keep you like an oath

[ PRIVATE ]

In a shocking turn of events that I actually didn’t foresee coming, neither I nor my coven is dead. Which, while it’s really surprising, means there’s not much to talk about unless you want to listen to me drone on and on about the three misfit toys and their “wanted by every member of the undead” leader. So we could continue talking about you, only this time about something infinitely more enjoyable. Did you… give my offer any thought?

[ PRIVATE ]

I know… I know that what you probably don’t want to hear is that these things take time but Alex… you’re not going to learn how to control this overnight. Not when tensions are high, not when the manor was falling apart around you. But you’re — do you know how I know that you’re going to be okay? Because you recognize it. Because you know that you lost control. Because you want to change that, you want to do better. You don’t want to be someone that just… takes without asking, kills without thinking. That’s what makes you different. And I think that’s what gives you a fighting chance. Cristiana said something interesting… she said she thought the only secret to holding onto your humanity was to want to. You want to. So you’ll work on the rest, and we’ll be here to help you. 

You need to eat more than you think you do, especially now. Especially when all of this is so… fresh. Asking does get easier, though. Maybe you should try with Peyton, and I can’t believe I’m suggesting this but… maybe Ronan too. You know them well. They know you. Ease into asking the others. You’re not dead. Things are just different now, but that doesn’t mean that they’re bad. Just different. At least look at the bright side. You don’t have to eat anything from the kitchen when the staff decides to get a little too daring and pretend they’re on an episode of Chopped.

And that was even more depressing than I originally thought. You’re not dead, Alex. You’re still with the living. How’re you… handling it? Have you been eating enough?

If only, sweetheart. The fourth Horseman, historically, has been… death. And that’s depressing. I’d rather take a nap.

We survived Pestilence. I’m pretty sure we can classify whatever we just went through as War. We may or may not be in the midst of a minor Famine. Therefore, I’m asking whichever one of you will inevitably trigger the 4th and final Horseman to hold off for at least a week. I’d like more than five minutes of uninterrupted silence and maybe a singular weekend of peace.

I’m just fine, Alex. My life as it is in the present is infinitely better looking than what it was a few days ago. I hear you’ve gone and changed on us. Twice.

Now that it’s been a few days since we’ve regained control of the manor and I’ve had time to myself, I’d like to extend my gratitude to everyone personally. I’m afraid I don’t have as many beautiful words and dramatic statements as I thought I would by this time, but it’s no use waiting to let you all know how grateful I am for your dedication, resilience, and self sacrifice. Everything that we’ve done here, everything that we’ve ever accomplished could’ve ended if it weren’t for the pack and the witches involved in research. I aim to repay you with safety… a future that extends beyond the hunts… time in order to heal from the horrors you all have face over the past couple of months… and as much alcohol as your hearts desire. But even that doesn’t feel like enough for what you’ve all endured. As… leader of the Black coven, it’s going to be my mission to ensure something like this never happens again. And to those new faces in the crowd I haven’t yet had the pleasure of meeting under desirable circumstances, a welcome to Carden manor from your finally bathed host. 

Rest and alcohol is probably about as solid a start as any. Are you uh ... okay? I mean considering? I’m not great at knowing what to say to people. 

[ PRIVATE ]

Besides the last remaining human, the rest of the residents here would be slightly harder to kill. They’d at least put up a bit of a fight if you lost control again. Regardless - I see your point.

This helped. Thank you. Yes, I suppose these witches know the trick of vampire killing now, don’t they? No undoing knowledge. I won’t leave you to flounder just yet, Alex. Though you might never morally want to, there are certain things you should know how to do should the need arise, or should you run into hunters. Luckily those are never out looking for your kind, but on behalf of your witch.

[ PRIVATE ]

That’s… you know what, that makes sense. No problem. Oh, I’m.. I’m Lucas. I don’t think I ever… introduced myself to you before. Sorry about that. 

[ PRIVATE ]

You’re going to have to figure out how to feed yourself for the rest of your existence, as much I’d love to rock the boat and start leaving Original blood outside your door nightly. I’ll let you handle it. You’re very perceptive, for a recent human. That’s part of it - most of it, even. Privately mourning a monster you could never please properly. But it’s more than that. I was created as a pretty thing for Cristiana to have, so I was always at least partially aware of where I fell among Nico’s priorities. How quickly he spiraled was still shocking. I never could have turned on him if it wouldn’t have cost me her.

Humans and witches die all the time. Metaphors of ants or snowflakes have never fully captured it for me. It’s a little like…being in a room with one tv, playing movies constantly. They only play once and then never again. If you miss one or it abruptly ends, who cares? There are thousands of others, on infinite channels. But if it’s a good one - you want to be around for every second of it, because it’ll never play again. It’s all the more precious. My merry band of sociopaths existed outside of that inevitable process. They’ve been alive for every single second of my existence, for better or worse. I was my own person, free to do my own things, but the hierarchy meant I was tied by invisible string to all of them, ready to do whatever they requested at all times. All the strings are cut. All the ancients in my life are gone, save for Cristiana. They killed four monsters - but they also felled four redwood trees, ancient beings. I can’t fathom a world where they don’t exist anymore. It feels horribly empty. And I can’t believe I’ve watched some of my favorite movies come to a tragic or peaceful end when I could have given them forever, just to please these gods that don’t exist anymore. Your hearing is just as good as mine now - you know how far it stretches. I’m hungry and exhausted and a mix of six or seven other negative emotions. I could be likely to kill the next person to make the wrong comment about my dead family.

[ PRIVATE ]

I’ll figure it out. Just not keen on running head first into murdering someone again. No matter whose fault you think it was, it still sucked. I don’t think perceptive and age go hand in hand. Experience, maybe but not age. Some people clearly live hundreds of years in their own head never thinking about anyone else. Others, live just a couple decades and get pretty used to sizing up people’s moods. It’s okay to mourn what you wanted something to be. Even if that’s not what it was. Or not what it turned out to be. 

Eh, what’s a casual stabbing in the light of eternity. I’m alright. I had luck and some cool people on my side. I’m all patched up, see? Won’t even scar. 

Right.. sorry, I shouldn’t just like, barrel in and ask questions, duh. But as someone who’s kind of gone through that, the feeling weird with your body, if you ever want some tips, let me know. I know most of the good places around here to get some peace and quiet from the rest of the manor.

Did it feel like this after the turn, or after the battle? Because one’s adrenaline… well, actually they’re both probably adrenaline never mind. But uh, at least that means they didn’t burn down any forests?

I will be. If you need anything, come find me. I know you’re going to need blood, so I’m sure we’re all going to start sorting that out soon. Meanwhile, I’m sure there are a lot of people int he pack who will be more than okay with helping you out with that. Like your friend Peyton. 

Could be a wolf thing. I know that’s something I used to feel a lot. Still do sometimes, especially right before a moon. Did you end up turning with us?

Life wouldn’t be very interesting if rarity only got handed out to those who craved it. Find someone to feed from - the more magic in their bloodstream, the stronger and more stable you’ll feel, the quicker to normal. Original witch, holistic, werewolf, human, in that order. No idea where immortals fall. Cristiana is very not okay, but she’s alive. I think her wolf is helping her clean up. I wanted to make sure you survived the madness first, before I went to her. Have experience there, do you? I’m furious, and heartbroken, and relieved. Doesn’t really match the celebratory air of the place, so I’m happy to take my leave and kill the last of their bagged blood stores if I need to. Take care of yourself.