well, you cured my january blues

It should be reassuring, that Adachi doesn’t quite know why they’re still moving in the same, ever shrinking circles. But it isn’t. If Adachi had a reason, something he could voice to explain why he’s keeping him around, even if it was petty or so he could simply use Souji as a patsy later, that would be better. It would be something. 

But apparently that’s not an option for them. 

Souji forces his face to stay carefully blank when Adachi addresses it, the tension pulling tight between them. For a moment, he almost wants to laugh. And here he thought that was another one of those things they would never look at directly. If they don’t talk about it, it’s not real, it can be ignored, brushed past. Another in a long list of discomforts they both have to live with. 

Meeting Adachi’s eyes, unflinching, he sets down the beer. It’s mostly gone anyway, the buzz not as pleasant as he would have hoped, nor as warm. He’s half sure the fog’s crept under his skin, made everything colder, harder to feel. Maybe it’s better that way. 

He takes a step closer, stretching one arm over Adachi’s shoulder, palm flattening against the fridge, shifting to half block his way. The alcohol hasn’t made him unsteady yet, but Adachi could push past him with ease if he wanted to. Still… there’s something satisfying about being able to loom over him, even if only for a few moments. With how big Adachi talks, he doesn’t seem to understand just how small he is. 

“Do what, Adachi-san?” Souji tips his head to one side, letting his expression take on a curious lilt. “Burn more evidence? Push another poor girl into a tv? I think we’re more than capable of doing whatever we want, partner.”

With all the other lines that have been crossed, what’s one more? What’s the harm in crossing one that might actually make him feel something more than the simmering agitation that never fades away? Haven’t they already done far, far worse? 

Something about that affects him, the--no, it’s not a change, exactly, because Souji isn’t flipping through moods as it suits him like Adachi does. It’s not a change, because Adachi feels uncomfortably like he’s suddenly seeing Souji clearer than... maybe anyone else here has. He doesn’t know for certain. He doesn’t want to. Before, after December, he’d taken a perverse sort of satisfaction from the fact that in some respects he knew Souji better than his friends.

Now, it leaves him feeling uncomfortable and uneasy.

Adachi’s back hits the cold surface of the fridge when he backs up with a sharp inhale of surprise. He holds the beer can in both hands, in front of his chest like that might stop Souji from coming closer.

There’s nowhere else to look but at Souji, and for as much as Adachi’s been trying to play big bad wolf, he feels very much like maybe he was the one being hunted all along. The persistence, Souji being pushy. Adachi doesn’t want to be his quarry but here he is, getting backed into corners.

He could push past Souji, laugh it off and duck under his arm. He could. The beer can warps under Adachi’s grip. His face feels hot, cheeks red not just from the alcohol.

Eyes on Adachi’s, Souji sets the empty can down, never once looking away, he grabs another out of the fridge and opens it. He doesn’t even want this one, but it’s the point of the matter. It isn’t a smart choice, he’s well aware of that. He seems to have trouble making intelligent decisions around Adachi. But apparently that’s something they have in common. 

“If you wanted me hurt, I would be,” he says simply, leaning back against the counter. The alcohol’s creeping into his system now, a faint buzz, but at this rate… well, maybe Adachi will have a chance to put his money where his mouth is. “You could have gotten rid of me a dozen times over, Adachi-san, we both know that. I know what you’re capable of.”

He knows better than most in that regard. It isn’t that he can’t. Honestly, sometimes Souji isn’t quite sure why he hasn’t. That would simplify things for both of them in a manner of speaking. 

Taking a long drink, he lets that hang in the air for a moment. No doubt Adachi has a biting rebuttal, something about his uncle or keeping him around until he’s no longer useful. There’s no excuse or reason he could give that Souji would believe. It’s all just hot air. With a slight sigh, he wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, sloshing the rest of the beer around in the can, strangely loud in the quiet of the house. 

“If you wanted to, you could do it right now.” His eyes slide to the tv in the corner of the living room, then back to Adachi, tone calm, almost bored, head tipped back, eyes half lidded. “It would be easy. You could say I went to stay at a friend’s house. No one would know I was missing until it’s too late. But you won’t. I don’t know why, but you won’t.”

He’s saying too much, tongue looser than it should be. That’s easily blamed on the beer, but the words have been burning in his mind for weeks. 

“Maybe you actually like having me as a partner. Maybe you’re afraid someone might trace it all back to you. Or maybe it wasn’t just the skirt that you were ‘into’. I can’t pretend to know what you’re thinking, Adachi-san, all I know is what you do and what you’re not doing, and right now, all you’re doing is talking. Why should I be afraid of that?”

Souji incenses Adachi as much as he draws Adachi too him - and yes, he’ll admit that much, the draw. Whenever Souji approached him with intent, to further their bond, there had been a pressure at the back of his head, a gentle nudge forward.

It was after October that he recognized the feeling, in retrospect, as Magatsu-Izanagi reaching for Souji, reaching for something in him. He wonders, bitterly, if it’s deliberate, or if it’s a happy coincidence and Souji feels the same pull. He doesn’t want to ask.

Magatsu-Izanagi has his strongest hold when Adachi is feeling a strong surge of negative emotion. Adachi grits his teeth, tells himself not to react. Souji gets another beer, and that alone is calling his bluff.

You could do it right now. He’s thought about it. If not for what that would do to Dojima and Nanako, Adachi might have done it too, there at the beginning before anyone got attached.

Now, he had the distinct feeling that if he tried to put Souji in, Adachi would fall through the screen right after him. Then, of course, there is the option of killing Souji with his bare hands, with the gun, whatever. Adachi’s never been able to stomach the act itself. What a lousy killer he is, doesn’t even enjoy doing it.

The empty beer can rolls across the table with a tinny sound where Adachi drops it. He gets to his feet, makes a beeline for the fridge. “I’d tell you to fuck off, but honestly, I don’t know why I haven’t done it yet either.” That’s supposed to be more venomous than it is. It’s sharp and unpleasant, sure, but there’s an uncertainly that shines through in his voice anyway.

He takes another beer from the fridge, too cold in his hands. The tab pops too loudly, and he takes a few long drinks without looking at Souji. There’s a silence, and when he does look, it’s with a twisted, ugly expression. Souji looks tired, but Adachi feels wired, on edge, like something in him might snap at any moment.

There’s a soft sigh. Of course it can’t be let go, just forgotten. Nothing between them can stay buried, not even the things that should. Is that what being partners means to Adachi? Digging up old wounds and dragging them out into the light again. It had been a stupid idea, a last, desperate jab to get any kind of response. And he’d certainly gotten one. That should’ve been enough. 

He turns around slowly, taking his time in meeting Adachi’s eyes. It’s strange, if Souji didn’t know better, he might call that concern lacing Adachi’s tone, a hint of genuine worry. A few months ago, he would’ve been thrilled to get even that much, now though, it’s hollow, empty and the only thing it does is make him feel more exhausted than he already is. So he just shrugs. “You don’t scare me, Adachi-san.” 

Souji doesn’t like beer, but he finishes the can rather quickly. It doesn’t burn nearly strong enough. So he grabs another. His uncle won’t notice unless he drinks them all. “Thank you for being concerned, I appreciate it,” he says, half trying to sound like he means it, “but I think I can handle myself when it comes to dealing with creeps.”

There’s no hint of accusation there. But maybe there should be. If only he was in the mood for a fight. 

And there’s an unhelpful train of thoughts that keeps running around his mind, that Adachi wasn’t entirely repulsed by the incident. It’s the worst thing he could have said, really. Souji’s been working to shut down the feelings that led to that particular bit of brilliance. At least he’s a little too tired to fully let them resurface. 

“I’ve gotten into worse trouble than that before,” he says, shrugging again. “Nothing happened and it won’t happen again. I know better now.” Except that he doesn’t. Because he can already feel the nudge, the push of Pale Rider in the back of his mind, simply wondering what might happen if he tried again. He’s gotten better at ignoring the nudges lately, it helps that there’s fewer now, most of the feelings and thoughts growing quiet.

He finishes the second beer and gives Adachi another look, head tilting to the side, considering. “You don’t have to worry about me so much. People don’t usually put their hands on me unless I want them to. I made a mistake with you, but I learn from my mistakes, Adachi-san.”

You don’t scare me, Adachi-san. Well, maybe he should. Adachi’s lip curls. But that isn’t exactly what this is about, he’s not trying to scare Souji, just... just play big bad wolf a little, show him the dangers of this world they live in, or something. The specifics are hazy, they don’t matter. He’s doing this because he’s concerned, and see, even Souji said it. (He is concerned, but it isn’t the whole reason. Adachi hides behind it.)

“Uh huh. Wouldn’t really call that handling yourself, more like you got lucky.” Adachi is all bark and no bite. He knows he’d never do it, no matter the intrusive thoughts that want him to push Souji down and keep him down - and least because he, well, doesn’t really like being on that side of things.

So he cares about Souji’s well-being in the basest sense, and Adachi’s a bit of a masochist himself. So what? He can still play it up is the point. Souji should never know he was bluffing, because Adachi is not going to let him get that far.

They can’t be doing this, the sexual tension thing, the wanting. They shouldn’t even be having this conversation right now.

“I don’t know, kid, it didn’t really seem like you wanted that. What would have happened if I didn’t kick you out, huh?” Nothing, is the answer. Adachi would have laughed some more and made Souji sleep on the floor. “I bet you’re thinking you could overpower me, right? I’m smaller than you, but police training goes a long way, I’m s’posed to be able to take down guys twice my size. Or what if I had my service weapon on me? Or...”

And his eyes move pointedly to the empty can in Souji’s hands. “Or if you’ve been drinking.” The rest of what he’s said has been dead serious but there’s an off-color, sing-song lilt to that, like a particularly unpleasant joke. “You should know better by now, Souji-kun. I don’t think you’re really learning from your mistakes at all.”

Because obviously it’s Souji’s fault if something were to happen. There are no flaws in that logic. If Adachi feels disgusted with himself for keeping up that act, he doesn’t show it, pushes it back. (He knows, better than most, how bullshit that is. He just doesn’t really want to examine that ever again.)

adachi: what button

Well, he’s not going to turn down a free drink--Adachi isn’t feeling very sociable tonight, just wanted a seat at the bar and a night off, but sure, for that he’ll blab on a little. He owes the guy, right? Still, a pretty shit deal if he wants to talk about this town.

Send me ✔ and I will bold my preferences for your muse! | forever accepting

Do I know your muse(s): yes | no i don’t know anything about shin megami tensei: persona 4 | a little | tell me about your muse

Setting: our verse | my verse | your verse | modern | alternate universe | other (because in-game verse is great too!)

Pre-established relationships? yes | no | depends on the relationship

Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher mentor - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other

i find the concept of adachi-naoto interactions really interesting, because in some ways i think it would be uncomfortably easy for adachi to relate to her. he was also a bit of a child prodigy (i usually say he went off to university at about 16), and once he entered the police force he wasn’t taken very seriously by his colleagues, something that continued through his move to inaba. so--the reason he objected to her being put on the tv killer case was more because he knew she could possibly throw a wrench in his plans, rather than just being annoyed at some kid coming in to take over. i like to imagine he was fairly nice to her during the events of the game, and out of all the investigation team members she’s the one he respects the most.

for something set in my customary accomplice end thing, it might be cool to see her starting to cast some suspicion on him from december forward despite how he seems to have souji’s trust, or for true end it would be kind of awesome and probably a trainwreck to get them working together on some case since adachi has returned to his job in my true end verse!

I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other

*disclaimer: i just?? don’t write fluff or humor or slice of life well in serious interactions, like the only time i can do it is for crack threads - but fortunately i love crack threads haha