listened to your heart beat against your sternum, realizing that that heart, the heart he’d longed for, finally beat for him. And maybe it had beat for him all this time.

He kissed the place where your heart would be over your breast. A gesture that made said heart skip a beat. Tenderly, you pushed his sweaty hair off his face and watched as his lips curled up, satisfied with a job well done. Namjoon looked up at you, a soft smile on his plush lips. You could see nothing but pure joy and your own reflection shown back in his boba eyes.

“I love you,” he said, no shame about it at all. He knew things were still not perfect. He knew that you still had a fiancé and that things would only be difficult after you left the comfort of his bed. Namjoon felt himself deflate only slightly. He would be there for you. You knew that too. But the reality of your situation had suddenly crashed into his brain and he wasn’t totally sure how to progress from here. Neither of you had ever been homewreckers, nor had either of you cheated on a partner before.

Guilt pushed some of the happiness from your chest. You didn’t know how you would survive the next couple of days. You would break things off with Minhyeok. You would tell him that he was right. You couldn’t have him and Namjoon and the reality was… you had chosen Namjoon. You were always going to choose him. Like a hammer breaking glass, the safety you had created only minutes before seemed to break.

“I love you too,” you said, kissing his sweaty forehead. You would deal with it one step at a time. You knew you wouldn’t be alone and that was enough to get your heart to calm slightly.

There was silence again in which both of you wondered what the future held. Coming to the same conclusion, you knew that whatever came, you were just glad that you finally had each other.

“I know.” Namjoon whispered, kissing your chest again and nuzzling into you while also shifting some of his weight off so as not to crush you.

“Stay for the night?”

And just like that, his whole future seemed to implode. No longer did his visions of dates and confessions fit in with his current reality. His hopes for reciprocated feelings and smiles and pampering were dashed. The epic love story he’d written in his head was ripped into pieces and then shredded and then burned. Then the ashes were thrown in acid.

He hadn’t realized he’d tied himself up in you so tightly. Now realizing that you had never seen him in this way, nor had you so much as entertained the future he’d so carefully curated for you both, made him wonder if he’d been blinded by his affections.

“You said yes.” Was all he had to say.

Namjoon wasn’t afraid of emotions. In fact, he encouraged them. He’d cried in front of others on occasion, though he much preferred to keep those instances to a minimum, but he'd never cried in front of you. Somehow, this was much more embarrassing. How was he going to explain to you why he was crying without confessing and seeming like an asshole?

He was grateful that you had had the foresight to do this in private. You always were such a thoughtful person. You were always looking out for everyone before yourself, a quirk that he’d always thought he could help you overcome.

He looked up at you. Your long eyelashes fluttered and your pretty eyes sparkled with emotion. You were picking up on his disappointment, he knew it.

Years ago, when he had first met you, it had been a shock when you would point out how easy it was to read the thoughts going through his head. He’d always thought he hid his emotions well when he wanted to and to have you call him out when he was upset, or hurt or sad had shaken him.

He tried to hide his feelings once again.Tried to feign excitement with a big smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes but when a single tear ran down your soft cheek, he knew it was useless.

“Why are you crying,” he asked, instantly forgetting his own emotional anguish in favor of comforting you.

Again, he knew the answer, but he wanted the confirmation.

He cupped your face in his hands and wiped the steady stream of emotion from your skin. It was bittersweet to be so close to you. In your years of friendship, he’d held you in his arms many a time when men had brought you to your knees. He’d held you to his chest hoping that the next one would be him. The next “mistake” would be his and that he could comfort and apologize to you the way all the other men should have. He wanted to be your dream, the way you were his.

“I don’t know,” You gasped, nearly truthfully. Because there were too many emotions for you to process.

You were engaged and you had said yes because you loved him. Your boyfriend. At least, in the moment, when he was on one knee and he was smiling up at you, you had been sure that this had always been exactly what you wanted. Namjoon hadn’t even crossed your mind unlike the many times that you had inserted him into your dates and convinced yourself that the reason was purely because you admired your best friend and not because you were attracted to him and he would never see you the same way.

But as you sat before him and he held you so tenderly the way he had multiple times before, you were once again reminded how much you truly adored him. You remembered the countless nights you cried yourself to sleep because he never seemed to notice you. All the broken prayers and wishes you had seemingly wasted on something that would never happen came back as well. You remember feeling more than once that maybe, just maybe he felt the same way as you, but then everything was back to normal and he showed his usual platonic affection and comforted you when you were sad. It was then that you knew that your fiancé was right. The only way to truly move on from Namjoon was to let him go. Fully and totally.

And then it became clear. You had to cut him loose no matter how much it hurt you to do so. Namjoon deserved to be happy and it wasn’t fair of you to keep him trapped in a situationship like the one you and him had. It also wasn’t fair to Minhyeok.

You reached up and held onto Namjoon’s wrist, pulling them from your face gently. You place them between you, moving your hands down to hold his long fingers. The cold metal of rings contrasted heavily with the warmth of skin on skin. You glanced down, noticing that virtually the only finger that didn’t have a ring was his left ring finger, then noted that yours too was empty as you had taken off your engagement ring so that you could break the news to him before he figured it out. This would be the last time that finger would be empty on you.

“He seems like a nice guy,” Namjoon said, pulling your attention back to his face after trying hard to figure out a way to broach the now very difficult subject.

“He is,” you agreed shakily, swallowing the ball of emotion choking you.

“I know.”

Namjoon was lying through his teeth. He’d never liked Minhyeok. While he’d started out nice enough, after meeting him, something had snapped in the older man that made him shiver. He’d become controlling. In fact, he was surprised that you were at his apartment at that exact moment. The last time you had come over and stayed was before your relationship had become official. Something like a year and a half ago.

He enclosed your trembling fingers in his, hoping that he could provide some sense of grounding. The last thing he wanted was for you to have a panic attack. Not after the last one had almost led you to a car accident. He resolved then that no matter what you said next, he would take it and wish you nothing but happiness. He didn’t want you to be scared of making the right choices for you at his expense.

You took a deep breath. The darkness in his living room seemed to press into you and you wondered if you should turn on one of his lamps before you spoke or if your brain gave you this idea just to stall the inevitable. As if reading your mind, Namjoon turned on the lamp on one of his side tables and gestured for you to do the same to the one one your side of the couch.

You were wrong, the light made it worse. Now you could see the redness in his earth toned eyes and the fear that hid in plain sight. It also let you see how handsome he was, as if you needed reminding. The lights made the shadows define his features even further. This was just a reminder of what you could never have.

You took a gulp of air, then forced yourself to meet his eyes. He deserved a decent goodbye. A proper one.

“Namjoon I-” but what was to follow those words?

I can’t see you anymore? We can’t be friends from now on? Minhyeok doesn’t think it would be a good idea to see each other anymore?

None of those options felt right. There was a burning desire to follow those words with the real truth, the real reason you could no longer see him.

Namjoon, I’m in love with you.

But what good would that do at this point? He didn’t feel the same way and even if by some miracle he did, it was too late.

“Y/N,” he began, seeing as you didn’t have any intentions of continuing your sentence. Mentally, you thanked him for the save, but something in his posture told you that the danger was not yet over. Not even close.

“I think we should take a break… maybe put a little distance between us… until your wedding.”

And there it was. Out in the open were the words that you were far too scared to speak. Of course he had known what you didn’t want to say. He always knew. It didn’t make it any easier though.

Your chest felt like someone was stepping on it. You could feel him trying to pull his hands from yours but you refused to let go. It felt too real. It felt like the distance wouldn’t be temporary and the marriage would be a mistake. This was a mistake. This was a huge mistake.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered through closed vision, “This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. This was never what I wanted.”

“I know.” “No you don’t,” you sobbed, letting your head fall to your chest, “How could you know? How could you know…”

Namjoon fought back his own emotions with as much resolve as he could. He plastered a fake smile on his lips. A smile that he hoped would convince not only you but himself that he truly just wanted what was best for you and he didn’t care what that meant for him.

“I know because I wanted it too.”

It was as close to a confession as he could get. He couldn’t force himself to say the eight letters that would potentially change things between you even if it was the last time he ever spoke to you. He’d lived without you before, he would learn to do so again.

But then you were looking up at him and he could see that you understood plain as day through silver tears.

“You… you did?”

Did. Did what? Did he want your friendship of many years to end this way? No, of course not. Did he want you to be happy? Yes. Did he want to be by your side and be a part of that happiness? Ideally yes. But were those the questions you were asking? He couldn’t be sure and yet, he could hope.

You waited with baited breath for him to answer. To clarify.

Say it. You begged in your head. Say it and I’m yours. I’ll leave him. Just say it.

But all that Namjoon could do was look at your face, trying to remember every detail. He wished he was talented at painting or drawing so that he could draw you over and over to fill the inevitable void that you were already wedging in his heart. One that he knew would never be full again.

He found himself leaning closer to try to see clearer. His contacts were a little too dry and you were a little too far and the light a little too dark for him to soak up the details he so loved. The mole on your cheek next to your nose, the wrinkle between your eyebrows that appeared far too much since you had started to date Minhyeok, the scar on your forehead from one thing or another that happened in your childhood. All would be missed. He just needed to touch them one last time.

Instinctively, he reached out to do just that, his left hand once again cupping your cheek and his thumb smoothing across the divots and texture that you had always found so abhorrent all the way to the near edge of your nose where he found the spot he would so love to kiss. A desire that he would never more get to entertain.

He scooched closer to you so could breathe in the familiar scent of coconut and something flowery and sweet mixed with the irresistible vanilla of your perfume. His scent, something like buttery roses, soap and cedar filled your own head up with the feeling of Sunday mornings in a log cabin on a rainy day after a particularly good night of loving.

Your legs met in the middle of the love seat, one of his the one on the inside, bent so he could face you, and both of yours were crossed together like a pretzel. The texture of his sweats felt like silk on your bare legs and the heat from his body caressed your exposed skin. It was like he was hugging you before touching you and suddenly all you could think of was what his skin would feel like against yours with no barrier between.

He leaned closer. Namjoon knew he should stop. You had just told him that you were engaged and he’d just told you that there needed to be space between the two of you, but this was the complete opposite of both of those things.

Closer his lips came to yours, your wet cheeks never a deterrent for him, but when he was only a hair's breadth away, he paused. He couldn’t do it and he knew that neither could you. So he froze on the spot and just waited, breathing in your air and wishing that he had fessed up sooner and that he wasn’t the coward he now thought himself to be.

His eyes, which had fluttered almost entirely shut, now did the opposite. From this close up, he could see every inch of you doused in the yellow lights. You looked like an angel sent from somewhere surreal and ethereal. Your frown, pulled at the corners and a perfect peach, called to him. He wished could fix every problem, every issue. He wished he could somehow snap his fingers and erase your pain. But that was not his place. You were strong and independent. He would not- could not- disrespect you by trying to save you in some misogynistic show of power. This was up to you. You made your choices and he trusted that you knew whether they were the right ones or not.

And yet he did not have the strength to pull away from you. He couldn’t pull back now that he’d come so far. He begged you to do it for him. He begged for you to push him off and berate him for even trying to kiss you. He wanted you to stand, maybe slap him and walk away, severing the friendship that he had already tried to cut but failed.

Instead, he saw you open your doe eyes, scared and caught. He watched the fear turn into sadness and confusion. He watched the sparkle of hope fizzle and then die. And then he felt himself shrivel up and die too.

“Joon,” you whispered, your breath smelled of cherry and mint. A flavor he couldn’t quite wrap his head around but you seemed to like in chapsticks.

“Y/N?”

His lips brushed yours as he spoke. Sparks flew across his vision and his dead heart suddenly beat back to life with a ferver never before seen. Would one kiss really be all that bad?

“We can’t.”

And you were right. It broke you to say it since you had practically begged for just this moment for so many years but not now. Not when you were freshly engaged and you couldn’t tell if he was kissing you out of pity or because he wanted to. Even if you asked, you weren’t sure if you could believe him.

“I know.” Was all he said, letting out a held breath that tickled your lips and nose. God it was so tempting to just cross the final distance and kiss him.

He was so beautiful in the dim lighting. You could almost picture him in with candles lit instead of the lamps, maybe with his shirt off, maybe in a bathtub, maybe with you in it as well. The possibilities of which none were explored suddenly felt like lost opportunities and wasted moments. The weight on both yours and his shoulders held massive. A line had been drawn that neither of you were willing to cross but willed the other to breach in each other’s stead.

Alas, when the minute mark passed and no movement came from either of you, Namjoon forced himself back, just a fraction, and dropped his hand to his lap.

Still in each other’s space, you connected your eyes to his once more. You should leave. It was the only option left. But somehow, you knew once you did, it was for good.

“I wanted to, though.” You whispered, hoping that that was enough.

It wasn’t.

“I know.”

I know. Was that all he knew to say? I know. Yeah great he knew but did he really? Did he know how torn up you were just sitting before him with your heart on your sleeve and all he could say was that he knew? No. You wanted him to yell at you. You wanted him to scream and cry and kick you out of his house. You wanted him to give you a reason to trust your finacé. You wanted him to say that all he had ever seen in you was sex or that he only ever used you as an emotional dump. This was too hard, too unfair.

“Can’t you say anything else?”

“What?” His voice was louder, taken aback. His half moon eyes were wide, still red, and confused.

“I know,” you mimicked, “I know, I know, I know! Yeah, Of course you fucking know. We all know. We all know that I’ve been in love with you for years and you never gave me the time of day.We all knew that you didn’t feel it and it's cruel to pretend that you do now. Just tell me that you never loved me Joon. Just tell me to leave. I need to hear it because you give me these mixed signals and I just can’t take it anymore!”

You stood up, turned away from him and crossed your arms. You were so angry that the traces of hot tears were not cold to your burning skin. You were fuming. If you were a cartoon, steam would be coming out of your ears.

The sudden change in atmosphere took Namjoon by surprise. From a breath of a kiss to an ocean between you seemed a bit extreme but Namjoon, even in his shock, could understand what you meant because he had prayed for the same thing earlier. What he didn’t expect was for you to admit to him what he had suspected but convinced himself could not be reality.

“I didn’t know,” and maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say because knowing you, you would take his statement as sass or sarcasm, but he couldn’t help but smile lightly as you turned hotly towards him. You stopped over to his towering body, his arm now crossed confidently over his broad chest over the baggy shirt he’d opted for that day.

There was fire in your gaze and tension in your jaw. Your lips were set in a snarl, the one you thought was scary but only made him want to kiss you more than he’d ever wanted to before. Your hands were fisted together and he could make them out only slightly under your oversized sweater. The likes of which you had worn more and more to hide your body out of “respect” for your boyfriend even though you had always been confident and liked to show off your curves.

“Are you fucking kidding me Namjoon? What the hell do you mean you didn’t know? What don’t you know with that big ass brain of yours?”

Namjoon felt a tear roll down his cheek, but it wasn’t sadness he was feeling nor was it fear or anger, he was happy. So freaking happy. He couldn’t remember the last time that he cried out of pure joy. Suddenly, all of the obstacles seemed null and void and he had tunnel vision. The halo of baby hairs around your head caught the light of the lamps and made you look like you were wearing a crown. You were a goddess. You were his. You would always be his and you were right there. All he had to do was take you. Say yes.

“I didn’t know, Y/N.” he chuckled letting the tears stream freely, now void of all embarrassment, “I didn’t know, in my big ass brain, that you actually loved me back.”

“How could you not-wait what?” The anger, so vivid and red, fueled and roaring for you to scream at him and say he had a big head to hold his big dumb brain suddenly was doused with a wave of cool blue water.

“Did you not hear me? I said that I didn’t know.” And his smile was wide now, his nose a little runny and the tension in his muscles relaxed as he watched your face contort.

“You didn’t?”

He took another step closer to you, his happiness felt like it was coming off in waves, like the sun hitting your skin but without the dangers of UV rays or your worry about sunscreen. You felt weak. Your legs felt like jelly. Had you heard correctly? Were you going deaf?

“I didn’t. But-uh…” he hissed and scratched the back of his head, “I know now.” He was leaning down towards you. You were so close that you were looking almost straight up at him. Your neck would hurt if you stayed like this too long and his would get knots, you just knew it but neither of you were thinking clearly.

Namjoon, cautious as ever, loosely, almost not even touching, wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you closer. His big hand was splayed on your upper back. You held both of yours up to keep yourself from stumbling into him or hitting your head against him. Both of your centers were flush together, your legs separated only slightly, and your upper bodies held apart by just your arms.

“Yeah… now you know.”

And then there was science in which the only sounds were of the buzzing electricity and your shared breaths. Your mind was blank save for the recurring instruction to inhale then to exhale. Your eyes explored Namjoon’s face. From this close, you could see all of the imperfections of his skin and the moles you’d long admired. The one under his lip in particular made you falter.

You gazed up at him for a split second then back to the mole. Eyes locked, you leaned forward intent on giving it a peck. Your ears began to burn, your body- to heat up, and you realized that Namjoon was leaning down to meet you as you reached up.

Namjoon couldn’t function. The gears in his head had stopped working the moment you body hit his. Worming a hand into your hair, he helped to guide your head closer to his. You shut down the thoughts that kept popping up saying that this was a bad idea. You forced yourself to focus on the moment. This was everything you had ever wanted. This was what you had been waiting for for your whole life.

And then his lips brushed against yours, his warm breath coming out shaky onto your face. He was nervous. This was enough to tell. Namjoon was nervous to kiss you. It brought a smug smile to your lips as you closed the remaining distance.

Then it was dark. Eyes closed, lips sealed on each other and breaths hitched on the fear of taking things a step too far, the world stopped then just as suddenly exploded into being and color.

Where before the world was dull and grey, now there was an abundance of color and saturation that made both you and Namjoon gasp in shock. Your lips tingled and Namjoon’s skin prickled with goosebumps. Slowly, you kissed each other. Slowly, your bodies seemed to merge into something more, something together and whole and one. And then slowly, you both knew that this was the only right in a world of many wrongs.

Your bodies worked on instinct, lips dancing in the semi darkness with a tenderness that you had never been shown. Wave after wave of energy seemed to pile in your chest begging for release.

Namjoon let the hand on your back open as much as he could so he could hold as much of you as possible. He pressed your chest into his, seeking depth in your lips with his tongue running over the bottom one. The stars and universe seemed to realign with your bodies, connecting for the first time in a way less than platonic.

I love you. Your mind whispered somewhere in the dark void of your mind. I love you. Louder. I love you, I love you. You wanted to say it a million times. You wanted to kiss every square inch of his face and compliment every cell in his body. You wanted to taste his mouth and whisper the confessions you had never had the courage to confess before.

Namjoon’s smile was painful. Your hands came up to his neck, one hand cupping his cheek opposite of the one in your hair, the other one was on his neck. Chills ran down his spine and his muscles tensed. Your fingers on his neck drew small circles as your tongue met his and it was over. Blood rushed to his neck and cheeks and suddenly he was hot. So hot. The apartment had been pretty cool, set to a nice and pleasant 74 degrees, but now he was burning.

The tenderness of our tongue in his mouth made him feel like he was on fire. So warm that it almost burned his skin and he could feel himself begin to sweat as his heart pumped faster and faster.

Breaking the kiss, he gulped in air, completely breathless and excited in more than one way. He opened his eyes to your gasping just as he had, your lips slightly swollen and your hair where his hand was holding you firmly a slight bit frizzy and disheveled. But it was not enough.

Namjoon wanted to smear the lipstick on your lips all over your face and have your sweat soaked body under his, writhing with pleasure and his name falling from your lips. Namjoon was thirsty. He was hungry and you were looking like a full meal to his deep brown eyes.

Without waiting for you to speak, he leaned down and wrapped your exposed legs around his waist, crossing your heels behind him. You squawked unattractively and wrapped your arms around his neck to hold yourself up.

“If you want me to put you down or you want to leave, say it now because I don’t think I could take it if I took you to my room and you wanted to leave then.”

He said it with the smile still firmly on his lips, not a hint of doubt in his eyes. You giggled and buried your face into the crook of his neck where another of the moles you had always dreamed of kissing lay. Planting the smallest one you could muster, you were rewarder with a deep sigh that turned into a near moan.

“Ooo, I get to go into your room?”

Namjoon chuckled, walking towards the hallway that led to where he slept with what seemed like all the time in the world.

“You do. You haven’t been in there in a while right, Y/N?”

“Yeah,” you agreed, peppering kisses against the tendon in his neck and holding back the instinct to bite it. Namjoon’s hands were firmly on your thigh, making sure he wasn’t crossing any lines that you hadn’t explicitly told him he could, though a part of you wished that he would just throw caution to the wind and touch you.

“It hasn’t changed much since the last time you saw it.” He was at the door now and there was a tension now that you were at the precipice of the forbidden space. The place you had marked as crossing a line when you had gotten into a relationship was right at your back and by the slight tightening of Namjoon’s fingers on your bare flesh, he remembered that line as well.

“Last chance to back out,” he whispered, the fear that had dissipated was now dripping from his voice. There was no coming back from this now. If you let Namjoon walk you into that room, you were coming out and ending everything with Minhyeok.

Then it was all crystal clear. You pictured yourself waking up the next morning in Namjoon’s arms. You imagined what it would be like to date him, to hold his hand and to be held when you got home from work. You saw your whole future laid out before you. The love, the wedding, the family… and it was the easiest choice you had ever made.

“Take me in, Joon.”

His shoulders relaxed, his heart skipped a beat. Namjoon kicked his door open with as much care as he could spare before he basically jumped across the line that separated the room from the rest of the house. You were in his room and he had just kissed you and told you he was in love with you and you had kissed him back.

Namjoon was on top of the world. But he couldn’t wait to be on top of you, or to have you on top of him;he wasn’t picky.

You pulled back so you could see him, a soft smile on your face as you nuzzled your nose with his. Namjoon sighed again. It was like he was so happy that his body wouldn’t contain it all. He wanted to show you or scream at you or eat you up. He wanted his happiness to be seen by the world.

Fuck, he wanted you. He pecked your lips before you could pull away once then you pulled him back in for another quick kiss by the back of the head. He kissed you once more, pushing his lips against yours playfully trying to make it loud and obnoxious.

You laughed as he leaned down, your body coming with him until you were 90 degrees tipped back. You held onto his head for dear life and tightened your thighs around him.

“Joon I’m gonna fall,” you mumbled against him. Being the jerk he was, he let go of your legs. Your body fell from his, a bit of shock ran through you before your body bounced off his mattress.

“Asshole! I thought you dropped me on the floor!”

Namjoon leaned down over you, standing between your legs and holding his weight on his hands, which rested on either side of your chest. You scratched his hair the way you knew he liked. His eyes nearly rolled back into his head and something like a growl left his throat.

“I would never!” He argued.

“Yeah right. Remember that time when you said you could squat me and you refused to properly grab me so I ended up with the wind knocked out of me?”

“That was an accident.”

You laughed softly, “Uh Huh sure.”

Namjoon scrunched his nose, then leaned down to bite your cheek playfully.

“I would never drop you like that on purpose.” He clarified.

The air stilled when his beaming eyes met yours and you felt yourself become almost as breathless as you had then.

“I know.”

Namjoon didn’t answer. Instead he leaned down and kissed your pretty lips again. It started slow and sweet. The playfulness of the friendship you both shared seeped into it, but then he leaned down onto his forearms and his hips nuzzled into your partially clothed core.

He must have felt the shift too because he bit down on your upper lip and suckked it into his mouth. You moaned, then promptly regretted it. This was Namjoon, your best friend. It was weird to actually moan in his presence even though you had previously moaned his name when you were alone in your room.

Namjoon felt all the blood in his brain drain into his dick. He could feel your warmth radiate through his sweats and your underwear. The skirt you were wearing was no obstacle for the position you were in. He needed more. He wanted you to moan so loud that you were horse the next day.

When your mouth fell open, he took it as an invitation to continue where you had stopped in the living room. His tongue massaged yours in sensuous strokes. He pressed his middle to yours, hoping he wasn’t over stepping. You wrapped your legs around him and pulled him closer.

Namjoon understood instantly. He ground his hips into yours in circles. His member was rock hard and ready to come out but he knew he needed to take some extra time with you. If he remembered correctly, you had once mentioned how men never seemed to take the proper time for foreplay. He would not be one of those guys.

He rolled his hips into you again and you groaned into his mouth. Fuck. How was he supposed to hold off? No wonder men never took their time. The noises that you were making were sinful.

“Y/N,” he groaned, kissing your jaw then sucking a bruise into your neck, “tell me what you want from me, baby.”

You couldn’t think. What did you want from him? You wanted him. That much was clear. You wanted his fingers all over you. Those delectable, long… thick… fingers… you wanted… you wanted him… you wanted him in...

“Fuck, Joonie,” you gasped, pushing him off slightly so you could clear your head, “how am i supposed to think when you’re distracting me?”

Namjoon chuckled into the place where your neck met your collar bone. He nibbled on the skin but then brought his face up to yours so you knew you had all his attention.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be, just…” you swallowed the excess saliva in your mouth, “anything. Whatever you want to do, I want it too.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes. Typical of you not to say exactly what you wanted. Typical that you left it up to him. You always let him choose, always put him first. Namjoon knew better. This time, it was about you.

“You are so predictable, sweet thing,” he winked as he shifted so that he could hold himself up on one arm. His long fingers grabbed onto your upper thigh and slid down your leg. Namjoon marveled at how soft your skin was before he got to your ankle… God your ankles… but that was for another time… and pushed it to the side so your legs were now open enough for him to get between with his arm.

Namjoon looked down and pushed the fabric of the skirt up to reveal a pair of sinfully innocent seamless underwear. Almost perfectly innocent. Because they were wet. Already, the fabric on top of your lips was dark and it took everything in him not to lean down and kiss the spot and lick it clean.

Instead, he dipped his index finger under the seam and lifted it up so he could get his hand in. It was a mistake. You were soaking wet. So wet that he barely had to touch your lips to pick up your sticky arousal.

The moan that escaped his lips was embarrassing. You weren’t even touching him and already he was ready to spill his seed into his sweats.

“You’re wet,” he said dumbly, but for once in your friendship, you didn’t comment. Instead, your hands were covering your face as Namjoon wiggled his fingers around trying to collect as much of your juices as he could.

“No shit sherlock.” Namjoon had known it was too good to be true. He wasn’t offended, and he didn’t fire back. With all the subtlety of a bull, Namjoon nudged a finger between your folds and began to search for your magic button.

You gasped but Namjoon was not going to let you hide from him. With his free hand, he pulled at your wrists so he could see your face contort.

“Let me look at you.” It wasn’t a command, it was a request but you pulled your hands away so fast he would have almost sworn he’d forced you.

“Hey,” he whispered, worried but still looking for your clitoris below, “look at me, Y/N.” He held your chin as your eyes opened and you bit your lip.

“Let me know if you’re uncomfortable. We can take this slow, baby. I won’t get hurt.”

“Namjoon,” his name was tight in your throat and your eyes widened as Namjoon felt his fingers roll over a nub between your lower lips, “I- I want you to..”

“You want me to what?” He asked you, enjoying the way your body twitched as he rubbed circles into your sensitive area. His lips quirked.

“I want you to fuck me.” You whispered so low that he almost missed it. For what felt like the millionth time that night, his brain stopped working but his hands seemed to know exactly what to do.

He switched his index finger for his thumb and roughly plunged the index into your pulsating hole. Your eyes were so wide that he wondered if they would pop out.

“Namjoon,” you moaned, the sound deep and thick with arousal.

“I’m gonna fuck a baby into you,” he heard himself say, “I’m going to fuck you so good that no one will ever be able to fuck you again.”

“Please,” you begged, completely serious. His promises of a good time made more arousal ooze out of you.

“You’re so tight, baby. So wet for me… I want to be inside you.”

Namjoon kissed your nose then your cheek and pushed another finger into your needy hole.

“I want your walls to mold onto my cock. I want to make love to you, Y/N. Will you let me? Can I make love to you?” He curled his fingers up into the spongy part of you, making your whole body tense.

“Yes.” The word had barely left your lips before he’d ripped his fingers off you and yanked your panties off. The cool air of the room hit your naked lips as a shiver ran through your body.

Namjoon stood to his full height. His shoulders were so broad and his chest thick and built. You could tell through the baggy shirt that he grabbed from a corner and yanked off. The muscles in his body had been toned. You knew he was working out but shit this was something else. Knowing something and seeing it was something else entirely. He had a toned abdomen with the tiniest bit of pudge by his belly button and the waistband of his sweats. His arms looked so strong.

Without really thinking, you sat up and pulled your sweater over your head, leaving you in your completely unsexy bra and your skirt. Namjoon licked his lips before he stuck the two fingers that had been in you into his mouth and sucked and licked all the arousal off them. You watched him with your heartbeat rising. You could feel it pulsing in your core.

“Fuck you’re delicious, Y/N.”

You knew you probably already looked fuck out of this world. The fact that you were in the position you were in with Namjoon was enough to make you want to squirt all over his sheets.

“Take off the rest of your clothes, baby. Let me see you.”

You didn’t hesitate. You pulled your skirt down your legs and tossed it somewhere in the room. You unclasped your bra as he pulled his sweats and underwear off with one motion and stepped out of them. When he looked up, you were naked. Your bra was gone and your legs were bent at the knee and open so he could see everything.

He could get on his knees right then and spend an eternity just eating your pussy out, but his dick twitched between his legs and he couldn’t help but selfishly want to bury himself deep within you. These urges could wait for a later time couldn’t they?

With surprising difficulty, Namjoon pulled his eyes up from your dripping slits, because they were dripping, coated with clear arousal that was begging him almost as much as he was begging you to be laved at with his whole mouth, and looked at your naked torso. YOur skin was flushed and slightly damp. Your chest was heaving up and down, your breasts spread to give him a clear view of where his face belonged.

You curled a finger at him, gesturing for him to come over as you pushed yourself back against the pillows. Namjoon, entranced, hypnotized, enamoured like he was, hopped into bed like an over excited puppy and crawled between your legs. You shook your head at him as you grabbed his and brought his lips to yours. They met in a sensual, now less urgent but just as passionate kiss that erupted behind your closed eyelids in the form of fireworks and confetti. It had been so long that you’d hoped for him. That you had wanted him. It had been so long that you dreamed of him here, loving you in the way you wanted to be loved. Still his breaths were heavy and short, like he was trying to calm himself but couldn’t quite do it. It made your heart sing.

Slowly he ran his hands up and down the side of your body, almost as if he was scared to fully touch what he’d never once believed he would get but then his finger tips grazed your obliques and it was like the missing puzzle piece clicked into place. Your skin was silky smooth and soft to the touch. He really could get off on just how nice it was to touch your skin. ALready he knew that he’d have dreams about how smooth to the touch it felt to have you in his hands. You kissed him lovingly still, enjoying how carefully he explored your body and feeling completely worshiped underneath him as you had imagined it would be. Your hands ran down onto his chest feeling his every muscle. The expanse of lean meat above you made you swallow hard. Finally you got to see the culmination of his hard work. The chest, the toned and delectable chest you expected, but what you hadn’t expected was the glimpse of his oblique muscles and the four pack and start of six he had. With your lips still connected to his, you touched every inch of him you could without venturing too low.

Namjoon let his hand cross over your stomach and make its way up to your boobs, cupping the mounds under for a second, gauging how big they were in his large palms and smiling as he ventured further up. He pinched one of your nipples between two fingers and rubbed the other in circles with his palm. You groaned into the kiss and smiled as you felt his own smile come back. There was something so sweet about it all. So tentative and new that it felt like your first time all over again. It felt special unlike anything that had ever been before. This felt like the true start of something completely new and pure. Something right.

Namjoon bit your lip, a chuckle escaping his throat as you moaned into the damp cavern of his mouth.

“You’re so cocky, dude.” You said between kisses on your cheeks and jaw.

“Wanna see just how cocky I am?”

Yes. Yes you did, the member between his legs and now inevitably between yours was hot against your inner thighs and you wanted nothing more than to feel just how big it was, but the contrarian in you wanted to argue and give him a hard time. That is, until you felt one of his and leave your sensitive nipples and reach between you only to then run his tip up and down your slits.

He was big. Thick. He was probably somewhere about average in length, maybe slightly bigger, but he was thick. Your hand found its way between your bodies and fought his off to position itself around his shaft. Namjoon’s breath caught as he felt your long, warm fingers run up and down his dick using the tip to pleasure yourself. A fucking day dream. That’s what you were.

God, how did he get here? What had he done to deserve this reward? He licked into your mouth with renewed vigor and pinched and touched the nipple still in his hands as if his life depended on you getting off because in that moment, to Namjoon, it did.

“Joon,” you groaned as your orgasm began to build from the multiple points of contact, “Please…”

You didn’t have to finish. He knew what you wanted. He reached down and helped guide your hand down wrapping his around yours. His other hand held onto your hip to keep you at the right position. His tip felt every crevice of your folds before it caught slightly on the hole between your legs. It pulse excitedly, ready to welcome him in. It was slick with your juices. So slippery that Namjoon found it hard to keep his tip in position.

Namjoon looked up at you with nothing but care and love present in his eyes. There was lust in the back, held together by the ounce of self control he seemed to have. You could tell he wanted to fuck you into the matress but was holding back. Conflicted, you played with the idea in your head. As much as you wanted him to be rough, this was your first time together. It would be nice if he took his time. You wanted to feel him inside you and you wanted to remember it. At the same time, you wanted to see what sort of animal hid behind his calm exterior.

“Ready?” He asked, pulling you back into the moment, so defused and hazy by the sheer affection that radiated from both of your bodies.

You nodded. Ready was an understatement. You needed him inside you. You wanted him.

Then he was pushing into you and your world went white. He pushed all the way in with so much tenderness that you almost didn’t know how to react. Impulsively, you squeezed him as he went. He groaned, stopping every time you did that. His hand on your hip was squeezing bruises that you would cherish the next day. You kiss his chin, his lips, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead. You kiss everything within reach, and when he brought a hand up to cup your face, you kissed that too, holding it against your burning skin only to have him grab your finger and kiss your knuckles, eyes connected.

You could truly die then. You feel so complete and happy. Completely unbothered by the mess you were creating by giving yourself this one selfish act. It could wait for later. In this moment, you were Namjoon’s and he was yours and that’s all that mattered.

He bottomed out, his balls tapping your ass. It was then that you noticed that he hurt a little. He was so wide that your opening wasn’t used to it and his fingers, while big were no match for his girth.

“Fuck,” you whined, the pain bulding in your throat slightly. There were tears in your eyes. Namjoon began to panic.

“Y/N,” he paused, looking as the tears ran down your cheeks like they had a bit ago, “I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you? Do you want me to pull out-” “No.” You said firmly. Resolute. You would get used to it. You were sure. You just needed-

“A minute. Just give me… a minute.”

Namjoon, bless his heart, nodded, holding himself up with one arm. The hand on your face wiped the tears off as quickly as they came. He peppered kisses on your shoulders, never once pressuring you. He had half a mind to force you to stop if this is how badly he was making you feel.

“Move.” The command came out of nowhere and Namjoon was nowhere near ready for it. Your heart was racing. Your blood pumped through your body a mile a minute and suddenly, the pain was gone, well mostly. Blinding desire coursed through you as he stood still.

You couldn’t take it. You wanted him to fuck you. You wanted him to make it hard to walk. You wanted the pain. Ironically.

“Namjoon honey,” you started when he still hadn’t moved at all, too shocked to process your order. Your voice was thin and almost a whisper from how good he was stretching you. He looked up, a drop of sweat falling from his forehead.

“Yes?”

“Please baby… I want you to fuck me. I can take it.”

It was like a switch was flicked somewhere in his brain. His cock twitched inside you, your walls squeezed back in reassurance as he fixed his position over you. Namjoon brought a hand up and wrapped it around your neck, a kink you had told him about a long time ago when you were drunk and made him swear he would never bring up again after he had spent a good twenty minutes making fun of you, but now… you were thanking your past self for revealing this secret.

He pulled out slowly, like he was going to ignore your request, but then, he plunged in. His hips hit yours so hard you were sure it would bruise. A strangle moan was ripped from your throat. His fingers tightened slightly around your neck. He could feel your pulse against his thumb.There was something intoxicating about the power you had entrusted him. Fuck this was so hot. He’d dreamed of having you like this and now here he was fucking into you like there was no tomorrow. He pulled out again, slow as a turtle then thrust in at lightning speed. You choked on your spit, and his hand around your neck. The sound of his skin slapping yours made his cock quake as he rammed in harder, harder, harder. The squelching from your core only served to push him further. He wondered if you would let him record so he could have just the sounds of his cock in your pussy on a playlist. A thought for another time.

Stolen prayers of his name left your lips every time he stopped kissing you. Weak and fucked out and so incredibly sexy that he thought he must be dreaming. You were so perfect.

“Your pussy takes me so good, baby.”

“Fuck… Joon, I'm close.” And for once in your life, you were not lying. You reached down and rubbed tight circles into your clit as he continued his ruthless pace.

“Cum for me baby… I’m close too.”

“Call me baby,” you begged. The name felt like heaven on your ears from his deep voice.

“Baby,” he growled, “Baby you’re so tight and- wet.”

“Fuck, Joonie… I’m gonna-” You kept your pace steady as Namjoon pumped into you, his thick mushroom head hitting your gspot almost every time he pushed in. The coil in your stomach tightened. Harder, harder… Harder still.

“Come on baby. I want to feel that pussy squeeze around me.”

“I’m-” It was a culmination of his thrusts, your circles, and the dirty talk that finally got you there.

The rubber band that had built in your stomach snapped. You tumbled over the edge. Your body twitched as Namjoon kept fucking you through the orgasm. Namjoon watched as his dick disappeared into your even tighter hole. It squeezed around his rock hard erection.

“Fuck- Y/N… where do- where do you want me?” He asked as your walls spasmed around him, your arousal coating him from head to base.

“Inside- cum inside.”

He didn’t have to be told twice though he probably should have thought better of it. Namjoon pumped into you as overstimulation took over and your walls milked him. Your body twitched as he doubled down, chasing his own finish. You moaned into his ear, listing to the hard slaps of his hips on yours. You chanted his name like a mantra.

“Mine,” he growled so low that you almost weren’t sure that you heard him correctly.

“You-yours?” You asked, scared you had overstepped.

“That’s right. All mine. Just mine. My Y/N.”

His. It was all you ever wanted to be. His. And now you were. You were-

“Yours.” You confirmed, “all for you Joonie.”

Namjoon felt his hips stutter and then he stilled and he was cuming. He squirted into you thick ropes of cum that made you feel even more turned on even though you had just orgasmed. Namjoon moaned your name into your ear along with whispered confessions of love and happiness that had you feeling as if you had finished twice.

“Fuck…” he panted as his arms gave out. He let go of your neck and let his body fall on top of yours. His weight wasn’t unbearable. In fact you enjoyed the way that his body curled into yours like a puppy curling up with its person. You held him close, letting him mold himself onto you. Namjoon’s heaving body flush against your naked one felt like it was exactly where it was supposed to be.

You breathed in tandem with him, his head on your chest. Namjoon listened to your heart beat against your sternum, realizing that that heart, the heart he’d longed for, finally beat for him. And maybe it had beat for him all this time.

He kissed the place where your heart would be over your breast. A gesture that made said heart skip a beat. Tenderly, you pushed his sweaty hair off his face and watched as his lips curled up, satisfied with a job well done. Namjoon looked up at you, a soft smile on his plush lips. You could see nothing but pure joy and your own reflection shown back in his boba eyes.

“I love you,” he said, no shame about it at all. He knew things were still not perfect. He knew that you still had a fiancé and that things would only be difficult after you left the comfort of his bed. Namjoon felt himself deflate only slightly. He would be there for you. You knew that too. But the reality of your situation had suddenly crashed into his brain and he wasn’t totally sure how to progress from here. Neither of you had ever been homewreckers, nor had either of you cheated on a partner before.

Guilt pushed some of the happiness from your chest. You didn’t know how you would survive the next couple of days. You would break things off with Minhyeok. You would tell him that he was right. You couldn’t have him and Namjoon and the reality was… you had chosen Namjoon. You were always going to choose him. Like a hammer breaking glass, the safety you had created only minutes before seemed to break.

“I love you too,” you said, kissing his sweaty forehead. You would deal with it one step at a time. You knew you wouldn’t be alone and that was enough to get your heart to calm slightly.

There was silence again in which both of you wondered what the future held. Coming to the same conclusion, you knew that whatever came, you were just glad that you finally had each other.

“I know.” Namjoon whispered, kissing your chest again and nuzzling into you while also shifting some of his weight off so as not to crush you.

“Stay for the night?”

And just like that, his whole future seemed to implode. No longer did his visions of dates and confessions fit in with his current reality. His hopes for reciprocated feelings and smiles and pampering were dashed. The epic love story he’d written in his head was ripped into pieces and then shredded and then burned. Then the ashes were thrown in acid.

He hadn’t realized he’d tied himself up in you so tightly. Now realizing that you had never seen him in this way, nor had you so much as entertained the future he’d so carefully curated for you both, made him wonder if he’d been blinded by his affections.

“You said yes.” Was all he had to say.

Namjoon wasn’t afraid of emotions. In fact, he encouraged them. He’d cried in front of others on occasion, though he much preferred to keep those instances to a minimum, but he'd never cried in front of you. Somehow, this was much more embarrassing. How was he going to explain to you why he was crying without confessing and seeming like an asshole?

He was grateful that you had had the foresight to do this in private. You always were such a thoughtful person. You were always looking out for everyone before yourself, a quirk that he’d always thought he could help you overcome.

He looked up at you. Your long eyelashes fluttered and your pretty eyes sparkled with emotion. You were picking up on his disappointment, he knew it.

Years ago, when he had first met you, it had been a shock when you would point out how easy it was to read the thoughts going through his head. He’d always thought he hid his emotions well when he wanted to and to have you call him out when he was upset, or hurt or sad had shaken him.

He tried to hide his feelings once again.Tried to feign excitement with a big smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes but when a single tear ran down your soft cheek, he knew it was useless.

“Why are you crying,” he asked, instantly forgetting his own emotional anguish in favor of comforting you.

Again, he knew the answer, but he wanted the confirmation.

He cupped your face in his hands and wiped the steady stream of emotion from your skin. It was bittersweet to be so close to you. In your years of friendship, he’d held you in his arms many a time when men had brought you to your knees. He’d held you to his chest hoping that the next one would be him. The next “mistake” would be his and that he could comfort and apologize to you the way all the other men should have. He wanted to be your dream, the way you were his.

“I don’t know,” You gasped, nearly truthfully. Because there were too many emotions for you to process.

You were engaged and you had said yes because you loved him. Your boyfriend. At least, in the moment, when he was on one knee and he was smiling up at you, you had been sure that this had always been exactly what you wanted. Namjoon hadn’t even crossed your mind unlike the many times that you had inserted him into your dates and convinced yourself that the reason was purely because you admired your best friend and not because you were attracted to him and he would never see you the same way.

But as you sat before him and he held you so tenderly the way he had multiple times before, you were once again reminded how much you truly adored him. You remembered the countless nights you cried yourself to sleep because he never seemed to notice you. All the broken prayers and wishes you had seemingly wasted on something that would never happen came back as well. You remember feeling more than once that maybe, just maybe he felt the same way as you, but then everything was back to normal and he showed his usual platonic affection and comforted you when you were sad. It was then that you knew that your fiancé was right. The only way to truly move on from Namjoon was to let him go. Fully and totally.

And then it became clear. You had to cut him loose no matter how much it hurt you to do so. Namjoon deserved to be happy and it wasn’t fair of you to keep him trapped in a situationship like the one you and him had. It also wasn’t fair to Minhyeok.

You reached up and held onto Namjoon’s wrist, pulling them from your face gently. You place them between you, moving your hands down to hold his long fingers. The cold metal of rings contrasted heavily with the warmth of skin on skin. You glanced down, noticing that virtually the only finger that didn’t have a ring was his left ring finger, then noted that yours too was empty as you had taken off your engagement ring so that you could break the news to him before he figured it out. This would be the last time that finger would be empty on you.

“He seems like a nice guy,” Namjoon said, pulling your attention back to his face after trying hard to figure out a way to broach the now very difficult subject.

“He is,” you agreed shakily, swallowing the ball of emotion choking you.

“I know.”

Namjoon was lying through his teeth. He’d never liked Minhyeok. While he’d started out nice enough, after meeting him, something had snapped in the older man that made him shiver. He’d become controlling. In fact, he was surprised that you were at his apartment at that exact moment. The last time you had come over and stayed was before your relationship had become official. Something like a year and a half ago.

He enclosed your trembling fingers in his, hoping that he could provide some sense of grounding. The last thing he wanted was for you to have a panic attack. Not after the last one had almost led you to a car accident. He resolved then that no matter what you said next, he would take it and wish you nothing but happiness. He didn’t want you to be scared of making the right choices for you at his expense.

You took a deep breath. The darkness in his living room seemed to press into you and you wondered if you should turn on one of his lamps before you spoke or if your brain gave you this idea just to stall the inevitable. As if reading your mind, Namjoon turned on the lamp on one of his side tables and gestured for you to do the same to the one one your side of the couch.

You were wrong, the light made it worse. Now you could see the redness in his earth toned eyes and the fear that hid in plain sight. It also let you see how handsome he was, as if you needed reminding. The lights made the shadows define his features even further. This was just a reminder of what you could never have.

You took a gulp of air, then forced yourself to meet his eyes. He deserved a decent goodbye. A proper one.

“Namjoon I-” but what was to follow those words?

I can’t see you anymore? We can’t be friends from now on? Minhyeok doesn’t think it would be a good idea to see each other anymore?

None of those options felt right. There was a burning desire to follow those words with the real truth, the real reason you could no longer see him.

Namjoon, I’m in love with you.

But what good would that do at this point? He didn’t feel the same way and even if by some miracle he did, it was too late.

“Y/N,” he began, seeing as you didn’t have any intentions of continuing your sentence. Mentally, you thanked him for the save, but something in his posture told you that the danger was not yet over. Not even close.

“I think we should take a break… maybe put a little distance between us… until your wedding.”

And there it was. Out in the open were the words that you were far too scared to speak. Of course he had known what you didn’t want to say. He always knew. It didn’t make it any easier though.

Your chest felt like someone was stepping on it. You could feel him trying to pull his hands from yours but you refused to let go. It felt too real. It felt like the distance wouldn’t be temporary and the marriage would be a mistake. This was a mistake. This was a huge mistake.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered through closed vision, “This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. This was never what I wanted.”

“I know.” “No you don’t,” you sobbed, letting your head fall to your chest, “How could you know? How could you know…”

Namjoon fought back his own emotions with as much resolve as he could. He plastered a fake smile on his lips. A smile that he hoped would convince not only you but himself that he truly just wanted what was best for you and he didn’t care what that meant for him.

“I know because I wanted it too.”

It was as close to a confession as he could get. He couldn’t force himself to say the eight letters that would potentially change things between you even if it was the last time he ever spoke to you. He’d lived without you before, he would learn to do so again.

But then you were looking up at him and he could see that you understood plain as day through silver tears.

“You… you did?”

Did. Did what? Did he want your friendship of many years to end this way? No, of course not. Did he want you to be happy? Yes. Did he want to be by your side and be a part of that happiness? Ideally yes. But were those the questions you were asking? He couldn’t be sure and yet, he could hope.

You waited with baited breath for him to answer. To clarify.

Say it. You begged in your head. Say it and I’m yours. I’ll leave him. Just say it.

But all that Namjoon could do was look at your face, trying to remember every detail. He wished he was talented at painting or drawing so that he could draw you over and over to fill the inevitable void that you were already wedging in his heart. One that he knew would never be full again.

He found himself leaning closer to try to see clearer. His contacts were a little too dry and you were a little too far and the light a little too dark for him to soak up the details he so loved. The mole on your cheek next to your nose, the wrinkle between your eyebrows that appeared far too much since you had started to date Minhyeok, the scar on your forehead from one thing or another that happened in your childhood. All would be missed. He just needed to touch them one last time.

Instinctively, he reached out to do just that, his left hand once again cupping your cheek and his thumb smoothing across the divots and texture that you had always found so abhorrent all the way to the near edge of your nose where he found the spot he would so love to kiss. A desire that he would never more get to entertain.

He scooched closer to you so could breathe in the familiar scent of coconut and something flowery and sweet mixed with the irresistible vanilla of your perfume. His scent, something like buttery roses, soap and cedar filled your own head up with the feeling of Sunday mornings in a log cabin on a rainy day after a particularly good night of loving.

Your legs met in the middle of the love seat, one of his the one on the inside, bent so he could face you, and both of yours were crossed together like a pretzel. The texture of his sweats felt like silk on your bare legs and the heat from his body caressed your exposed skin. It was like he was hugging you before touching you and suddenly all you could think of was what his skin would feel like against yours with no barrier between.

He leaned closer. Namjoon knew he should stop. You had just told him that you were engaged and he’d just told you that there needed to be space between the two of you, but this was the complete opposite of both of those things.

Closer his lips came to yours, your wet cheeks never a deterrent for him, but when he was only a hair's breadth away, he paused. He couldn’t do it and he knew that neither could you. So he froze on the spot and just waited, breathing in your air and wishing that he had fessed up sooner and that he wasn’t the coward he now thought himself to be.

His eyes, which had fluttered almost entirely shut, now did the opposite. From this close up, he could see every inch of you doused in the yellow lights. You looked like an angel sent from somewhere surreal and ethereal. Your frown, pulled at the corners and a perfect peach, called to him. He wished could fix every problem, every issue. He wished he could somehow snap his fingers and erase your pain. But that was not his place. You were strong and independent. He would not- could not- disrespect you by trying to save you in some misogynistic show of power. This was up to you. You made your choices and he trusted that you knew whether they were the right ones or not.

And yet he did not have the strength to pull away from you. He couldn’t pull back now that he’d come so far. He begged you to do it for him. He begged for you to push him off and berate him for even trying to kiss you. He wanted you to stand, maybe slap him and walk away, severing the friendship that he had already tried to cut but failed.

Instead, he saw you open your doe eyes, scared and caught. He watched the fear turn into sadness and confusion. He watched the sparkle of hope fizzle and then die. And then he felt himself shrivel up and die too.

“Joon,” you whispered, your breath smelled of cherry and mint. A flavor he couldn’t quite wrap his head around but you seemed to like in chapsticks.

“Y/N?”

His lips brushed yours as he spoke. Sparks flew across his vision and his dead heart suddenly beat back to life with a ferver never before seen. Would one kiss really be all that bad?

“We can’t.”

And you were right. It broke you to say it since you had practically begged for just this moment for so many years but not now. Not when you were freshly engaged and you couldn’t tell if he was kissing you out of pity or because he wanted to. Even if you asked, you weren’t sure if you could believe him.

“I know.” Was all he said, letting out a held breath that tickled your lips and nose. God it was so tempting to just cross the final distance and kiss him.

He was so beautiful in the dim lighting. You could almost picture him in with candles lit instead of the lamps, maybe with his shirt off, maybe in a bathtub, maybe with you in it as well. The possibilities of which none were explored suddenly felt like lost opportunities and wasted moments. The weight on both yours and his shoulders held massive. A line had been drawn that neither of you were willing to cross but willed the other to breach in each other’s stead.

Alas, when the minute mark passed and no movement came from either of you, Namjoon forced himself back, just a fraction, and dropped his hand to his lap.

Still in each other’s space, you connected your eyes to his once more. You should leave. It was the only option left. But somehow, you knew once you did, it was for good.

“I wanted to, though.” You whispered, hoping that that was enough.

It wasn’t.

“I know.”

I know. Was that all he knew to say? I know. Yeah great he knew but did he really? Did he know how torn up you were just sitting before him with your heart on your sleeve and all he could say was that he knew? No. You wanted him to yell at you. You wanted him to scream and cry and kick you out of his house. You wanted him to give you a reason to trust your finacé. You wanted him to say that all he had ever seen in you was sex or that he only ever used you as an emotional dump. This was too hard, too unfair.

“Can’t you say anything else?”

“What?” His voice was louder, taken aback. His half moon eyes were wide, still red, and confused.

“I know,” you mimicked, “I know, I know, I know! Yeah, Of course you fucking know. We all know. We all know that I’ve been in love with you for years and you never gave me the time of day.We all knew that you didn’t feel it and it's cruel to pretend that you do now. Just tell me that you never loved me Joon. Just tell me to leave. I need to hear it because you give me these mixed signals and I just can’t take it anymore!”

You stood up, turned away from him and crossed your arms. You were so angry that the traces of hot tears were not cold to your burning skin. You were fuming. If you were a cartoon, steam would be coming out of your ears.

The sudden change in atmosphere took Namjoon by surprise. From a breath of a kiss to an ocean between you seemed a bit extreme but Namjoon, even in his shock, could understand what you meant because he had prayed for the same thing earlier. What he didn’t expect was for you to admit to him what he had suspected but convinced himself could not be reality.

“I didn’t know,” and maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say because knowing you, you would take his statement as sass or sarcasm, but he couldn’t help but smile lightly as you turned hotly towards him. You stopped over to his towering body, his arm now crossed confidently over his broad chest over the baggy shirt he’d opted for that day.

There was fire in your gaze and tension in your jaw. Your lips were set in a snarl, the one you thought was scary but only made him want to kiss you more than he’d ever wanted to before. Your hands were fisted together and he could make them out only slightly under your oversized sweater. The likes of which you had worn more and more to hide your body out of “respect” for your boyfriend even though you had always been confident and liked to show off your curves.

“Are you fucking kidding me Namjoon? What the hell do you mean you didn’t know? What don’t you know with that big ass brain of yours?”

Namjoon felt a tear roll down his cheek, but it wasn’t sadness he was feeling nor was it fear or anger, he was happy. So freaking happy. He couldn’t remember the last time that he cried out of pure joy. Suddenly, all of the obstacles seemed null and void and he had tunnel vision. The halo of baby hairs around your head caught the light of the lamps and made you look like you were wearing a crown. You were a goddess. You were his. You would always be his and you were right there. All he had to do was take you. Say yes.

“I didn’t know, Y/N.” he chuckled letting the tears stream freely, now void of all embarrassment, “I didn’t know, in my big ass brain, that you actually loved me back.”

“How could you not-wait what?” The anger, so vivid and red, fueled and roaring for you to scream at him and say he had a big head to hold his big dumb brain suddenly was doused with a wave of cool blue water.

“Did you not hear me? I said that I didn’t know.” And his smile was wide now, his nose a little runny and the tension in his muscles relaxed as he watched your face contort.

“You didn’t?”

He took another step closer to you, his happiness felt like it was coming off in waves, like the sun hitting your skin but without the dangers of UV rays or your worry about sunscreen. You felt weak. Your legs felt like jelly. Had you heard correctly? Were you going deaf?

“I didn’t. But-uh…” he hissed and scratched the back of his head, “I know now.” He was leaning down towards you. You were so close that you were looking almost straight up at him. Your neck would hurt if you stayed like this too long and his would get knots, you just knew it but neither of you were thinking clearly.

Namjoon, cautious as ever, loosely, almost not even touching, wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you closer. His big hand was splayed on your upper back. You held both of yours up to keep yourself from stumbling into him or hitting your head against him. Both of your centers were flush together, your legs separated only slightly, and your upper bodies held apart by just your arms.

“Yeah… now you know.”

And then there was science in which the only sounds were of the buzzing electricity and your shared breaths. Your mind was blank save for the recurring instruction to inhale then to exhale. Your eyes explored Namjoon’s face. From this close, you could see all of the imperfections of his skin and the moles you’d long admired. The one under his lip in particular made you falter.

You gazed up at him for a split second then back to the mole. Eyes locked, you leaned forward intent on giving it a peck. Your ears began to burn, your body- to heat up, and you realized that Namjoon was leaning down to meet you as you reached up.

Namjoon couldn’t function. The gears in his head had stopped working the moment you body hit his. Worming a hand into your hair, he helped to guide your head closer to his. You shut down the thoughts that kept popping up saying that this was a bad idea. You forced yourself to focus on the moment. This was everything you had ever wanted. This was what you had been waiting for for your whole life.

And then his lips brushed against yours, his warm breath coming out shaky onto your face. He was nervous. This was enough to tell. Namjoon was nervous to kiss you. It brought a smug smile to your lips as you closed the remaining distance.

Then it was dark. Eyes closed, lips sealed on each other and breaths hitched on the fear of taking things a step too far, the world stopped then just as suddenly exploded into being and color.

Where before the world was dull and grey, now there was an abundance of color and saturation that made both you and Namjoon gasp in shock. Your lips tingled and Namjoon’s skin prickled with goosebumps. Slowly, you kissed each other. Slowly, your bodies seemed to merge into something more, something together and whole and one. And then slowly, you both knew that this was the only right in a world of many wrongs.

Your bodies worked on instinct, lips dancing in the semi darkness with a tenderness that you had never been shown. Wave after wave of energy seemed to pile in your chest begging for release.

Namjoon let the hand on your back open as much as he could so he could hold as much of you as possible. He pressed your chest into his, seeking depth in your lips with his tongue running over the bottom one. The stars and universe seemed to realign with your bodies, connecting for the first time in a way less than platonic.

I love you. Your mind whispered somewhere in the dark void of your mind. I love you. Louder. I love you, I love you. You wanted to say it a million times. You wanted to kiss every square inch of his face and compliment every cell in his body. You wanted to taste his mouth and whisper the confessions you had never had the courage to confess before.

Namjoon’s smile was painful. Your hands came up to his neck, one hand cupping his cheek opposite of the one in your hair, the other one was on his neck. Chills ran down his spine and his muscles tensed. Your fingers on his neck drew small circles as your tongue met his and it was over. Blood rushed to his neck and cheeks and suddenly he was hot. So hot. The apartment had been pretty cool, set to a nice and pleasant 74 degrees, but now he was burning.

The tenderness of our tongue in his mouth made him feel like he was on fire. So warm that it almost burned his skin and he could feel himself begin to sweat as his heart pumped faster and faster.

Breaking the kiss, he gulped in air, completely breathless and excited in more than one way. He opened his eyes to your gasping just as he had, your lips slightly swollen and your hair where his hand was holding you firmly a slight bit frizzy and disheveled. But it was not enough.

Namjoon wanted to smear the lipstick on your lips all over your face and have your sweat soaked body under his, writhing with pleasure and his name falling from your lips. Namjoon was thirsty. He was hungry and you were looking like a full meal to his deep brown eyes.

Without waiting for you to speak, he leaned down and wrapped your exposed legs around his waist, crossing your heels behind him. You squawked unattractively and wrapped your arms around his neck to hold yourself up.

“If you want me to put you down or you want to leave, say it now because I don’t think I could take it if I took you to my room and you wanted to leave then.”

He said it with the smile still firmly on his lips, not a hint of doubt in his eyes. You giggled and buried your face into the crook of his neck where another of the moles you had always dreamed of kissing lay. Planting the smallest one you could muster, you were rewarder with a deep sigh that turned into a near moan.

“Ooo, I get to go into your room?”

Namjoon chuckled, walking towards the hallway that led to where he slept with what seemed like all the time in the world.

“You do. You haven’t been in there in a while right, Y/N?”

“Yeah,” you agreed, peppering kisses against the tendon in his neck and holding back the instinct to bite it. Namjoon’s hands were firmly on your thigh, making sure he wasn’t crossing any lines that you hadn’t explicitly told him he could, though a part of you wished that he would just throw caution to the wind and touch you.

“It hasn’t changed much since the last time you saw it.” He was at the door now and there was a tension now that you were at the precipice of the forbidden space. The place you had marked as crossing a line when you had gotten into a relationship was right at your back and by the slight tightening of Namjoon’s fingers on your bare flesh, he remembered that line as well.

“Last chance to back out,” he whispered, the fear that had dissipated was now dripping from his voice. There was no coming back from this now. If you let Namjoon walk you into that room, you were coming out and ending everything with Minhyeok.

Then it was all crystal clear. You pictured yourself waking up the next morning in Namjoon’s arms. You imagined what it would be like to date him, to hold his hand and to be held when you got home from work. You saw your whole future laid out before you. The love, the wedding, the family… and it was the easiest choice you had ever made.

“Take me in, Joon.”

His shoulders relaxed, his heart skipped a beat. Namjoon kicked his door open with as much care as he could spare before he basically jumped across the line that separated the room from the rest of the house. You were in his room and he had just kissed you and told you he was in love with you and you had kissed him back.

Namjoon was on top of the world. But he couldn’t wait to be on top of you, or to have you on top of him;he wasn’t picky.

You pulled back so you could see him, a soft smile on your face as you nuzzled your nose with his. Namjoon sighed again. It was like he was so happy that his body wouldn’t contain it all. He wanted to show you or scream at you or eat you up. He wanted his happiness to be seen by the world.

Fuck, he wanted you. He pecked your lips before you could pull away once then you pulled him back in for another quick kiss by the back of the head. He kissed you once more, pushing his lips against yours playfully trying to make it loud and obnoxious.

You laughed as he leaned down, your body coming with him until you were 90 degrees tipped back. You held onto his head for dear life and tightened your thighs around him.

“Joon I’m gonna fall,” you mumbled against him. Being the jerk he was, he let go of your legs. Your body fell from his, a bit of shock ran through you before your body bounced off his mattress.

“Asshole! I thought you dropped me on the floor!”

Namjoon leaned down over you, standing between your legs and holding his weight on his hands, which rested on either side of your chest. You scratched his hair the way you knew he liked. His eyes nearly rolled back into his head and something like a growl left his throat.

“I would never!” He argued.

“Yeah right. Remember that time when you said you could squat me and you refused to properly grab me so I ended up with the wind knocked out of me?”

“That was an accident.”

You laughed softly, “Uh Huh sure.”

Namjoon scrunched his nose, then leaned down to bite your cheek playfully.

“I would never drop you like that on purpose.” He clarified.

The air stilled when his beaming eyes met yours and you felt yourself become almost as breathless as you had then.

“I know.”

Namjoon didn’t answer. Instead he leaned down and kissed your pretty lips again. It started slow and sweet. The playfulness of the friendship you both shared seeped into it, but then he leaned down onto his forearms and his hips nuzzled into your partially clothed core.

He must have felt the shift too because he bit down on your upper lip and suckked it into his mouth. You moaned, then promptly regretted it. This was Namjoon, your best friend. It was weird to actually moan in his presence even though you had previously moaned his name when you were alone in your room.

Namjoon felt all the blood in his brain drain into his dick. He could feel your warmth radiate through his sweats and your underwear. The skirt you were wearing was no obstacle for the position you were in. He needed more. He wanted you to moan so loud that you were horse the next day.

When your mouth fell open, he took it as an invitation to continue where you had stopped in the living room. His tongue massaged yours in sensuous strokes. He pressed his middle to yours, hoping he wasn’t over stepping. You wrapped your legs around him and pulled him closer.

Namjoon understood instantly. He ground his hips into yours in circles. His member was rock hard and ready to come out but he knew he needed to take some extra time with you. If he remembered correctly, you had once mentioned how men never seemed to take the proper time for foreplay. He would not be one of those guys.

He rolled his hips into you again and you groaned into his mouth. Fuck. How was he supposed to hold off? No wonder men never took their time. The noises that you were making were sinful.

“Y/N,” he groaned, kissing your jaw then sucking a bruise into your neck, “tell me what you want from me, baby.”

You couldn’t think. What did you want from him? You wanted him. That much was clear. You wanted his fingers all over you. Those delectable, long… thick… fingers… you wanted… you wanted him… you wanted him in...

“Fuck, Joonie,” you gasped, pushing him off slightly so you could clear your head, “how am i supposed to think when you’re distracting me?”

Namjoon chuckled into the place where your neck met your collar bone. He nibbled on the skin but then brought his face up to yours so you knew you had all his attention.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be, just…” you swallowed the excess saliva in your mouth, “anything. Whatever you want to do, I want it too.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes. Typical of you not to say exactly what you wanted. Typical that you left it up to him. You always let him choose, always put him first. Namjoon knew better. This time, it was about you.

“You are so predictable, sweet thing,” he winked as he shifted so that he could hold himself up on one arm. His long fingers grabbed onto your upper thigh and slid down your leg. Namjoon marveled at how soft your skin was before he got to your ankle… God your ankles… but that was for another time… and pushed it to the side so your legs were now open enough for him to get between with his arm.

Namjoon looked down and pushed the fabric of the skirt up to reveal a pair of sinfully innocent seamless underwear. Almost perfectly innocent. Because they were wet. Already, the fabric on top of your lips was dark and it took everything in him not to lean down and kiss the spot and lick it clean.

Instead, he dipped his index finger under the seam and lifted it up so he could get his hand in. It was a mistake. You were soaking wet. So wet that he barely had to touch your lips to pick up your sticky arousal.

The moan that escaped his lips was embarrassing. You weren’t even touching him and already he was ready to spill his seed into his sweats.

“You’re wet,” he said dumbly, but for once in your friendship, you didn’t comment. Instead, your hands were covering your face as Namjoon wiggled his fingers around trying to collect as much of your juices as he could.

“No shit sherlock.” Namjoon had known it was too good to be true. He wasn’t offended, and he didn’t fire back. With all the subtlety of a bull, Namjoon nudged a finger between your folds and began to search for your magic button.

You gasped but Namjoon was not going to let you hide from him. With his free hand, he pulled at your wrists so he could see your face contort.

“Let me look at you.” It wasn’t a command, it was a request but you pulled your hands away so fast he would have almost sworn he’d forced you.

“Hey,” he whispered, worried but still looking for your clitoris below, “look at me, Y/N.” He held your chin as your eyes opened and you bit your lip.

“Let me know if you’re uncomfortable. We can take this slow, baby. I won’t get hurt.”

“Namjoon,” his name was tight in your throat and your eyes widened as Namjoon felt his fingers roll over a nub between your lower lips, “I- I want you to..”

“You want me to what?” He asked you, enjoying the way your body twitched as he rubbed circles into your sensitive area. His lips quirked.

“I want you to fuck me.” You whispered so low that he almost missed it. For what felt like the millionth time that night, his brain stopped working but his hands seemed to know exactly what to do.

He switched his index finger for his thumb and roughly plunged the index into your pulsating hole. Your eyes were so wide that he wondered if they would pop out.

“Namjoon,” you moaned, the sound deep and thick with arousal.

“I’m gonna fuck a baby into you,” he heard himself say, “I’m going to fuck you so good that no one will ever be able to fuck you again.”

“Please,” you begged, completely serious. His promises of a good time made more arousal ooze out of you.

“You’re so tight, baby. So wet for me… I want to be inside you.”

Namjoon kissed your nose then your cheek and pushed another finger into your needy hole.

“I want your walls to mold onto my cock. I want to make love to you, Y/N. Will you let me? Can I make love to you?” He curled his fingers up into the spongy part of you, making your whole body tense.

“Yes.” The word had barely left your lips before he’d ripped his fingers off you and yanked your panties off. The cool air of the room hit your naked lips as a shiver ran through your body.

Namjoon stood to his full height. His shoulders were so broad and his chest thick and built. You could tell through the baggy shirt that he grabbed from a corner and yanked off. The muscles in his body had been toned. You knew he was working out but shit this was something else. Knowing something and seeing it was something else entirely. He had a toned abdomen with the tiniest bit of pudge by his belly button and the waistband of his sweats. His arms looked so strong.

Without really thinking, you sat up and pulled your sweater over your head, leaving you in your completely unsexy bra and your skirt. Namjoon licked his lips before he stuck the two fingers that had been in you into his mouth and sucked and licked all the arousal off them. You watched him with your heartbeat rising. You could feel it pulsing in your core.

“Fuck you’re delicious, Y/N.”

You knew you probably already looked fuck out of this world. The fact that you were in the position you were in with Namjoon was enough to make you want to squirt all over his sheets.

“Take off the rest of your clothes, baby. Let me see you.”

You didn’t hesitate. You pulled your skirt down your legs and tossed it somewhere in the room. You unclasped your bra as he pulled his sweats and underwear off with one motion and stepped out of them. When he looked up, you were naked. Your bra was gone and your legs were bent at the knee and open so he could see everything.

He could get on his knees right then and spend an eternity just eating your pussy out, but his dick twitched between his legs and he couldn’t help but selfishly want to bury himself deep within you. These urges could wait for a later time couldn’t they?

With surprising difficulty, Namjoon pulled his eyes up from your dripping slits, because they were dripping, coated with clear arousal that was begging him almost as much as he was begging you to be laved at with his whole mouth, and looked at your naked torso. YOur skin was flushed and slightly damp. Your chest was heaving up and down, your breasts spread to give him a clear view of where his face belonged.

You curled a finger at him, gesturing for him to come over as you pushed yourself back against the pillows. Namjoon, entranced, hypnotized, enamoured like he was, hopped into bed like an over excited puppy and crawled between your legs. You shook your head at him as you grabbed his and brought his lips to yours. They met in a sensual, now less urgent but just as passionate kiss that erupted behind your closed eyelids in the form of fireworks and confetti. It had been so long that you’d hoped for him. That you had wanted him. It had been so long that you dreamed of him here, loving you in the way you wanted to be loved. Still his breaths were heavy and short, like he was trying to calm himself but couldn’t quite do it. It made your heart sing.

Slowly he ran his hands up and down the side of your body, almost as if he was scared to fully touch what he’d never once believed he would get but then his finger tips grazed your obliques and it was like the missing puzzle piece clicked into place. Your skin was silky smooth and soft to the touch. He really could get off on just how nice it was to touch your skin. ALready he knew that he’d have dreams about how smooth to the touch it felt to have you in his hands. You kissed him lovingly still, enjoying how carefully he explored your body and feeling completely worshiped underneath him as you had imagined it would be. Your hands ran down onto his chest feeling his every muscle. The expanse of lean meat above you made you swallow hard. Finally you got to see the culmination of his hard work. The chest, the toned and delectable chest you expected, but what you hadn’t expected was the glimpse of his oblique muscles and the four pack and start of six he had. With your lips still connected to his, you touched every inch of him you could without venturing too low.

Namjoon let his hand cross over your stomach and make its way up to your boobs, cupping the mounds under for a second, gauging how big they were in his large palms and smiling as he ventured further up. He pinched one of your nipples between two fingers and rubbed the other in circles with his palm. You groaned into the kiss and smiled as you felt his own smile come back. There was something so sweet about it all. So tentative and new that it felt like your first time all over again. It felt special unlike anything that had ever been before. This felt like the true start of something completely new and pure. Something right.

Namjoon bit your lip, a chuckle escaping his throat as you moaned into the damp cavern of his mouth.

“You’re so cocky, dude.” You said between kisses on your cheeks and jaw.

“Wanna see just how cocky I am?”

Yes. Yes you did, the member between his legs and now inevitably between yours was hot against your inner thighs and you wanted nothing more than to feel just how big it was, but the contrarian in you wanted to argue and give him a hard time. That is, until you felt one of his and leave your sensitive nipples and reach between you only to then run his tip up and down your slits.

He was big. Thick. He was probably somewhere about average in length, maybe slightly bigger, but he was thick. Your hand found its way between your bodies and fought his off to position itself around his shaft. Namjoon’s breath caught as he felt your long, warm fingers run up and down his dick using the tip to pleasure yourself. A fucking day dream. That’s what you were.

God, how did he get here? What had he done to deserve this reward? He licked into your mouth with renewed vigor and pinched and touched the nipple still in his hands as if his life depended on you getting off because in that moment, to Namjoon, it did.

“Joon,” you groaned as your orgasm began to build from the multiple points of contact, “Please…”

You didn’t have to finish. He knew what you wanted. He reached down and helped guide your hand down wrapping his around yours. His other hand held onto your hip to keep you at the right position. His tip felt every crevice of your folds before it caught slightly on the hole between your legs. It pulse excitedly, ready to welcome him in. It was slick with your juices. So slippery that Namjoon found it hard to keep his tip in position.

Namjoon looked up at you with nothing but care and love present in his eyes. There was lust in the back, held together by the ounce of self control he seemed to have. You could tell he wanted to fuck you into the matress but was holding back. Conflicted, you played with the idea in your head. As much as you wanted him to be rough, this was your first time together. It would be nice if he took his time. You wanted to feel him inside you and you wanted to remember it. At the same time, you wanted to see what sort of animal hid behind his calm exterior.

“Ready?” He asked, pulling you back into the moment, so defused and hazy by the sheer affection that radiated from both of your bodies.

You nodded. Ready was an understatement. You needed him inside you. You wanted him.

Then he was pushing into you and your world went white. He pushed all the way in with so much tenderness that you almost didn’t know how to react. Impulsively, you squeezed him as he went. He groaned, stopping every time you did that. His hand on your hip was squeezing bruises that you would cherish the next day. You kiss his chin, his lips, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead. You kiss everything within reach, and when he brought a hand up to cup your face, you kissed that too, holding it against your burning skin only to have him grab your finger and kiss your knuckles, eyes connected.

You could truly die then. You feel so complete and happy. Completely unbothered by the mess you were creating by giving yourself this one selfish act. It could wait for later. In this moment, you were Namjoon’s and he was yours and that’s all that mattered.

He bottomed out, his balls tapping your ass. It was then that you noticed that he hurt a little. He was so wide that your opening wasn’t used to it and his fingers, while big were no match for his girth.

“Fuck,” you whined, the pain bulding in your throat slightly. There were tears in your eyes. Namjoon began to panic.

“Y/N,” he paused, looking as the tears ran down your cheeks like they had a bit ago, “I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you? Do you want me to pull out-” “No.” You said firmly. Resolute. You would get used to it. You were sure. You just needed-

“A minute. Just give me… a minute.”

Namjoon, bless his heart, nodded, holding himself up with one arm. The hand on your face wiped the tears off as quickly as they came. He peppered kisses on your shoulders, never once pressuring you. He had half a mind to force you to stop if this is how badly he was making you feel.

“Move.” The command came out of nowhere and Namjoon was nowhere near ready for it. Your heart was racing. Your blood pumped through your body a mile a minute and suddenly, the pain was gone, well mostly. Blinding desire coursed through you as he stood still.

You couldn’t take it. You wanted him to fuck you. You wanted him to make it hard to walk. You wanted the pain. Ironically.

“Namjoon honey,” you started when he still hadn’t moved at all, too shocked to process your order. Your voice was thin and almost a whisper from how good he was stretching you. He looked up, a drop of sweat falling from his forehead.

“Yes?”

“Please baby… I want you to fuck me. I can take it.”

It was like a switch was flicked somewhere in his brain. His cock twitched inside you, your walls squeezed back in reassurance as he fixed his position over you. Namjoon brought a hand up and wrapped it around your neck, a kink you had told him about a long time ago when you were drunk and made him swear he would never bring up again after he had spent a good twenty minutes making fun of you, but now… you were thanking your past self for revealing this secret.

He pulled out slowly, like he was going to ignore your request, but then, he plunged in. His hips hit yours so hard you were sure it would bruise. A strangle moan was ripped from your throat. His fingers tightened slightly around your neck. He could feel your pulse against his thumb.There was something intoxicating about the power you had entrusted him. Fuck this was so hot. He’d dreamed of having you like this and now here he was fucking into you like there was no tomorrow. He pulled out again, slow as a turtle then thrust in at lightning speed. You choked on your spit, and his hand around your neck. The sound of his skin slapping yours made his cock quake as he rammed in harder, harder, harder. The squelching from your core only served to push him further. He wondered if you would let him record so he could have just the sounds of his cock in your pussy on a playlist. A thought for another time.

Stolen prayers of his name left your lips every time he stopped kissing you. Weak and fucked out and so incredibly sexy that he thought he must be dreaming. You were so perfect.

“Your pussy takes me so good, baby.”

“Fuck… Joon, I'm close.” And for once in your life, you were not lying. You reached down and rubbed tight circles into your clit as he continued his ruthless pace.

“Cum for me baby… I’m close too.”

“Call me baby,” you begged. The name felt like heaven on your ears from his deep voice.

“Baby,” he growled, “Baby you’re so tight and- wet.”

“Fuck, Joonie… I’m gonna-” You kept your pace steady as Namjoon pumped into you, his thick mushroom head hitting your gspot almost every time he pushed in. The coil in your stomach tightened. Harder, harder… Harder still.

“Come on baby. I want to feel that pussy squeeze around me.”

“I’m-” It was a culmination of his thrusts, your circles, and the dirty talk that finally got you there.

The rubber band that had built in your stomach snapped. You tumbled over the edge. Your body twitched as Namjoon kept fucking you through the orgasm. Namjoon watched as his dick disappeared into your even tighter hole. It squeezed around his rock hard erection.

“Fuck- Y/N… where do- where do you want me?” He asked as your walls spasmed around him, your arousal coating him from head to base.

“Inside- cum inside.”

He didn’t have to be told twice though he probably should have thought better of it. Namjoon pumped into you as overstimulation took over and your walls milked him. Your body twitched as he doubled down, chasing his own finish. You moaned into his ear, listing to the hard slaps of his hips on yours. You chanted his name like a mantra.

“Mine,” he growled so low that you almost weren’t sure that you heard him correctly.

“You-yours?” You asked, scared you had overstepped.

“That’s right. All mine. Just mine. My Y/N.”

His. It was all you ever wanted to be. His. And now you were. You were-

“Yours.” You confirmed, “all for you Joonie.”

Namjoon felt his hips stutter and then he stilled and he was cuming. He squirted into you thick ropes of cum that made you feel even more turned on even though you had just orgasmed. Namjoon moaned your name into your ear along with whispered confessions of love and happiness that had you feeling as if you had finished twice.

“Fuck…” he panted as his arms gave out. He let go of your neck and let his body fall on top of yours. His weight wasn’t unbearable. In fact you enjoyed the way that his body curled into yours like a puppy curling up with its person. You held him close, letting him mold himself onto you. Namjoon’s heaving body flush against your naked one felt like it was exactly where it was supposed to be.

You breathed in tandem with him, his head on your chest. Namjoon listened to your heart beat against your sternum, realizing that that heart, the heart he’d longed for, finally beat for him. And maybe it had beat for him all this time.

He kissed the place where your heart would be over your breast. A gesture that made said heart skip a beat. Tenderly, you pushed his sweaty hair off his face and watched as his lips curled up, satisfied with a job well done. Namjoon looked up at you, a soft smile on his plush lips. You could see nothing but pure joy and your own reflection shown back in his boba eyes.

“I love you,” he said, no shame about it at all. He knew things were still not perfect. He knew that you still had a fiancé and that things would only be difficult after you left the comfort of his bed. Namjoon felt himself deflate only slightly. He would be there for you. You knew that too. But the reality of your situation had suddenly crashed into his brain and he wasn’t totally sure how to progress from here. Neither of you had ever been homewreckers, nor had either of you cheated on a partner before.

Guilt pushed some of the happiness from your chest. You didn’t know how you would survive the next couple of days. You would break things off with Minhyeok. You would tell him that he was right. You couldn’t have him and Namjoon and the reality was… you had chosen Namjoon. You were always going to choose him. Like a hammer breaking glass, the safety you had created only minutes before seemed to break.

“I love you too,” you said, kissing his sweaty forehead. You would deal with it one step at a time. You knew you wouldn’t be alone and that was enough to get your heart to calm slightly.

There was silence again in which both of you wondered what the future held. Coming to the same conclusion, you knew that whatever came, you were just glad that you finally had each other.

“I know.” Namjoon whispered, kissing your chest again and nuzzling into you while also shifting some of his weight off so as not to crush you.

“Stay for the night?”