world's #1 princess (loser)

it’s a cloudy day outside. like always, hiori stands outside your door. just listening, smiling at the sound of your chattering on the phone. something about the weather being gloomy recently. the man outside your door fidgets with his eyepatch, his ears seemingly shaking from taking so much of you in. really, hiori couldn’t care less about what you were saying, just hearing those melodic laughs was enough to make his day. thank god your apartment walls were so thin, he notes. pressing his ear against the wall, your admirer waits a whole hour and half just to see you walk out of that awfully-painted green door. his whole world stops at your presence, as if you’re  the guiding force that commands the passing of time. his breathing becomes erratic, keeping in pace with the thoughts popping in his head. his heart might burst out of his ribcage to nestle with yours. his pupils dilate, and his vision grows dizzier. all the while, you walk down the stairs, paying no mind to the man watching you. hiori slumps against the concrete walls, and smiles fondly. it’ll all be worth it in due time, he reminds himself. soon, you’ll be all his. 

but it never happens. the monotonous process of watching and listening just happens over and over. again and again, wishing to just talk with you. hiori feels like he’s chained to a stone wheel, crushing him every time the cycle passes, a seemingly endless rotation of heightened hopes and deflated dreams. but if there’s one thing he’s learned from life, it’s to keep persevering. and so hiori yo grabs his nicest clothes and makes a run for your home.

there he is, again. hiori yo, awkwardly shuffling his suit top and holding a small bouquet. to any ordinary person, it might seem cute—a guy waiting for his date. his intentions, however, are less than innocent. today, he makes a change and lowers his head, slowly, slowly until he reaches the peephole. and looks inside. his spare eye rotates to see as much as it can of your surprisingly well-kept apartment. no matter how much of a sin it feels to look at your body—facing away, of course— and home like this, hiori convinces himself it’s out of love and affection. ahh, he can already think of what he might do now. joint suicide, perhaps. or maybe immolation. the possibilities to prove himself to you were endless. because what greater love is there than then that of two doomed lovers dying together as proof of their unwillingness to let go? 

the next day starts his new normal. he looks through the door, listens to you, and watches you walk off. one eye isn’t enough to observe you. he needs three in order to properly admire. then days spent travelling to you are spent sleeping at your apartment, out of sight but still close. a recording device is used for noises in your sleep. time watching becomes too little. it’s never going to be enough; and slowly but surely you consume what time hiori has left. he basks in your smell while you’re gone, leaves cryptic letters to tease you, and kills every man that dare touch you within a three mile radius. after all, if he can’t have you, no one can. 

but too soon, just loving you grows into a whole complex. cameras around the area are slowly set up. mirrors tilted ever so slightly so he can see you. streets are mysteriously empty whenever you walk around at night. your friends haven’t answered the phone in days. now even the apartment building is locked from the inside. it’s exhausting, and you start feeling frustrated. is this divine punishment, you cry and plead to each pantheon at a time. on the other hand, hiori is getting more and more desperate. trapping you in, until you’ll have no choice but to love him with all the might that he’s giving you.

you’ll have to notice him. you’re going to be his. finally after all this time, it’s happened. you’ve cracked, ripe for the picking. raw and vulnerable, just as he likes it. he slumps against the concrete walls of your apartment and sits, smiling at the wailing and crying figure on the inside. 

a ring at the doorbell echoes through the walls one night.

“Hey. Are ya ok?”

imagine waking up and opening your laptop to the sight of a smiling blue-haired boy, asking about how you slept and reminding you of his love for you. the virus avatar pressing his hand on the screen, the only barrier separating him from you. 

but he doesn’t stop at kind words. he shows you time and time again how caring he can be, even when not physical. his possessive nature blocks any trackers and evil websites from even touching you. even though he’s never said it outright yet, he’s making sure that you stay his. asserting dominance isn't exactly a thing you express when you're a piece of code, but the world isn't just ones and zeros. you're pleased that your pirating websites are ad-free, and he's happy just seeing you smile. you make sure to give him air kisses afterwards.

and when you’re suffering from school or work, he presses play on your favorite songs, since he has access to your music history. he likes to switch the wallpaper every once in a while to a picture in your treasured memories album. not only that, but he manages to speak encouraging words to you as well! sometimes, when your head is buried in your arms, you hear a little voice telling you that you are beautiful and strong. hiori omits his thoughts where he wishes it were his shoulders you lean on, but being your computer should work for now.

one afternoon, he feels extra lonely, whining a “don’t leave me!” as you shut down your laptop. even though he’s never felt raw human emotion, he’s certain that he feels sadness and pain in those moments, longing for the day when he can become a part of you and not just your online network. he floats in darkness as the computer shuts down, seeing your face while he closes his eyes.

the next day, he's a bit upset, sitting in the trash can and muttering to himself. You drag him out with your mouse until he finally opens up and learns that even non-human viruses need communication skills. it's a more bitter moment in your relationship, but you apologize. and of course, hiori accepts. he loves you, and a simple dispute would never change that.

and it goes without saying, but his love for you is extraordinary. it’s a type of bond that surpasses any screen. he’s your loyal companion, ready to talk about anything and take any online challenge. he knows you more than you do yourself; having access to your most private files is it’s own form of intimacy. to you, he’s the cutest piece of code you’ve ever seen, though he gets a bit jealous. to him, you’re his entire universe and the point of life. his love may be seen as fake by your average person, but he knows that the yearning and affection that he constantly displays are absolutely not. 

that night, you whisper sweet nothings in the computer speaker, and lull hiori to sleep. he hangs on your computer mouse, looking at you with those big, curious eyes. you glance at the time, it's getting pretty late. hiori hugs tighter, anxious to let you go. soon, you fall asleep, head on the keyboard. hiori slumps against the screen, watching your body rise and lower. he whispers vows of love next to your sleeping body, and closes his eyes. tomorrow will be the same as forever: another 24 hours to be your loving computer virus.