ask eito

[ intro post under construction. ask whatever ]

affiliated with:

@disgustingginzaki

@gakuthegoat

ask tag is #ask aotsuki

in-character ramble tag is #eito rants

roleplay tag is #eito roleplays

HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT. FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.

"What? Do you want me to destroy humanity in a gay way?"

"I like it out here, but even so... shouldn't I want my freedom? Maybe I was afraid they would keep an even closer watch on me once I got out. One wrong move, and I'd probably be blown up. Maybe even permanently.

"The fear of death is strange. A survival instinct ingrained so deep within us... what do we fear, really? An afterlife, or the absence of one? Your name dying on the tongues of loved ones as your bloated corpse rots in a shallow grave? The pain of dying itself? Leaving a world behind without having ever made an impact on it? Death is the only thing you can never regret. That is, assuming there isn't any kind of afterlife.

"I know I'm afraid of humanity outliving me. Of not being able to see such an atrocious, self-destructive species finally end. If I didn't have that, would I still fear death? Or welcome it? Sometimes I wanted to rot away before I knew what all this misery was for. Sometimes... even after I figured it out. But it always keeps me going in the end.

"...That spiraled in a different direction than I intended. I digress. I'm surprised the SDU were perfectly willing to let me out of the cage permanently. I told them to lock it back when they left."

"I'd think they would taste salty, but... how am I supposed to 'watch out' while I sleep? Unless this is one of the other SDU members, I seriously doubt you can get to me, anyway.

"I've done more research since the last question about this, though. Maybe it would be possible to chew on someone's eyeballs like gum. The outer layer is said to be firm and rubbery, though the vitreous humor would burst in your mouth when you bit into it. Like one of those boba popping things. Maybe I shouldn't be encouraging this, actually..."

"I'd say Ghost. Psychic and Poison are both appealing as well, but I feel especially drawn to ghost types. Many think they just symbolize death, but that's where they're wrong. They're more about regrets, grudges, memories, attachments... the ugly truths that linger. Take Banette, an abandoned doll, animated by the grudge it holds against its owner. Greavard, who waits endlessly for someone to play with it after being condemned to such a lonely past life, or Mimikyu, who disguises itself to be loved instead of detested and feared. If I were a Gym Leader, I'd want people to challenge me thinking they're afraid of ghosts, and walk away knowing they were really just afraid of themselves all along. Afraid of their own weaknesses, their own pasts... the ghosts within them."

"First of all, I'm pretty sure eyeballs would be too fleshy to use as gum. They'd just fall apart in your mouth, since the tissue is incredibly soft.

"Secondly, why would I gouge out my eyes? I can't say the thought has never crossed my mind... but if I became that desperate to stop looking at people, a blindfold would accomplish the same thing painlessly and impermanently. I could take it off whenever I'm alone, to read or do other tasks.

"I've thought about trying it out, actually. The blindfold, of course. But I don't trust anyone to not take advantage of me in a vulnerable state... maybe I'd rather keep my vision, exhausting as it is.

"Anyway, that's disgusting to think about. Why would anyone want to chew on someone else's eyeballs? Why mine?"

"Does it look like me? I just think it's a bit relatable in how it spends every waking moment overwhelmed by things no one else notices, and how it has to constantly keep itself under control so it doesn't hurt those around it... do I stare at people like that?"

"Thank you... though I'm sure there was a nicer way to phrase that. It's a strange thing to celebrate, isn't it? An entire month dedicated to reminding people how loving the 'wrong' person in the past would get you beaten, disowned, thrown in prison, or worse. Humans fear the unfamiliar. Fear curdles into disgust, disgust into hatred. It's easier to tamp down what's 'abnormal', instead of finding out why it unsettles you so in the first place. It's a shame that we're still fighting those issues today... you'd think we were past this by now. I guess we'll never give up our easiest scapegoat of 'sexual impurity.' I'm still figuring out where I fall in this, so I don't anticipate celebrating, but... happy pride month."

"Pokémon has an interesting premise. Of course humans looked at a world of incredible creatures and immediately decided to make them fight each other for entertainment. As for a favourite... I'd have to say Mimikyu. A creature so desperate to be accepted, whose true appearance is so utterly terrifying, that it has to disguise itself as something more loveable. Espurr is a close second, though."

"...stars are only beautiful from far away. Up close, they burn, explode, scorch entire worlds... maybe that's a fitting match to make with a gift like that."

"I'm sure that you don't want to hear me talk about history books, not that I remember the names of most I've read... so, as far as nonfiction goes, I'll only mention Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes. It was a challenging read for me, but it was worth it to see where some modern philosophical ideas came from. Not what I would recommend for pleasure reading, though.

"I've always liked fiction that use creativity to say something meaningful. Writing about monsters, distant futures, utter impossibilities and hypotheticals to make a point about humanity. Frankenstein comes to mind. A story where the 'monster' wasn't born monstrous at all, but was instead a victim of unwanted conscience and neglectful upbringing, all to satisfy a cruel man's curiosity and lust for power and control... it disturbs me to this day.

"The Time Machine was interesting, too. Humanity splitting itself into predator and prey species depending on social class was supposed to symbolize an uprising of the lower class to 'eat' the rich, I believe, and how parasitic social classes end up polarizing and mutating anyone involved. But considering it in a literal sense is a bit amusing.

"I enjoyed The Picture of Dorian Grey, mostly for its cynicism, but also because the prose was genuinely beautiful and moving, in my opinion. Some find it dull and drawn-out, but I enjoyed it. People reveal their ugliness in some way or another, no matter how hard they try to hide it. It's only a matter of when. Well, their outer hideousness is always visible to me. Their repulsive personalities come later.

"I also liked the short story I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream. If you haven't read it yet, it's an experience you can only feel firsthand, really."

Who said you could go off and make a blog!? When you're apart of the SDU, you're under my rule! And do you know what that rule is!?

You have to follow yours truly, of course! If you're not following your own Commanding Officer slash Principal, how do you think that makes me feel!? I'm needy, Aotsuki!

Signed, Commanding Officer Sirei

"This whole blog was your idea, remember? You even hijacked my account yesterday for some reason, and you're the one who keeps forcing me to answer all these humiliating questions in the first place. So, either you've lost your memory, you're messing with me, or... no, never mind. That would raise more questions than answers.

"Whatever the case is... you already control where I live, where I go, what I do, and whether a bomb explodes inside my body. Isn't demanding I follow your blog a bit excessive on top of all that?"

Today's fun fact: Eito has spent more time arguing with strangers on the internet than interacting with his classmates! Humanity truly is incredible!

"I haven't interacted much with many of the others. Yugamu comes to talk to me, sometimes... there's something intriguing about him. A connective pull, almost, and yet every word out of his mouth is nauseating.

"Kako would also come to my cage and 'interview' me on occasion, but she's stopped visiting as often. I wouldn't admit it at the time, but I liked how she seemed interested in me. Never trying to solve any 'problems', just learning. I guess she got enough information, in the end. Maybe she's just busy. Got bored and left, found better things to do than talk to me... tale as old as time, I suppose. Maybe she was trying to fix me, and did such a bad job of it that I didn't even notice.

"There's some that I dislike more than the others... Kurara, Takemaru, Hiruko, and Darumi, to name a few. I feel neutral on the rest. Just hideous faces in the background."

"Maybe...? I don't know... it's complicated. I used to assume I wasn't interested in anyone at all, considering how revolting everyone looks regardless of their sex. But... I don't think that's entirely true, unfortunately. My condition didn't cleanly override those instincts, no matter how repulsed I am by thinking about acting on them...

"But I have noticed my thoughts tend to skew more towards men. I couldn't begin to explain why, it's not as though I see men as any less grotesque than women... it seems attraction should be more visual than that. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding the point altogether.

"...there's also the fact that, when I was younger, I tended to project more onto female characters in romance novels. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with orientation specifically, I think I just... preferred the idea of being protected, rather than the one protecting someone else, if that says anything... point being, I would focus more on the male love interests."