It was intriguing, catching those faint glimpses into the mind of another, timid ventures of exploration deeper, beneath the veil. This wasn’t the young detective’s first time traversing the landscape of introspection with a mind not unlike his own, but he had to admit that Lecter was of a different class. He was poised, careful. Ever mindful with his words, just as Connor himself was. People often liked to talk, to inflate their own egos. The psychiatrist wanted to learn, seeking just as much as he was offering. It did come to mind that both of them were playing a game, trying to unmask the other as they conversed. Both allowed small glimpses into themselves, just enough to tease, to tantalize. It was just a little exciting.
The conversation once again turned to him as questions left Lecter’s lips, queries that felt as pointed as they did intentional. Was he, too, seeking a kindred spirit? Lecter seemed the type to be mindful of company kept, enemies held as closely as friends. But there was something genuine about that desire. Everybody wanted to be understood.
A thoughtful pause, almost pensive. The detective decided to be candid. “I don’t see them as sins.” This answer was surprisingly unfiltered, raw as it was honest. His voice remained that same neutral tone, dusky notes soft. “Morally, I’ve done questionable things. But I don’t feel any particular way about them.” He didn’t mind showing his hand, as his apathy wasn’t a shameful part of his character, nor one unknown. His partner knew that Connor had problems processing certain emotions, that empathy was selective & not always under his control. But he was very good at playing a part, showing the world his sweet, charming personality. Just a gentle boy, harmless.
Hank knew him as nobody else ever had; even, to a degree, his brothers. The only person to witness him completely unfiltered, see him to the most animalistic core of his being. There were those who might glimpse that truest of self & see something akin to a machine, but Hank saw something different. He saw something truly human. Connor appreciated that. He wondered if the psychiatrist could see the same, if he looked hard enough.
“There is risk & reward in everything. I don’t risk without the promise of reward,” he informed. It was true. Everything Connor did remained within the bounds of the law. It wasn’t entirely ethics that stayed him, but a lack of desire to do something illegal. His reward for giving his all to his profession was to see justice done, & to do that effectively, he needed to follow protocol. Connor was an expert negotiator & interrogator as much as he was an investigator. What people didn’t realize was just how tightly he rode the blurred lines of ethics. It was unlawful to intimidate a suspect, but there was no precedent against fucking with their head.
Connor was very good at that, both on & off the field. He was manipulative, unyielding & used knowledge as a tactical strategy to get what he wanted. Nobody knew. No one but his family & his partner. It was for them that Connor shifted his morals. “It isn’t necessarily for my benefit. Love & loyalty are also strong motivators.” He would never do to them what he did to offenders, though sometimes it wasn’t under his control. Not entirely. He was still doing the work to improve himself. He wondered if Lecter was motivated by self improvement. “Wouldn’t you agree, Dr. Lecter?”