#rm angst

-> Review: When I tell you this fic left me speechless, I’m not joking. Part of it was my own fault because I didn’t read the warnings (don’t make that mistake, please read them lol), so getting to the ending was... woah. I had no words. It’s an android fic (oh yeah), and what really stood out to me was how the author describes Nam’s abilities. Most of the time, stories like this are told from reader’s perspective, so that side of things doesn’t get explored much, but here we get a much better understanding of how Nam functions as an android (like being able to see through walls or sense your heartbeat and body heat—I absolutely loved those details). To be honest, I was completely charmed by the first-half version of Nam before we ventured into... yandere territory (yes, it’s yandere—that was the part I accidentally skipped over lmao). That being said, it’s incredibly well written, the smut is on point, and the ending is perfect for the kind of story that slowly takes shape as it progresses. Perfect if you’re looking for something with halloween vibes.

WHAT'S YOUR MOTIVE? by @n9mgi

-> Summary: In the bustling scene of new york city in the early 2000s, a guarded girl who’s spent her life learning not to trust anyone, crosses paths with a rising underground rapper who’s used to getting everything he wants—until her.

-> Review: This fic is set in the early 2000s, and honestly, isn’t that reason enough to read it? Because it definitely was for me. Nam as an underground rapper just makes so much sense, and in that era... it’s simply perfect. The pacing of the story is incredible, the tension between the two characters is chef’s kiss, and the smut? I’m usually not that into dirty talk... but here it feels UGHHH, absolutely perfect.

DIMPLES by @milk-moonbunnies

-> Summary: The one where Namjoon is trying to show he's down bad for you

-> Review: OMG, GUYS, GUYS, THIS ONE?? I LOVE THIS ONE UGHH 😭 It’s so cute, so perfect, so soft. Popular Nam + plus-size reader? Absolute gold. On top of that, he’s so sweet and caring and ughh, I love him. This is the kind of comfort fic I’d curl up with on a cloudy afternoon when I’m feeling a little down and just want to escape into a character like Nam. You absolutely need to go read it. Trust me, you’re going to love it.

STREET THING by @/n9mgi

-> Summary: On the side of a sunburnt los angeles road, you with a broken down car meet a man you can't stop thinking about. he's older, composed, impossibly charming, and far too experienced to be looking at you the way he does. you're used to immature love that never knew how to hold you properly. but with him, everything is different.

-> Review: I think you’re starting to see a pattern here... BUT I CAN’T HELP IT. CHI KNOWS EXACTLY HOW TO WRITE A NAM FIC WITH SMUT (and she absolutely nails 2000s aus, which just so happens to be my ultimate weakness, so there was no way this wasn’t going to make the list). We’ve got an age gap, we’ve got dom!Joonie, and OBVIOUSLY we’ve got exquisite tension between the characters, because Chi really knows how to write chemistry and build anticipation between two people.

TRY AGAIN by @bangtanfancamp

-> Summary: Got guy trouble? Of course your best friend Namjoon is the perfect person to talk to about it. It just ... doesn’t go at all how you expect it to. Maybe that isn’t the worst thing though.

-> Review: If there’s one thing that always gets me, it’s slice-of-life fics. They’re sweet, they’re soft, they feel warm no matter what’s happening —whether it’s something good or something painful— and this one? This one is the perfect example of that. It’s a fic with smut (duh), but it still manages to feel gentle and comforting, and I think a lot of that comes from the fact that it has the best friends-to-lovers trope... and honestly, there’s nothing sweeter than that. It’s a little old (dude, I can’t believe 2021 was five years ago???), but it’s absolutely worth reading <3

BOTHERED by @lavienjin

-> Summary: Namjoon has tried so hard to bury his attraction for you, especially upon discovering that his youngest brother feels the same way. but you just had to make it difficult by showing up in a dress much too short and tight for your figure as you innocently beg for him to lend his body for practice.

-> Review: Imagining Nam as an architect was not on my bingo card for any year, but it was definitely something I needed to read. I have to admit, one of my favorite parts of this fic is the way Nam ‘struggles’ with his desire to be with oc because, oh! Surprise, his brother is completely smitten with her too... but of course, temptation and desire win out in the end lol. It’s a really good fic, and you should definitely give it a chance. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.

RIGHT PERSON, WRONG TIME by @taevescence

-> Summary: Being a woman in the legal world had never been easy—especially not in a country like South Korea. That was why you had done everything in your power to achieve your goals; you sacrificed your personal life, your health, and even the love of your life just to reach the position you held today. At least, that was what you believed until you arrived at your best friend’s wedding and came face to face once again with the only person capable of unraveling every plan you had ever made.

-> Review: (Uhm, actually this is my fic (yes, I’m self-promoting, sue me), but since there’s no way I’d write a review of my own work, I’m bringing you my bestie @thunderg opinion on the fic <3) Ok so, this fic is a masterpiece like, how can Namu be that perfect??? I love how he is so caring and understanding with Reader even when she did broke a little his heart, and the fact that she recognized that her action were not right, chef kiss, we love a self aware queen. If you want some cute fic with a bit of angst, THIS IS IT (justice for Nam people, he needs more fics, he is a cutie) When my bestie wrote this i was like a literal teenager again, giggling like a dumbass, so yeah, long live for men who yearn!!!!!!

Series:

CODE : EPITAPH by @jungkoode

-> Summary: “you wish the name Kim Namjoon didn’t make bile rise up your throat so violently. especially when 100% matches have perfect sexual compatibility—and combat pheromones don’t quite care about hatred.”

And when he told them that he didn’t have one, all they had done was stare at him with pity. As if he was missing out on this incredible thing. He had tried to explain it was a waste of time to miss something you had never had, and even though he knew he was right, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was missing out on something special. 

He didn’t mean to, but as time went on, he started to crave it, the promise of internal love, the promise of a future with someone, crave the one thing that he would never have. 

You had heard the stories from your parents and the adults around you, and the excitement up to your thirteenth birthday was so high that everyone feared it would not live up to your expectations. 

But when nothing came, and hadn’t showed up almost a year later, you had cursed the fates for not deeming you worthy of the one thing you had always dreamed about. 

You had mourned him, mourned the dreams and all that could’ve been, and then slowly moved on. But those that were closest to you could see it, there was a spark in your eyes that was gone, a lightness in your steps that had suddenly become heavy. 

Instead of dwelling on it too much, you dived head first into your work, your passion and those platonic soulmates you found along the way. 

And as they smiled and celebrated when they met their soulmates, you made sure to hide your tears of despair in the dark hours of the night. 

It was a slow Monday morning, and you managed to drag yourself out of bed into the pouring rain to get to work, completely leaving your umbrella behind in your apartment. You didn’t mind the rain, somehow it seemed to make everything slow. 

There was a beauty to it, how the droplets of water hit the pavement and pooled together, how they left the greenery in this otherwise grey city more vibrant than it had been just a few hours earlier. 

You turned your head towards the sky, hoping that it would wash away your sorrows, the loneliness, the depression that had taken root in your heart. 

Maybe all you needed was a forever rain. 

Namjoon was laying in his bed, slowly trying to rewind his mind and body after yet another tourstop, another city, another performance. 

There was this feeling in his chest, one of anxiety he had a difficult time placing, it felt almost foreign, like it wasn’t his. 

He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, something he had learned helped whenever he needed a bit of grounding, and then he felt a drop of water hitting his face. 

His eyes shot open as he stared up at the ceiling. It fell down his face as a single tear, and when he tried to whisk it away, there was nothing there. 

He slowly sat up in his bed, and then a layer, a silk sheet of emotions, wrapped around his entire body. The feeling was familiar, like something he had always carried around with him, only this time it felt as if it had been magnified. 

The feelings crept in, the sadness and anxiety, the depression and hopelessness, and they were darker than anything he himself had experienced in a very long time. 

It was devastating the feeling of isolation he had inside of him, the feeling of not belonging to anyone. 

There was no doubt, this had to be you, this had to be his soulmate. So he cried silently over the fact that he had left you, that he had given up and just accepted life without you. Had you been able to feel it? His indifference towards you? 

Or had you just assumed, like he had, that those lingering feelings that came out of the blue were just anxiety or random bursts of happiness or sadness? 

Like always he dealt with his emotions by writing it all down, and as the sun started to rise outside of his window the songs he had composed were finished. 

The first songs he had written weren't songs of love and happiness, but an acknowledgement of the pain he had caused you, that he saw the pain there, that he felt it, and that he from this moment on would help you carry it. 

The week following your rainy Monday was different, very different. It was filled with hope, excitement and nerves. It was weird because there was not anything exciting going on in your life, everything was exactly like it had always been. 

Until one afternoon; you had stretched your body, warmed your joints and were now on pointe in front of the mirror as you ran through your routine in your head. 

People were talking, exchanging words of encouragement or just straight out gossiping about something, and then a slow piano started playing somewhere in the room, accompanied by the sound of rain, and your entire world stopped. 

You felt chills running through your body as every hair stood up. A woman ran towards the sound and quickly turned it off, you made a mental note of asking her what the song was when the day was over. 

“Any luck yet?” Yoongi popped his head into Namjoon’s room. He had very impromptu dropped a mixtape in the middle of touring, surprising everyone, his members especially. 

Then he had told them all that he in fact had a mark, he just hadn’t been aware of it which had led to loud cheers and hugs, even a few happy tears from Jimin. After that they had made sure to check in on him every now and then. 

He shook his head with a somewhat sad smile. “No, not yet. So I guess it’s safe to say that she’s not army” 

His older brother nodded with tight lips. “I’m sure she’ll find it” 

The leader only shrugged. “I doubt it. At the end of the day it was a long shot” 

Namjoon stood up and grabbed his phone from the table, flipping it open and then zoning out completely. 

“What if she feels me, what if she has just chosen to ignore it, ignore me, as revenge for not feeling her all these years?” 

Yoongi slowly walked into the room. “You’ve wanted this for longer than you’ve dared to admit, haven't you?” He laid a hand on his leader's shoulder, it was a touch of both support and comfort. 

All he got in return was a small nod. 

“I’ve met very few people in my life that have been as in touch with their emotions as you. You’ve always known how to express yourself, known how to listen to what you’ve felt and rationalized those feelings, hell you’ve even acted on them when that was what was needed. I’m sure that she is similar to that, for some reason your mark just hasn't really shown up before now. That has nothing to do with you, and I’m sure as soon as she feels it, she will be as grateful as you are” 

He didn’t say it often but Namjoon had always valued the way Yoongi always knew exactly what to say, at the exact time that the people around him needed it the most. 

“Thank you hyung” 

All he got was a smile return, and he quickly followed the scarred rapper out of the room to join him and his members for dinner. 

You had gotten the song name, and were now seated in your apartment alone with your hand hovering over the play button. 

“Why am I nervous? It’s just a song” you whispered to no one. 

Your cat made a small noise in acknowledgement, and came to you, gently laying down in your lap as she started to purr, almost instantly calming your nervous system. 

Then you pressed the screen and the sound of both raindroplets and the sound of a piano slowly played, and then a voice started rapping. 

The voice was raspy but at the same time it felt like it had been dipped in honey. It spoke to your soul in a way no music previously had. One song led you to the next and before you knew it you had listened to the entire mixtape. 

You opened your computer and found the translations, and then you cried. It was as if the artist had taken everything you had ever felt, and managed to put it not only into words, but notes as well, as if he could feel your emotions.  

It was beauty and it was art, and you were hooked and absolutely ready to dive head first into this artist's discography. 

The search for the translation had led to a deep dive into the artist and the second he appeared on your screen your heart stopped and for the first time in your life you felt the pull. 

A pull that up until this moment had only ever been described to you. It was a need and a want all at the same time, as if you were both seen and saw him for exactly who you were. 

“Kim Namjoon” you whispered, and as if it was all it would take, for you to speak his name you felt a silk sheet cover your body, and emotions that weren’t your own washed over you like a tidal wave. 

For the first time in a very long time, the tears that now fell from your eyes were of happiness. 

And as beautiful as this moment was, it left a lingering fear. Because how the hell do you get the attention of your soulmate, when he’s in the biggest band on the planet? 

They had been walking around on stage, when he felt you. It was stronger than the days leading up to it, it was a feeling of pure joy, relief and love that rushed over him. 

He had stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes as he flung his hands around his own body, as if you were there with him. Almost as if he just hugged himself and your emotions tightly enough you would be able to feel him. 

Jimin was the first to notice that their leader was no longer with them, and when he looked his way, his eyes disappeared into well-known crescent moons. 

He gave Hoseok a small nudge which led to a squeal and the attention of the remaining members was suddenly on the mess of a man that stood a few meters from them all. 

Jin ran up to him first and wrapped his large hand around his friend's neck which forced his eyes open. 

“I think she found the song” 

It was all he was able to say before the relief and happiness washed over him, all the while his brothers celebrated around him. 

He wellowed in it, soaked every drop of happiness into the very depth of his soul, and despite not quite knowing how this mark of yours worked, he did his best to send every bit of joy he felt, down through that bond that now bound the two of you together. 

You had felt him instantly, which had only made your heart swell even more, and after a long night, a few bottles of wine while you updated your girls on the events that were your soulmate, you had all come up with a plan. 

It still felt weird. Your soulmate. You still had to pinch yourself whenever you felt his emotions, scared that this was all a dream you just couldn’t wake up from. 

The days had turned into weeks, and after having danced so hard your feet almost bled, you were finally ready, ready to leave a trail of breadcrumbs out for him to find. 

You took one last look at yourself before you gave a nod to one of your best friends and as soon as the music started, you danced to the tunes written to you by your soulmate. 

The following days your social media pages exploded, you had uploaded your dance covers on every app you could think of. Hopeful that one of them would make his way to him, and that he would feel the same pull towards you, as you had felt the second you had laid eyes on him. 

Army had been your biggest support through all of this, they had complimented the way you had interpreted Namjoon’s mixtape by sharing it, posting reactions to them, and most importantly tagged every member more than a thousand times in every post. 

Now all you could do was wait. 

Hoseok had been casually scrolling through his Tiktok when he had gotten a dm from a dance friend of his with a link to a series of dance covers by a ballerina, to the song written by his younger brother. 

He had watched them all, over and over again. Studied your movements almost as much as he has studied your expressions. Because there was a dancer who understood in her very soul what the songs were about. 

The second he had felt confident enough, that this was in fact what he thought it was, he had slid into your dm’s with a message as simple, yet significant as: I think I know someone who would love to meet you. 

It was the worst possible timing, they were all slowly getting used to the new city, the new stadium. They were all getting ready for the show that very night, but he didn’t really care much about any of it, because this was more important. 

He found Namjoon sitting in the beauty room, scrolling on his phone as he ignored the chaos around him. 

Namjoon had told them time and time again the past few days that you were feeling nervous as well as excited. 

From what he didn’t know, all he knew was that whatever made you feel this way, would work out, and Hoseok felt a sense of pride having been the one to discover it. 

He gave the wide shouldered man a gentle tap on his arm to get his attention, and as Namjoon looked his way he gently gave him the phone with a subtle little smile. 

Namjoon himself had done his best to scour the internet from any sign of you, but so far he had come up empty handed. 

The second he had gotten Hoseok’s phone in his hand, he had stopped breathing. Because right there on his screen was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. 

You were elegant, beautiful incarnate, with a subtle hint of both happiness and nervousness written on your face and in your movements, and there was no doubt that you were his. 

He slowly stood from his chair as he scrolled through his entire mixtape, interpreted by your movements and very own form of art. He had never felt more special, nor more proud than in this exact moment. 

When he finished he swallowed once. 

“Where is she?” he said with a lump in his throat. 

Hoseok shrugged once as he peeled his phone out of his brother's hand. “I don’t know yet, but I’ve written her a message” 

Namjoon pulled out his own phone and with shaking hands tried to open the app to hopefully get in contact with you himself. 

A small ping was heard from the sunshine man's phone, and as he turned it towards Namjoon, a small message there read: ‘I think you do’ followed by a phone number. 

With shaking hands Namjoon dialed the number, and the other end of it picked up before it even managed to ring once. 

He didn’t say anything, and neither did you. For 7 seconds, he just stood there as you heard you breath on the other end, as he felt how nervous and excited you were at the same time. 

“Where are you?” He managed to say, swallowing once more to hopefully buy himself some time to think of something a little more original to say. 

A subtle laugh was heard on the other end. “Hi Namjoon” 

He smiled then, wider than he ever had. His dimples were on full display, as his cheeks started to hurt, all the while his heart swelled. 

“Hi baby” he said as the people around him broke out in cheers. The cameras had been turned on and all turned his way, when that had happened he didn’t know, and he didn’t really care, all that mattered right here and now was you. 

He felt the flutters of your heart all the while calmness and pure joy enveloped him in that now well known silk, that he knew as your emotions. 

“Well to answer your question, I’m actually in the same place as you are… Not in the stadium of course, but the city”

He removed the phone a little from his face as he screamed silently. This was perfect. 

“How soon can you get here?” He asked, he knew it was a long shot, but he had to try. 

You laughed and he was certain he had died and gone to heaven right then and there. “I’m pretty sure your concert is sold out” 

He chuckled. “That’s not what I asked” he said back in the most lovingly teasing voice he could. 

He could feel his heartbeat pick up as he awaited your answer. 

“I’m currently at work, but if you have the time, maybe we could figure out how to meet tomorrow?” you said, he could almost feel how you bit your lip in anticipation, oh and how he hated he wasn’t there to see it. 

“Send me the address, I’m coming to get you” 

It was a long shot, he knew that, but he didn’t really care. 

All he heard was that musically laugh, one he knew would be the inspiration for songs to come. 

“Don’t you have more important things to do right about now?” 

He looked at his members, his brothers, and how they all gave him encouraging nods. 

“No, you are the most important thing” 

You were silent for a few seconds. “Okay, I’ll send you the address" 

“Stay where you are, I’m on my way” 

He didn’t want to hang up, if he could he would’ve climbed through his phone and out to you on the other side, unfortunately that wasn’t happening. So instead he hung up, pulled his members into a group hug with the promise that he would be back before the concert started. 

Then he turned on his heel and sprinted towards the exit. 

You were sitting in the lobby at your work, silently bouncing your leg as you felt your heart almost beat out of your chest. In record time you had managed to shower, and make yourself presentable. 

It wasn’t that you had been a complete lost cause, but you wanted him to find you captivating and beautiful. Luckily the women around you had come to your aid, and now your eyes were fixated on the door. 

Like you, Namjoon was completely unable to sit still in the car that was taking him to you. He was constantly fiddling with his clothes, his hair, his phone. All the while his eyes were fixated on the world that passed by around him. 

When he finally arrived at his destination, he took a deep breath before opening the door. His mask was on, no need to give the entire world the possibility of watching this. It was something he wanted to be as private as possible. 

He saw you before you had noticed him. The way you kept twisting your rings, the way your legs bounced, the nerves and excitement that roamed through you. 

It made him lose his breath. 

The second he felt that need, that bond almost snapping into place, the second he felt love run through himself, he saw your eyes snap up from your hands. 

He walked through the doors as you slowly stood up from the chair. 

The two of you were going slow, almost as if you were afraid that the other one would disappear if you walked too fast. 

He towered over you as you stood in front of him. The photos you had seen of him didn’t do him justice. He was huge. Both in hide and in width. 

He slowly peeled off his mask and revealed that dimpled smile of his, as his eyes almost disappeared. 

You had no idea why, but that was all it took for you to throw yourself into his arms. You didn’t know if it was the sheer strength of him, or if he had been able to predict your move, but he didn’t even sway. 

Instead he just flung his arms around you, gently picking you up off the ground as he buried his head in the crook of your neck. 

When he finally set you down on the ground again, your hands came to caress his cheeks, gently poking those dimples with your thumbs, earning you a laugh. 

“Hello there” you said, as you gently brushed away his tears, all the while you did your best to not let your own fall. 

He leaned down and rested his forehead against yours, all the while his arms snaked around your waist, pulling you closer to him. 

The two of you just stood there like that for a few minutes, before he finally pulled himself together, flung an arm around your shoulders, grabbed your bag and slowly walked out of the lobby with you by his side. 

It was this quiet dominance, authority that made your entire spine shiver in anticipation of what else he would be able to do. Especially when the two of you were alone. 

Namjoon laughed. “Baby, pull your head out of the gutter or I will devour you on the backseat of my car” 

You pulled away from him and looked at him with shocked eyes. He just chuckled in response. “I can literally feel your emotions” he bend down and whispered, “that includes lust” 

The blood rushed to your cheeks as you blushed, turning both your cheeks and ears as red as a tomato. 

“Oh my god, I didn’t even think of that” you responded as you hid your face in his shirt. 

“Trust me, I don’t mind it at all, but how about we wait with that part until we’re alone” 

You felt it then, the need and lust he too felt. You pushed him gently. “Stop that” 

He chuckled once more before kissing the top of your head. “Anything for you baby” 

You had arrived at the concert, and he had introduced you to his six brothers all while beaming as if he was the sun itself. 

They had all welcomed you with hugs, questions and overall excitement. Excitement that was so contagious you soon were bussing with it. 

Namjoon made sure to always have your hand in his, an arm flung around your shoulders, or having you leaning against his chest as he gently rested his chin on the top of your head. 

And despite the chaos of dancers, stylists and mua’s, he managed to make it all feel like the safest place you had ever been. 

He had made sure you got a seat where you could see him at all time, and he had made sure his front was towards you every second. 

It was nerve wrecking for him to be on stage. He so hoped that you would feel pride and awe in what he did, in what he loved. Luckily it was only that and deep love and respect he felt through your shared bond the entire concert. 

All those feelings made him give it a little extra, an effort that was definitely appreciated by army as well as you. 

The ride from the venue and back to his hotel wasn’t the longest, and the feeling of having him close was even more amazing than anything you had ever dreamt of. 

The two of you were quiet, not really wanting to speak before you were alone, there was so much that needed to be said, so much he needed to apologize for. 

You could feel the nerves and the guilt eating away at him, but you also knew that just because you were able to know exactly what he was feeling, didn’t mean that he was ready to talk to you about it yet, so instead you waited. 

“It’s cozy” you said as you entered his room, looked around on his exploded suitcase and all the little things that were scattered throughout the room. 

You sat down on the bed and sent a smile his way, hoping it would make him open up. 

He sighed once before leaning his head back, looking into the ceiling. “I’m so sorry,” he said. 

You perked up at that, sitting a little straighter than you had a second ago. 

He ran his hands through his hair before finally looking at you. “I’m so sorry I didn’t feel you before, I’m so sorry it took me this long to notice you were out there. I’m sorry that I’ve put you through so much anxiety, so many nights spent alone thinking I would never come” 

You saw how the tears welled in his eyes, how they threatened to fall any second. 

Instead of saying anything you just reached out for him, and he followed instantly, sitting down on his knees before you on the floor. His arms flung around your waist as you gently ran your hands through his hair as he cried, gently scratching his scalp with your nails. 

You sat like that for a few minutes, until his breathing steadied. The you pulled him away from your chest and rested your hands on his cheeks, once again caressing those dimple of his. 

“It takes two people to share a bond, and I didn’t notice you either, sure you might’ve been busier, but I should’ve been there for you as well, as support on stressful days, as a cheerleader in the back of your head, always cheering you on. We have a lot of catching up to do, both of us, but we also have a life to make it right” 

He smiled, and you returned it before pulling him closer, gently rubbing your nose against his. 

His eyes changed them, from loving and adoring to dominant and almost dragon-like, they got dark and the need he felt for you flushed over you was like a tidal wave. 

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered, teasing you by drawing circles into your hips with his thumbs.

You swallowed once before you nodded. He didn’t hesitate, not even a second. Instead he quickly closed the distance between the two. 

His lips was soft, gentle as if he was savoring something sweet, slowly taking his time to feel every emotion, feeling and taste. 

The emotions were overwhelming, so much that the two of you needed to take a break. He slowly climbed over you, gently helping you scoot back onto the bed. He gave you a small peck as he smiled. 

“I love that I can actually feel how I make you feel” He said as he gently nippled on your bottom lip. 

The lust slowly crept over him, he pulled away once more with a raised brow. “Oh? You like that huh?” 

“You could do anything to me Namjoon, and I would love it” 

He closed his eyes and hid his head in the crook of your neck. “Say my name again” he almost whispered. 

The kind command made you smile and a giggle threatened to spill past your lips but you held it back as you whispered his name into his ear. 

“Fuck, you’ll be the death of me” he said as you saw how his pupils had completely taken over his eyes, somehow making them even more deadly than they already were. 

He gently let one of his hands from your ankle up to your thigh, before he flung it around his own waist, the sheer weight of it pulled him closer to you. 

“The question now is baby” he kissed right below your ear. “If-” a kiss a little lower down your neck, and he kept that going with every word he said. “- you’ll. Let. Me. Devour. You?” 

He felt your need and your want for him, before you pulled him away from your neck and kissed him passionately, slowly letting go, letting yourself indulge in this with him. 

The two of you had been rolling around in the sheets for hours upon hours, only taking small breaks to catch your breaths before starting once again. 

You were curled around his side, your head resting on his giant chest. 

“I think this is my new favorite pillow” he laughed loudly before kissing your somewhat sweaty brow. 

“Good, because I would definitely want you to sleep in my arms as often as possible” 

You turned to look at him, he gently started running a hand up and down your spine, gently caressing the skin beneath his fingertips. 

“It feels like a dream, being here with you” 

You saw how his eyes shone with both sadness and adoration. He sat up and kissed you tenderly. “I promise you it’s not. I promise that I’m here, that I’ll always be here. I promise that I’ll never leave” 

One of his hands rested against your cheek and you leaned into it. 

“Let’s make a deal, every now and then I’ll give you a small pinch, to remind you that this is real, that we are real?” 

“You would do that for me?” 

He smiled gently. “Anything for you baby” 

BTS Taglist: @fabulousarepo4 @bailees-posts @libriaryshelf @idontgiveacrap

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The expensive knife in your hand slices cleanly through the tender steak now sitting on your plate, but it would be useless against the tension thickening in the air around you.

You hadn’t expected much from tonight. The dinner invitation wasn’t even your idea. It was simply the only way to end months of your family pestering to “see you” and “catch up”, after a long time passed without any news, without any contact from them. 

Correction; it wasn’t really you who they all wanted to see. You were sure of it. You would be lying if you said that you believed their words in the first place. This dinner is more about your babies—your beautiful seven-month-old twin boys—and the curiosity they had about the baby daddy.

Having them here, inside your home, was also the last thing you ever wanted.

The memory of how they reacted to your divorce with Jaebum still burns. How they cut you off for daring to put yourself first still aches, the betrayal too deep to forget, even if you have been trying so hard to heal from it. Letting them into the space where you have felt the most peaceful feels like handing over the keys to your safe haven.

You had argued against Namjoon’s idea of hosting the dinner here instead of making a reservation at one of his restaurants. But, as always, he had managed to persuade you into changing your mind. 

Yet he had done all this—planning this family reunion dinner—with good reasons. Even if it simply meant to keep the peace and having to give in for the sake of your children’s future.

For a while, things had gone better than expected. The babies have charmed your parents into polite smiles, and you have realized that keeping them home instead of taking them out in public has made you feel more at peace. Namjoon has been acting as the perfect host since your family first arrived that you barely had to do anything to please them. And now the twins are sleeping soundly in the den, safely tucked in inside their little bassinets and blissfully unaware of the silent cold war brewing at the dining table.

“Thank you again for inviting us for dinner. Everything has been lovely,” your mother says at last, breaking a lull that has stretched too long after the last conversation died out and the main course has been taken away.

For the past hour, conversation has been stilted, mostly shared between your parents and Namjoon. You have added only the occasional polite reply whenever you were addressed directly. It doesn’t matter how much you try to ease up and go with the flow, your body kept reverting to that old, defensive autopilot—guard up, heart locked—and always ready for the shoe to drop.

“I’m glad the food is to your liking. We have dessert if you’ve still got room,” Namjoon offers.

He starts to rise to grab them from the kitchen, but you catch his wrist to stop him. “I’ll get them,” you offer with a smile, having the intention to use this chance to escape for a moment. 

Namjoon’s brow arches as he looks at you. Then, reading the silent plea in your eyes, he gives you a small smile. “Thanks, Peach.” He presses a kiss to the back of your hand before letting go.

In the kitchen, you take your time preparing the dessert course with the house staff who have been helping prepare dinner, while the conversation flows once again in your absence. Your mother’s voice carries faintly, “I hope we didn’t trouble you too much—” 

The ache that curls in your chest at her praise is strange—like wanting to believe it’s for you, yet knowing it’s not.

Your mother has always been so hard to please. Something you learned from the years you spent growing up vying for her attention and favors, only to come up short, until you eventually stopped trying too hard. You cannot remember exactly when these expectations stopped—when you no longer cared much or held out hope for her praise and acknowledgement for your efforts—but it seems like there will always be a part of you that still wishes for them the same way you did when you were younger.

Namjoon’s voice answers, warm but factual. “It wasn’t too much of a trouble at all. The main course came from my family’s hotel kitchen. When we decided that it would be best to dine at home since it would be too soon for the twins to travel, we had the dinner sent to us to make it more convenient. But ______ made the appetizers and dessert herself to make them more special.”

By the time you return with the tray of lemon sorbet, your father’s face is bright with curiosity. “Isn’t this sorbet?”

“Yes, it is. It’s lemon sorbet. I craved it nonstop at the end of my pregnancy, so I learned to make it myself. Figured it was better than sending Namjoon out at 2 a.m. to get them,” you proudly explain as you serve the rest of them to the others at the table. “I made it a bit lighter and more creamy so it’ll be gentle for your stomach.” You return to your seat with a smile. “I hope you’ll love it.”

Your father’s smile brightens. He seems amused to realize that you’ve thought about his sensitive stomach when you were preparing the dessert. Right by his side, your mother’s smile is thin, careful. “They look delicious,” she says, her praise gentle.

Speechless, you simply raise your eyebrows at her and say nothing in return.

“It’s good,” you hear your brother, Eli, calmly compliment you as he tastes the sorbet. 

Before you can thank him, your sister cuts in, her voice sharp as a knife. “Must be nice—having people at your beck and call.”

The room stills. You can sense the tension in the room growing stronger, colder, but you had already expected this.

Sara had barely spoken all evening, but you had noticed the wine disappearing quickly from her glass throughout dinner. You already know it’s only a matter of time before she starts throwing her snide comments.

You have no idea what your younger sister has against you. Being the youngest and born just when your parents had thought they would no longer be able to conceive due to them getting older, Sara has always been spoiled and pampered, treated like the golden child. Her needs would be placed above yours and your older brother’s, who were already in your early teen years when she was born. 

Sara has always loved to be in the limelight and would resent anyone who gets in her way. You never cared much about it growing up, as you always minded more about your personal business and tended to stay out of her way. But the same couldn’t be said about the way she acted towards you. 

She was always jealous. 

She would always set her eyes on what’s yours, itching to outshine you. When you started inviting your friends and boyfriends to your home, she would always be there, vying for their attention, looking for favors. She flirted with your boyfriends and planted seeds of doubt between you and your friends to cause drama in your life. She even tried to do the same with Jaebum when he came into the picture, yet it didn’t last long enough to bear any fruit when your ex started setting up boundaries right after he proposed to you.

Even tonight, you have noticed the way she kept stealing glances at Namjoon. The displeasure in her eyes is clear each time your lover gives you his unwavering attention or when he boasts about your life with him. 

The purpose of her comment is clear, and you know exactly what she is trying to do. So you keep your composure, showing no reaction as you respond from across the table. 

“Thank you, Sara,” you say evenly, lifting your iced tea to hide your smile. “It is nice, and it’s a nice change to have after working myself raw during my last marriage, only to come home and play nursemaid to a husband who contributed almost nothing to the home we built. But you know that we don’t exactly live like this every night.”

Her gaze narrows. As if sensing the tension, Namjoon steps in smoothly. “She’s right. Tonight we had to do things a bit differently since we have special guests visiting our home,” he says, his eyes scanning around the table to regard your family. “But we both work together well to make our lives comfortable. I do what I can to help, even if I’m not the best cook. She does most of the cooking while I take care of the boys in my free time.” He turns to look at you, smiling. “We have the perfect teamwork, don’t we, Peach?” 

Meeting Namjoon’s gaze, your heart soars. You love how quick he is to take your side, showing you support, which so obviously sours your sister’s mood further. Yet you pay no attention to her antics. 

“Are you still on maternity leave?” your mother asks, her voice cautious, yet seemingly oblivious to the mental war rising across the table.

“Yes, I am. The gallery is giving me extra time because I gave birth to two babies at once, and they understand that I may need a longer break to recuperate before going back to work. They’re also giving me the chance to work on my paintings while I have some time off. We’re having a special event for independent artists next fall, and they suggested that I join to test my skills while arranging it.”

Sara tosses back her wine and chuckles into her glass. “That sounds like quite an upgrade,” she sneers.

You tilt your head. “I’m sorry?”

Your mother sighs. “Sara—”

Your sister rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on, Mom. I know you’re thinking about it too.” It’s obvious that she isn’t backing down. In fact, she’s just starting. “She was only working as a clerk when she was with Jaebum, and now she’s suddenly making paintings and hosting fancy events at the gallery, living in a fancy house while she has staff working on making dinners and stuff.”

Your mother’s expression grows sour, yet it seems like your sister hasn’t had enough of her tirade. She turns to your mother and continues, “Not too long ago, you were saying how embarrassed you were for having a daughter who failed at her marriage and ended up having kids without being legally married. You only changed your tone once you found out who the babies’ father was.”

The words hang heavy. No one speaks for a brief moment. But the shame flashing across your mother’s face draws the ache in your chest deeper. You have grown used to it—your mother’s judgmental words, the way she would always pick apart every single mistake you’ve made your entire life, making you feel like a disappointment—yet it doesn’t mean that you no longer feel the hurt that comes with it. 

Your father slams his palm on the table, having had enough of your sister’s tantrum. “Sara, stop it right now—”

The sharp tone of his voice startles you. Your father has always been so calm and collected, though he has always chosen to step back whenever the family splits sides. 

Namjoon puts his hand on yours. A silent support that helps you feel slightly at ease. He seems to have noticed before you do that your hands are clenched tightly on the table as you struggle to keep your composure. 

“What? I’m just saying—”

“You’re not wrong for saying that I’ve gotten myself an upgrade since my divorce,” you cut in, your tone level as you stare straight into your sister’s eyes, realizing her little tantrum doesn’t affect you as much as it used to. Not now, when you have Namjoon lending you strength. 

“What?” 

Seeing her looking confused, you simply smile. “It’s the truth, after all. My life has been upgraded that I can’t help but feel grateful. I have a man who truly cares about me, loves me, and will continue to support me without asking anything in return.” 

Glancing at Namjoon, you smile at him and squeeze his hand before you continue addressing your sister, “I have two perfect boys who aren’t giving me too much trouble as a new mother, and a peaceful home to return to every day. I won’t deny that I’ve been lucky enough to have the chance to start over and find everything I needed to be happy, and I know I’ll never trade it for anything else in the world. I’m happy with what I have, and it’s more than enough. Everything else—the fancy dinner, pretty house, the perfect job—are merely the added bonus I got, which has been making my life easier.” 

Sara’s lips curl. She seems ready to strike again—until Eli speaks.

“I don’t know why you’re even here if all you’re going to do is be bitter and rude,” he says without looking up. His voice is calm, his attention is still fully on the dessert he’s enjoying, even as he sharply points out, “You’re making it obvious that you’re just jealous. Not surprising. You’ve always wanted what she had.”

Silence stretches. Nobody, including you, ever expected that he would say something. 

Then, he lifts his gaze, looking straight at Sara. “I mean, let’s not forget how you tried to make a move on Jaebum during her divorce.”

Your mother gasps. Sara’s face pales. Seeing this, you have to hide your smile under your palm. There was no need for him to provide proof when the truth is written on their faces. 

Meanwhile, Eli merely shrugs, acting nonchalant as if he hadn’t just dropped a bombshell. “Good thing he had the sense to reject you. Only good thing he ever did for ________ after making her life hell.” He glances at you, his jaw tight, his eyes remorseful, before going back to his sorbet.

Meanwhile, you are too stunned to speak. Growing up, Eli may have never been on Sara’s side the same way your parents and other family members who worship her ever did, but he also had never defended you so openly before. 

But you have no chance to dwell on it when all of a sudden, Sara bolts upright once she’s gotten over her shock. Her eyes are set on your older brother. “You son of a—”

“That’s enough!” your father snaps, his voice cracking with frustration. “This was not the reason why we’re here tonight.”

Nobody says anything. Not even Sara, yet she makes no move to return to her seat. Then, a crackle comes from the baby monitor, which calls for your attention. You recognize the sound of soft fussing coming from one of the boys, no doubt having been awakened by the commotion happening nearby. 

“I’ll check on the twins,” you calmly announce while rising from your seat before Sara can retort.

Namjoon clears his throat. “We should move the boys upstairs,” he says, his words seem final. Then he turns to your parents to ask, “Would you like to see them one last time before you go?”

It only takes one look at his face to know the meaning behind his words. You have felt his displeasure ever since he noticed the cold reactions your family kept giving you. The feeling grew into restrained anger when Sara first spoke, and it’s now coming out of him in waves. 

There is no need for him to say it out loud. The unspoken message is clear: dinner is over, and tonight’s guests are no longer welcome in his home.

Once you find yourself in the den, away from your guests and the drama your sister had caused, you can finally breathe easier. 

Sara had stubbornly refused to show remorse or apologize, even when your parents insisted. Then, everyone decided to end the night when she left the room, announcing to everyone that she would rather wait in the car while your parents visited your babies one last time. 

Closing your eyes, you rock Jaehyun gently against your chest to help him go back to sleep. You barely managed to pick him up on time before he started kicking a fuss and causing his twin to wake up, and now it seems like he still has enough energy to stay awake. His eyes are drooping, yet his cooing fills the room, as if he is trying to tell you about his dreams. 

The soft murmur of conversation filters through the hallway. Namjoon’s deep voice reaches you as he walks the rest of your family out the front door. Not long after, you hear softer footsteps coming from behind you. 

Your mother appears in the doorway, her hands twisting together as though she isn’t sure if she is welcome. “_____.” She hesitates, eyes flicking between you and the baby in your arms. “What Sara said earlier—”

“—was true,” you cut in before she could make excuses for your sister, the way she always has. 

Her lips part, but nothing comes out.

You turn slightly, so Jaehyun’s cheek is pressed to your collarbone as you look at her face. “I’m glad at least one of you was honest tonight,” you say quietly with a tight smile on your face.

“Honey, I—”

You shake your head. “Don’t.” You keep your voice even. “We both know you were never happy about my divorce. You took JB’s side while I was struggling, even after I told you what he did. Do you know what that felt like? Coming home from a failing marriage that was already crushing me, and finding out that my own family had shut the door on me too?” 

You sigh as you shake your head one more time, recalling the past. “It took a lot of me to find the courage to walk away—to put myself first. But the worst part of it was feeling like I was all alone.” 

Your mother’s gaze drops. For a long moment, the only sounds filling the room are Jihoon’s soft breath coming from the bassinet and the soft whine Jaehyun is making as he fights off sleep.

When your mother looks up again, her face is stripped of defense. “I’m sorry,” she says, barely above a whisper. “We’re sorry.”

You draw in a breath that feels heavier than you expected. “You know…I think I’ve forgiven you a long time ago. It would’ve been harder for me to move on and be strong enough for my babies if I’m still clinging to my resentment,” you admit, “but the hurt… It’s still here. It might take some time before it goes away.”

“I know.” She swallows hard. “All I can hope is… that you’ll find your peace and heal from everything. We all need to…to heal, I mean, but you deserve it the most.”

You nod once. “Thank you. Let’s hope we’ll all get there,” you murmur softly while silently admitting that you are getting there. It took some time for you to realize it, but once you let go of all the hurt, the resentment, and once you stopped wondering what you’ve done wrong, you have been slowly healing. The proof is here, in the presence of your sons, who have taught you unconditional love for the first time and made your heart beat the way it did—warm, free, and full of hope for the future. 

She glances toward Jaehyun, and you offer him into her arms. Your mother holds him as if he is made of fragile glass—gentle and full of care. And for the first time in years, you don’t feel the need to pull away.

When the boys are back in their bassinets, you walk your mother to the door, where your father and Eli have been waiting with Namjoon. Sara is nowhere in sight, and you can only guess that she is probably sulking in the car. You don’t bother asking. Not when you have just found some semblance of peace while being close to your family. Something that was rare to find in your life. Until now. 

“Thank you for letting us come visit this evening,” your mother says as she pulls you into her arms. Your body grows still at first, not sure how to react when it has been so long since the last time you received any kind of affection from your mother. 

But once you realize that it is the same kind of warm hug you wished to have during the darkest period of your life, you find yourself leaning into it, welcoming her. It might not be enough to make up for what you missed, but as you hug her back and close your eyes, you can feel some broken parts of your soul stitching themselves back.

“And thank you for allowing your Mom and Dad to see your sons. You have beautiful boys. I agree that everything is…a bit unconventional,” she continues once you pull away with a small smile, “but you’ve made a beautiful family.”

Her words warm your heart. You cannot help but reach out to Namjoon, who wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you to him as you face your mother. “Like I said, I’ve been lucky. I found the right partner, and the boys have the best Dad,” you tell her, looking up at Namjoon, who kisses the top of your head in return.

When you finally bid your goodbyes to your family, your heart feels much lighter than it was before. Lighter than how you used to feel whenever you thought about your family and your relationship with them. Even the distance you used to feel between you and your family seems to lessen. It is still there, you can still feel it, but not enough to make you feel like you don’t belong.

Just like how your mother’s apology and embrace feel more genuine, your father’s hug feels warmer and lasts longer before he lets you go. And Eli—well, it’s Eli. All he gives you is a nod before he walks off to his car, but his presence tonight speaks louder than any words.

Your brother may not be good when it comes to showing his emotions. But he always has his own ways to show you that he cares. Just like how he defended you tonight, he was the first and only one from your family who reached out when he heard the news about your divorce, offering you help and support and a place to stay—even if it meant traveling miles away to where he had moved out to since he left the family. 

He was also the only one who called when the twins were born. The package he sent the first weekend since the boys were home had made up for his absence when he couldn’t fly in to visit. The colorful draperies, quilts, and toys he put together for the twins now fill the nursery room, making the place look pretty yet comfortable for your boys. 

Knowing that you have an ally in your family brings you a sense of comfort. Helping you realize that you have never truly been alone all this time. 

Things between you and your family aren’t perfect. Perhaps it never will. But it no longer seems as bleak as it used to be.

You stand beside Namjoon on the porch for a moment longer as you watch your family drive away, the sound of their car engines slowly fading down the street until they are all gone. The quiet that follows feels as comforting as the soft breeze flowing around you, making your breath feel light and easy. 

“Well,” Namjoon murmurs, his arm around your shoulders feels warm as he slowly pulls you back into the house. “Glad that’s over.”

A breath escapes you—half sigh, half laugh. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that.”

He squeezes your shoulder. “It was okay,” he says with a shrug.

“Oh, come on. It was a lot,” you say with a dry chuckle.

“But you handled it well,” he says, pressing a kiss into your hair. “I’m so proud of you tonight.”

You glance up at him, the gentle light falling across the foyer catching the curve of his smile as he closes the door behind him. “I wouldn’t have been able to face them without you,” you carefully admit. “You and the boys have given me the strength I needed to face them.”

And that is the truth. 

It took you a long time before you could finally find the courage to face them again and to open your heart to welcome them back into your life. If it hadn’t been for Namjoon’s encouragement, perhaps this reunion would have never happened. 

This dinner may have ended with another mess, but at least you are no longer going to spend your days wondering all the ‘what-ifs’ while avoiding your family like a plague. Now you can truly move on and focus on the future.

Namjoon takes your hand and pulls you towards the den. “Are we planning another family dinner for the next holiday? We didn’t even get to tell them the good news,” he teases you as he gently runs the tip of his fingers across the diamond ring on your finger, yet another reason why he wanted to have tonight’s dinner. 

Obviously, that plan failed miserably. 

You slap your hand to his chest and scoff. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, okay? Give me another year to recover from what we just got out of,” you tease him back, your eyes immediately falling on your ring. “Besides, they’ll find out eventually. They always do.” 

Namjoon laughs. He leans down and kisses your lips, soft and certain. “We’ve got this, Peach. Just you and me.”

You reach up to kiss him again, only to stop when the faint sound of cooing drifts through the baby monitor. “And don’t forget the peanut boys,” you playfully add while smiling against his lips.

Namjoon gives you one last kiss. “That’s all we ever need, Peach.”

You both turn toward the doorway leading to the den, hearts already softening before you even get to see your twins. For the first time in a long while, the thought of family doesn’t feel like a wound—it feels like a choice you made, and one worth keeping.

seokjin:

"i'm sorry. i didn't want to call you but..."

"it's fine, hobi, really."

"are you sure?"

you nodded giving him as kind of a smile as you could muster. "i can take it from here."

he pulled you into a hug anyway. you were grateful for it. it gave you a little bit of strength and lord knows you were gonna need it to deal with the drunken mess before you. "alright seokjin. come on. get up now. i'm here."

you couldn't keep in the giggle that slipped out as he popped up, the complete opposite of the dead weight he'd allowed himself to become, refusing to get off the floor unless you were the one picking him up.

"i missed you," he slurred, latching onto you, head obviously swimming, thoughts lost to the whiskey he downed with his friend.

"i missed you too," you admitted. it wasn't like he was going to remember in the morning. "we gotta go now. hobi wants to go to bed."

he perked up once again at the mention of hobi's name. "ohhh yeah j-hope. thank you bro!"

you heard him giggle from down the hallway and call out a "take care!" as you stumbled out of his home.

you huffed as you made your way down the street. seokjin wasn't that heavy but he was nearly six feet and really leaning into you. it was a good thing they lived in the same neighborhood. you hummed along to whatever he was babbling about, not really paying much attention until he suggested the one thing you knew you couldn't do. "stay with me."

"i will. just until you get to sleep," you replied, taking his keys from him and letting you both inside, opting to play dumb.

even in his inebriated state he wasn't having it. he gripped your hips. "not just tonight. forever."

you sighed. "seokjin... we want different things. you know it won't work. we tried and it didn't work."

"i'm different than i was before. i don't care about all those other things. i want you. as long as i can have you, i have everything."

you shook your head. you weren't having this conversation when he was drunk. "come on. let's get you to bed."

he relented, letting you move him around as you pleased, undressing and redressing and just before he finally succumbed to slumber he grabbed your hand one last time. "stay."

yoongi:

"are you going to stare at me passive aggressively all day or are you going to say something?"

you didn't appreciate his attitude at all, so you had no problem pointing out what'd been bothering you all morning. "there's a mark on your neck."

he furrowed his brows in confusion, raising his hand up to feel around before walking to the mirror in the hall to see what you were talking about. "hmmm... that's weird."

"yeah i think so too," you spat. "imagine my surprise when i wake up and see that on you after you were out all night with namjoon doing god knows what."

"crossfit."

"what?"

"we were doing crossfit."

"i don't know who that is or why y'all chose that codename, but it's stupid as hell."

"it's not a codename. it's a type of workout."

"that leaves hickeys?"

"it's not a hickey. it's a bruise."

"on your neck?"

you could tell he was getting angry by the flush that was creeping onto his face and the way his nostrils were flaring, so it's not a surprise when he says "you can go if you want. no one's stopping you."

but you were ready for a fight. you'd been stewing ever since you woke up and found him in the kitchen, sipping on coffee with that mark on his neck. had been waiting around for an explanation and the one he was giving now was way too lame. "oh. so you want me to leave now?"

"no. i want you to trust me." he sat down next to you. "i just got you back. why would i go out and do something stupid like that? why would i go looking for anything else, when everything i've ever wanted is waiting for me at home?"

and suddenly all the anger in your body dispersed, transforming itself into shame, relief, love. you crawled into his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck.

he hugged you back for a moment then pulled away, swiping at the tears welling up in your eyes before they got the chance to fall. "don't cry, okay? just trust me."

you nodded. lord knows you'd follow him anywhere, but if he cheated on you, that's a trip you wouldn't make it back from. "i will. just don't go where i can't follow."

hoseok:

you jumped at the sound of his voice, accidentally dropping the shirt you'd just picked up.

"if you leave this time, don't bother coming back."

“i- i- i wasn’t.” you were.

it was dark in the room, so you couldn’t make out the expression on his face but the way he rolled over, back turned toward you spoke volumes. if you were leaving he didn’t want to watch you go.

you scurried to the bed, tucking yourself against his back. “hobi. i wasn’t.” you don’t know how you were supposed to convince him when you couldn’t convince yourself. “i was just cold.”

he grunted. you wrapped your arm around his middle, rubbing at his abdomen. “do you believe me?” you peeped.

“no.”

your heart cracked. “do you want me to go?” you wouldn’t blame him if he did. wouldn’t blame him for saving himself from you.

a beat of silence passed. he intertwined his fingers with yours. “no, but i want you to want to stay.”

you didn’t know what to say so instead you just hugged him closer and hoped that for now that could be enough.

jimin:

jimin was good with people. better with you. that's why you came back here again after three months. that's why you always came back.

jimin was too good with people. they loved him. he loved them back. he loved you more. at least that's what he always said.

it was hard to remember when he was touching and kissing on you in a way that varied from the practiced ease you were used to before you broke up. it wasn't bad but it had your mind racing trying to figure out who he was touching, loving, while you were trying to get over him.

took away any ability to focus on the feeling of his lips on yours, trailing down your neck, sucking and soothing the marks he was leaving on your collar bones. your lack of response had him reversing his path, kissing back up your neck, on your cheek, the corner of your mouth, until he was able to look you in the eye. "everything okay?"

you stared at him dazedly. he nudged your nose with his trying to regain your attention. "were you with anyone else while we weren't together?"

he opened and closed his mouth a few times like a fish out of water. "i- i- yeah." he deflated at his admission.

you recoiled slightly. it hadn't been that long since you two decided that you wanted to work things out again. your heart was still tattered and torn. you felt a piece of it slip out of the confines of your chest.

"i didn't cheat on you," he defended.

"i know." and you did know. but it didn't stop you from feeling a hint of betrayal. while you were somewhere curled up unable to even think of anyone else, he was already on to the next thing. someone better than you probably. someone he wouldn't have to keep doing this back and forth thing with. a single tear slipped down your face.

he cupped your cheeks in both his hands. "it was one night, and it didn't mean anything. we had already been broken up for like two months when it happened. we've never been broken up for that long. i thought we were done for real this time," he explained softly.

"i know. i'm not mad. i'm just..." you needed to get out of there. you needed some space. you started gathered your belongings.

he grabbed your wrist before you could get too far. "babe... don't go," he whined.

"i have to. i need to think."

"think with me."

"i need to do this alone. i'll call you later."

you slinked out the door, head and heart a complete and utter mess, and spent the rest of the night wondering was it all worth it? is he worth it?

you came back in the morning. you always came back.

taehyung:

he frowned looking at his screen, you blocked him on instagram and like everything else. his messages weren’t even being delivered and every call was going straight to voicemail. straight away he could sense that this was different.

you two fought a lot and he could take some of the blame for that. he liked to pick fights with you probably more than necessary. he couldn't help it though. it was the only time he was sure he was on your mind. and he'd take the knowledge that you were seething over him over thinking you weren't thinking of him at all any day.

the fight that transpired a couple days ago, however, was not like that. it was major. it wasn't solved after a couple hours. the last thing you said to him was that maybe you two shouldn't be together and he agreed, and now he was here 2 days later, staring at his phone, with no feasible way to contact you.

he wasn't going to let that be the end of you. not over things he said in the heat of the moment, things he didn't mean, he'd never mean. he was in his car before he realized what he was doing. at your doorstep knocking before he thought of words to say.

you opened the door slowly, not entirely surprised at his presence but off put all the same. "yes?"

he just stared at you for a moment. you were so pretty sometimes he forgot how to speak around you. definitely lost his mind at times because he simply couldn't be without you, but he'd fix that. he'd be better as long as you took him back. "you blocked me," he stated dumbly.

"yeah."

"why?"

"bc we're not together anymore." you don't know what he wanted. why he showed up on your door stating the obvious.

he huffed, running his hands through his hair. "i didn't mean that. when i said we shouldn't, i- i didn't mean that."

"i did. taehyung our relationship is unproductive. we're not getting anywhere except on each other's nerves. let's just stop before we hate each other for real."

he stared at you in shock. he knew he could be petty at times. he knew when you two were fighting he said some things he probably shouldn't have, but how could you ever believe that he felt anything but love for you? he was so wrapped around your finger, so irrevocably yours that he couldn't fathom being without you. how could you not see that? his only problem was that he felt you weren't as invested as him and maybe he could've done a better job of communicating that and he would after he was sure that his last time holding you in his arms wasn't his last time.

he dropped down on his knees. "one chance."

"tae," you sighed.

"please," he begged, eyes getting teary, "give me one more chance."

jungkook:

you sighed leaning back from jungkook's embrace. his hands were lower than they should've been, grazing at the very top of your thigh right below your butt. you let him. you always did.

you stared at each other for a few more seconds. he was so handsome. he always was. kind eyes, sweet smile, hair all soft and fluffy. you wanted nothing more than to run your hands through it. you stopped yourself when you saw the way his eyes dropped down to your lips. time to pop the bubble you found yourself trapped in.

"thanks for the ride, jk. i had a really good night."

he whined out your name, hand going from lightly grazing your thigh to flatly palming it, attempting to keep you in place. "you really not gonna invite me in?"

you couldn't help yourself. you draped your arms around his shoulders, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck, dopey smile set on your face. "what would i do that for?"

he wrapped his arms around your waist, squeezing you tight, and nosed at your neck. "because i wanna make your good night a great night."

"mmm... i want that too," you agreed. and because you were a weak weak woman you couldn't help but peck his lips. he perked up at the feeling of your lips on his, but deflated once you continued talking. "but you know what i want even more?"

he averted his eyes, tongue poking at his cheek. he knew the answer to the question.

It's been a year since that dreadful night, the worst night of your life. It's been a year since you last saw him, heard his voice, until today. 

Your heart rips apart seeing him standing so gracefully with practiced elegance. Nothing has changed. He still looks the same. It feels as if it was just yesterday when he took you to the art fair and bought you that handmade clay-framed mirror. 

But you know things are far from being so simple, if anything then everything is much more complicated than ever. 

While you still stay awake each night, spending a fair share of time shedding tears for him, he doesn't even recall your name. He doesn't remember who you are, what you sound like, how your touches feel, or the time you two shared being so in love. 

You had vanished from his life long ago, vanished from his memories leaving absolutely no traces behind. 

He forgot you, even if you know he never intended to, even if you know it was a cruel decision of fate, he still forgot you and you can't change a thing about that. 

Silent tears fall from your eyes as you stare at him. Only you know how much you want to run to him, hold him tightly in your arms and tell him that you have waited for him, tell him that you have never stopped loving him, tell him that you love him more than anyone ever can. But you can’t.

And even if you do all these, what will be Namjoon’s reaction? He will just shove you to the ground thinking you are a crazy woman trying to throw herself at him. So you decided to leave. Meeting him unexpectedly here in the gallery should be more than enough for you. You can’t ask for more. You have no right to ask for more. 

You turn your heels to leave but you hear a faint voice calling you from behind. 

"Excuse me.." it's his voice. It's Namjoon. 

You start to panic. Contemplating whether you should run away or give in, you stay planted at your own place. 

"Hey. Um.. I am sorry to bother you but I- uh saw you staring at my direction and you seemed to be really familiar.. So, do we know each other?" Namjoon's voice is unsure and filled with confusion.

Your heart breaks. You know you should have not expected him to remember you but his confession still makes you weak on your knees. 

Blinking several times and gathering some strength, you turn around and face him. 

He's just as handsome as he used to be, if not more. 

Seeing you silent, Namjoon clarifies, "Sorry if I seem weird with my questions. I actually got into an accident last year and lost some of my memories. So I tend to ask people who they are if someone seems familiar to me. And you.." he pauses, his eyes raking through your face as if he's trying to find a clue "you seem to be someone very close to me." 

"I- I think you got the wrong idea. I mean - I, no, we.. we knew each other through some common friends but weren't exactly close." Your words fumble over each other much more than you would like. 

"oh- sorry then." A sheepish smile takes over Namjoon's face. 

His dimples make you sick and you want to run away from him. 

"I gotta go-"

"May I know your name?" 

You two speak out at the same time.

"Y/N. It's Y/N." You say hurriedly. 

"Yeah... Y/N" Namjoon whispers. 

You don't know if you're imagining things or not, but a flash of sadness passes through Namjoon's features. 

"I don't wanna sound like a creep but-" he hesitates.. "I would love to have a cup of coffee with you." 

"I am so sorry but I kinda have to go." You reply with your heart breaking into a thousand pieces all over again.

"oh.. then, can I at least have your number? Please?" Namjoon pleas. His voice quivers a bit or maybe you're just hearing things. 

You don't know what you should do. You don't know why life is playing these games with you. You don't know where this will go but what you know for sure is that you're enchanted to meet Namjoon again. So you give in and take another chance. 

"Sure." You murmur. 

Namjoon pulls out his phone from his pocket, unlocks it and gives it to you. 

As soon as you take his phone in your hands, your world starts to spin, eyes start to blur, hands start to shake because it's you. It's your picture saved as his wallpaper, the one from the art fair, under cherry blossom, wearing the same hoodie Namjoon is wearing right now. 

When you look up at him you find that his dark eyes are full to the brim with tears, which may start falling anytime. He looks as broken as you do.  

"The story line didn't end there, Y/N. It was the very first page. And... And I was enchanted to meet you. I would do anything to meet you again." 

"You- y-you remember me?" your words get choked.

"How could I not? You are deep-rooted in my heart. My brain may have forgotten a period of time but heart kept on trying to make me remember you. And it was successful." Namjoon smiles through tears, so do you.

"I hope you are not in love with someone else, you don't have someone waiting on you." he whispers, stepping close to your body.

"No- I don't." you reply, taking a step towards him.

Namjoon comes closer, cups your face and connects your forehead with his as you two intertwine your lives again standing in the middle of the gallery.

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