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You know I'm scarred.

Help me make it another day cuz life is to hard.

Lonely, longing to be apart

Of anything to touch my broke heart.

I was called a psycho, I guess I agree

You act weird when its 10 days since you could sleep

I have allies in the dark the shadows talk to me

So I find it hard to fake like I believe all the fucked up lies people say to me

So I stay alone

Just me these shards of crystal madness and my chicken bone

I no longer have a soul the reason I seem so cold

Stuck im spinning spun I wait

Circles I turn and circles I hate

Just 1 more time I need to make this shit shake

Every decision I make ends as a mistake

All the attempts I make are efforts wasted because she grew to hate

I see the way but it's to late

I can live in love but I will not live in hate

Childish youth are easily deceived

But there is no child left in me

Gone with the shattered dreams

The tattered remains above flapping uselessly.

Innocense lost by the lies I believed

The lies I told myself when I believed in me

This nothing I hold

I had to reap what I had sown

Used the seed money to buy blow

Should have bought seeds to grow

Now I wander lost and alone

I just wanna go home

A place I have never known

I fight to be.. she fights to be alone

I can't keep fighting I'll let you go

Back to a life without meaning

Only my other personalities and my demons

They never threaten to leave me

I struggle to see

Why in this life of misery

I bother to dream

Just another broken memory

Lost in the dark

I lost my heart

Born to loose

I lost from the start

Money makes a difference, like having 1 eye in a world of the blind.

When your broke its hard just trying to survive.

almost as hard as it is to not loose my mind.

1 of the reasons i like to get high.

I am forced to fight every day and every night.

fight to be alright.

but i dont know where i can lay my head tomorrow night.

so alright? i dont know, maybe, i might

of i am lucky ill see next week.

all i know is that right now i got to boost this shit or i am not gonna get to eat.

i just want to take a seat.

i have been walking in circles for 3 days with nowhere to go and im dead on my feet.

Walking with a good woman who doesnt want to be here with me.

she talks so much shit i wish she would leave.

i know im feeling weak.

but shits dead so i am not gonna waste my breathe trying to speak.

i know you dont want me

and i know your gonna leave.

So on top of being in these streets i feel like im bout to wake from a bad dream

wake up in a nightmare

alone in the dark my soul lost to the infinity

of all the wasted opportunities.

panic sets in and its hard to breathe

even if she is a nightmare i pray she doesnt leave.

I might not always want but i always need

her voice to drown out the sound of the demons that have been hounding me.

Yep, life is tough

no love, no luck

looking back i cant even begin to tell you how it got so fucked up.

when i think about all that i lost i cant help but to feel disgust

hell i dont even know what to say

how can i explain

without sounding ashamed or worse like im placing blame

nothing will ever be the same

and I'll never hide the scars or be able to disguise the pain.

i fell victim to the game

or at least the taxes you gotta pay

im trying to prolong the moment hoping she will stay

knowing that when my sack runs out she is gonna bounce that same day

hard to wrap my head around it

cant even say shit about it

nothing changed it the same as i found it

i know your not a whore

thats just how it sounded

but i dont want to fight so just forget about it.

walking down a long cold winding road

barren and empty because i am all alone

empty because the crystal devoured my soul

left a hole i could not ever fill so i will never again be whole

ill be honest im grateful for the cold...

lets me pretend im not alone

the ache of it is the closest thing to a friend i have ever known

so i wander forever lost

lost because i have never had a home

mad because i am smart enough to see how many real chances i have blown

almost as many chances as the number of empty dreams i have sold.

or bridges i have burned thinking it a necessity of life that long ago grew old.

forced to play a hand i should have long since thrown in as a fold

but sometimes life rewards the bold

and i have a mouth piece made of gold

i just couldnt see

until to late that i was walking down a dead end street.

i couldnt see ahead because i am ashamed so i was staring at my feet

i know what i want but im trapped by what i need

so caught in the struggle of endless futility

that peace is a fiction in which i cant believe

what does it matter if she loves you if you just cant see

yourself being worthy of love because of all your insecurities.

the confidence i portray is just part of the webs of deciet

weaving webs of nothing just like where they all lead

i need to fix this life i have kids that look up to me

but i am so broken inside i end up not doing a thing

so one by one the people i love, leave.

leaving would be better for you even if it is worse for me

but i cant blame you who wants to spend every moment of life arguing

stretching the miserable moments on into eternity.

quickly i learned that when dealing with the devil there is no bargaining.

caught in addiction this life is all part of me

so deeply entwined i know ill never get to leave.

welcome to my life.