I’ve been really excited because after all the exhausting school works and requirements I have to get through, I finally got most done and now I have the free time I’ve been craving for. I thought that when I finally get a hold of my most-awaited (sort-of) a little vacation, I’ll be able to draw all I want. Turns out, I don’t.
And the problem is purely about me.
I’ve been spending time with my sketchpad and pencil recently, but most of it is just me staring on a blank sheet of paper, with my pencil loosely gripped on my hand. The ideas are all there, I want to draw. But for some reason, it just doesn’t turn out the way I want.
I feel really upset about it.
All I’ve been making are unfinished sketches, all of which I get unmotivated to finish halfway through the drawing.
It really upsets the hell out of me. Something is wrong, but I don’t know exactly what. It’s as if I’m lost and I don’t know where to start. And then it got to the point where I am asking myself, “how did I draw in the past?”
I remember I just moved my hands freely without thinking much about anything. i just draw because I enjoyed it. It was so fun. And I could express my ideas best through it. In those times, I didn’t care how much I suck, I didn’t care how deformed my drawings were, how flawed my anatomy was, I didn’t care. Because I was having fun.
But now.. I don’t know. I felt pressured to do well, because I don’t know. I just want to. I saw how great other artists I admire and at some point I started thinking why aren’t I great like that? Why are my drawings so lame? Why does my art seem like it isn’t enough?
I got tired. Tired of feeling upset over this. And then I was just like “Ah fuck it all” and I tried to remember how I usually draw in the past.
I tried again. My goal was to finish a drawing. Even just one sketch. I won’t stop on just drawing the eyes, or the face and then leave it unfinished. I’ll finish even just one sketch.
And I did it. I’m so glad I was able to do it. I felt a little, at least, better when I finished drawing this. It’s just a simple sketch of a girl in sailor uniform (because who doesn’t love seifuku) but I think it got me back to standing up again.
Now I understand why even GREAT and I mean, GREAT artists have some point when they say that their art sucks and that it feels like it’s not enough. In the past, I didn’t understand them and I was like “pff are u serious ur art rocks like damn dey r so fine”. Not saying I’m a great artist (I’m still the lame old me lol), yep same old me, but past my Artist Blues. I’m going to stop thinking too hard about it and just do what I usually did. I draw because I wanna and because it’s fun.
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