Retna Rindayani

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said to his companions, “Shall I not tell you some words which, if distress or grief befalls any of you and he offers this prayer, it will bring him joy? It is the du‘ā of Prophet Yunus.”

Love is in the air! …Or at least that’s what advertisers want you to think this month. While it’s nice to express your love often, Valentine’s Day comes once a year, leaving you no choice but to do so or risk seeming heartless. For the owners of floral boutiques and chocolate shops, Eid comes in February. But even amidst such commercialized affections, one can hardly keep from thinking about those they love. And while we do so, we are inevitably faced with some pivotal questions. I was reminded of some of those questions when I reflected on something a friend of mine had told me. She described how it felt to be with the person she loved. In her words, the whole world disappeared when they were together. The more I reflected on her statement, the more it affected me, and the more it made me wonder. As humans, we are made to feel love and attachment towards others. This is part of our human nature. While we can feel this way about another human being, five times a day we enter into a meeting with our Lord and Creator. I wondered how often we ever felt the whole world disappear while in His presence. Can we really claim that our love for Allah is greater than our love for anyone and anything else? So often we think that Allah only tests us with hardships, but this isn’t true. Allah also tests with ease. He tests us with na`im (blessings) and with the things we love, and it is often in these tests that so many of us fail. We fail because when Allah gives us these blessings, we unwittingly turn them into false idols of the heart. When Allah blesses us with money, we depend on the money rather than Allah. We forget that the source of our provision is not and never was the money, but rather it was the giver of that money. Suddenly we’re willing to sell alcohol to avoid losing money in our business, or we need to take out loans with interest to feel secure. In so doing we are foolishly—and ironically—disobeying the Provider in order to protect the provision. When Allah blesses us with someone that we love, we forget that Allah is the source of that blessing, and we begin to love that person as we should love Allah. That person becomes the center of our world—all our concerns, thoughts, plans, fears, and hopes revolve only around them. If they are not our spouses, we are sometimes even willing to fall into haram just to be with them. And if they were to leave us, our whole world would crumble. So now, we have shifted our worship from the Source of the blessing to the blessing itself. Allah says of such people: “And [yet], among the people are those who take other than Allah as equals [to Him]. They love them as they [should] love Allah. But those who believe are stronger in love for Allah.” (Qur’an 2:165) It is because of this tendency to lose sight after Allah has bestowed His blessings that He warns us in the Qur’an when He says: “Say, [O Muhammad], ‘If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your relatives, wealth which you have obtained, commerce wherein you fear decline, and dwellings with which you are pleased are more beloved to you than Allah and His Messenger and jihad in His cause, then wait until Allah executes His command. And Allah does not guide the defiantly disobedient people.’” (9:24) It is important to note that all the things listed in the above ayah (verse) are halal (permissible) to love and are, in fact, blessings in and of themselves. In fact, some of those blessings are signs of Allah. On the one hand, Allah says: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Qur’an 30:21) But on the other hand, Allah warns: “O you who have believed, indeed, among your wives and your children are enemies to you, so beware of them.” (Qur’an 64:14) The warning in this ayah is critical. Our spouses and our children are listed here because they are among the blessings we love the most. And it is in that which you love most that you find the greatest test. So if conquering that test means seeing through a storm of greeting cards and roses to a greater love that awaits, then so be it. And when could that be more relevant? Because after all, love is in the air.

So one of my teachers gave some beautiful advice about marriage and i wanted to share it.

12 Rights of a Wife upon Her Husband:

“When you’re with your spouse it’s natural to get lost in the ‘routine’ of life. We become so distracted by the hustle and bustle of everything and all the things we need to do and take care of, that the days and nights become blurred and before we know it, years have passed. But we mustn’t forget to actually stop from time to time and really value the time we have in each other’s company. A good exercise that I recommend for all married couples is to find an opportunity to stop whatever you’re doing and take a long hard look at your spouse while they’re in the middle of something. Let’s say, for example, your spouse is engaged in an activity without you, like washing dishes, cooking dinner, folding laundry, checking email, on the phone, flipping through a book/magazine, channel surfing, putting dishes away, wiping off their make-up or shaving, ironing their clothes, reading a book to the kids, cleaning out the fridge, wiping down the counters, playing on the floor with the kids, sipping their tea, praying, reading Qur’an, dusting, etc. While they’re engaged in any of the above activities and not really taking notice of you, watch them intently, focus on their actions, focus on their facial features, watch their body but look beyond the physical form that you see. Instead think about their beating heart and the blood that’s running through the course of their veins, think of the breaths they’re taking, think of the tension in their body and the warmth of their touch. Now think of the worries that burden them. What are they? Who are they? Think of the constant pressures that these stresses place on their heart, on their lungs, on their digestive track, on their muscles, on every part of their physical body. Do they worry about their health or your health? Do they worry about their aging parents? Do they mourn for a parent, sibling, or child that they’ve lost? Do they worry about their job security? Do they worry about finances and being able to provide for the family? Do they worry about your young children and their health or well-being? Do they worry about your teens and their spiritual, mental and physical health? Do they worry about your safety in this toxic age of increased racism and Islamophobia? Do they worry about their own spiritual heart and standing with God? Do they worry about all of the above and so much more? Now feel the weight of all of these things. Watch them and imagine how they carry all this weight on their body everywhere they go, every minute of every day. Even in that moment while they are distracting themselves with some task or activity the chances are their mind is consumed with one major worry or multiple worries all at once. Think of the toll such a constant barrage of stress must be placing on their actual body. And yet where are they? They’re there with you. They’re committed to you. Even when they fail and make mistakes, they’re still there. Now let gratitude fill your heart as you watch them with these intentions… Watch them and be grateful for their living, warm presence next to you in this life. Watch them and remember all the good they’ve done for you. Watch them and remember the laughter you’ve shared. Watch them and remember the intimate moments you’ve shared. Watch them and remember the tender moments when you were broken and they held you together. Watch them and remember the times they defended you even when you couldn’t defend yourself. Watch them and remember when they walked by your side into a gathering and you beamed with pride. Watch them and remember how they honor your loved ones. Watch them and remember the amazing places you’ve visited together. Watch them and remember the day your children were born. Watch them and remember the days you were sick and they comforted you. Our spouses may not always do or say what’s right. They may often frustrate us, defy us, annoy us, and even bring us to tears, BUT, we must do our part to remember their good. None of us are perfect. We can’t be. But we must reward loyalty nonetheless and what defines loyalty better than spouses who remain committed to each other despite all the pressures and stresses of life? When we remember their good often, our gratitude for their very presence will naturally increase. We will begin to appreciate their actual existence and not allow one day to pass where we take them for granted. Not a day will pass when we aren’t grateful to feel their warmth next to us as we sleep and to find them there when we wake. Every single day couples are torn apart one way or another. Whether their marriages dissolve or they are separated by death, there is always a great deal of remorse and regret over all the time wasted and lost on ingratitude, resentment, pettiness, etc. The remedy for these things is to purposely, intentionally, and regularly force yourself to look, to take a deep, long look at your spouse and be grateful for them. And obviously, for them to do the same. May God protect all of our marriages from these diseases. And may we all, husbands and wives, increase our gratitude and take these moments of deep reflection and consideration of our spouses seriously. Amīn.”

If we trust Allah:

The hardest battle you will ever have to fight is between who you are now and who you want to be.

things you deserve this 2018: