Amateur

I want you to fight harder for me.

I want you to show me that I'm worth it.

I don't want to feel like I'm a thrift shop parking lot basic bitch even though

I know that I am.

I wanna feel like I'm a prize a popcorn at a theatre

I want to feel like I don't have to come to you.

I wish things weren't the way that they were.

I wish my grandpa was better and I wish that life isn't what psychologists talk about.

That it wasn't real like the way they say it is.

But we know that it is.

I never doubted for a second that you didn't care about me.

But I feel like what I need from you

you can't provide

Because you need to figure out you

I need you to be there for me

more than I can explain.

And you can call me selfish if you want,

but I'm not selfish

. I'm selfless

and I'd give the shirt off of my back.

the last dime in my pocket

I worry about yourself

if your are going to break

that I limit you and your cababilities

I think I hold you and take your pain away

Sometimes, I wish that humanity would do the same.

But that lies the rub,

that we are all deeply rooted

in our own sacred interests

I don't think I ever as

k more than what I can provide.

Yes, I read this 2 years to this day and now Rogan and your main stream platforms are writing about this. Make it's a time to change. Maybe it's a time to consider we are no loner divided by class or race, but by the mere income you make, regardless.

Who wants something back

after it's already been given

who wants something back

once it's already been given

or living

inside of your life

inside of your brain inside of the little thing you say keeps you sane

to give something back

is enough to retract

all the words said

all the blank stares

all the defenses mounted

all the stares sqaured

but who would want to be

Its hot until its not

Bukowski until its cool

done

who would want to be such as asshole ????

Love in the air with hints of despair

on nothing left than thin air

nothing left but despair

nothing left

but what is left

who can judge the last one standing and no ones faultofor medicare reviews on only fans

medicare reviews from any fans

spare change to make you feel whole

who would want to be

an actual asshole

one that takes the air and overlaps everything

or is it just a shadow darker than the rest

do you see her in it

but the face is blurred like the rest of them

before her

a shadow into something else transfigured

to let the light in

for what it has become you no longer control

you do not know.

do you miss me?

the idea of a person who was never really there

the presence of another you don't actually care

you miss the idea of me

a figment configured

to exact specifications

for investor relations

a shadow thats darker than the rest

something unknown

you feel it in the air before you catch your breath

feeling a front and breathing your air

the games we play to avoid the darkness

the games we play to avoid the air.

Today I put my baby down

The whole time I questioned if it was right

I questioned if I had done the worst most horrifying most insidious thing I was

horrified

Today I put my dog down

I watched his life slip away

As he closed his eyes

I felt peace

I felt filthy, demented, wrong

so wrong

I should have saved him

I thought

Bones ache muscles ache crack and snap and I

suffocate

the aches and pains, the flesh break from a knife if I knew what It would feel like

Like a jab and cut through flesh, deep

Like a jab think through the skin slow

feeling the thinness of the knife feeling the thinness of this life

hanging on to words and poems stories and inspirations goals 

of people I don’t know and places I have never seen inspirations I’ve never dreamed

They say why can’t you...

rollerblade, ice skate, mountain hike, walk for 3miles no 4 Miles r 5

Why can’t you stay on the beach for four hours  ? Why can’t you play for hours why can’t you just why can’t you because you know what ...

YOU LOOK FINE TO ME.

Because my friend, I have lupus. I have come to terms with my illness, my stigma, and I hope to educate you on learning the way that a chronic illness can effect your entire body, mind, and soul. Please join me in checking out these amazing videos that helped inspire my journey.

https://drconniejeon.com

your basic FACTS

Take hold and take a grasp

because you never know how long this will last

when the ride ends  how do you descend 

back to reality and back to place

firmly planted on the ground

not a breath not a sound

pack the pieces together for a better sound

a better ground

a better stage for my debut 

a better light for you to see my hold reality

I hear the sheerness

I tremble at its emphasis

I wonder in the humbleness of the storm 

Am I just a fragment ?

Am I a piece of some kind of disaster flailing through the wind

curling through a turbine of organic nature

unable to control

unable to let go 

cycling through circles that never seem to end

instead I wait

One thing we must do is pay attention to actions...

You have to listen to people’s words too. 

I swear that hope always dangles like a spider weaving a web in the corner of the room. 

If someones story never changes but their actions do you can call that bread crumbing because it’s exactly what it is. 

There is something about the democrats in 2020 that concern me.

I’ve always leaned to left and voted Democrat and a pro Bernie supporter. However, there is something to say about Trump beating the impeaching, running for re-election. 

There is some kind of arrogance teetering on confidence or vice versa that President Trump carries and exuberates at every possible turn. That is who Trump is.